Breed of Envy (The Breed Chronicles, #02)

by Jordan, Lanie

“Act like we’re more than we are. Be more than we are, which is friends. I want to be friends, but…I can’t do the rest.”

  He scratched his head. “I don’t think I’m following.”

  “Can we just not do this? Like I said, I don’t want to fight and that’s all this is going to lead to.”

  “No, it won’t. And even if it does, it won’t be like last time. We’ll fight it out if we have to, but we’ll talk.”

  “You didn’t last time.” As soon as the words left my mouth, I regretted them. I hadn’t meant to say it. “Sorry. That was uncalled for.”

  “You are mad.” He nodded, like he’d been waiting or expecting that answer.

  “No, I’m not mad.” I sighed again. “I’m hurt and sad and frustrated. I’m hurt and sad because you just ignored me for weeks without saying anything. Without looking at me. You just walked away from me anytime you saw me, like you couldn’t stand to be around me. You just pretended I didn’t exist. Even when—or maybe especially when, I’m not sure—Brian the jerk was up to his usual crap and I had it out with him. And,” I added quickly, before he could use the argument I could see forming, “I know I told you to stay out of it, so I shouldn’t be upset by it, but you just ignored me and that…that hurt more than anything else. I was hurt and you just ignored it, like it didn’t matter. And, and—there’s your crazy girl logic,” I finished lamely, breathing heavily and feeling dumb. He didn’t respond right away, but I laughed. “And here’s the kicker. I should’ve known better, so being upset with you is even stupider of me.”

  One brow shot up. “You should’ve known better about what?”

  “Depending on people,” I said quietly.

  “Jade—” He reached out to touch me, but I jumped up from the bed, dropping everything in my arms, and moved away from him. Hurt flashed in his eyes.

  “Sorry. I’m not trying to be mean or start a fight. I’m sorry. For everything.”

  I made a dash for the door again, but Linc’s arms went around my waist before I made it three steps. He spun me around, holding me close. “I’m sorry. I was an asshole. I didn’t think—couldn’t think—past what you told me, and then I just reacted badly.”

  “I don’t need an apology,” I said, trying not to cry for the umpteenth time that Phase. I was tired of crying. “I just need to go.”

  “No. You need to stay right here.”

  “Linc—”

  He cut me off by putting his finger over my lips and making a zipper sound. Then he said, “Zip it. You said your piece, now it’s my turn.” He pulled back, but his arms were locked around my waist again. “I am sorry. Whether you needed or wanted an apology, it’s there. I acted like the world’s biggest asshole and I hurt you. Right or wrong, you deserve the apology. First, I did ignore you, and I’m sorry for that, too, and for what I said that night, because I was way off base.”

  “You weren’t—”

  He made the zip sound again. “Not done. After the fight, I wanted to go talk to you, but I needed time to think, to really think, to figure things out. When I did, I realized what I’d said to you and I was disgusted with myself for being such a jerk in the first place. I didn’t know how to make it right, so I acted like an even bigger idiot and did nothing. As for not looking at you…that was only because every time I did, I remembered what I said, and I remembered the hurt in your eyes, and it was like a sucker punch to the gut. I wanted you around, and I do want you there with me tomorrow. I don’t trust anyone to watch my back more than I trust you to. That’s the truth. When you said you wanted to go, I overreacted. I just kept seeing the image of my sister in my mind and seeing what that demon had done to her. And I know you don’t need protected, Jade Hall, Ass-Kicker Extraordinaire, but I was afraid—I still am—that something like that would happen to you and it’d be my fault, too.”

  “Linc, I—”

  “I’ll tell you when I’m done,” he said, cutting me off yet again. I let him have it, since I’d done the same thing to him. “As for the situation with Brian…” His gaze went dark, his tone hard. There was a tick in his jaw and the arms around my waist tightened, like he was trying to contain me or something else. He let out a deep breath. “As for Brian. When I heard you yelling at him, I remembered what you’d said about keeping out of it. I only turned away because it took everything in me not to go over there and knock his head off his shoulders. And I’m still debating doing just that.” He took another deep breath. “Did I forget anything? Ah, yeah. As for your crazy girl logic, my guy logic isn’t much better.”

