by Green, Vicki
“Miss, I’m flattered but I’m not interested. Thank ya kindly.” Her eyes narrow as her body stiffens. I release her wrist and look around the store. “I need me a good ole cowboy hat and some jeans, maybe a couple of new shirts. I’ll just see myself around.” I give her a smile, put my finger up to my forehead, and tip her a goodbye. I look at Prie in the back of the store and give her a holler. “Don’t forget to get yourself a warm coat too.” Her head turns my way and she gives me a nod.
“Damn shame. All the good lookin’ ones are always taken.” She sighs.
My chuckle is low as I walk over to the hats. I spot one right away, placin’ it on my head. Feels like it has a new home.
Takes a lot longer than I’d expected. We’ve been here over an hour, but I don’t really mind. To give someone who has nothin’ things they need helps me get through the pain I’m feelin’. Prie puts up a fuss as we were checkin’ out, sayin’ I’m spendin’ too much money on her. Truth is – I have a ton of money that no one even knows about, not even Shiloh. I’ve done right fine over the years savin’ and holdin’ on to as much as I was able to. What else would I spend it on? Had to put up with Tilly tryin’ once more to get me to like her. Another girl who doesn’t know my past. Doesn’t know that no matter what they do, it just ain’t happenin’. I’ll give her an ‘E’ for effort though. She wasn’t lackin’ in tryin’. After loadin’ all our bags into the back of my truck, we quickly walk into the grocery store. Nice that all these places are so close. I spied a hardware store across the street too. I’ll come back for those supplies tomorrow after a good night’s rest.
I tell Prie to go get anythin’ she needs as I start gatherin’ groceries. I figure a woman probably needs some – feminine things. I can’t imagine what it would be like to be a woman who has nothin’. Us men? Hell, just give us some clothes and we’re good. By the time I’ve gotten most of the list in a cart, she walks over carryin’ arms full of stuff. I nod down at the cart and she places them in there. With her only havin’ use of her one arm and me havin’ this damn crutch, I figure it’s gonna take us a bit to unload everythin’ when we get home. Not to mention my strength and pain is gonna keep me from luggin’ too much at a time too. But we’ll manage, I reckon.
A couple of nice young fellers there helped to take everythin’ out to my truck. I told them that was right nice of them. They kinda chuckled and said it was their job. I told them I appreciated it anyway and they both left smilin’. Grammy brought me up to be respectful and thank people whether they’re doin’ their job or just being neighborly. Now, it’s just the way I am. By the time we got home and unloaded everythin’, I was plum wore out, but I cooked us up some burgers and green beans while Prie made us a nice salad and popped in a can of some rolls in the oven. She told me while we were eatin’ that she’d make some fresh rolls tomorrow. Said her momma taught her how to make them but she might have to look up the recipe online. Been too long, I figured. Told her to use her new laptop to do it and her eyes lit up. There’s just somethin’ about her that amazes me with each thing she does, every reaction. It’s like she’s learnin’ stuff all over again.
After we cleaned up and said our goodnights, I took one of my pain meds, put my dirty clothes in the hamper and crawled into bed, exhausted. I can’t wait until I’m healed, until I get my strength back. I’m not likin’ how easy it is for me to get tuckered out. Mornin’ will be a new day and I aim to make the best of it. Figure every day God allows me to open my eyes is a good day.
Caprice
I can’t sleep. I’ve been lying in bed, all warm and snug, but can’t get today out of my head. So much he’s done for me, bought me new clothes and undergarments, some makeup and other bathroom necessities. He’s just so kind hearted. I looked up the recipe to make rolls tomorrow along with bread and a few other things. I’m gonna make them and clean the house, do what I can to pay him back. He said he’s gonna let me drive his truck around his land, getting the feel of being behind the wheel again. Then, when I’m ready, he’s going to take me into town to get my license. Unfortunately, I don’t have my birth certificate or anything to show who I am. “Look up how you can order it online,” he told me. He thinks of everything.
