My Sexiest Mistake

by Kristin Hardy

  “I thought that was sufficient.” Pride made her keep her voice calm and impersonal even as loss tore at her. “I can e-mail you the dates for the classes so you can set up the tapings.” She paused for just a beat. “I’d take it as a personal favor if you would leave the taping to Pete and me. We have the drill down, now. You don’t need to be there.”

  He bit back a protest. What was wrong with him? She was right, there was no need for him to waste his time. So why did it bother him? And why the hell did he miss her so much? Not her warm body next to his at night, though he missed that too. More the soothing companionship of the evenings, her flashing smile, her throaty laugh. When he’d made the decision to get out of the relationship, he hadn’t realized how much doing without her would hit him.

  That didn’t make his decision wrong, but neither did it make it easy.

  “No, I guess you’re right.” It took work to keep his voice expressionless. “You guys will do fine on your own.”

  “Good,” she said, though the thought gave her no satisfaction.

  “How was the rest of your weekend?” He asked in an attempt to make conversation.

  “What do you think?” she asked bleakly. Just for a moment the calm slipped to the ocean of anguish below. “Is this conversation done, Cade? Because I have things to do and not a lot of time. Let me know if there’s anything critical you need.”

  “Okay. And Ryan?”

  “Yes?” Her pulse jumped unsteadily, she couldn’t help it.

  He hesitated for a moment, just needing to have her on the line a bit longer. “Good luck.”

  The receiver clicked in his ear as she hung up. He wanted to catch her and bring her back, even as he recognized the foolishness of the emotion. Okay, so the new situation took some getting used to. It was still the right thing. It was still the best thing.

  But if he was honest with himself, the best thing still felt like hell.

  Cade hung up the phone as Patrick came into his office and flopped down into a chair. “What’s up, buddy? You look like someone stole your favorite GI Joe.”

  Cade shot him a scathing glance and turned back to his computer.

  Patrick gave him a sharp look in return. “Hey, you really do look like something’s going on. What’s up?”

  He really didn’t want to have this conversation, Cade thought. He really didn’t want to. “I just talked with Barry Markham. Their content manager gave notice today.”

  “Their content manager?” Patrick fell silent as the meaning sank home. “You mean Ryan Donnelly,” he said flatly. “As in the woman you’re involved with.”

  “Was.”

  “What?”

  “Was involved with.”

  “Gee, isn’t that a coincidence,” Patrick said, sarcasm rich in his voice. “You break things off with her and she gives notice. Any chance it had something to do with you?”

  Cade looked at him mutinously.

  “Forget it. You don’t have to answer that. It’s obvious. Any chance you want to tell me why?”

  “Things were getting too serious. It was the best thing.”

  “Getting too…” Patrick stared at him. “Sure. You have an affair with a team member, you break things off, she quits. Sounds like the best thing to me.”

  “I really don’t want to get into this.”

  Patrick swore, then rose swiftly to shut the office door. “I can’t believe you’re so goddamned blind.”

  “Patrick, I told you our personal involvement wouldn’t affect the project and it won’t.” Cade kept his voice calm. “We’ve got nearly all of her courses on tape, and the rest are scheduled for taping before she leaves. We’ve got detailed course notes on everything. It’s not going to affect us.”

  “I don’t give a damn about the courses,” Patrick burst out. “I’m talking about you.”

  “Me?” Cade looked at him blankly. “What does that have to do with it?”

  “It’s got everything to do with it! She was a keeper and you never even saw it.” Patrick slapped at the corner of the visitor’s chair, sending it spinning while he stalked to the windows. “You broke things off because you were getting too close? That’s a laugh. You broke things off because you didn’t have the balls to stick with it.”

  Cade’s voice rose. “It’s none of your goddamn business.” Fury surged through him at being lambasted by the usually sedate Patrick. He was not in the mood to take it, not even close.

  Patrick rounded on him. “Of course it’s my business.”

