by Izzy Shows
I used to think that as well--not the mated bond part, but when I had first learned what Nina was, I had suspected that she had infiltrated my mind and controlled my actions. No longer, though. Nina had won me over somewhat, and I didn't think she would do something like that. And I had to admit that no matter what had happened with her, not even when she was in the dungeon again, my thoughts and feelings hadn't abated even a little.
No, it didn't make sense that she'd had any kind of control over me, and nothing I'd done was suspect.
If only the Council would give all of this up.
But they wouldn't. I would have to figure something out, because I hadn't changed my mind about mating. I knew they wouldn't find whoever belonged to me out there, and I had no interest in a fake match.
They'll force it on you if you don't choose someone. You know that. They’ve all but threatened it already.
A shiver ran down my spine at the thought. I didn't want to think they were capable of such a thing, capable of such blasphemy, but the evidence wasn't in their favor. They were desperate for an heir, and it seemed they would do anything possible to secure one.
A part of me even wished that I could find my mate, that she would appear at one of these balls and everything would be made so much easier. If I could do what they wanted, then everything would be all right--but in my heart, I knew it wasn't going to happen like that.
Doing my best to put these thoughts out of my mind, I concentrated on the titles in front of me, though none of them so much as hinted at what I wanted. It didn't entirely surprise me--why would we have something like that in our library? It wasn't something that anyone would think to research, I was certain, but I held out a bit of hope that I would stumble upon it.
"It's true! I saw it myself!" A voice distracted me--Tomas'. I'd recognize his voice anywhere at this point; I loathed the man that much. I knew I shouldn't eavesdrop, but I couldn't stop myself from drifting closer to the source of the voice, curious about what he had to say.
"I have a hard time believing anyone would be that stupid."
"I don't. You know how those humans are--they're not intelligent in the slightest, barely capable of forming a coherent thought."
"Still, to flirt with the King's best friend like that? She'd have to have a death wish. No thrall would be that stupid."
What? Are they saying what I think they're saying?
"I'm telling you, I saw her, the King's thrall, flirting with Sir Alex. His best friend. How suspicious is that?"
An all-consuming rage began to build inside of me, though I did my best to push it down.
Alex wouldn't do that. It's Tomas talking, and he doesn't know anything. He'd say anything just to have someone listen to him.
But it was hard to listen to logic when the thought of someone else touching Nina was enough to make me see red, to want to tear my opponent in two.
Mine! She’s mine! No one can have her! Mine!
Without stopping to think about it any further, I whirled and left the library in a flash, barely seeing where I was going or who was in my way. They all moved out of my way, though--no doubt they could see my anger clear as day on my face, and no one would want to get between me and my prey.
Destroy the threat.
It was all I could think--aside from the constant litany that she was mine--and I was powerless to push it away. Before I knew it, I was storming into Alex's chambers.
He lurched to his feet. He’d been reading a book on the couch.
"Gray, what a pleasant--good lord, man, what's wrong with you?"
With a snarl, I grabbed him and pressed him against the wall, my forearm at his throat and my fangs fully exposed.
"You touched her," I snarled, though the words were barely comprehensible around the growl that was building in my throat.
"What...are you...on about?" he gasped, straining for air.
"Nina!"
"What...the...no...didn't do that...calm down!"
But I didn't want to calm down. I wanted to destroy him for daring to touch what was mine, what was most precious to me, for trying to take her away from me.
He could. He could do it--take her away. He's kind to her and you aren't. Of course she would want to be with him. Of course she'd prefer him to you. We must destroy him to protect what is ours.
I tightened my hold on him, intent on choking the life from him.
With a grunt, he jerked forward and slammed his head into mine. I stumbled back, seeing stars for a moment, and it allowed my head to clear somewhat.
"Get hold of yourself, Gray," he panted, a hand to his throat. "I would never do something like that. I couldn't."
I glared at him, fangs still bared, though I held myself in check for a moment, trying to consider my words.
"I heard them talking about it. They saw you with her."
"Gray, please, listen to me. I would never touch Nina. I would never do anything with her. It’s just not possible."
"And why not?" I snapped. "What would stop you?"
"Well, for one, we've been best friends since we were children. I wouldn't do something like that to you. Give me some credit," he said, and I had to admit it made some sense. Enough sense that the beast inside me calmed from full-blown rage to a simmering anger that allowed me to listen to him. "For the other--I'm gay."
He said that last with a small slump of his shoulders, dropping his gaze from mine, and I could see the tension in his face. The fear.
I opened my mouth to say something, anything, but I promptly shut it. I didn't know what to say to that. It was apparently enough for the beast inside me, though, for it was as quiet as a lamb now.
Gay?
"You're... Are you sure?"
He chuckled, running a hand through his hair. "As sure as I can be. Have been for as long as I can remember. I told you there's no hope for me finding a mate, didn't I?"