He also asked me while we ate dinner if I could make him a flyer for his horse boarding. Said I could email it to Sadie and she’d print them off and post one in the window at her shop then take the others around town. He told me he already has a couple of horses for boarding but their owners have been kind enough to wait to bring them over until he’s healed more. We went on to talk about horses and other animals he’d like to have here. Chickens so we’d have fresh eggs to eat, cows for fresh milk. He acts like I’m going to be here for a long time but I haven’t decided. Trevor said I could leave when I’m ready or stay, if I want to. I really don’t know what I want to do. First thing is to help him. I do want to try to go see that doctor who might be able to help me be strong again, inside. I want that. Need that.
My eyes finally begin to get heavy, my mind slowly allowing me to sleep, when I hear a noise. I hold my breath, trying to listen. Nothing. I turn onto my side and start to doze off when I hear it again. What is that? It sounds like it’s coming from Trevor’s room. Pushing the covers back, I move my legs over the side, my feet instantly cold when hitting the wood floor. Even with the heat on there’s a slight chill in the air. I grab my new robe and struggle to get my casted arm through the sleeve as I open my door and walk out into the hallway. A moan then shortly after a groan sounds muffled from behind his closed door. Quietly, I walk, turn the knob and open his door slightly. It’s hard to see in the darkness but there’s a little light coming in from the moon through the blinds covering his windows. He moans again, and my eyes snap to him. What should I do? I don’t think, I react. I walk over and lean down, placing my hand on his forehead. Hot. Too hot. His head moves back and forth, my hand following. I pull down the covers, his body containing a light sheen of sweat much like his forehead. I pull back the bandage over his chest. His stitches are still okay, no sign of blood or redness. I pull the covers down more and check the wound on his leg. Same. Thank God! He groans again, and my eyes snap up to his face.
Another decision made, I turn and walk to his bathroom, closing the door behind me as I flip on the light. I open drawers and look in the cabinet below the counter then open the doors to a long standing cabinet. Towels, wash clothes, sheets. Finally, aspirin! I grab the cup sitting next to the sink and fill it with water then struggled to get the cap off the aspirin bottle. My hands are shaking, my heart beating so fast, worry fills me. Finally, I get the cap off and pour out two pills then set the bottle down on the counter, picking up the glass of water and walk out of the bathroom, turning off the light. My eyes try to readjust to the darkness as I walk back over to him. I set the cup down on his nightstand, then look at him, wondering how I’m going to get him to take the pills.
I sit down on the bed next to him and lean down close but only a breath away from his face. “Trevor,” I whisper. Nothing. I place my hand on his shoulder and shake a little. “Trevor.” My voice a little louder. A scream escapes me when his strong hands grab my arms, lifting me over him, my back hitting the mattress, hard. The pressure on my arms hurting, his body weight pressing me down, the wild look in his eyes scaring me. They’re wide, glazed, the blue darkened with fear. “Trevor. You’re hurting me.” His chest heaves against mine. His lips parted as he pants heavily. “Trevor. It’s me. Prie.” He blinks several times, his brows lower in confusion. He releases my arms and sits up, his knees still in between my legs. With a shaky hand, I reach up and cup his face. His skin is covered in a light sweat, warm to my touch, but his skin is so soft. I’d wondered. “It’s okay now. You’re okay.”
“Prie. I….”
“Shhhh. Everything’s okay. I’m fine.”
He looks around, disoriented, and then looks back down at me. He grabs my arms, gent
ly, pulling me up. His arms are around me before I can take a breath. “God! I’m so sorry.” Instinctively, I bury my face between his neck and shoulder, feeling comfort. His arms tighten. I feel his breath against my hair, his strong arms making me feel safe. “I don’t know what happened. I was havin’ a bad dream.”
I look up as he looks down, his blue eyes back to normal but concern within them. “You have a fever.” He blinks. “I was trying to give you some aspirin.” My face buries into him again as he pulls me into him.
