by Green, Vicki
I stop and look out the slidin’ glass door, the deck and ground covered in snow, untouched ‘cept for a few wayward animal paw prints. The mountains in the distance are covered, probably have been for a while now. I can’t wait for spring to come in the next few months, see what blossoms on my land. My land. Two of the sweetest words. Never thought I’d have land, more or less a place even to call my own.
I feel her, smell her, before I hear her come into the kitchen. My body shivers as I flip over the bacon. I look over my shoulder as she walks behind me, tingle sensations travel through me with her so near. Never had that reaction before, ‘cept once, and I’m damn sure she doesn’t need me feelin’ that way. Not now. Maybe not ever. Best guard her and my heart. Nothin’ but heartache would come from it, of that I’m sure. I see her arm stretch up to open a cabinet, gettin’ out plates, thick long sleeves coverin’ her arms. It’s really warm down here since I lit a fire in the fireplace in the livin’ room and with the oven and stove goin’. “A bit warm inside for that heavy sweater.” I stir the egg mixture and watch her stiffen. Somethin’s goin’ on. She turns and takes the plates over to the table returnin’ for silverware. “You okay, Darlin’?” She freezes again. I grab the bowl I’d set on the counter and pour the scrambled eggs into it and turn to face her. “What’s goin’ on, sweetheart? Somethin’ you need to tell me?” Fear consumes me. I did somethin’. Last night? My nightmare. As she turns to walk back, her eyes lookin’ down, I set the bowl down and grab her arms, holdin’ her still so I can find out.
“Ow.” She winces.
“You’re hurt. What did I do?” I bend low so I can look her in the eyes but they keep lookin’ everywhere but at me. “Please, Prie. I’m beggin’ ya. Tell me what hurts, what I did to you.” Her eyes move slowly to mine.
“It’s nothing. Really.”
In anger, I shake her a little. Her eyes blink in surprise. “Don’t lie to me, Prie. What did I do?”
She begins to bring up her hand so I release her arms, pullin’ up the sleeve over her cast. My brows raise along with my eyes as she uncovers a bad bruise that’s around her arm. I take her hand, pullin’ up the other sleeve. Identical. My anger swells until I look into her eyes, filled with fear. I pull her to me, wrap my arms around her. Her arms are limp at her side while mine tighten their hold. “No! No. I’m not mad at you, Darlin’. This isn’t comin’ out right. I’m pissed at myself. I’ve told you so many times that I’d never hurt you and then I did. I’m so sorry.” I breathe a little relief when I feel her arms move around my waist but I’m so angry with myself I could hit somethin’. “You’ve been through so much. Now I’ve added to it.”
She leans back, her eyes searchin’ mine. “You didn’t do it on purpose, Trevor. I know that. Really, it’s nothing. They’re just bruises. They’ll heal.”
I scan her eyes but I’m not sure what I’m lookin’ for. Pity. Sorrow. The truth is all I see.
I release my hold, turn and pick up the bowl. When I turn around, she’s settin’ the silverware next to our plates. She sits down and looks at me, givin’ me a small smile. I get the biscuits from the oven, puttin’ them on a plate and pick up the small bowl of gravy, takin’ them to the table. Once I’ve sat down, I place my elbows on the table, claspin’ my hands. “I’m still sorry and they aren’t nothin’. My hands did that. I did that.” Her face softens, becomes sad. “I’m afraid I’ll do it again,” I whisper. I look down, unable to look at her. I feel the softness of her hand before I see it, pullin’ my fingers apart and takin’ my hand in hers. Soothin’. Carin’.
“You didn’t mean to, Trevor. I’m fine. We both have so much to heal from.” She gives me her sweet smile. “I’m glad to be able to be there for you. You’ve been there for me so much. If I can help you, give to you as much as you have me, a bruise is worth it.” My eyes well up. She’s somethin’.
I squeeze her hand. “You’re too good for me, Darlin’. Too kind hearted. You deserve so much more.”
I watch a tear fall from her eye, runnin’ down her face. “You’re the one that’s too good,” she whispers. My heart breaks for her. So much damage. So young.
