by Izzy Shows
It was the first presentation ball.
I was standing on a dais at the front of the grand ballroom, staring out at the giant crowd my mother had amassed, waiting for the first candidates to be presented before me. And all I wanted to do was tear the damn tie from my throat and storm out of there. This was the last place I wanted to be--I hated it with every fiber of my being--but there was nothing I could do about it. The Council had ordered me to find a mate, and my mother wanted it more than anything, so it wasn't like I had an ally to fight the Council with.
She only wants it because she doesn't want you to end up like her, mated to someone you don't care about.
The thought saddened me, and I glanced at my mother, who was standing beside me. She looked the picture of happiness. She was practically glowing, but I wondered what she was feeling beneath that. Did she regret her life? Did she wish for something else? I knew she loved me, but I wouldn't blame her if she secretly regretted everything that had happened to her and longed for what might have been.
Alex's thought that my mother had been forced into a loveless mating had been on my mind more and more as the ball approached, and I found that I believed it wholeheartedly now. It made the most sense, much more than that my mother and father had been actual mates.
But I still didn't understand how that could have happened in the first place. It was my understanding that a mating bond couldn't be formed with anyone other than your true mate, and that you couldn't feel desire for anyone else. That was what had always been said, along with all the flowery praise for the feelings that came with finding your true mate, but that was beside the point. If it was impossible to form the bond or feel the desire, how had my parents ever gotten along?
The humans did it all the time. Don’t you recall your readings? Arranged marriages were very common in their history, and there was no love in those.
Ah, yes, I did recall that, but the concept was so foreign to our way of life that I couldn't quite wrap my head around it. At least the humans didn't have true mates. They didn't have to worry about dooming their true mate to a life of misery by pairing off with the wrong person.
Not that it ever happened that way--except to my mother, it seemed.
I could understand that she would want to spare me that misery. I only wished that I could somehow explain to her what I felt deep in my bones—that no woman she presented to me would be my true mate. No matter how far and wide she looked, no matter what countries she scoured, she would never find my mate.
If she even exists.
Oh, that was poppycock. Alex was the one who doubted his mate's existence, not me. I didn't doubt that she was out there; I doubted that I would find her.
"This is Alexandria of Kent," my mother said, breaking through my reverie.
An elegant woman was standing at her side--a woman with hair so blonde, it was practically the color of starlight, and her pale blue eyes complemented it. She was wearing a gown that matched her eyes, pale blue with simple decorations; she clearly didn't need any frills. For that, I praised her. I knew I would never get along with someone who was obsessed with the latest fashions, and she seemed to have a more down-to-earth view of the world.
"Greetings, Alexandria," I said, then took her hand and bowed over it as I kissed it.
When I righted myself, she was smiling, a shy little smile that sparkled in her eyes as well.
"Thank you, my lord." Her voice was soft and sweet, with a British accent.
"You two may have a moment to get to know each other," my mother said, her eyes dancing as she moved to the side.
I gestured for Alexandria to sit on the lounge behind us. It irritated me to no end that I was supposed to get to know these women on display in front of the entire ball, but that was how the Council wanted it, apparently.
My mother had said she would give them one ball during which they could make their decisions, but the rest was up to her. Apparently this one was their ball, so I couldn't blame her for any of it.
Alexandria and I both sat, and for a moment it was awkward.
"How are you finding America?" I asked at last, trying to find something we could talk about.
"Oh, it's nice," she said, her gaze not reaching mine. "I haven't seen a lot of it. I only just arrived last night."
"Is that so?"
"Yes, I came here at your mother's invitation."
"Ah," I said, nodding. Of course my mother would search far and wide in the hope of finding my mate. I should have known. "Well, I hope you will have time after the ball to do a little sightseeing. There are many interesting places here."
"I hope I'll have the opportunity," she said, and the conversation lapsed after that.
She was clearly a shy little thing, and I hated to think I couldn't put her at ease, but I found that although I was normally quite good at small talk, I wasn't quite up to it at the moment.
Distracted. You're distracted by her.
No, I most certainly was not. In fact, I wasn't even going to think about that at all tonight. I swore it.
"What do you like to do in your free time?" I asked, smiling at Alexandria.
"Oh, I love to paint!"
Now, my smile turned genuine. "Truly? I do as well. I find it is the only way I can obtain some semblance of peace in our busy little world."
"I completely understand," she said, beaming at me. "It's a cathartic experience, being able to open your mind and yet separate yourself from it at the same time. I don't know how I would get by without my painting."
We fell into conversation about that for several minutes, and I found I was not terribly pained to have to speak to her. She was a pleasant enough person, and it wasn't her fault that my mother had brought her here specifically to be my mate. If I had met her under any other circumstances, I was sure I would have made a friend of her.
As it was, I was hesitant to express too much interest in her. My mother had clearly done her job admirably in trying to find potential mates who would please me, and if I encouraged her at all by showing interest in any of them, it would only make the entire thing more difficult.