I felt my heart contract in sympathy for him. What a weight to bear in a world that was built on the glory of finding your mated half.
"That isn't necessarily true," I said, frowning. "Just because you prefer men doesn't mean there isn't someone out there for you."
He gave me a surprised look. "That isn't the reaction I was expecting."
"What were you expecting?"
"Disgust, for one thing."
I shook my head. "I love you, brother. I could never feel such a thing for you. If that's how you feel, I support it. And I fully believe that your other half is out there, waiting for you. Don't give up hope."
He smiled, then rubbed at his throat with a grimace.
"Sorry about that," I said, shame filling me for my actions.
I should have thought that through, should have reasoned with myself, but in the moment, there had only been an all-consuming rage that couldn't be denied.
"You know, I've never seen you like that, Gray."
I looked away, wanting to refute that but not knowing how.
"In fact, you've never even been interested in anyone, let alone jealous enough to murder someone."
My cheeks colored with shame. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"You were choking me, your fangs were out, and I'm fairly certain you were moments away from ripping my throat out," he said, though he sounded calm enough.
"It wasn't that bad," I protested. "I wouldn't... It doesn't mean anything."
Finally, I looked up at him to find a mixture of pity and sadness in his eyes.
"I pity the vampire you choose as a mate. She'll always be in the shadow of what your heart truly wants."
19
Nina
The worst possible thing had happened, and there was no escaping it.
Gray's mother had invited me to her chambers again. Well, ‘invited’ was a strong word. It was more of an order, really, but that wasn't how the vampires liked to operate. It was an invitation, despite the fact that you couldn't exactly turn down an invitation from the Dowager Queen.
I hadn't seen Eleanor s
ince the one time we'd had tea back when I was pretending to be a thrall. We'd had no interactions since the attack of the hybrids, no acknowledgment of what had happened, and that was fine. I didn't need a thank you or anything like that. I just wanted to be left alone.
The last thing I wanted was her attention, but it looked like I'd gotten it somehow, and I couldn't refuse her.
That was how I ended up standing in front of her door, fidgeting with my dress, desperately hoping someone would come and call me away before I could knock.
Three deep breaths later, no salvation had come, so I knocked.
"Enter," she called in a loud, commanding voice.
I did. I shut the door behind me and turned to her to sink into the lowest curtsy possible, my nose practically touching the floor.
"Rise," she said, and though I knew vampires weren't supposed to let their emotions show, I could hear a small note of affection in her voice. That sparked some hope inside me that this would go well. "Do come and sit down. We can have tea as we once did."
"Thank you, ma'am," I said, keeping my gaze on the floor as I joined her at the small table she was sitting at. A cup had already been set out for me, but I waited to touch it so the tea would have time to cool down. It would be horrible form for me to blow on the cup to cool it before I drank from it. She'd be insulted.
"And how are you doing today?"
"Quite well, ma'am," I said, though it was a lie. I was still fighting with myself, desperately wanting to go out and hunt and at the same time knowing that it was the worst possible thing I could do. If I was caught now, I would surely be put to death. "Everyone has been very kind to me, considering."
"I'm glad to hear that you are settling back in well."
"Thank you. And how are you today?"
"I am well. Thank you for asking. I'm quite busy these days, but it's a good kind of busy. I do enjoy it."
We went on that way for quite a while, speaking of nothing of substance, and throughout the entire conversation she was quite reserved, hiding behind a mask of manners and etiquette. I would expect no less from someone of her stature, but I was dying to know the real reason she had called me here. She couldn't really want to have tea with someone like me. I wasn't important enough for that.
She set her cup down with more force than necessary all of a sudden, and I couldn't help it--my eyes jerked up to meet hers.
"Ma'am?"
"I must be frank with you. You have a reputation for being blunt, so I do not think you will mind," she said.
My jaw dropped. I had never expected Eleanor to break decorum in such a fashion. Of all the people... I quickly snapped my mouth shut, not wanting to offend her.
"If that is what you desire, I will endeavor to please you," I said, falling back on what I felt was safe.
She gave me a tired look but didn't say anything about that. "Are you interested in my son?"
I blushed and dropped my eyes, unable to look at her. If she had asked me anything else, I'd be fine. But no, she had to ask the one question that was the most mortifying. What could I say?
I don't think I am, but then again, I basically dry-humped him, so who can say?
No, that probably wouldn't go over well.
"I'm not sure why you would ask," was all I could say, trying to edge around the topic. "It would be nonsensical for a thrall to care for a vampire. The very dynamic is inappropriate."
"That is not what I asked, is it?" she said, her tone stern. "I would appreciate your candor now."
Again, I could not refuse the Dowager Queen.
"I don’t know how I feel, ma'am, but I do know that if I were to have feelings for the King, I would certainly know better than to act on them. Such behavior would only end in pain for everyone involved, and I would like to think I am more intelligent than that."