  I didn’t say anything, just raised my eyebrow questioningly.

  He rolled his eyes. “You can talk now. Or if you want, you can take a stab at me. A punch or something.” His eyes narrowed and he leaned back a little. “Not a literal stab.”

  It was my turn to roll my eyes. “Please. Like I’d waste a perfectly clean and polished lipstick knife on you.”

  “You have it on you, don’t you?”

  “What? No. It’s in my room,” I lied. I’d been carrying it with me since he’d given it to me. But no way was I going to tell him that.

  He grinned. “Liar. I bet it’s in your pocket.” He started to pat my pockets, and when I tried to slide out of his arms, he just dug his hand into my pocket and pulled it out. He had a triumphant smile on his face. “Told ya.”

  “Fine. So I happened to have it on me today. I used it to open something earlier and just shoved it in there.”

  “You’re lying again, but it’s kinda cute, so keep going.”

  I opened my mouth, closed it.

  He slid the lipstick case back in my pocket, then, with his fingers still hooked there, he yanked me closer. “I like that you carry something I gave you on you.”

  I gave a nonchalant shrug. “Never know when I’ll need a lipstick slash knife slash light thingy. It could come in handy.”

  He shot me his lopsided grin. “As long as you don’t use it on me.”

  “Yeah, yeah. I promised.”

  “One other thing…” he said, trailing off as he looked down.

  “Yeah?”

  “You’ll go with me tomorrow, won’t you?”

  “Linc, I—”

  “You’re the one who found the demon for me. You should be there. And I want you there. I need my girl there.”

  Something in my stomach somersaulted. “Your girl?” My voice had a croak in it, making me sound like a stupid frog.

  He gave a one-shouldered shrug. “Yeah. Wanted to see how it sounded.”

  The somersaulting something became a flopping fish. “Oh, okay.”

  “And you are, aren’t you?” I saw something in his eyes and heard the same something in his voice that I’d never really seen or heard before: uncertainty. Insecurity.

  I wasn’t sure what to say. We’d never really talked about…that.

  His grip tightened around me again. “I know you said you didn’t really want that. But we made out already,” he said, full of confidence again, “so that’s kind of like sealing the deal.”

  “Oh? So kissing is automatic grounds for…” I didn’t want to say boyfriend/girlfriending. That just sounded dumb. Coupling? Relationshiping? Going study, or whatever they used to call it? “Stuff,” I decided on.

  “Maybe. It should be.”

  “Maybe I like just kissing. Maybe I want to be an open kisser person.”

  He threw his head back and laughed. I was lost in the sound, enjoying the texture of it, so I didn’t hit him for essentially laughing at me. “Please. You don’t even look at anyone else. You’re too busy studying or hanging with me and Tasha to notice anyone. Tasha and I have both seen more than a dozen guys staring at you and you’re completely oblivious to it.”

  “I am not. Because they don’t. Everyone just gives me weird looks.” And had, I’d noticed, since after I’d been bitten last Phase. Nothing too obvious, just…subtle looks that left me feeling kinda weird, like I had something stuck in my teeth or in my hair and they wer
en’t sure how to tell me.

  He made an uh huh sound. “I rest my case.” The blue in his eyes darkened. “I know you don’t want to depend on people, and I get why you say that, why you think it. But it’s not all bad, Jade. Everyone can use someone to depend on. And you can depend on me. I promise.”

  I kept my eyes down. “I know,” I answered quietly. “But—”

  “I was an idiot, but I never meant to hurt you. I wish I could tell you that it’d never happen again, that I wouldn’t act like an ass and say or do something that would hurt you, but I can’t make that promise.” He pulled me closer, resting his head on mine. “I would never do it intentionally. That much I can promise you.” His fingers went to my face and he lifted my head up to meet my gaze. “And in case I wasn’t clear, or you thought I was joking or something, I do want you, Jade. There with me tomorrow—as my friend. As my girl. I’ve missed my chances with anyone else.”

  “You’re such a jerk,” I said, but it was with a laugh.

  “What? I’ve been following you around for months now. It’s pretty clear to everyone where things stand with me. And I’ll just keep following you around like a lost dog until you agree.”

