by Green, Vicki
I pick up the pitchfork and plunge it back into the hay, pickin’ up a big scoop and throwin’ it in the next stall, workin’ my way down. My body is slick with sweat. I stop long enough to take off my coat, settin’ it down on the work table and start up again. I don’t know how long I’ve been at it but when I stop to catch my breath and look outside, the sun is risin’. I’m breathin’ heavy and I smell worse than the barn. I lean the pitchfork up against the stall gate and walk over and get my coat. I’m tired but for a while I stopped thinkin’. It’s cold outside yet it is a welcome relief from the heat of my body. Once inside I put my coat away in the front closet and head straight upstairs to take a shower. It’s quiet. Too quiet. A pang of loneliness fills me, my mind envisionin’ Prie’s sweet face. I may have really done it this time. She may not want to come back or have anythin’ to do with me.
I feel a bit better after my shower but just on the outside. Not sure anythin’ will ever feel good on the inside again. I just finish makin’ breakfast, a quick omelet and toast, when a knock sounds on the front door. I wipe my hands off on the small towel and walk to the door, hopin’ its Prie comin’ home. Can’t say I’m surprised to find Shiloh on the other side. She smiles and walks into my arms. I’ve missed her. We hold each other tight, like we didn’t just see each other that long ago.
“Oh, my goodness! What smells so heavenly?” She pulls back and looks at me, knowin’ exactly what that smell is comin’ from. I used to make omelets all the time, back when she stayed with me. Eggs are cheap and I could find any affordable food to add to them.
“C’mon. I’ll let you have mine and make another for myself,” I grin as I take her hand and start pullin’ her towards the kitchen. She giggles. Such a great sound.
She sits down and starts eatin’ as I make myself another one. No words are said but none are really needed. I know she’s here to tell me about Prie and damn if I can’t wait until she does. I think my omelet was the fastest one I’ve ever made before. I take my plate over to the table and sit down across from her. We both eat in silence until I can’t take it anymore.
“How is she?” Simple. To the point.
She stops mid bite. I’m not sure I like the look on her face. She lowers her fork and reaches over, coverin’ my hand. “I think she needs some time.” Didn’t see that comin’.
She removes her hand and wipes her mouth with her napkin. “Time from me.” Not a question. No doubt in my mind that’s what she needs time from. Can’t say as I blame her. I’m a tough one to be around when I’m moody.
“I told her I’d come by and pack her things.” My brows raise, my heart not likin’ what I’m hearin’. “Trev. She thinks she did something wrong. She thinks she hurt you. She wants her laptop and things so that she can continue to write. I’m taking her into town later to see the doctor. She wants to get her license.” Now my brows lift for another reason. “She wants to heal, get stronger.” She picks up her fork and smiles. “She even wants to see about getting a job in town.”
I lay down my fork and take a drink of milk, tryin’ to hide my smile. Damn. I’m proud of her. I set down my glass and pick up my fork, takin’ a bite. After chewin’, I swallow and clear my throat. “Well, that would be good for her. I’m glad she’s pushin’ herself to get better.” I look at her and watch as her face scrunches. Always was so cute. “What?”
She lets out a laugh. “Oh, please! Don’t act all ‘I don’t care if she comes back but damn I’m glad she’s taking care of herself’ crap.” I cock my head and give her a surprise look, my hand over my heart. “Seriously, Trev. I’ve seen the way you look at her. You’re like a lost puppy.”
I let out a chuckle. “A puppy? C’mon!”
She laughs, music to my ears. “Yes! Really!” We both laugh for a few minutes and it feels good. Feels like old times. I watch as her face changes to seriousness. “I can’t say I understand how you feel after hearing the news.” Dammit. I knew she’d end up doin’ this. “I really can’t imagine and I can imagine a lot of things.”
Visions of Bandit strung up by his neck hangin’ from the chandelier. She knows of loss, different kind, but yet the same in some ways. “I know you do, darlin’.” I about choke on my words.