  “Oh yeah? Why’s that? Because you’re freaked about the launch and you feel like yelling at someone?”

  “Because I’m your friend, asshole!”

  Cade opened his mouth to speak and shut it. All the vitriolic words he’d planned to say deserted him.

  Patrick shook his head. “You were happy with her, happy deep down in a way you never were with Alyssa. If you’d said you were fighting or if it was a Fatal Attraction kind of thing that would be one thing. But breaking up because it was too good? Because it was getting too close? I never realized you were such a gutless wonder.”

  “My father—”

  “Just because your father can’t keep a relationship going doesn’t mean you can’t. Give yourself a little credit.”

  Cade fought off the guilt, the reproach. “Look, I talked with her about it this weekend and we agreed that it was for the best.”

  “And she just happens to quit today?”

  “She was planning to quit right along. The timing was just a coincidence.”

  Patrick snorted in disgust. “Yeah, right.”

  “Yes, right,” Cade repeated, refusing to back down. “She’s been a published writer for years but no one’s known about it. She was waiting on a big contract that would let her write full-time. It must have just come through.”

  The look Patrick gave him was sly and knowing. “For not wanting to be involved, you sure sound proud of her.”

  The observation cut deep. “Give me a break, will you?”

  “No, I won’t.” His friend’s voice vibrated with frustration. “Why are you so afraid to go after this?”

  “Come on, Patrick. You know my history. You know my family’s history. I’m not made for this happily-ever-after stuff.” He tried to keep regret out of his voice.

  “You are so wrong,” Patrick said vehemently. “You’re made for it more than anyone I know.”

  “Patrick, enough already, okay?” Cade raised his hands up in front of him. “We’ve got a launch in exactly a week and a half. We don’t have time to waste on my personal life right now.”

  Unwilling to let it die, Patrick stared at him. “Just ask yourself what you’re really doing here. Will you at least do that?”

  Cade took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Yes, okay? Now let’s get to work.”

  “ALL RIGHT, LET’S GO through the final checklist.” A week later, Patrick sat at the head of the conference table, his disheveled hair and blue jaw attesting to the all-nighter he’d pulled. The all-nighter all of them had pulled, coming into the launch day.

  Cade put a hand to his face, rubbing eyes that felt gritty from lack of sleep. The months of work were coming to fruition now. In minutes, they would be going live.Patrick glanced at the list in his hand. “Okay, everybody’s given the go-ahead.” He took a deep breath and locked eyes with Cade. “Ravi, run the build.”

  There was a strained silence in the room as the servers recompiled the Web site, making what was previously the password-protected beta test version available to the outside world. Minutes ticked by. None of them could help by being in the room watching the computer screen, but none of them could bear to leave.

  “It’s done,” Ravi announced, looking to Patrick for orders.

  “Lise, download the first module.”

  The tomboyish blonde expertly tapped in a URL and made a few clicks on the screen. The cursor in the download bar flowed from side to side as the computer pulled in the data. Finally, it fin
ished, and the screen sat, with the white start button shining in the center.

  Patrick cleared his throat. “Okay, everybody, here’s where the rubber meets the road. Lise, you want to do the honors?”

  She clicked the button, and Ryan appeared on the screen in her magenta suit, looking energetic, approachable and absolutely lovely. Cade’s heart twisted, even as a cheer went up around the room, drowning out the sound of her voice.

  “Time to celebrate, everyone,” shouted Patrick. “There’s champagne in the break room. Come and get it.” There was a mass exodus until just Cade sat staring at the monitor, finally able to hear the tones of Ryan’s voice.

  “Hey, you coming, man?” Ravi stood at the door, his eyebrows raised.

  Cade shook his head. “Go ahead. I’ll stay here and keep an eye on things.”

