by Izzy Shows
I'd drawn the line at the heels he'd tried to get me to wear--I didn't know how to walk in them, and I was sure to make a fool of myself. So I was wearing my regular flats instead and feeling very grateful for it. Moving around in the dress was difficult enough. I didn't need shoes to add to it.
Kind of makes you look out of place, though. Everyone is so much taller than you.
It was true. No matter where I went, I was always the tiniest person there, which usually was something I found funny. I liked being the person everyone thought wasn't a threat and proving them wrong. Here, though, surrounded by a bunch of vampires who would love to rip my throat out at the first opportunity, it only made me anxious.
It wasn't just my size that made me feel out of place. It was the fact that I just plain didn't belong here, even if you took the vampire element out of it. I was surrounded by nobles, women and men who had bloodlines stretching back centuries, who had been properly educated since childhood.
I was just a girl who'd been locked in a cage her entire life, who'd only learned to read when she was eighteen years old, whose only real skills lay in killing people, not in dancing or flirting or whatever you were supposed to do here. Which was why I was going to avoid talking to anyone if I could help it.
I should just leave. I don't belong here, Gray doesn't want me here, and I'm going to make a fool of myself.
But I couldn't deny that underneath it all, I wanted to be in the same room as Gray. It was hard to keep my spell up to keep the vampires from picking up my scent and detecting what I was, but I was pretty good at it. I'd been doing it for months now, around all the vampires in the castle. I could keep it up tonight.
Maybe I'd just stay for a bit and look at him from a distance.
I could pick him out of a crowd anywhere, even if he was wearing a mask. Right now, he was talking to a woman in blue, with a mask that matched, and her blonde hair was piled up on her head. She was smiling sweetly at him, and he had a pleasant enough smile on his face--but I wasn't really looking at the two of them interacting. I had eyes only for him, for the dashing figure he cut in his formal attire. The black suit made a stark contrast with his stark white hair, and the black mask only made his eyes stand out even more.
I sighed, smiling a little. I could look at him all night and never get bored.
Just then, he frowned and looked up--directly at me. His eyes locked with mine, and my mouth went dry. There was that same anger in his eyes, and I knew I had to get out of there.
I started to back up slowly, but it was as if I had aroused the predator in him. He said something to the blonde woman and made his way through the crowd. I wanted to run, but I knew there was no escaping him. He would follow me out of the ball just to scream at me, I knew.
He deserves the opportunity to say whatever he wants, or to throw me out on my ass.
So, I waited for him, trying to keep my heartbeat steady, trying not to alert the other vampires to my distress. He reached me a second later, his eyes smoldering as he looked down at me.
"Dance with me," he said, much to my surprise.
My lips parted, but I had no words. I blinked up at him, confused.
His lips twitched with a hint of a smile. "Would you deny me this?"
I shook my head. "No, of course not."
He held out his hand, and I took it, then allowed him to lead me onto the dance floor.
I didn't understand what was happening. He'd been so mad at me before. I'd known he didn’t want to ever see me again, but there was no point in arguing that with him. I didn't want to bring back the bad memory, and I didn't want to fight this.
Just for tonight, I wanted one happy memory with him.
27
Grayson
Dancing with Nina was the highlight of the evening--the only good thing about it, actually--but, unfortunately, I had not been able to spend the entire night with her. It was my duty to see to all of the women who had come here as potential mates, and I didn't want my mother snapping at me later for only paying attention to one woman.
Or, even worse, assuming that that woman was a potential mate and demanding to know why I hadn't picked her already. It was very dangerous to spend time with Nina at the ball, but I hadn't been able to deny myself one dance--not after I'd locked eyes with her, intending to remove her from the ball, and had felt that familiar tug in my chest.
That feeling of rightness had surged through me, the calm I felt just by looking at her, knowing she was everything to me. I hadn't been able to fight it, hadn't wanted to fight it. I'd known it was ridiculous, that I was angry with her, but in the face of everything that had passed between us, I couldn't find it in myself to hold on to that rage.
She's my everything, and I can't let her go.
I was going to find her as soon as this ball was over and tell her exactly that.
"Grayson." My mother's voice jarred me out of my thoughts.
I turned to her, frowning. What could she want? The ball was ending; surely, she couldn't have a problem with my behavior. And if she did, this certainly wasn't the time to air it.
"What's wrong, Mother?"
"Come here. The Council wants to talk to you," she said, and there was an anxious note in her voice.
I didn’t like this, but I had no choice in the matter. I followed her, though I cast a look over my shoulder to find Nina once again, just to feel the sense of calm she gave me. I was glad she was still here. It would make finding her later all the easier.
"Good, good, you're here," Vincent said, beaming at me.
"Of course," I replied. "What can I do for you?"
"It's time, my King," Grimaldi said. "You must choose your mate."
My heart froze in my chest, a pain I had never felt before. Now? They wanted me to do this now?
"I don't understand. There are supposed to be at least three of these events."
"You've had your time to decide," Isaiah said. "It's time to make your choice. We're tired of waiting."
"Now, now, Isaiah. Do hold your tongue," Grimaldi said. "That's not way to speak to your King."