She shifts in her seat. “Thing is…. You have a chance to find your happiness now.” I swallow hard, my heart hurtin’. “You keep harping on everyone to get healed yet you won’t allow yourself to heal.” I get up quickly, takin’ her plate and mine to clean them. “Trevor. It’s okay to love again. Do you really think Hattie would want you to live the rest of your life alone? No one to love. No one to love you?” Damn her! I feel her walkin’ towards me then catch her out of the corner of my eye leanin’ against the counter, her arms folded. “You do deserve that, my friend. Just the same as the rest of us.” I feel her hand on my shoulder and look at her. Her eyes are sparklin’. Always loved the color of them. So light blue they’re almost white. Matches her heavenly personality.
“You always did make too much sense.” I let out a chuckle and she smiles. “You’re a good friend, Shiloh.” I set down the plate in the sink, turn, and wrap my arms around her. Her arms slide around my waist and we just look into each other’s eyes. “I’ll try. Not sayin’ it’ll be easy.” Her smile broadens. She leans back against the counter as I pick up the plate and start scrubbin’ it again. “She’s smart, that one. Prolly a good idea that she stays with you for a bit. I’m not fun to be around when I’m dealin’ with shit.” I look over at her and stop washin’. “You tell her nothin’ was her fault.” She nods. “She didn’t do a damn thing wrong.” The corner of her mouth lifts into a smile.
Sadness takes hold of me. If it takes as long as I think it will to deal with myself, my damage, I might not be seein’ Prie for a long time. That hurts my heart. God, I’m a mess! I might need to bale some more hay.
Caprice
It’s been over a week since I’ve seen Trevor. I’ve stayed busy writing. Colby has been stopping by there, Shiloh too a few times. They brought me my birth certificate that Trevor gave them after it came in the mail. I took my driver’s test and passed. Now Shiloh lets me take her car into town to visit my doctor. I decided to start showing Dr. Stephenson, or Kathy as she wants me to call her, my writing by taking my laptop in with me. She really liked the idea. After she reads a little we talk about what she’s read. It feels a little easier that way. I’m not doing all the talking or dredging up the memories as I’ve already cried through them as I wrote. I’m not gonna say I’m one hundred percent better but I’m good enough that when I went into town yesterday I walked right into the grocery store and asked for a job. I’ll be damned if they didn’t give me one. I start later today as a cashier. Wow! I kinda sounded like Trevor just then. God, I miss him.
Shiloh explained to me when she saw him that next morning after my world blew up again, he told her to tell me I didn’t do anything wrong. Sure felt that way. Still does. She told me he needed to be the one to deal with things, that in his own time he needed to be the one to explain everything to me. It’s now been over a week and nothing yet. How much time will he need? I’ve lost everything, everyone who’s important to me and now I feel like I’ve lost him too. Would be nice to at least know why he doesn’t want me around him. Pride, I guess.
“I don’t want to keep your car all day. You may need it.” I’ve said this to Shiloh several times but she keeps insisting I take her car to go to work. I put my arm through my coat sleeve as she walks towards me.
She smiles, always making me feel better without even knowing it. She’s so beautiful. So kind. “Prie. Would you stop it?” She laughs and places her hand on her stomach over her sweater. “Sadie is picking me up and we’re going to go baby shopping. I thought I’d get a few things started for our little one. Then she’s going to her doctor appointment so we’re going to be gone until dinner time. You take my car and I don’t want to hea
r another word about it.” I can’t help but smile back. I feel so comfortable with her and Sadie. Colby and Memphis too. They’ve become like family in such a short time. I guess having gone through all the bad times and seeing how they’ve come through it, encourages me even more. Maybe it was a good idea to stay with her and Colby for a while, even though I hate the reason why I came here.
I shake my head from my thoughts, not wanting to dwell on it and take the keys from her outstretched hand, pulling my purse strap up on my shoulder. Colby had given me a little money yesterday when I went into town to see Kathy and told me to get whatever I needed. I owe them so much. I need to get my own car and pay them back, somehow. “Okay. Well, I guess I will see you later.” Nervousness sets in, my heart starting to beat a little faster. My first day. I’ve never had a job before. I hope I do okay.