Yes, she's a nice woman, but I couldn't spend my entire life with her, knowing I was missing my other half.
It was a sad thought, but alas, there was nothing to be done about it. I was doomed to repeat my mother's existence, never finding my true mate, never knowing what it was like to be joined with another person. Not that I had ever desired it, but when faced with that and having to choose to be mated to someone I didn't love, of course I would want what I couldn't have. It was only natural.
"Well, don't the two of you look cozy," my mother said as she came back to us, her smile stretching so wide that I thought it might split her face in two. "Hopefully, you'll spend a little more time together later, but for now we need to move along with the presentations. Alexandria?"
My mother held her hand out to Alexandria, and she took it, standing up with a timid smile directed at me before she allowed herself to be led away.
I didn't want to give her hope, but it would have been rude not to smile back.
The night went on in that fashion for what felt like an eternity: a woman being presented, spending a few minutes chatting with her, then being interrupted to start the process over again with a different woman. Most of them were quite tolerable, even pleasant, although of course there were some that I wouldn't want to spend a single second with if I didn't have to. That was to be expected; you couldn't have an entire crowd of pleasant people, after all.
But, gods, I wanted to get out of here. As much as I disliked the presentation process, I knew I wasn't going to like the rest of the ball any more. Now, I would be expected to dance and talk further with the various prospects, and the night stretched out ahead of me in what seemed like an endless fashion.
I'll never get out of here.
Indeed, the night moved on, and I found myself dancing with one candidate after another--and yet, I couldn't seem to stop myself from comparing ea
ch and every one of them to Nina. To the way she challenged me, her sharp wit and her strong will.
If only she were a vampire...
But, no, I couldn't think of that. Thinking it was dangerous enough, and besides, it was impossible. Even if I were to entertain the meaning behind the thought pattern, no vampire had ever mated outside of the race before. It would do me no good to follow that train of thought.
And it wasn't like it was true. It wasn't like I wanted her to be my mate; I hadn't even forgiven her for what she'd done, for the betrayal that had destroyed what little relationship we had had. I couldn't want anything to do with her, not like that. It would be a betrayal of everything I had known and believed.
At last, I reached the point in the night where I had spoken to and danced with every candidate--the point where I was expected to continue making the rounds, this time speaking with the ones I had found favorable.
Instead, I skulked off to a corner where I had spied Alex, knowing he would allow me a few moments of peace.
"Well, don't you look like you've been having the time of your life," he said, smirking.
"Hush. You have no idea how painful this dog and pony show is. I can't believe I actually have to participate in this."
"You certainly don't seem to be interested in any of these women."
"Why should I be?"
"They’re all of outstanding breeding, I'm to understand, and from what I've seen and heard, they're quite fine women."
I sighed. "Yes, they're objectively very nice and very beautiful. I just..."
"You just don't care for them."
"It's not as if they repel me. It’s more that they don't do anything for me. I feel nothing when I'm with them."
He arched an eyebrow.
"What? What are you thinking?" I demanded.
"Only that if a certain brunette had been present, you might be more interested in this affair," he said, winking at me.
I glowered at him. "Hold your tongue."
And with that, I stormed away from him, unwilling to hear anything more he had to say. I'd rather deal with the torture of the mating ball than hear his accusations.
17
Nina
I'm going insane. This is what insanity feels like. I'm just plain going mad.
The thought didn't do anything to help my situation, pacing as I was from one corner of the room to another, but I couldn't seem to stop myself from thinking it over and over again.
It was true. I was going crazy.
It had been a month now of the constant back and forth between the vampires and the werewolves, of me striving to keep them happy and getting by by the skin of my teeth. That should have been enough to keep me energized, to keep me on my toes. Spying like this should have provided the adrenaline rush I needed to feel alive.
But it didn’t. It fell far short of what I really needed, and a month of living like this, of never hunting, of doing what everyone told me to do, was driving me insane.
I needed the hunt. My body lived for it, my heart cried out for it, and my mind would wither away to nothing without the challenge that came with it.
I was itching for a fight, for anything that would get my blood pumping, and the constant need to keep myself in check so I didn't upset anything was killing me. I didn't know what to do, didn't know what I could do, and that was only making matters worse.
It didn't help that I hadn't seen Grayson in over a week now. At least when I saw him, I was able to forget the desperate need pounding in my blood. But that was a good thing, wasn't it? It was good that he was keeping his distance from me, because we really shouldn't be interacting with one another. It was dangerous, when you took into account everything that had occurred between us.
But damn it, he was the only thing that was interesting about this place, and I wanted something fun to do.
Maybe I was weird, but fun for me was the hunt, the thrill of knowing that the wrong move could cost me my life, the adrenaline rush that came with taking a life--leaving me feeling like a god in human form. I felt like it was what I had been born to do, despite what my abuelita always said about the true nature of blood mages being healing.
