View With Your Heart: a small town romance (Heart Collection Book 5)

by L. B. Dunbar

  “I was going to tell you.”

  “When?” I yell, every part of me vibrating with confusion.

  “After the wedding,” she says, her head lowering, and she swipes hair over an ear. I hate how much I love that habit. I hate how much I want to touch her. Right now, I hate her.

  “It’s after the wedding,” I sarcastically clarify. Then I jump to the biggest question. “Is he mine?” Again, my voice struggles. Britton looks up and off at the orchard. Her eyes close a second before she turns to face me. Looking me directly in the eyes, she answers.

  “Yes.”

  What the fuck? I swipe a hand into my hair and hold it at the top of my head, turning away from her and then quickly spinning around.

  “How could you keep this from me?” I have a million more questions, but my thoughts are crashing so fast I can’t think straight.

  “I didn’t do it on purpose. We were together, and then you were gone.”

  I see red as this has already been explained.

  “I didn’t have a phone number for you or know how to get ahold of you. It’s not like I could just call a general number for the team and be connected with you.”

  I huff. “What about an internet search? Or . . . my parents?” Jesus, my parents live right here in town. Britton looks away from me, and something in the motion gives me pause.

  “Do my parents know?” Again, I choke on the words.

  “I never told them outright,” Britton says as if that’s an answer.

  “What does that mean?”

  “It means, I was pretty certain I’d recognize my own grandchild.” I spin to find my mother behind me, and Dad next to her.

  “Mum, this is—” I don’t even know what this is. A private matter? A shitshow? The ultimate betrayal? I spin back to Britton. “You married another man.”

  “That’s a whole other story.”

  “Well, it’s fucking story time, so tell me,” I demand.

  “Gavin,” Mum softly says behind me, and I spin back to her, pointing a finger in her direction.

  “No. No, I can’t believe this, right now.”

  “You watch your tone, son,” Dad says.

  “Son,” I huff. I have a son! I spin back to Britton, giving myself whiplash. “Speak.”

  “I came up here when I found out I was pregnant. I had to quit dancing, and I had nowhere else to go. Leo and Gertie were the only family I had. I’d met Patrick before you and I were together, but we were only friends. When I left the dance company, he sought me out. I didn’t feel right being with him. Gee wasn’t his, but I was alone, Gavin. Gertie was ill, and I couldn’t raise a baby here when they had so many other issues. I returned to Grand Rapids after Gee was born, after Gertie passed away, and married Patrick. I didn’t want to be alone.” She swipes at a tear.

  “But now you’re here,” I state the obvious.

  “When Patrick was diagnosed, we didn’t know how long he’d have, but we knew the inevitable. It wasn’t going to be long. I hadn’t worked since Gee’s birth because Patrick was financially sound. He wanted to know my secondary dream after dancing, like I told you. I loved it up here, and I’d always wanted to own my own business. Patrick helped me do the research, secure a loan, and put everything in place so when the time came, I could move here.”

  She pauses to take a deep breath, swiping at more tears.

  “He always hoped you’d find your way back to me and make your claim as Gee’s father.”

  “How fucking noble of him,” I snark. I can’t think about some other guy raising my child right now.

  “That’s not necessary,” Dad adds, and I shift so I can view all of them at once.

  “Necessary? Perhaps it might have been necessary for someone to tell me I have a fucking kid.” My voice rises with each word.

  Mum blinks, looking from Dad to me. “I couldn’t be certain, but he looks so much like you did at his age. How do you ask someone a question like that, though?” Mum glances at Britton, concern in her eyes.

  “You ask,” I yell, slipping both hands into my hair again.

  “How was I to know, though, lovie? You haven’t been back here since you were eighteen. He’s only twelve.”

  My mouth opens and then closes, accepting I’d lied to my parents. They had no idea I was back here for a weekend all those years ago. They had no idea there’d been another time with Britton.

  “How could this happen?” Dad wonders, realizing eighteen and twelve don’t equal thirty-eight. I ignore him, not ready for my own confession.

