Tiger Moths

by Sandra Grice

  “Yea, can I, Momma?”

  Laura eyed Dale and finally said, “Of course you may, honey, but only a few.

  The babysitter is coming to take you out to eat.”

  Dale handed Gracie a handful of candy and took two for herself. “It’s been one of those days; I think I’ll join you, Gracie.”

  Laura cradled the phone and smiled. “All right, little one, let’s go. Dale, I’ll meet you at our usual spot in about an hour. Cool?”

  “Sounds good. God bless you, Laura.”

  An hour later, Dale entered the cafe and walked to the counter. Laura would be there soon and Dale would tell her all about her day, and her plans. Plans she had kept from Laura until now. She knew Laura would try to talk her out of it at first, but in the end Laura only wanted what was best for her. And Dale knew in her heart that she needed to make a major change. Today confirmed that to her.

  “What can I get for you, miss?”

  The waiter startled her. Her bewildered look seemed to baffle him.

  “I’m sorry, ma’am. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

  The man was polite and very young looking. Am I getting that old, that fast? Almost thirty, and the early twenties seemed ages ago.

  “No, it’s quite all right. It’s just been a bit of a day, you know? How about a large, iced mocha latte?”

  “Now that’s my specialty. I pour a mean mocha latte with whipped cream. Are you game?”

  “That sounds perfect, thank you.”

  “You bet; be back in a second.”

  She vaguely heard the live music in the background. That was one thing she was really going to miss about Nashville. No matter where one went, night or day, there was always music. It was live and free, because that is where one had to start in the country music capital of the world.

  “Here you go, ma’am; give it a try.”

  “Okay, here goes.”

  Dale slurped through the whipped cream, tasted the rich mocha beverage, and smiled. The kid was not joking; he really did make one of the best she had ever had. She did not really know what made it good. It was just a few ingredients, but it was smooth and cold; and more than anything, she really needed it.

  The waiter smiled too. “So, you like it?”

  “Yes, very much, thank you.”

  “They call me JC. So if you need anything, you just say my name and you’ve got it.”

  “Thank you, JC; I am likely going to take you up on that nice offer.”

  “What do you think of the music?”

  “You’re new in town, aren’t you?”

  “Well yes, ma’am, I am. How did you know?”

  “Two ways. First, you are way too polite and enthusiastic. And second, if you knew how many of these guys I’ve heard, you would know they all start to sound the same.” She did not mean for it to come out as negative as it sounded, but the day had been very long.

  “Oh, no, ma’am, I didn’t mean to ask you what you thought about the performer; I meant the song itself. What do you think of the song?”

  Dale swung back around to listen to the lyrics for the first time.

  So before you get caught up in their flood

  That pays the rent but steals your soul

  Just turn around; don’t you drown

  Run to my arms; don’t drown

  The words were almost serendipitous to Dale and her plan to completely change her life. She was so engrossed in them that she almost forgot the young man behind the bar.

  “JC,” she swung back around to face him. “I think that whoever wrote that song has a soul for music. That songwriter is going to make it, that’s what I think, because it definitely struck a chord with me.” She took another large gulp of her beverage and got up from the stool to meet Laura at a nearby table.

  JC wiped the countertop clean and laughed to himself. She vaguely heard him say, “I hope you are right about that, ma’am. I sure hope you are right.” He sang the chorus to himself and greeted his next customer.

  “So, Dale, what’s going on with you? I want it straight. I want it honest. And I want it all!” Laura gave her that look she had come to know so well.

  “Laura, you know I’ve been at the law firm for several years now, and I’ve done all right for myself. Pay is very good, the work is stable; you know all that. But I’m missing any sense of fulfillment.”

  “I knew this was coming. You will be thirty years old in a few months; it’s normal. It will pass. Wayne and you are good together and…”

  “No, Laura, if Wayne and I were close I’d be having this discussion with him right now. No offense. I know he is serious, but I just feel like there is something else that I am supposed to be doing. It’s hard to explain, but I know deep down that now is the time for a drastic change in my life. I have to do this before I commit to anyone. So I’ve made a decision, and you are probably not going to like it.”

  “Eliza Dale Grayson, you are not going to color your hair blonde,” Laura said in her best parental voice.

  Dale knew this was a delay tactic because Laura could not bear to hear the inevitable. “You sound so much like my mother, it’s eerie. I was ready to jump up and run to my room to put my headphones on.”

  Both women laughed, yet both knew the bittersweet conversation that was coming. Dale had said nothing yet, but they instinctively knew they were not far away from tears. They would miss these times together

  “Laura, you and Gracie are like family to me, even after I finally got you married off a couple of years ago.”

