Once a Cop

by Lisa Childs

  She shook her head. “No, I’m not. I don’t belong to anyone.”

  “I know that,” he said. “Logically I know that, but emotionally…” she belonged to him.

  “We shouldn’t do this again,” she said as she gestured toward her bed.

  Moonlight poured through the tall window, illuminating the room. And her face. Her eyes dark with desire and her skin flushed with passion, Robbie obviously wanted Holden as badly as he wanted her. So he reached for her and pulled her into his arms. “You’re right.”

  He kissed her on the mouth. Her lips clung and her fingers caressed the hair at his nape. “It’s a mistake,” she murmured.

  “A terrible mistake…” He couldn’t stop thinking about her, couldn’t stop wanting her. He would have liked to think he just needed to get her out of his system and that making love with her again would do that. But he knew better. Making love with her the first time had just made him want her more.

  He fumbled with the buttons at the front of her wool blazer. As the other officers had done, Robbie had changed into her street clothes after class. She wore jeans with the jacket, and underneath the jacket, which he pushed from her shoulders, she wore only a thin lace camisole. The sight of her full breasts straining against the material kicked his temperature up a notch. He had on too many clothes, as well. He shrugged off his jacket and pulled his shirt over his head.

  Soft lips touched his chest, gliding across the muscles. “You’re so…so…damn good-looking,” she murmured against his skin.

  “And you’re beautiful.” He skimmed his hands over her bare shoulders, then down her sides to the hem of her camisole, which he pulled up, revealing more lace in her flimsy bra. When he unclasped the bra and pulled it from her body, moonlight washed her pale skin with a golden glow. He groaned his appreciation.

  She touched him, stroking her fingers over his fly before she unsnapped his jeans and lowered the zipper. His heart slammed against his ribs when she touched him, her fingers dipping inside the waistband of his boxers.

  “If you keep touching me like that, this is going to go real fast,” he warned her. “And I want to take my time with you.”

  She shivered, as if anticipating his touch, and her fingers tightened around him. “Holden…”

  He kissed her again, sliding his tongue into her mouth as he cupped her breasts in his palms. He stroked his thumbs across the pebbled nipples.

  She continued to tease him with her fingers, sliding them up and down the length of his shaft until he jerked away from her. His control snapping, he picked her up in his arms and carried her to the bed. Then he unsnapped and unzipped her jeans and eased them down her legs. He made love to her with his mouth, kissing every inch of her sweet skin, taking his time as he’d promised. He kissed the curves of her breasts before closing his lips around one of her nipples. Gently he tugged at it and then flicked his tongue over the point. To be fair, he gave equal attention to her other breast. Then he moved down her body.

  She bucked when he thrust his tongue into her, and her fingers tangled in his hair, first pulling him away and then clasping him close. “Holden…”

  But he didn’t stop, not until she bucked again and moaned his name. Hot, sweet passion flowed over his tongue. He lapped it up, savoring the taste of her. Then he stood, his legs shaking, and kicked off his own jeans and boxers. Moments later, after donning a condom, he thrust inside the moist heat of her body. Her inner muscles gripped him, stroking as he rhythmically moved in and out.

  He slid his hands between them, combing through her damp curls until he found the core of her femininity. As he rubbed, she convulsed and shuddered. His body tensed, and then his control snapped again as desire spiraled and exploded.

  “Robbie!” He wanted to say more. The words I love you were there to be said, but he suppressed them. He couldn’t give her his heart—not without breaking his promise to Lorielle and losing his integrity. But just because he didn’t say the words didn’t mean he didn’t feel them.

  He loved her.

  “ARE YOU GOING to throw me out again?” he asked, shifting onto his side next to her.

  Panting to regain her breath and slow her racing heart, Robbie nodded. “I have to, before Kayla comes down from Brenda’s.”

  Holden didn’t argue with her; he just rolled out of bed and began getting dressed. “You know,” he murmured as he stared out the window, “we could make this work. We’re two smart people. We could figure out some way to make this work for us.”