  “I can’t think right now,” I say, so angry, so hurt. My eyes leap back to Britton, staring at a woman I once loved. A woman I recently reconnected with and didn’t want to lose again from my life. I thought I was falling in love with her again. Now, we’ll be joined together forever in some manner, but I don’t know this woman.

  “You lied to me,” I blurt.

  “I did.” At least, she has the decency to admit it. “I didn’t think I’d ever see you again. Even though Gee and I are here, you never came home.”

  “Did you do this on purpose? Were you trying to insert yourself into my family? Into my home? Were you hoping they’d accept you without me?”

  “This isn’t your home, Gavin. You say it all the time. And your family had no idea who Gee is. I thought your mother might suspect as she comes into the tea shop often enough and sees Gee at all the baseball games and school functions, but she never asked, and I didn’t know how to tell her.” Britton looks at Mum, who returns Britton’s gaze with . . . compassion.

  Is she fucking kidding me? This woman lied to them. She withheld the truth from me.

  I have a son!

  “He’s mine,” I growl, and Britton’s eyes widen. “Does he know?”

  Stepping up to me, she puts out her hands. “Gavin, please don’t do anything rash.” Essentially, she’s answered my question, but I don’t want to make any more assumptions.

  “He’s my son. I haven’t known him for his entire life. I think I’m allowed to be a little irrational at the moment, so I’ll ask again. Does he know?” I grit through my teeth, and Britton shakes her head.

  “Please, Gavin. He’s all I have.” More tears fill her eyes and silently spill down her cheeks. I can’t look at her. I don’t want to feel sorry for her. Turning away, I reply to the emptiness around us.

  “I don’t know what I’m going to do.” I step between Britton and my parents, but my dad catches my upper arm. I glare down at his grip and then look up at him.

  “Where are you going?”

  “I need to think.”

  “You have responsibilities now.”

  “Are you kidding me?” I slough off his grasp. I would have always been responsible if I’d only known the truth. After a final glance at Britton, I look away from her and continue across the gravel lot for my car. I need to get out of here.

  Take 22

  Scene: A Memory in the Barn

  [Britton]

  Being inside the barn brought on a wave of memories. I was only sixteen when Gavin brought me here one night. We’d been hot and heavy since the moment of our first kiss at Duke’s party and spent every minute outside Gavin’s work schedule together. We’d covered every base in my baseball training minus crossing home plate, but the night Gavin brought me to the old red barn was the night I gave my virginity to him.

  “Are you sure about this, baby?” We were already naked on top of an old sleeping bag, open and spread on the floor in the heat of a summer evening.

  “You’re giving me something special,” Gavin said, swiping back my hair, sweaty at the edges as we’d been kissing, touching, and removing clothing. Gavin was already half over me, his leg between my thighs. His mouth had already prepared me, bringing me to a release like only he had ever done. He’d been my first in that manner.

  “I’m sure,” I replied, my voice quiet with hesitation.

  “I love you,” he said to me, and I felt the same. I loved him with my teena
ge heart. I nodded to answer him, but he shifted between my thighs.

  “I’ll go slow,” he promised, spreading my legs even wider.

  “Just do it fast.” I’d been told it would hurt. I wasn’t in a rush to lose my virginity like some of my friends back home, but I also wasn’t saving it for marriage. I just knew I’d do it when I met a boy I trusted with my body and my heart. I trusted Gavin.

  He was already covered with a condom before giving me one last chance to back out. He stilled at my entrance. “Kiss me,” he demanded, and I did, focusing on our mouths fused together as he thrust forward. Instantly, I broke from his mouth as I cried out at the sharp intrusion.

  “Is that it?” My voice strained with the pain.

  “Only about halfway,” Gavin said, kissing away a tear leaking down my cheek. “A little more.” He rocked forward, filling me, and stilled again. “Just breathe, baby.”

  I did as he said, taking short, quick breaths as he stroked over my face. He kissed my cheeks, my nose, and my eyelids.