My cheeks were still flaming, and I couldn't look at her, but I hoped that what I had said would be good enough for her. I felt completely humiliated talking about this, and I would die to escape this conversation in any way possible.
"I am grateful to hear you say that," she said, and I looked up at her in surprise.
Her eyes were somehow hard and soft at the same time. I saw sympathy there, but also an unbreakable will.
"I have high aspirations for my son," she continued. "And an affair with a thrall would ruin that."
"Yes, ma'am," I whispered, closing my eyes for a second.
She wasn't telling me anything I didn't already know. Any feelings for Gray would have to be squashed before they were allowed to grow.
It was a good thing I didn't care for him, right?
20
Nina
I was flustered as I exited Eleanor's chambers and made my way down the corridor, certain I could cover the short distance from her suite to mine without incident. I couldn't believe she had asked me that, that she'd spoken so frankly with me. It was unheard of, and I would have thought that she of all people would never break decorum.
But that was neither here nor there. Being shocked wouldn't allow me to go back and stop the conversation from ever happening. It had happened, and I had all but given her my word that I would never do anything with Gray--and that was good, because I had no intention of doing anything with him anyway. I had already decided that interacting with him was dangerous and that it was good he was keeping his distance.
So, why does that make your heart hurt every time you think about it? Why do you daydream about him showing up in your room again?
Exhaustion, of course. I was delusional, both from the desperate need to hunt and from the fact that I still wasn't getting more than a few hours of sleep--and none of them strung together, either. Anyone would go mad from something like that. I didn't have a hope of keeping myself together any more than I already was.
I'd just like to talk to him one more time, to hear his voice, to see that look in his eyes.
But I couldn't do that. I didn’t dare talk to him, and I absolutely shouldn't want to see that dangerous look in his eyes--the one that said he wanted me more than any words could ever say. One simple look from him left me tingling from head to toe, my mouth dry, my heart pounding.
It was a good thing the enthralling hadn't actually worked. It would be mortifying if he knew what effect he had on me.
I need to get better about making him think I'm enthralled. I keep forgetting to do that, and he's bound to be suspicious by now.
But it wasn't like I'd seen him so I could project my emotions like that, and I really hated the idea of messing with his mind even a little. I couldn't bring myself to do it. It was too much of an invasion of his privacy.
I was a few feet away from my door when a vampire stepped into my path. He was a tall, muscular man with tan skin, brown hair, and brown eyes. He was so much larger than I that for a moment, I felt fear building inside me, but I swallowed it back down.
It would take two seconds to rid the world of this pest. I'm fine. I can take care of myself.
But I couldn't. I wasn't allowed to defend myself in the castle, wasn't allowed to use my blood magic--it would be grounds for execution. The Council had never come out and said that, but it was certainly understood. Which meant that if this man tried anything, I was in for a hell of a lot of trouble.
Is it forbidden for me to fight back like any regular human would? I'm a hell of a fighter. I had to be to keep up with the wolves. I could probably take him even without my magic.
"Hello, little thrall," he said, breaking through my thoughts. He had a kind voice and a smile to match, but something in his eyes screamed danger!
"Hello, sir," I murmured, ducking my head as a proper thrall would.
"How are you doing? You look quite...upset."
"I’m all right. Thank you for asking, sir, but I really must--"
"I would hate to think that such a pretty woman has been upset by someone. Come, now. You can trust me. I only want to take care of you."
Inside, I rebelled at his choice of words.
I didn't need anyone to protect me. I could damn well do that myself.
Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Grayson coming up the corridor, and I felt a little anxious. What would he think if he saw me with this vampire? I glanced at him with a pleading look on my face. I might not be allowed to do anything to this vampire, but he could.
Just then, the vampire brushed his fingers against my arm, running them up and down and up again.
"What are you thinking in that pretty little head?"
I yanked my arm away from him with a scowl on my face, not willing to play the part of the placid thrall if it meant letting some lecherous vampire feel me up.
"That I'm not interested," I snapped at him.
He made my skin crawl just by touching me. He was the manifestation of everything I hated about the vampire race; I could feel it in his soul. It was a gut instinct, and I always trusted my gut.
"Now, if you'll excuse me--"
"But I don't think you really want to go," he said, taking firmer hold of my arm.
I was about to protest further when Grayson stepped in and laid a hand on the vampire's shoulder to pull him away from me.
"Exactly what do you think you're doing with my thrall, Jax?" he snarled, flashing his fangs at the other vampire.
"Nothing at all, sire!" Jax said, alarm in his eyes. "I was just talking to her. I'll go. My apologies."
And he did, scampering away like a dog with his tail between his legs.
I breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you, but we're not supposed to..."
"I can't have anyone thinking you're not my thrall, mine to protect, now, can I?" he said. His smile was kind, but the look in his eyes was hungry, and it did a strange thing to my stomach. I felt a heat that had become uncomfortably familiar burning between my legs.