“Do you need any cash?” she asks as she pulls my coat together. She’s always worrying about me. I love her.
“I have a little bit left from what Colby gave me yesterday. I’m only working for four hours today to train.” I smile.
I finally left and headed into town, parking around the back of the grocery store. The first few hours I was shown around the store, taking mental notes of where everything is. Then they put me with this really nice older woman at one of the cashier stations. She’s been more than helpful. She kind of reminds me of my mom. The last hour I’ve been actually ringing people up, everyone seems so nice.
“I’m gonna go take a quick break if you think you’ll be okay?” I turn to Shelly and give her a nod. She places her hand on her lower back. “These ole bones need to sit down for a few minutes.”
“No worries, Shelly. I’ll be fine.” I give her a smile.
“I’m here in case you have any questions,” yells Lorraine, behind me at the next register.
I turn and give her a smile then look back at Shelly. “Go ahead,” I laugh. “I’ll be fine.”
She smiles and waves her hand at me and I watch her walk around the corner and towards the break room. I’ve decided I love this job! It’s not as hard as I thought it would be except I need to learn where everything is better to answer questions but I know that’ll come in time. Pride swells in me. I’ve accomplished so much. Visiting Kathy is still hard but I find talking with her and writing helps me cope with what I went through. I know it’ll take some time though to deal with it all. Since getting my license, I have a little sense of freedom now but I find when I get behind the wheel I want to head right over to see Trevor, talk to him. Tell him I’m sorry that I upset him, even though I know he needs some time. It takes everything I have not to do that. He’s a proud man, I know. I don’t want to do anything to upset him again. I just hope that soon I’ll get to see him. I’m finding that I long to be in his strong arms, have him kiss the side of my head or forehead and call me ‘Darlin’ or ‘Sweetheart’. I think about him constantly. I hear his voice in my thoughts. His chuckle with his low deep voice – always giving me chills. His piercing blue eyes – sparkling at me. Those full lips of his puckering as he leans in – giving me goose bumps.
“Excuse me.”
A deep voice shakes me from my thoughts and I blink rapidly.
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper as I begin running his items over the scanner. I try concentrating on my task but after seeing him, it’s a little hard. Short well-groomed red hair, matching scruff on a very handsome face. Green eyes that bore a hole into mine. A black cowboy hat sits on his head, a long sleeved blue denim shirt fitting over some rather large muscled shoulders and arms. I can only imagine what’s underneath. Damn, he’s really nice looking. I drop a can of stewed tomatoes, and it goes rolling back towards him on the conveyor belt. “Oh! I’m so sorry!” My heart is beating so hard I can feel it pounding against my chest, my hands shake as I reach for it. We both reach for it at the same time, his hand covering mine when I grasp it. I look up, meeting his eyes.
“Your first day?” He gives me a beautiful smile, making that handsome face light up. I nod shyly as he releases his grip, and I bring the can back and over the scanner. “Let me help.” He begins picking up items and handing them to me. Thank God there’s no one behind him. “Name’s Nash Harris. I just got into town myself.”
I look up quickly then back down. “Oh?” Nash Harris. Why does that name sound familiar?
“Yep. Bought a place on Catur Road a few weeks ago. Had some business to take care of in Texas before I moved up here. Anxious to get settled.”
I nod, scanning the last of his things and getting his total. “That’ll be one hundred and twenty-two dollars and fifty eight cents, please.” I look into his eyes that are staring into mine, making me a little nervous yet excited at the same time.
“Here you go, Angel.” He smiles as he hands me his credit card. I tremble at the name. He has no idea just how much I’m not an angel. Our fingers touch and I shiver.
I run his card through and watch as he signs the pad. My eyes stay on him as he loads the sacks into his cart. He turns and tips his hat at me, giving me a wink, and walks out. I let out the breath I had no idea I was holding. I hear a throat clear and put on my smile as I turn around. The last hour goes by quickly. I feel exhilarated as I leave the store, saying goodbye to my new co-workers and decide to stop next door to see Sadie and Tina, maybe have a cup of my favorite mocha coffee and a pastry before heading home.