  “Gotta move, baby. You feel too good.” Gavin had had sex before. He knew what he was doing. I didn’t want to be one of his other girls. I wanted this to be special for him, too, so I nodded to signal he could do what he needed to do. Pulling back, he almost left my body before rushing forward again. Repeating the motion, taking his time to fill me, I slowly stretched and relaxed under his patience.

  “Gonna be quick.” His voice strained as he slipped into me over and over. It started to feel better, and I followed his lead, rocking with him as we moved as one. He broke first, collapsing over me and breathing heavily into my neck. He pressed kisses up my sweating skin, under my ear, and along my jaw.

  “I promise I’ll make it up to you,” he whispered at my mouth before kissing me sweet and tender.

  “Oh? We’ll be doing this again?” I teased after he pulled back.

  “Definitely.” He smiled down at me. “I’ll never have enough of you.”

  “I love you, Gavin.” I said it to remind him. I said it to remind me. I loved him for what he’d given me that summer. “I’ll always love you.”

  I always have loved him, but I knew this moment would come between us. It wouldn’t be the end of a summer or the end of a weekend that would burn all the memories of us, but this secret that’s been eating at me for all these years.

  I’m left standing in the gravel drive on a warm August night with Gavin’s parents, and I don’t know what to say.

  “I’m so sorry,” I whisper, unable to meet their eyes.

  “I don’t understand,” his mother addresses me with her soft accent.

  “What’s to understand? He got her pregnant,” Gavin’s dad sharply snaps.

  “Jack,” Sarah Scott warns her husband. “Tell us everything, lovie.” The endearment almost breaks me. I don’t want to expose Gavin, but it hardly seems to matter.

  “Thirteen years ago, Gavin came to Traverse City with a bunch of single team members. We ran into each other when I was visiting my uncle Leo. We spent the weekend together.” I don’t think I need to clarify the fine details. “We never exchanged phone numbers.”

  “You’re Leo and Gertie’s niece.” Gavin’s mother speaks fondly as she remembers them.

  “Yes.”

  When Sarah first came into the tea shop, we quickly established how I’d known her son all those years ago and who I was related to in the community. She was sorry for my loss. I was sorry for hers. Gavin hadn’t been home in more than a decade. As Gertie died from breast cancer, I had additional sympathies for Sarah.

  “I never wanted to lie to you, but I didn’t know how to tell you the truth. And I always thought Gavin should know first.”

  Sarah weakly smiles. While she might not understand, she isn’t reacting like Gavin or his father.

  “I’d like to meet him,” she says. She has met him, but I understand what she means. She wants to officially meet her grandchild.

  “I think I should speak to Gavin.” If he’ll ever talk to me again.

  “At this point, we need to forget Gavin’s feelings. You have our grandson, and Sarah would like to meet him.” Jack Scott turns to his wife, rubbing a hand up her back. The way he looks at her breaks my heart. It’s as if he’d give her anything she wants.

  “Gee doesn’t know.” If I thought telling Gavin would be difficult, I don’t know how to tell my son that the man he believed was his father wasn’t. Patrick was his dad, for all intents and purposes. He’d been there from before Gee could remember, but I’d meant what I said. When Patrick was sick, he knew he would not see Gee into manhood. He wanted me to reach out eventually and give Gavin the chance he deserved to be a father.

  I didn’t know how that would work out, and at the time, my only concern was taking care of Patrick. He’d been a good dad himself. He’d been a good husband. I didn’t deserve all he’d done for us.

  “Please give me time to tell him, but I promise it will be soon.”

  Jack Scott meets my eyes. “Sooner would be better.” His message is clear as his eyes shift to his wife. She might not have much longer, and I knew all about that kind of ticking time bomb.

  “Gavin leaves tomorrow,” I state, thinking maybe Gavin and I should speak to Gee together.

  “As I said, I think Gavin is irrelevant right now,” Jack states, and Sarah turns to look at her husband. “We’ll figure it out instead.”