  This? Did he feel it, too? Did he love her as much as she loved him? Hope flared, but Robbie quickly tamped it down in favor of reality. “Let me guess. I could quit my job?”

  Color flooded his face. “I wish you’d at least think about it.”

  She laughed, with resentment, not humor, as the SRT sergeant’s words replayed through her mind. Only a cop understands a cop.

  “Imagine working together at the shelter…”

  His words doused the last of her hope. “I’m not quitting my job. And if you cared about me at all, you wouldn’t ask me…”

  …to change. To do what he wanted regardless of her own wants and needs. She was filled with regret and pain. He was wrong; there was no way they could make this work.

  “It’s because I care about you,” he explained, his voice cracking with emotion, “that I want you to do something else. Your job is so dangerous.”

  “Do your ride-along with me,” she suggested, allowing herself one last try. If she could show him that it wasn’t as dangerous as he thought…

  “I don’t intend to do a ride-along,” he said. “I’ve already seen enough police work, during the raid and when you arrested that guy at the shelter.”

  “You need to do a ride-along,” she insisted. Then maybe he would finally be able to understand her job. “You’ll see that most nights are really boring. Heck, it’s probably more exciting to be an accountant most of the time.”

  “What are the exciting nights?” he asked, his voice raspy with frustration. “When you have to wrestle a drug-crazed suspect to the ground? When you get the crap beat out of you?”

  “It’s not like that,” she said. Offended, she added, “I’m not like that. I’m not doing this for the thrills.”

  “You’re doing it to keep the streets safe, but you’re putting yourself in danger.”

  “No, what happened at the raid and the shelter, that’s unusual.”

  “And the videos?”

  “Billy pulled the worst footage for shock value,” she explained. “Come on, Holden, do the ride-along. You won’t be sorry.” But she might. If something exciting did happen, it would cement his belief that marrying her would be breaking his promise to his sister.

  She tensed, startled by the revelation. She wanted to marry him? Closing her eyes, she fought off the threat of tears. She couldn’t lose it in front of him; he would realize how much she loved him. And her feelings would only make the situation worse for both of them.

  “Robbie?”

  She blinked open her eyes. “Yes?”

  “Okay, I’ll do it.”

  She waited for the sense of relief, but it didn’t come. She remained tense and anxious. “That’s good.”

  “I’ll sign up for a ride-along,” he agreed, “but only on one condition.”

  Her lips formed a smile, even though she wasn’t amused. “You have conditions?”

  No matter what, the man had conditions—on his love. He wouldn’t give it to her unless she quit her job. She should have been used to being loved this way, but it had been a long time since she’d run away from home. She had nearly forgotten that feeling of utter hopelessness that had precipitated her leaving.

  “Just one,” he said. “I want you to do a ride-along with me first.”

  “Ride-along with you?” Since his condition wasn’t what she expected, she laughed. “Where?”

  “Just to the shelter,” he said. “I need you to spend a day there.”

  She snort
ed her amusement. “Yeah, because my last visit went so well.”

  “At least give it a chance,” he urged her. “Give us a chance.”

  She had no intention of quitting her job, but if spending another day at the shelter got him to take a ride-along so that he might finally accept her job…

  “I’ll give us a chance.”

  THE DINING HALL fell silent as Robbie entered. Now she understood what Joelly and the Chronicle reporter went through when they walked into the police station. Yet she suspected the teens’ animosity toward her was even greater than the police officers’ toward Jo or Erin.

  “I told you this was a bad idea,” she murmured to Holden, who stood beside her, his jaw taut with disapproval.

  He stared at the surly teens, who were now muttering some unflattering names for her. Robbie was no stranger to those names; she’d been called them many times before. The teens hadn’t appreciated her arresting someone at the shelter, and they weren’t thrilled with the changes Holden had implemented because of her previous visit.

  “It’s gonna totally be like juvie with her here,” a gangly boy grumbled.

  “Cop bitch,” someone else spat.

  “Hey, now,” Holden said, “we treat guests with respect here. And Officer Meyers is our guest.”