We sit here and stare into each other’s eyes, both of us hurtin’ for the same but yet different reasons. I gently pull my hand from hers and lean back in my chair. “I don’t want to hurt you. Ever. Best stay clear if I’m havin’ one of my nightmares. Okay?” She nods slowly but it’s not convincin’. “Best get to eatin’ before it all gets cold.” I give her a smile, tryin’ to lighten our moods. She picks up the bowl of eggs, spoonin’ some onto her plate while I break apart a biscuit and pour some country gravy over it. My stomach growls just lookin’ at it. I’m still angry with myself, not ever likin’ it when I hurt someone, ‘specially Prie. She’s been hurt enough, not that I’d want her to be hurt anyway. Damn nightmares. Maybe I should go talk to that doc. No, I couldn’t. I need to get a grip on them myself. Some need an ear to talk to, tell all their worst nightmares, things they’ve been through. Some need to be strong, deal with them themselves. I need to be strong. No one can help me through this.
We ate in silence, the food good but my feelin’s are all over the place. “These are good. What all did you put in them?” I look up to see Prie holdin’ up her fork filled with my special eggs. I can’t help but smile.
“Growin’ up the way I did, you used whatever you could find to make a meal go farther. Guess I kinda still do that, even though it’s not needed as much now. I put some cut up green peppers, a little onion, and some salsa mixed in for a little bite.” She nods, makin’ my heart full as I watch her eat eagerly. “Tonight, I was thinking of makin’ my favorite tacos.” She grins. “Another special recipe I kinda created.”
“Sounds amazing,” she says happily.
She cleaned up the kitchen, and I was a bit lost as I wasn’t sure what to do. She told me I should rest, that I had more healin’ to do than she did. She’s right of course, but I hate just to lay around. Until I get a little more healin’ done, I can’t do what I really want, which is to go ridin’ through my land, see what all I need to repair or purchase. So, I settled for workin’ inside the barn for a bit, movin’ hay around, and makin’ a list of things that need to be repaired in there to get ready for my first clients. I’m lucky this town has such great people. They knew I’d be laid up for a spell and still want to board their horses with me. I’m set to have the first one brought over next week. I’ll take Prie in to town with me tomorrow to the hardware store to get what I need. She’s taken a likin’ to Sadie, even though I think Tina scared her a little yesterday. Maybe we can stop by this doctor’s place and set her up an appointment. I’m damn proud of her for wantin’ to go see them, help herself get better on the inside.
I spent a couple of hours in the barn, my hands frozen by the time I decide to call it quits for the day. My chest and shoulder hurtin’ pretty bad. Maybe I overdid it a little. When I walk inside the back door, closin’ it behind me and wipin’ my wet shoes off on the mat, I hear voices comin’ from the livin’ room. Curiosity gets the better of me so before I take off my coat I start walkin’ in there.
“So, after I’m done with my chores, I’m going to start writing. I’m actually starting to look forward to it.” Prie’s voice sounds excited.
“I’m so glad. I hope you find it as therapeutic as I did. Still do, actually.”
I stop at the doorway and lean against it, lookin’ in on Prie and Shiloh. Shiloh looks better today, got some color back in her face. She’s restin’ her hand on her stomach, smilin’ at Prie.
“Better not be overdoin’ it. You need to be gettin’ your rest and takin’ care of my nephew.” I smile as I walk in, both girls heads turnin’ my way. I walk over and sit down on the couch next to Prie, lookin’ over at Shiloh on the chair. “You didn’t drive here by your lonesome, did you?”