  He wished he could tell Ryan how perfectly it had all worked. How good it was to see her face there. The thought hit him without warning, and he realized the truth of it. Of all the people he knew, she was the one he most wanted to share this success with. She was the one he most wanted to share everything with, the one who made his life complete. Suddenly, abruptly, his whole world shifted on its axis and everything made sense.

  Love was the correct term for it. There was no doubt about it, he was in love.

  “Hey, bud, you going to stay in here all day or are you going to have a drink with us?” Patrick stood at the door.

  “I’ve got a drink,” Cade said, raising the bottle of water he’d opened hours earlier. He didn’t take his eyes off of Ryan.

  “She’s something, isn’t she?” Patrick crossed to look over his shoulder at the screen. “You were right. She’s got the whole thing down.” He stared at Cade. “She’s got you, too, doesn’t she? You might as well admit it, buddy. You know it’s true.”

  Cade turned to him, shaking his head. “I already figured that one out. The question is, what do I do now? The last time I tried to get ahold of her, she wouldn’t take my call.”

  “Jeez, you are turning into a wuss in your old age. I’ve never once seen you miss getting something once you’ve set out to do it.”

  “Except once.” Cade looked at him soberly.

  Patrick waved his hand dismissively. “Forget about Alyssa. You and Ryan are made to be together. You fit.” He gave a crooked smile. “Aren’t you supposed to be the big negotiator in this group?”

  A slow grin spread over Cade’s face. “Yeah, I suppose.” A crash sounded down in the breakroom. “I think you should go supervise the kids in there before they lose our security deposit for us.”

  “What, you’re not going to help?”

  “I wasn’t the one who had the big idea of bringing in champagne. I’d say it’s your job, partner.” Cade reached for the phone. “Besides, I’ve got other things to take care of.”

  “HELENE FROST,” THE VOICE stated on the phone.

  “Helene, it’s Cade Douglas.”“Of all the dirty, low-down, rotten, creepy, lowlife things to do.” Without pausing for breath, she slipped into a stream of profanity-laced invective that scorched his eardrums.

  “All right already, Helene. I probably deserve everything you can say to me, but right now I don’t have time.”

  “Time? Your time means nothing to me, buddy boy, and I intend to do whatever I can to be sure that—”

  “Helene!”

  The phone line was silent.

  “Thank you,” Cade said. “Now just hear me out. Yes, I screwed up. I know it, you know it, we all know it. We can make an appointment for you to yell at me next week sometime, but right now I need your help.”

  Her breath hissed in. “If you think I’m going to lift a finger to he—”

  “Yes, I do,” he cut her off. “Because it concerns Ryan.”

  “Don’t you even go near her,” Helene said venomously.

  Cade couldn’t quite suppress a grin. “Oh, I intend to do a whole lot more than just go near her—and you’re going to help me.”

  “The hell I am.”

  “Yes you are, because you know we’re right together.”

  There was a short silence, then he could hear her lighting up. “All right, start talking, but do it quick. And I’m making no promises.”

  Cade smiled. “At the risk of stating the obvious, I screwed up.”

  “Screwed up? You crashed and burned.”

  “Okay, I blew it big time. I didn’t know what I was doing. But I do now.”

  “Oh, really.”

  “Look, I love Ryan.” He was amazed at how easy and right it felt to say it. “I want to be with her for life.”

  A clapping sound came through the receiver. “Whoopee, let’s hear it for Einstein. I could have told you that back in Manhattan.”

  “Yeah, well, some of us are slow learners.”

  “And I suppose you’ve called her to tell her you’ve seen the light?”

  He winced a little. “I’ve tried. She won’t talk to me.”

  Helene snorted. “I wouldn’t either.”

  “Which is why I need your help.”

  “Before I do anything, I want to know one thing first.” Her voice became intense. “Are you sure you’re in love with our girl? Because hurting her once is bad. Hurting her a second time is unforgivable. Make no doubt about it, if you do that I will cut off your family jewels and use them for a key chain. Are you sure about this?”