  “Miss Meyers!” squealed a little girl. Holly ran across the dining hall and flung her arms around Roberta’s waist.

  Robbie folded her arms around the child’s shoulders, holding her close. Even before she’d found out who Holly’s uncle was, she’d begun to fall for his niece. She was such a special child. “Hey, sweetheart, it’s great to see you again.”

  The girl pulled back and peered around Roberta. “Where’s Kayla?”

  “With Joelly and Sassy,” she said. “They were doing manis and pedis when I left.” She had been torn between staying with them on her rare Saturday off and fulfilling her side of the deal with Holden.

  “Doing what?” he asked, but his eyes sparkled with amusement.

  “They’re painting their fingernails and toenails,” Holly explained with a wistful glance at her own hands.

  Mrs. Crayden seemed too no-nonsense to trouble herself with much girl stuff, and Holden was too masculine to play along. Poor Holly. The child really did need a mother.

  “When you come over next time, we’ll do our nails,” Robbie promised her.

  “Thanks!”

  “Do you want to show Miss Meyers around?” Holden asked his niece.

  Holly’s head bobbed vigorously. She entwined her fingers in Robbie’s and led the way around the shelter, showing her every nook and cranny of the old, four-story building that Holden must have spent hundreds of thousands converting to comfortable living quarters. They spent the longest amount of time in the arts-and-crafts room, Holly showing her some projects she’d done with the help of different teenagers.

  “You’re here a lot?” Robbie asked.

  Holly’s head bobbed again. “Yes, some days after school, but mostly on the weekends. That way I get to spend time with Uncle Holden, too.”

  Robbie worried that was the real reason she had agreed to come to the shelter—just to spend some more time with Holden. But it wouldn’t matter how much time they spent together; she wasn’t going to do what he wanted. She wasn’t going to quit her job.

  “You’d like to spend more time with him, huh?” Robbie asked.

  A throat clearing drew her attention to the doorway. “Holly, Skylar’s looking for you to finish your game of checkers,” Holden said.

  “Oh, she’s a sucker for punishment.” Holly tsked, sounding much older than her nine years. “I’ve been kicking her butt!”

  “Play nice,” Holden said as she sprinted past him, but Robbie was the one at whom he stared.

  “Are you talking to her or me?” she asked when Holly was gone.

  “You,” he admitted. “Play nice with me. Give the place a chance.”

  He’d expected too much from her visit; he’d wanted her to fall in love with the shelter. Or maybe he’d just wanted her to fall in love with him.

  “I have. I am,” she insisted. “These kids don’t want me here,” she said with a short laugh. “They hate my guts. It wouldn’t work for me to help out here. You—they—need someone they actually like.”

  “They need someone they can relate to. They need you.” And he was afraid that he did, too.

  “They can’t relate to me if they won’t listen to me.”

  “You didn’t even try,” he said.

  “When should I have tried? When they were calling me names? When they were turning away from me?” She sighed. “It doesn’t matter what I say—they’re not going to hear me.”

  He hated to admit it, but she was probably right. And he’d probably known it all along. He’d just wanted her here—with him.

  “So I wasted your time?” he asked.

  “It wasn’t a waste of my time,” she said. “I’m glad I came back. You’ve made some great changes here, really beefed up the security. Even though the kids resent those changes and resent me for suggesting them, you’re keeping them safe. It’s the perfect setup now.

  “The private rooms are really nice. When Joelly and I were desperate for someplace warm to sleep, we’d go to the homeless shelter downtown, where it’s all those cots set up just inches apart. It was like an army barracks. Not very private—and not safe for a couple of teenage girls.”

  Even though he knew she’d survived, the thought of what she’d had to endure while she was out there on the streets made tension knot at the base of his neck. “No, it wouldn’t have been safe.”

  Lorielle had admitted that to him, too. Which was why he’d founded a shelter just for teenagers.

  Robbie’s blue eyes dimmed as she remembered, “We took turns sleeping.”