“Nah, I came with her,” Colby’s
voice sounds behind me and I turn my head to look. “Was just usin’ your facilities.” He gives me a smile then looks at Shiloh and winks. He walks to her, leanin’ down and givin’ her a kiss. He’s a good man, takes good care of her. I’m right proud to call him my friend. He sits down on the arm of the chair and Shiloh instantly lays her head against his side, his arm wrappin’ around her. Nice she found her true love. Finally someone to give her heart to. “Thought I’d take you around your land, if you’re up for it.” My excitement soars. “I know with everythin’ been crazy ‘round here, you haven’t really had time to take it all in. Figured the girls could talk for a bit while we’re gone.” He doesn’t have to say another word. I’m standin’ up and ready to go. I watch him lean over and kiss Shiloh’s forehead, whisperin’ that we won’t be long. He stands, and I nod and turn as he starts walkin’ around the couch. As he walks towards the door, I stop and look over at Prie. Her eyes move to mine and we have a silent communication. She gives me a small smile, quickly lookin’ down and I feel somethin’ inside that I just can’t accept.
“Nice pond there. Needs some cleanin’ up but it’ll be right pretty in the spring.”
We’ve been drivin’ around for about half hour now. Looks like my work is cut out for me but I don’t mind. God’s country. Beautiful as far as the eye can see. Nothin’ like breathin’ in the fresh cold air. My mind drifts off to a summer day. Cows and horses in their rightful pastures. The sun shinin’, with warmth beatin’ down on everythin’, makin’ the grass greener, the flowers bloom and grow. Prie’s off in the distance. Sittin’ down on the grass. No shoes, her toes curled into the soft blades. Her long blonde hair blowin’ around her sweet face, her skin kissed by the sun.
“I can help when Hank brings over his filly. He’s pretty excited.” Colby’s voice catches my ear. I look over and smile. “Oh! The ole McMillian place was bought. It’s just up the road from you, on the other side of the road. Lots of land there. Big house. Had to have cost a pretty penny.”
“You don’t say? Wonder who bought it.” Not that I really care. Guess I should a little since they’ll be my neighbor but I have so much on my mind. He turns his truck around, startin’ to head back to the house.
“I heard it’s a fella named Nash Harris. Don’t know nothin’ about him but he must come from money.”
Nash Harris. Don’t sound familiar. I shrug my shoulders and look back out the front window. When the house comes in sight, my heart gives a little flutter. Haven’t been gone that long but anxiousness builds inside, thinkin’ of seein’ Prie. What is it about her? She’s younger than me but has been through a lifetime of pain and sufferin’, much like me. Still, there’s somethin’ about her I can’t quite put my finger on. Seems so familiar somehow. But how?
The sound of laughter fills my heart as Colby and I walk into my house. Shiloh and Prie are sittin’ there laughin’ at somethin’. It feels good to see Prie smile, hear her laugh. She needs that.
“Well. We’d better be getting back home,” Shiloh says as she stands. I watch her walk over to Prie, graspin’ her arms gently as Prie stands, whisperin’ somethin’ to her, smilin’. Prie nods and Shiloh leans over and kisses her cheek, sweet like. Prie turns her head and looks at me as Shiloh walks towards us. She blinks twice, looks down, and walks out of the room to the kitchen.
Colby pats my shoulder but I don’t look away from them. Shiloh walks over and smiles. “She’s a sweet girl.” I nod, knowin’ she’s right. Feel it. “You need anything from me, you just call me. Okay?” I nod again and kiss her cheek.
I turn and walk them to the door, thankin’ them for comin’ over and for Colby takin’ me out to look over my land. After closin’ the door and lockin’ it tight, I walk to the kitchen. Her back is to me, bent over the counter. “I know you said you were going to make your special tacos tonight but I feel like cooking, if that’s okay.” She never turns around – just keeps hoverin’ over whatever she’s doin’.
I lean back against the wall, crossin’ my arms over my chest. “You don’t have to ask for permission, Prie.” Her head turns slightly, her eyes lookin’ at me quickly then back down. “This is your home too for however long you want it to be.” She stills, lettin’ out a big sigh. When she turns around, her hands are coated with flour.
“Thank you, Trevor,” she says shyly. She shakes her head to get her long hair away from her face and smiles. “After dinner I’m going to start writing. Shiloh said I could come over in the afternoons and she’d put my words into a book. That is, after I do all my chores and if it’s okay with you.” Her smile falters.