  “I’m more sure of this than of anything in my life.”

  Her voice brightened. “All right. Tell me what you want me to do. As long as it’s good for Ryan, I’ll do it. And talk fast.”

  RYAN DROVE DOWN Massachusetts Avenue looking for her turn, and sighed. The last thing she felt like doing was getting tarted up to meet a publicist who was going to poke her and prod her and trot her out for a populace who couldn’t care less. Why couldn’t her books succeed on their own merit? Why did she have to brand herself and “develop a publicity plan” and a dozen other things she couldn’t care less about right now?

  She winced as she pulled up in front of the Copley Plaza Hotel. Of all the places she didn’t want to revisit, it was this one, but a meeting was a meeting. Taking a deep breath, she got out of her car and handed the key to the valet. Wishing that Helene hadn’t practically ordered her to show up dressed to the nines, she smoothed her dress down and picked her way across the pavement in her heels. Having a chance to see Helene, who was in town for the meeting, was a bonus, but given the way she felt right now, it was a small one at best. It might have been two weeks since Cade had broken things off with her, but that didn’t mean the situation was any easier.The days had crawled by, leaden and gray. She’d thrown herself feverishly into work, developing lesson plans from concepts she’d been carrying around in her head. At each taping, she waited, heart in her throat, for Cade to arrive. In some ways, she’d been relieved that he hadn’t shown up, but part of her longed just to see him again. The void he’d left in her life was unimaginably vast.

  She stepped into the rotating doors of the hotel, watching her reflection in the glass panes as she pushed the door and stepped out onto the marble tiles of the lobby. And here she was again, back at the Copley Hotel where it had all started. Where her life had changed forever. She got on the escalator and watched the ground floor fall away.

  If she had it to do over, would she wipe it all out, knowing she would erase the heartache she felt and go back to her quiet, calm existence? Knowing that she would wipe away all the moments she’d had with Cade, the passion, the frenzy, the uncertainty, the simple joys?

  She shook her head to push the thought away. No, she wouldn’t lose a moment of it, not even if it meant wiping away the unrelieved misery that she’d lived through for the past two weeks. It had been the love of a lifetime, the love she’d always imagined. Maybe her only love, but the truth, nevertheless.

  She stepped off the escalator behind a giant potted fern and took a deep breath before circling around it. Somehow, it all looked the same, as though she ha
d gone back in time. The same piano player was murdering Harry Nilsson. Another collection of conventioneers was drinking in a corner, laughing raucously. A pair of what looked like honeymooners were entwined with each other in a loving embrace that sent a bitter pang through her heart. She didn’t see Helene anywhere, though. Ryan gave a sigh and started to turn away toward the bank of house phones.

  And then she saw him, sitting on a couch, an empty glass at his elbow. He raised a hand to beckon her.

  Cade…

  Her knees turned to water.

  Walk, dammit, she commanded herself. She was not going to make a fool out of herself by turning into a basket case. She’d go over and say a cordial hello, show him that she could play the game also, that she could act like it had meant nothing to her. Ryan swallowed and crossed the bar toward him. It would all be so much easier if her heart weren’t breaking.

  He watched her approach and felt emotion surge through him. How could he have been so stupid as to miss all she was to him? How could he have thought for a moment that what he felt was just infatuation? It was so much bigger, so much more than that. He prayed that he hadn’t already lost her.

  He was still stunningly good-looking, Ryan thought, even when he was sitting in the bar where they’d met, probably looking to pick up a woman just like he’d picked her up. She tried for a smile that failed miserably. “Hello.” She settled for the fact that her voice hardly shook.

  “Small world.”

  “Yes, well, I’m meeting someone, who I expect will be showing up any minute.”

  “Not here yet, though?” He looked at her inquiringly, then nodded. “In that case, why don’t you let me buy you a drink? Maybe a martini? I seem to recall you like them.”