Suddenly, the antechamber of my suite felt too small, too cramped, and I was sure I would suffocate if I stayed in there another second. I had to get out, had to do something.
It's not the chamber that's making you claustrophobic. It’s this life, and there's no cure for that.
I ignored the thought, because to accept its truth would be to admit that the situation was hopeless, and I couldn't do that. I couldn't give up hope that somehow, some way, I'd be able to find some peace.
Decision made, I left the room and made my way through the royal corridor and down the stairs to the rest of the castle. I didn't really know where I was going or what I was going to do; all I knew was that I had to keep moving right now or else. I had to keep my muscles going before I let my thoughts idle and turn to what I really needed.
It’s too dangerous to think about what I need. I have to be careful. Have to watch out for myself.
The thoughts were barely coherent, but they were enough to hold me together for a moment.
I saw a Council member coming up the corridor, and I ducked my head, not wanting him to see whatever emotion might have spilled across my face. It wouldn't do for them to question my sanity in the same way I already was.
Before I could think any further about it, someone slammed into my shoulder, sending me stumbling back a few paces and bringing a snarl to my lips.
"Watch where you're going, thrall," spat the newcomer. The amount of anger in his eyes didn’t fit the situation. He'd bumped into me, not the other way around.
I gritted my teeth, knowing it would do me no good to engage. After I had taken a deep breath, I felt a little more in control.
"My apologies, sir. I've no excuse."
I don't need an excuse. I'm not the asshole who got in someone else's way.
"Of course you don't," he said with a roll of his eyes. "I don't know why we let you animals roam the halls."
My temper flared at that, and I wanted nothing more than to tear into the bastard for daring to speak of my people like that, to treat us like no more than animals who couldn't think for themselves. It seemed like he wanted a fight, judging by his body language, and I wanted to give it to him. Because, dear God, I was burning up inside with the need to feed my addiction.
No, Nina. Be careful.
Again, I took a deep breath, and barely managed to keep my cool.
I bobbed into a low curtsy, keeping my gaze on the floor. "I am terribly sorry for disrupting your day, sir. Please, allow me to remove myself so I do not further stain it."
He grumbled something under his breath, and I could have sworn he sounded disappointed, but he moved on all the same.
As soon as he was gone, I straightened my back and lifted my eyes--to find the Council member standing still, regarding me with a flicker of approval in his eyes.
That warmed me a bit. Could I be wining some of them over?
Why should I care about that? I won't be here long enough for it to matter.
Still, I couldn't shake the pride I felt that I had impressed one of them.
18
Grayson
My eyes drifted lazily across the numerous books that lined the walls of the library, none of them what I wanted so far. I was looking for something very specific, something I doubted we would even have in our library.
Anything to do with blood mages would have satisfied me, but I truly desired a book on their history, their culture, what they were like and what made them tick, but I knew that was wishing for the stars, and I would have to settle for whatever I could find--assuming I could find anything at all.
I knew in my heart that it did me no good to be looking for such a book, that it was a waste of my precious time, but I couldn't help it. I desperately wanted something to do with Nina, anything that would allow me to feel even a little clos
er to her. Ever since the ball, what Alex had said had been weighing on me somewhat, the words he'd said repeating over and over in my mind like an infuriating song I couldn't quite shake off.
If she had been there, would you have been happy to go through the motions of the ball? If she'd been a candidate, would you have looked forward to the entire process?
I didn't want to think such things. I knew they were dangerous, but the thoughts dogged me. I couldn't make them go away, and I was finding that as time passed, I wanted to less and less.
Really, I wanted to go and see her, to put myself to the test, to see if it had all been my imagination, or if I would react to her the same way. I wanted to know if she'd react similarly as well. I'd tried several times to see if I could feel what she was feeling, but so far, I hadn't felt even a hint of anything through the thrall bond. That further cemented my theory that it only worked with strong emotions. Which meant it should work, if I could evoke a response in her the next time I saw her.
Such a situation would be very dangerous for both of you, for everything you hold dear. You shouldn't even want that.
But I did, and it seemed I couldn't change that.
I would have gone to her already, if only the Council hadn't been keeping such a close eye on me ever since I had failed to select a mate at the ball. I would have thought they'd have lower expectations, that they wouldn't expect me to jump at the first woman presented to me, but apparently they wanted this over and done with as quickly as possible.
Well, they weren't going to be happy with me, because I intended to put it off as long as possible. I even hoped that if I could put it off long enough, they would give up on it for a while, as they had in the past. It wasn't like we hadn't done this song and dance before.
But you didn't have someone like Nina hanging around before, upsetting them. This is very different.
I grimaced at the thought. It was true, Nina complicated things. She had lit a fire under the Council's ass, and I didn't know how to put it out. As long as she was agitating them--and no matter how hard she tried, it seemed like they were determined to find fault with her--I doubted they were going to let this go. It was all because I hadn't known what she was when she was my thrall. They thought there was something going on between the two of us, or that she had a hold on me that a mated bond would protect me from.