  “To watch each other’s backs,” Holden said. Lorielle had had no one to watch her back but him, and he hadn’t been there for her.

  “Sometimes we still do,” she admitted. “Old habits are hard to break.” She reached out and squeezed his hand. “I am impressed with what you’ve done. And appreciative. Lorielle would be, too.”

  Frustration pounded at his temples. “It’s not enough.”

  “No,” she agreed. “No matter how great this place is, it won’t bring her back.”

  He expelled a shaky sigh. “Nothing will.”

  “But that still doesn’t stop you from trying, from working your butt off to make it up to her.” She focused on his eyes, as if trying to see into his soul. “You don’t have anything to make up to her. You need to let the guilt go.”

  He shook his head. “I—I can’t. I didn’t do enough to make her quit,” he admitted, his voice cracking as emotion overwhelmed him. “I didn’t do enough…”

  Robbie reached out and wrapped her arms around his waist, holding tight. “I know you tried.” She pulled his head down and rose on tiptoe, then pressed her mouth to his, kissing him. It might have started as a kiss of comfort, but as always when they touched, passion ignited.

  He tangled his fingers in her hair, holding her head still as he ravaged her mouth. Blood rushed through his body, pounding through his veins and in his ears. Maybe that was why he didn’t hear the footsteps of their approach. He didn’t hear anything until Skylar uttered a dramatic cry, as if she’d been wounded. And Holly clapped and giggled. Then she and the older girl whirled and rushed off.

  Robbie stared at him in confusion, her eyes dazed as if she’d forgotten where they were. Then she groaned. “Now Holly saw us. I’m sure Mrs. Groom will be calling again.”

  “Maybe we should sit the girls down and talk to them together.”

  “They’re a little young to hear about the birds and bees,” Robbie said.

  “What do you think I intended to tell them?” Holden asked in surprise.

  “That it’s just sex between us.”

  “It’s not just sex,” he said, although he wished it was.

  She shook her head. �
�It can’t be anything else.”

  “No, it can’t,” he agreed, because everyone would wind up getting hurt.

  KAYLA RAN ACROSS the hall and grabbed the ringing telephone. “Hello?”

  “Your mom’s here,” Holly said, her voice loud and squeaking with excitement. “At the shelter…with Uncle Holden. They’re kissing again.”

  “Again?” Kayla heard someone in the background ask.

  “Who’s that?” she asked Holly.

  “Skylar. She saw them, too.”

  Kayla heard the teenager speak again. “They’ve kissed before?” Skylar’s voice was loud and squeaky, too, but not with excitement. She sounded mad.

  “Yup,” Holly answered. “My uncle’s going to marry my BFF’s mom.”

  Kayla’s heart swelled as her hope grew. “And we’ll be sisters.”

  “Yes,” Holly’s voice filled with satisfaction, “and I’ll have a mom.”

  “And I’ll finally have a dad.”

  “Hey, gotta go,” Holly murmured. “Skylar’s freaking out.”

  Her hand shook as Kayla put the phone back on the charger. When she glanced up and caught Aunt JoJo watching her from the doorway, she jumped. “Were you listening?”

  Joelly nodded.

  “It was Holly.”

  “I figured that out,” Aunt JoJo said with a smile, but it was only with her mouth and not her eyes. “Don’t get your hopes up, kiddo.”

  “But every time Mom and Uncle Holden get together, they kiss. They must really like each other. Do you think they love each other?”

  “Sometimes it doesn’t matter if you love each other,” Aunt JoJo said.

  “I don’t understand.” In all the fairy tales her mom had read her when Kayla was a little kid, love was all that mattered. Love was what broke all the evil spells.

  “What I’m trying to say is that sometimes, no matter how much two people might love each other, they still don’t belong together.”

  Kayla’s confusion grew. “Are we talking about my mom and Holly’s uncle?”

  And JoJo’s eyes got watery and she nodded. But Kayla had a feeling her aunt was talking about herself and some other guy. So she wrapped her arms around Aunt JoJo’s skinny waist and hugged her tight.