“Shit, Darlin’. I’m so sorry.” He holds me but I don’t complain. It’s been so long since I’ve felt this – safe, comforted, like I mean something. God, I’ve missed it. So much. He pulls back, his eyes scouring me. “Did I hurt you, sweetheart?” I lie, shaking my head. My arms pound from the force of his hands when he flipped me and held me down. I’ve felt that before, so many times. Mikael. But this time it is different. I know Trevor didn’t mean to. “Thank God.” His eyes penetrate into mine, like he’s looking deep into my soul. Maybe he is. “You know I’d never intentionally hurt you, right?” I nod, this I do know. I was only scared from the abruptness of him grabbing me, holding me down, but I knew he was alarmed, waking from a nightmare.
He releases me, moving over to the side of the bed. He sits with his feet on the floor, his arms on his legs, running his fingers through his hair. Suddenly, I want to be the one to do that. Where is that coming from? How can those feelings even be possible? I need to go talk to that doctor in town and soon. I’m so confused. Something’s definitely wrong with me, even more than I thought. I get myself up onto my knees, worry still inside me. “Will you take the aspirin on the table, please? There’s a cup of water there too.” His head turns, his eyes tired, bloodshot. He reaches over and takes the pills and the water to chase them down. I feel a bit relieved but worry still pulsates through me. If something happened to him….
I let out a yawn, my body exhausted. I climb off the side of the bed and walk around it. “Will you be okay now?” He looks up at me, trying to smile, but it’s just not there.
“Yes. Thank ya, Darlin’. I’ll be fine. Get some sleep.”
I nod and walk to the doorway, darkness enveloping me. He speaks again and I turn my head, my hand on the door frame. “Thank ya for helpin’ me. I won’t forget it.” I nod again, lowering my head and slowly walk back to my room. Climbing into bed is a task. Suddenly, I don’t want to be alone. What if his fever spikes? What if he has another nightmare? I’m so tired. Will I be able to hear him again? I lay down flat on my back, pulling the covers up to my chin, with my eyes wide open and staring up at the paint cracked ceiling. So much I planned to do today and I’m not sure if I’ll get any sleep. I close my eyes and try.
Warmth. Strength.
Slowly, I open my eyes in the lit room. My hair matted around my face. I bring my hand up pushing it away as I turn my head. Trevor. His arm is around me. His body pressed up against mine as close as he can get. His face holds peace, the coloring normal not like last night when it was paled with sweat. His long lashes flow down beneath his closed eyes, his full lips parted, and I barely hear the sound of his light breathing. I reach down and lay my hand on his arm. Cool to my touch. Thank goodness. He must have come in after I’d finally fallen asleep. I’m unsure if he had another nightmare or maybe I did. Maybe he just felt bad for hurting me last night even though I’d hoped I conveyed he didn’t. I lift his heavy arm, weightless with sleep, and move it off me. I struggle to get out of bed, my casted arm weighing me down. I manage to stand and look down at him. Beautiful. It’s the only word that comes in my head. I’ve not felt so much caring in so long I feel a bit overwhelmed but yet reassured at the same time. It’s a contradiction but one I’m learning to accept.
I walk around the bed, almost tiptoeing so my feet don’t slap against the cold wood. I stop on the side of the bed he’s on, peering down at him. Still asleep, hopefully peacefully. I make my way into the bathroom, still feeling strange of my new surroundings. Flashbacks of the small confinement I was held in hit my mind but I shake my head and refuse to think about it. I flip on the light and close the door.
I’d gotten some large plastic bags while we were at the store to cover my casted arm. I look at the standup shower, wondering if I could manage it. No, I think it would be difficult so I lean over and turn on the faucet in the tub. I turn and grab the cup by the sink and set it on the bathtub ledge. I also got new shampoo, the scent of lilac – my favorite scent – and conditioner, and set them there as well as my new razor. Removing my t-shirt is such a struggle but I manage to get it off and throw it in the wicker hamper next to the toilet, reminding me I should do a load of clothes today although we both haven’t changed clothes much lately. I wrap my cast in plastic, tying off the end and let out a deep breath, blowing my long hair out of my face. I step into the tub, carefully sitting down. I wash thoroughly, feeling like I’m scrubbing extra hard with the wash cloth, not able to remove the dirty feeling I’ve had for so long. Washing my hair one handed while keeping my covered casted arm over the side of the tub is also a task. Using the cup to rinse out the soap and conditioner helped, learned from Sadie at the hospital.