It’s a little after six o’clock when I walk into the shop. Only a few people here, most probably at home eating dinner. I walk up to the counter, Tina’s bent over with her back to me, doing something. “Hi, Tina,” I speak out, not too loud but more than the whisper I normally do. Her head turns, her eyes finding mine, and she smiles.
“Well, I’ll be. Hi, Prie.” She stands and walks over to the counter. “How are you? I’ve missed seeing you.” She wipes off her hands on a dish towel then picks up a cup. “Your normal?”
I nod eagerly, the smell of coffee and pastries filling my senses. “Yes, please. It’s good to see you too. I’ve been good.” I keep smiling as she starts making my coffee, anxious for the first taste. She concentrates on making it then when it’s finished she sets it down in front of me. She turns to go get my pastry when her brows raise, her eyes widen, and her mouth forms an ‘O’. I start to turn my head when I hear his voice.
“Fancy meetin’ you here, Angel.”
I don’t have to see him to know it’s the man from the grocery store.
That voice.
Angel.
“Oh. Hi,” I squeak. Real smooth, Prie.
“Would it be too forward of me to ask to sit with you while we drink our coffee’s?” He tips his hat at me and smiles. Should I? Would it be? Nervousness sets in but I push it back. He’s just a guy, Prie. Calm down.
“I think that would be lovely,” I respond, holding my head held high, trying to look like I have the confidence I lack.
His brows raise in surprise. I’m sure he wasn’t expecting me to say yes. “That would be great!” He looks over me at Tina, who’s still standing there with a dreamy look on her face. “Coffee. Black. And whatever it is she’s having to eat.” She nods slowly and I’m not sure she really heard a word he said. He looks back at me. “I’ll go get us a table.” His smile is breathtaking. His movements smooth, sure.
I look back at Tina just as she sighs. “Who in the hell is that hot honey?” I shrug my shoulders in reply. “Mmmm, he is fine,” she says watching him walk to a table and sit down. She quickly looks at me. “Oh, my God! I’m sorry, Prie. You and he are….” I shake my head, almost making myself dizzy.
“Oh! No! I mean….” I bite the inside of my cheek. “I just met him at the grocery store a little bit ago. Well, I didn’t even really meet him. I just checked him out.” My eyes widen. “I mean…. I checked out his groceries. Oh, my! I….”
She laughs but I know she’s not
laughing at me. “Ha! I know what you mean. No worries.” She looks back over at him and sighs again. “Damn. All the good ones are taken or just not interested.”
“What? No.” She looks back my way. “I’m not interested in that way. Heaven knows I don’t need that in my life right now. I’m just being friendly, making friends. That’s all.”
She cocks her hip. “Mhmm. Must be nice to have two guys after you.” Now it’s my turn to be surprised. “Oh, come on! This guy looks at you like he wants to know you better and Trevor…. Well, you’d have to be blind not to notice how he looks at you.” My heart speeds up at the mention of his name.
“You’ve seen him lately?” God, I wish I have. I miss him.
She walks over to the food counter and opens the sliding door, grabbing a plate. “Oh, yeah. He comes in just about every day. Acts like he’s looking for something or someone.” She brings two plates with my favorite pastry on each one and holds them out in front of her. “Hey. I know he’s more than smitten with you but there’s no harm in looking.” She winks and I let out a deep breath. “You go on over and I’ll bring these to you all.” I nod slowly and pick up my coffee, turning with hesitation. I walk over and sit down across from him, setting my coffee down on the table in front of me.
“There you are. I was beginning to think you were gonna stand me up,” he chuckles, his eyes lighting up. He is rather good looking, in a rugged man sort of way. God does he have muscles. I swallow hard. “I don’t think I caught your name at the store, Angel.”
“Well, I didn’t actually give it,” I say softly.