  “You will not.”

  “Okay, I wouldn’t. That’d be really creepy,” he added quickly, shooting me a wicked grin. “But I’d be forced to kick anyone’s ass that looked at you.”

  I was still chuckling when I said, “You wouldn’t do that, either.”

  “Yeah, I probably wouldn’t. But I’d seriously want to. Tasha would probably have to hold me back so I didn’t get kicked out.”

  “You’re insane. I don’t know why I like that about you.”

  His eyes twinkled. “Well, you didn’t say no and you had your chance, so I’m taking that as a yes, you’re my girl. And now it’s settled.”

  I bit my lip and fought a grin. He was so…Linc. Bossy but sweet at the same time, though I had no idea how that was possible when they contradicted each other. And depending on him a little wouldn’t make me weak, really, would it? Not for everything. I couldn’t keep doing that. Not because of him, but because of me. I needed to depend on myself a little, too. “Okay,” I said, nodding. “Yeah, okay. I’m your girl.”

  His arms were incredibly tight now, even as I felt him physically relax. He exhaled deeply, and I hadn’t realized how tense he must’ve been until that moment. And then his lips were on mine and I closed my eyes and relaxed. I hadn’t realized how tense I’d been, either.

  The kiss was sweet, slow, like he had no where else to be so he wasn’t in any big hurry. One of his hands stayed at my waist, on my hip, while the other sought out my hand. He linked his fingers with mine, squeezed our joint fist. And then, with his lips still locked on mine, he walked us backward. The backs of my legs hit something hard—the bed, I thought—and I started to fall, but Linc held on and then lowered us both down.

  Slowly, he lay on top of me, his lips crushing into mine. The kiss that had started off sweet was harder now. One of his hands went to the back of my head, tangling in my hair, and he pressed my head up closer so he could deepen the kiss. His tongue danced with mine.

  He stopped kissing me, but only for the two-point-three seconds it took for him to take his shirt off. I barely had time to blink and wonder what I was doing before his mouth was back on mine. I wasn’t really sure what to do. My brain misfired. I felt awkward, like I should be doing something, but my brain couldn’t think of what. Linc took one of my hands and put it over his shoulder. I put my other hand under his arm, around his back.

  I clung to him, my arms tightening around his back. He made a sound, part growl, part moan, and pulled me even closer until there wasn’t an inch between us. The hand in my hair tightened and his other hand went to my thigh. He squeezed it, pulled it up until my leg bent at the knee. His hand slid down, gripped my hip for a second, and then under me to grab my butt.

  I moaned and shivered. Linc tore his mouth from mine immediately. His chest rose and fell with each breath, and he didn’t say anything for a full ten seconds. “You okay? Did I hurt you? Did I go too far?”

  Biting my lip, I shook my head. I couldn’t even manage a word. My own breathing was as ragged as his.

  “You’re sure?”

  I nodded, then managed a breathy, “Yes.”

  “You’re shaking,” he said in a concerned tone.

  I didn’t realize I was until he said it. It was from nerves, I thought, because I wasn’t cold or anything. I’d just never gone this far with a guy—not that it was far at all, but still. “I’m okay.”

  “We can stop, Jade, or slow down, or—”

  I was nervous, but it didn’t mean I wanted to stop. I liked his lips on mine, and his hands on me. I wasn’t ready for much more than kissing, but that didn’t mean we had to stop. Or did it? Did that make me a tease?

  “What’s wrong? You’ve got your thinking-too-much face on.”

  He’d think I was stupid if I told him, but then I’d feel stupid if I didn’t. “I like kissing you,” I said, “but I’m not sure I’m ready for a lot more, so I’m not sure if I should keep kissing you, because that might make me teasy or something, and I don’t want to be a tease—”

  His finger over my lips cut me off. “A, I like kissing you, so I’m glad the feeling is mutual. B, I’m not looking for more either. Not right now. C, kissing doesn’t make you a tease. I can control my hormones. Mostly,” he added with a quick grin. “Either way, it doesn’t make you a tease.”