My heart grows heavy as I walk over to her. I reach out and put my hands around her wrists, my right hand graspin’ her cast. “Darlin’, you don’t have set chores or things that have to be done around here. Right now, I just want you to heal, take some time for yourself. Sounds like a good plan to get some things down in writin’. I’m glad that Shiloh will be doin’ that for you. Helped her a ton to do that for herself. Maybe it’ll help you.” Her eyes light up, her smile reappears. I let go of her hands as she nods and turns back to what she was doin’. I walk around her and grab a beer from the fridge, thinkin’ one won’t hurt with the pain meds I’m on. Been hankerin’ for one since I got home. There’s that word again. Home. Finally somethin’ to be happy about.
“Yes. I really like Shiloh. And Colby. They’re very nice.” She keeps ramblin’ as I walk over to the table and have a seat, takin’ a big drawl from my beer. God that tastes good. “I know I don’t have set chores to do, except the ones I’ve set for myself. I don’t want to be here without helping out. It’s the least I can do.” I smile as she turns and gives me hers. Pretty girl.
“How ‘bout we go into town tomorrow. I’ve got a few things I need to get from the hardware store and thought we could stop by the coffee shop.” She nods eagerly. “Maybe you’d like to stop by that doctor’s office? Maybe set up an appointment?” She stops and freezes but then I watch her relax.
She takes whatever she’s makin’ and puts it in a pan, opens the oven door and places it inside then closes the door. She turns around, her skin paled. “I think that would be a good idea.” Her hands fidget in front of her, then she starts to turn. “I…. I’m going to go write while this cooks.” I watch her walk out of the room thinkin’ maybe I took it a bit too far. I only want her to start healing on the inside. I know her writin’ will help but I don’t think it will heal her completely. She needs more than that.
Caprice
“NOOOOOOOO!!!!!”
“Your screaming will do you no good, little one. No one can hear you.”
How do I stop him? Can’t anyone hear me? Someone has to stop him. Stop him before it’s too late.
“I’ve punished you so many times yet you keep disobeying me. What is it going to take, little one?”
Sweat beads on my forehead. I feel the blood traveling down my wrists and fingers as I twist my hands, trying to break free from the ropes that bind them, my arms straining. Pain is pounding on my ankles, the rope is so tight I can’t feel my feet anymore.
“Sometimes lessons are really hard to take but maybe this time you’ll learn.”
I watch the tears flow down Mom’s face, her eyes wide in fear. Dad’s always been the strong one in the family but his fear showing makes my heart beat even more wildly. How can someone do this? What does he have to gain?
“Ah! Well, I’ve wasted enough of my precious time.”
“NOOOOO! NOOOOO!”
BANG!
I flinch, my eyes full of tears, my hands twisting harder to get free.
BANG!
“MOM!”
“Prie! Prie!”
Shaking. My body’s shaking and I’m fighting. Fighting for my life.
“Prie! Darlin’. Wake up!”
Scratching. Tearing. My fingernails embed into so
ft flesh yet hard muscles. I’m flailing side to side, my legs kicking out.
“CAPRICE!”
My eyes snap open, my breathing labored.
Trevor.
“He….” I choke on a sob. Not enough air. “He killed….” His eyes are wide, sorrow covers his face. “Mom.” I choke out. I let out another sob. “Dad.” My arms are suddenly tired. My entire body exhausted. I look into his eyes, mine questioning. “Why would he do that? Why would anyone take a life?” My chin quivers as his eyes soften. He reaches out, cupping the side of my face, his thumb rubbing over my sweaty skin tenderly.
“He was a vile person, Prie. He shouldn’t have been allowed to walk on this earth.” The look on his face so loving, so understanding. “He was a sick, sick man. He enjoyed bein’ cruel, manipulatin’ and takin’ control of those weaker than him. There’s no other reason for what he did. I truly believe he was the devil himself.” I listen, trying to make sense of it all. Suddenly, I release his arms, blood trickling down his skin from the damage my nails did. My brows raise, and my eyes widen in alarm.
“Oh, no! Look what I’ve done. I’m so sorry.” My eyes search his then I watch him look down at his left arm. He looks back up at me and gives me a small smile.