"Yes, sir."
"But Isaiah is right, though he lacks tact. It is time that you make your choice."
I opened my mouth to protest, but quickly shut it. I knew it would do no good to argue with them; this was what they'd been set on for quite some time now, and I knew they feared I would put it off forever. It was a well-founded fear, as that was exactly what I'd intended to do.
But how could they force this on me? Didn't they understand how terrible this was?
"My mate is not here," I said at last, my tone firm. "I cannot choose from these women."
"You will choose a mate," Grimaldi said, his voice stronger than before. "Now."
My mother looked up at me anxiously, pain on her face. I could see hope and despair mingling there. She'd heard me, then. She knew my mate wasn't in attendance, though she still hoped I was wrong. She wanted me to have my true mate, and she feared I would end up in a mating like hers.
We hadn't talked about that, but we didn't need to. I understood her well enough.
"Very well," I said tightly, with hatred in my heart.
They will pay for this. Once I am mated, they will have no possibility of holding anything over my head. I will make them pay.
But that did nothing to stymie the pain in my heart. The knowledge that I would be forced into a wrong mating was almost too much to bear.
But I will have Nina. She will remain here as my thrall. I will see to that. I may be forced into a wrong mating, but she will be there to make this burden easier. I won't lose her, not again.
That strengthened me somewhat. I could do this, if I could have her by my side.
I turned, walked away from the Council, and moved through the crowd. There was only one woman who was tolerable enough to spend my life with, though she sparked no desire in my blood. Perhaps I could think of her as a friend, in time. There was no reason that, just because our mating was fals
e, she wouldn't be someone I could at least feel affectionate toward in time.
"Alexandria," I murmured, touching her elbow as I reached her.
She turned, her eyes wide with surprise. "How did you know it was me?"
"It was not difficult. It's me, Grayson."
"Oh, my lord!" she gasped, a hand to her chest. "Sir, I'm honored."
"Would you please accompany me?" I held out my arm, and she took it with a gracious smile.
I led her to the front of the ballroom, and as soon as we reached it, the music came to a gentle end and a spotlight was trained on us. The Council's doing, I knew.
Though I hated to do it, I got down on one knee before her, one of her hands clasped in mine.
"Lady Alexandria," I said, raising my voice to be heard throughout the room. "Would you do me the great honor of standing by my side as my mate, my Queen?"
She gasped again, but I found that I wasn't looking at her. Somehow, my gaze had slid away from her while I was speaking and locked with Nina’s.
The pain in her eyes was more than I could bear.
28
Nina
No, no. Please, no, don't let this be happening.
It hurt so much. Too much. I was dying; I could feel it in my bones. A sense of wrongness filled me, and my head was light. I thought I might faint, though I never had before in my life. Or maybe I was going to throw up.
I couldn't stand the idea of him mating with someone, couldn't stand the idea of losing him. I didn't even stop to try to make sense of it, to try to figure out why it affected me so much when logically I knew I shouldn't care. All I could do right now was feel.
And God above, it hurt so much.
I whirled and raced out of the ballroom without thinking about it, not caring whom I might bump into. All I could think about was how much I needed to get out of there. I couldn't stand to remain there another second, watching him propose to that woman and knowing that I was losing him forever.
I burst through the double doors of the ballroom and ran through the hall, then started up the great stairs that led to my rooms, though I didn't quite know or care where I was going. I just knew I needed to get away, needed to be gone.
Dying. I'm dying. It hurts too much. A person can't live through this much pain.
My eyes blurred with tears, but I pushed on, intent on getting as far away as I could, until I stumbled. I sat down hard, knowing I would fall if I kept going like this. I clutched the railing, holding on to it for dear life, as the pain poured out of me. My sobs were wrenched from my very soul, and they seemed endless.
It shouldn't hurt this much. I shouldn't care, but it was tearing me apart inside. It was like someone was carving my insides out with a hot knife, piece by piece, but even that didn’t match the pain I was feeling.
I can't handle this much pain. Oh, God, take pity on me. I can't handle this. Just take it away. Take me away.
And then a dark figure was in front of me, muttering a curse, and I was suddenly in their arms. My heart recognized Gray before my mind did, and my first reaction was to fold in to him, to let him comfort me.
But then I remembered what had happened, what he'd done, and I struggled against him.
"Put me down!" I managed to cry in between sobs, much to my horror. "Let go of me!"
He said nothing. He only held me tighter to his chest as he strode up the stairs, through the hall, and into his room. I beat at his chest with my fists, twisted in his hold, but it did no good; he was far stronger than I could ever hope to be, and if he didn't want to put me down, he wasn't going to.
At last, once he'd kicked his door shut, he put me down. Immediately, I made for the door, but he grabbed me by the shoulders and held me in place.
"Let me explain, please," he said, a begging note in his voice, and I could see the pain in his eyes.
Well, he can take his pain elsewhere. It can't be anything like what I'm living with!
"I don't want to hear it," I snapped, struggling against him, but his hands on my shoulders were like iron. They weren't going anywhere, so at last I gave up, trying to preserve what little pride I had left.