I let the water out, being clean on the outside makes me feel a bit better but knowing I’ll never be clean on the inside weighs me down. I dry off then wrap the towel around me and run my new brush through my snarled hair and then brush my teeth. Suddenly, my heart beats faster, the realization that I’d forgotten to bring in clothes with me makes me roll my eyes internally. Way to go, Prie. I hold the top of the towel in place as I open the door, stopping in the doorway when I see Trevor sitting up in my bed, his back leaning against the headboard. Staring. I quickly grab my upper arms, the cast scraping against my skin. Swallowing hard, shifting my footing back and forth. His mouth turns up into the smile that fills my heart.
“Get dressed, Darlin’, then come here and sit with me.” His low deep voice makes me shiver.
I nod and walk over to the closet, picking out a shirt and then opening one of the built in drawers getting what I need from there. I’m definitely not a fast dresser, right now, maneuvering with my cast but finally manage. Long sleeved V-neck sweater and jeans are in place. I walk back into the room and over to the bed. I stop when I reach it, not knowing where to sit. He leans up and over, patting the mattress by his leg. I nod slowly and sit, placing my hands in my lap.
“What you did last night….” I swallow hard, thinking I’m in trouble, my heart rate increasing with my nervousness. “I can’t quite put into words how much that means to me.” His turn to swallow hard. I follow his Adam’s apple up then down. My eyes snap up to his when he speaks again, seeing wetness there. “Ya see – I know how it feels to be alone, no one to care for ya or even care about ya. Been that way for a long time for me. Shiloh – yeah, she was there at times but so many times I faced things by myself.” He leans towards me and I find myself being drawn to him, mesmerized by his eyes, his lips. I close my eyes, briefly, as he places his hand against my face, feeling the callouses on his palm and fingertips, the rest smooth, soft. A sign of hard work. “I appreciate your help and am thankful you were there for me. Says a lot about you, Darlin’.” I stare into his eyes. Kind. Caring. Somewhere I can get lost in. I blink from my thoughts as he removes his hand, leaving me cold without his warmth. His amazing smile appears and his eyes light up. “Gonna go fix us up some breakfast. Take your time, sweetheart.” The mattress dips as he stands and I watch him leave the room.
Once out of sight, I let out the breath I’d been holding, comforted by his words and the mix of emotions running through me. I’m so confused by them and hope to go see that doctor soon to see if she can help me. God! I need help. I want to be me again.
Chapter Five
Trevor
I put some canned biscuits in the oven. Rather have homemade but this’ll do for now. I’ve never been the bes
t cook but always managed to make do with what I had. Sometimes it wasn’t enough to feed a chicken but I was thankful for it anyway. Not been real religious but I believe that there is a God and gracin’ the land to bestow beauty on earth, the animals, farmin’ for food, were all part of his plan. I’ve worked hard for what I have, which is more than it was a week or so ago. I believe in hard work, sweatin’, and strugglin’ for what you have. Makes you appreciate it that much more. Pride. There’s somethin’ in feelin’ that pride for what you’ve done. Sometimes I figure I was born into the wrong era. Maybe I was meant to be born back in the days before cars and technology that helps do things for us, makin’ it easier for us. Also there’s somethin’ about those ladies with the long dresses, coverin’ up mostly what they had. Sexy. Pure sexiness to imagine what could be underneath. Ain’t gonna lie. Seein’ those women that show pretty much everythin’ they got – yeah, I looked and I’ve had. But there wasn’t much to reveal underneath and no surprises.
Between losin’ my parents when I was a young boy and all the shit I’ve been through since, I don’t remember them that well anymore. I can’t picture them in my mind but luckily I have a few very old pictures of them and Grammy. Now, the one I can remember in my head, still just as vivid as the last time I’d seen her – Hattie. Purtyiest gal I’d ever seen. A part of me died when my parents did, another when Hattie was taken away from me. Never thought I’d live to see myself become a man, couldn’t imagine it. I wanted to die myself.