  + + +

  I don’t sleep that night, tossing and turning with questions about how I’d tell my son the truth. I’m also concerned Gavin will try to take Gee from me. In my heart, I know it’s not a real possibility. He can’t just take away my child. He deserves to meet his son, though. He deserves to get to know him and spend time with him, but I don’t know what that will look like.

  Finally, I get out of bed despite the early hours of the morning and head to the kitchen. I don’t even know if I can stomach tea, but I need to keep my hands busy. I stand before the kitchen sink, tapping my fingers against the porcelain, waiting for the water to heat on the stove.

  “Aunt Britton.”

  “Jesus.” I twist to see Theo standing bare-chested in sleep pants. His hair is rumpled, and he looks sleepy. He can be a night owl. “You scared me. What are you doing awake?”

  “I thought you should know he’s on the porch.”

  “Who?” I question.

  “Gavin. He was there when I got home last night. He didn’t want me to wake you, but he’s still there.”

  “What?” I rush to the front window, peering out the glass to find Gavin sitting on the low porch, his knees bent, his feet on the only step. “He’s been here all night?”

  I turn back to Theo.

  “He said he didn’t know where else to go. This was his family.”

  “Was he drunk?”

  Theo shrugs. “Might have been.”

  “What did you say to him?”

  “I told him if this was his family, he was one lucky man, and he shouldn’t fuck it up.”

  “Theo,” I hiss.

  “It’s true. You and Gee are the best, and he’d be damn lucky to belong to you two. He’s Gee’s dad, isn’t he?”

  I step back from the window and turn to my cousin’s son. “How did you know?” I whisper, admitting the truth as I’m too tired of holding in the secret.

  “It’s not rocket science. Plus, they look like each other, and Gee has his name.” Theo rubs over his head, making his hair stand up. “Look, you know my dad and I have struggled. If he wants a chance to be Gee’s dad and he promises to be in his life, then I think you should let him. For Gee.”

  “Do you think Gee knows?”

  “Gee has questions. He has the same name as the man—Gavin with a middle name of Scott. It’s a little obvious but maybe not to him. He seems to think it’s a strange coincidence. He’s not a baby, though, Aunt Britton, and it sucks to be a kid and wonder about the truth of things.”

  Theo had been used by his mother against his father, and i
t gave them a tumultuous father-son relationship until Duke got custody of Theo when he was in his early teens.

  “I don’t know how to tell him,” I admit to my seventeen-year-old nephew.

  “You just tell him the truth. Be honest.” In all his youthful wisdom, he’s correct.

  As the tea kettle whistles, I turn back to the kitchen and make two mugs of tea. Then I dress in warmer clothing and head to my front porch.

  + + +

  Quietly, I sit next to Gavin, holding out the mug of tea for him. His head pops up to look at me, and he takes the tea from me. I keep my eyes on the dawn breaking over the lake. We remain silent for several minutes, uncertain where to start, uncertain what to say to one another.

  “I messed up, Gavin, and I’m sorry.”

  He huffs beside me, and I close my eyes. I’m not ready for us to only fight, as I’m certain that’s all we’ll do. My parents fought my entire life until they divorced that fateful summer. Even after that, they couldn’t have a civil conversation, and I counted down the minutes until I was eighteen and could make my own decisions about them. I don’t want to be like that with Gavin, but he’s angry and rightfully so.

  “I wish you had called,” he whispers.

  “Why?” I ask. It’s an honest enough question.

  “Because I was so fucked up then, and I just fell in line with Zoey.”

  I sigh. “You would have missed out on a dream, though. And she eventually led you to filmmaking.”

  “I missed out on my son,” Gavin says tersely. “Maybe I would have pulled my shit together, tried harder to get back in the game like my dad said.”

  “Did you really want to go back to the game?” He’s told me over and over again how he was done with the sport on that level. Gavin stares off at the lake while I turn and take in his profile. He’s such an incredibly good-looking man. His sharp nose. His angled cheekbones. His scruff-covered jaw.

  “I might have,” he whispers.

  “Or you might have, what? Come back here and married me? You would have hated that. You wanted to get out of this town. You were on the rise.”