  “Are you sure? Jennifer—one of the girls from The Pond—used to talk about it. She said guys didn’t like girls like that, so—”

  He raised an eyebrow. “You’re going to take advice from a chick you hated? One that hated you back and tried to make your life miserable?”

  Put like that, it sounded stupid. “Well, no. But she knew guys. A lot. Way better than I do. This stuff?” I waved my finger at him, then at myself. “I don’t know how to do this stuff.”

  His grin turned sly. “I think you’re doing okay. So whose word are you going to take? Hers, or the guy you’re making out with who happens to think you’re good at this stuff?”

  I bit my lip again even as I felt a blush creeping into my cheeks. I didn’t respond because I wasn’t sure how to.

  “So, wanna make out some more, or are you going to keep with the girly moment and over think things?”

  I laughed and slapped his chest. “Oh, shut up.” I wasn’t having a girly moment. Much of one, anyway.

  “Gladly,” he said. And then his lips were back on mine and I forgot about everything else.

  CHAPTER 13

  Linc and I hung out together the rest of the night and the following day. On Saturday afternoon, Linc informed me I was going with him on his hunt, because he’d already told Greene just that, and that I didn’t have a choice in the matter. To him, it was a settled deal. I didn’t argue this time. If he really wanted me there, and had in fact told Greene, then I figured he really meant it.

  After his big declaration of you’re-going-with-me, he made me go to the gym with him. Normally, I really hated the gym, but I had to admit I had fun watching Linc. He usually went alone, because he knew my aversion to all things exercise, so it was a nice change. He made me do everything he did, but only half as much. If he did twenty repetitions of something, I did ten. If he used thirty-pound weights, he made me use fifteen. It made me feel slightly girly, especially when the weights seemed really light.

  I was mesmerized by the way his muscles moved and worked. His back and neck were straight, revealing the lines of his shoulders blades when he did what he called triceps kick-backs. I about drooled when he lowered part of the bench so he could do crunches on it. His abs contracted and relaxed, and I nearly dropped a dumbbell on my foot because my focus was completely shot. Linc had killer abs.

  After that, I decided it was safer to just watch and not try to participate.

  I never thought watching a guy in the gym get all sweaty w
ould be appealing, but when it was my guy, apparently I liked it well enough.

  Linc’s eyes were cool and calm and his face was set in concentration. He still told me what he did and what it was called, but as soon as he started the exercise, it was like nothing and no one else was around, like it was just him and the equipment. Sweat poured over his face, beaded down the line of his spine. He was shirtless, wearing sweatpants that hung on his hips. How could sweatpants be sexy? I’d asked myself that question over a dozen times in the hour we’d spent at the gym, and I never came close to finding an answer except to say it was all Linc’s doing.

  As we were picking up our towels and water bottles, Peter walked into the gym. He looked at me. “Can I have a minute, Jade?”

  “Sure.”

  Linc tossed his towel over his shoulder. “I need to go grab a shower,” he said. “Do we meet you in the weapons room?” he asked Peter.

  “No. Just meet us outside in an hour.”

  Linc nodded, then waved bye to me.

  As soon as Linc was gone, Peter’s entire expression changed from light and easy to something darker, like he had bad news to deliver.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked him.

  Peter stepped closer. “Look, the Director asked me to keep an eye on Linc, so I could judge his behavior and see if he’s ready for this.”

  “He’s been studying for this for over a month,” I argued, immediately defensive. “He’s ready.”

  Peter’s hand shot up. “Hey, I’m not saying he is or isn’t. I’m just letting you know how this works. The director told Linc he could do this, and he won’t go back on his word, but if Linc isn’t ready, Director Greene’ll postpone the hunt until he is. And before you argue,” he said before I could do just that, “a lot of people think they’re ready for this when they really aren’t. It’s my job to make sure he is. I don’t necessarily like it, but it has to be done. It’s not safe for him, you, or any of us if he isn’t ready.”

  “So why are you telling me this now?” I asked, my tone questioning, confused.

  “Because I’ve been watching him, too, and he seems okay. But today is the day. Today is the day when it really counts. I want your help. I’ve known Linc longer, but I’ve got a feeling you know him better than anyone else here.”