He’d seen me crying in the staircase. What an idiot I'd been! I was mortified that he'd seen me like that, but there wasn't anything to be done about it now. I couldn't go back and make myself keep running up the staircase instead of collapsing and crying my heart out.
I thought he cared about me. I thought he wanted me. I'm so stupid.
"Please, Nina. You have to listen to me."
"I don't have to listen to anything! I don't want to listen to anything. I don't want anything to do with this. Just let me go."
"Not until you’ve heard me out. If you still want to go after that, then, fine, I won't hold you here. But, please, just give me a chance here."
I clenched my jaw and fisted my hands at my sides as I tried to find the best course of action here. He wasn't going to let me leave if I kept fighting him--I could see that--but I didn't want to hear a word out of his mouth.
Every time I look at you, it hurts.
That wounded voice in my head couldn't possibly belong to me, but it fit all the same. I couldn't look at him, couldn't bring myself to meet his eyes.
"Fine. Talk," I said at last.
He breathed out a sigh, dropping his hands from my shoulders and running one through his long hair.
"Honestly, I don't know why I'm doing this," he said, more to himself than to me. "After everything you've done, I don't owe you an explanation. But, Nina...you were all I could think about at the ball, and then you showed up, and it was like there was light in the room again. I don't want this to end, what we have, I want a chance to find out what it is. I want what's between us, and gods, I'm so sorry, I hate it so much that I was the source of your pain."
Still, I didn't look at him, my jaw tightly shut. It was humiliating that he knew I'd been in pain, but I had no intentions of acknowledging it now that I was back under control.
"You have to understand, this...this mating, it doesn't mean anything to me. The Council made it one of their demands when they agreed to spare you, I'm just following orders now."
I barked out a bitter laugh. "Yeah, right, order. Well, that's fine by me. I don't care. This, all of this?" I finally looked up at him, defiant. "It doesn't mean anything to me. You don't mean anything to me. Can I go now?"
He flinched as if I'd struck him, and I felt a spike of anger at me. He didn't get to be the hurt one here.
"Nina, you don't mean that," he said, softly. "You were crying out there."
"I don't know what you're talking about." I lifted my chin. "I don't feel a thing about any of this. It has nothing to do with me."
He growled, clearly frustrated, and he took a step closer to me.
"I mean something to you, Nina. Why won't you admit it? I will. You mean everything to me. I can see that now."
"I. Don't. Care."
"Yes, you do, damn it. Stop being so stubborn!"
"I don't know what you're--"
And then, all at once, I was in his arms again, his lips crushing mine, kissing me like he was dying. I stiffened at first, intent on fighting him, but all I wanted to do was given in. He tasted better than any drug that could possibly exist, and all I wanted was him.
I melted against him, opening my lips to give him access. His hands tangled in my hair, tugging gently to make me tilt back my head, and I did so without hesitation. I kissed him with everything I had in me, unable to put words to what I felt inside but needing to communicate it to him anyway.
This way.
He held me tight to his body with one arm, as if he was afraid to let go of me, though in truth I wouldn't have walked away even if he had. I couldn't.
I needed him with every fiber of my being. It was as if I was incomplete without him, as if I needed him to go on living.
He might feel the need to hold me tight, but I didn't. My hands roamed his chest, and I delighted in the feel of him, eager to
get closer. I pushed his jacket off, then my fingers flew over the buttons of his shirt, and it was quick to follow. When it was gone, I smoothed my hands over his chest, and he moaned softly.
I delighted in the sound, and in the knowledge that I could illicit such things from such a strong, terrifying man.
"I need you," he whispered against my lips. "I can't live without you, varina.”
Still, I couldn't speak. I didn't dare put words to what I was feeling, but I nodded all the same. I needed him too.
His hands darted to the ties that held my dress in place and unlaced them quickly, then my dress was falling off of me, and his hands cupped my breasts, fingers teasing my nipples.
I gasped and moaned against his lips, thrusting my chest forward. No one had ever made me feel like this. No one had ever touched me like this. I'd never kissed anyone before or after Grayson, had never so much as looked at another person, and I had no desire to repeat this experience with anyone else.
His hands were the only ones I wanted on me. God above, he knew what to do with his hands.
He pressed a quick, firm kiss against my lips, then moved to my cheek, my neck, my collarbone, until he found his way to my breasts. He took his time, kissing the swell of my flesh, breathing in my scent, teasing the skin around my nipples, until at last he gave me what I wanted.
When his mouth closed around one nipple, I moaned aloud, pressing tighter to him, my hands fisting in his hair to hold him tight to me.
I need this. I need him. He's mine, and I'm his.
It felt so good, so right, that I didn't want it to ever end. I didn't want to spend a second away from him.
But he's marrying someone else.
The thought was like someone had dumped cold water on me. My eyes snapped open, and for a second, I couldn’t breathe. I shoved him away from me, then stumbled backwards and grabbed at my dress to get it back on.
"What? What's wrong?" he asked, frowning, though he made no move to get close to me.
I scrabbled at the ties behind my back, sloppily pulling them together to make sure the dress would hold itself up. I only needed it to stay in place long enough to get back to my room, after all.