  “That was quite the feat on your part.”

  “Who knew that you and Minister Mike were going to end up together?’

  “Well, it was like you said Dale, God has plans for us. I can’t believe it took me so many years to finally come to Christ, and all of His wonderful promises. Gracie is such a blessing. Mike and I can’t wait to lead her to Christ one day, and maybe give her a sister or brother.”

  “You and Mike make the greatest parents ever. Mike makes leaving a little bit easier, but still, I’m going to miss you so much. Leaving the two of you has been the hardest part of this decision. But I have to answer this yearning I have, and today sealed the deal. I refused to sign off on a shady merger that was bound to hurt the small shareholders. One of the partners called me in right after you left and said he liked my spunk, but there was no future in spunk at his firm. I thanked him, and told him he would have my resignation effective in two weeks.”

  “Good for you, Dale. There are lots of other firms that would love to have you. Or you could start your own firm. Gracie and I will help.”

  “Laura, here’s the hard part. I’m leaving Nashville. I’m leaving Tennessee, in fact. I’ve decided to join the Judge Advocate Corp of the United States Air Force. I’ve already told my parents. Dad was so proud, and Mom was nervous but supportive.”

  “You what? You can’t. You need to think this through now, Dale. Don’t have a knee- jerk reaction. What will we do without you? I know you always dreamed of being a pilot, but you can practice law right here. Right here, with the people you love close by. We, we won’t know what to do without you.” Tears welled up in Laura’s eyes.

  “You’ll do fine without me. I will send post cards from wherever I am so Gracie can learn about other parts of the world. So even though my poor eyesight kept me from being a pilot, I can still go to distant shores and support those who do fly. And I have thought and prayed about this for over a year. Laura, I know in my heart it is something I have to do.” Dale fought back her emotions.

  “But wait a minute. There is something else here. Isn’t there? You have had days like this before. But something is different this time. What are you not telling me?” Laura knew she was pressing, but something told her she needed to this time.

  A tear formed in Dale’s right eye. She had not wanted to tell Laura about Jason. Dale wiped away the tears and knew she could not deny the truth. Laura knew her far too well to be fooled. “Oh, Laura, I thought I had mov
ed beyond this. I knew my heart was still mending, but I had no idea the pain I still harbored concerning Jason.”

  “Jason?” Laura was caught completely off guard.

  “He sent me flowers today and, with a card… He wants another chance.” Dale could not continue.

  “Jason? But that’s been years. What? Why?” Laura was too flustered to put a sentence together.

  Dale took a deep breath and sat up straighter. An inner strength surfaced. “It doesn’t matter. I’m leaving and I never want to see or hear from him again. I just can’t believe how much he still gets to me. I’ve prayed and prayed, but my heart still stays in the past. So this is the best for me right now.”

  They both knew that Dale did not make rash decisions, and there was no doubt this one was final. Laura’s support for Dale’s announcement came out in a rush of tears. “Dale, I’ll miss you,” she sobbed and held out her arms to hug Dale.

  “I’ll miss you too, Laura. I love you.” She met Laura’s embrace.

  “I love you too,” Laura gulped.

  “Ladies, are you all right?” JC had come to their table to take their order.

  “Yes, JC, we are fine. How about two more of these terrific mocha lattes?” Dale lifted her glass.

  “You got it. Don’t drown; just turn…” JC half hummed, half sang.

  Dale gave Laura a sideways glance. “He’s a good kid. Tip him well anytime you come in here after I’m gone.”

  “Whatever you say, Captain Grayson,” Laura winked.

  “Ah, you see; that already sounds good, don’t you think?”

  “Yeah, I think it really does.”

  THE SHOT

  “Okay, boss, it’s 8:30. I’m clocking out now. Are you all right with that?” JC tossed the towel behind the bar.

  “Yeah, JC, we’re cool. You’ve been here since noon, so get on out of here and have a good night, son. We’ll see you, same time tomorrow.”

  “Okay, see you then. You have a great night too.”

  With that Johnny threw his backpack over his shoulder and pushed through the door leading to the back alley. He did not have to use this exit, but he liked it. There was something about the rustic brick paving stones, the broken street light, and the way the wind blew like a wind tunnel through the street. It appealed to him like a comfortable easy chair. It helped him think, as if by magic, giving him such clarity that he hoped no one else ever found his spot.

  It was on these stones that the music in his mind flowed freely. No distractions, no glamour, just grit and peace and him. Ordinary and overlooked, the alley was so much like him – and it was uncompromising, just like he promised himself to always remain.

  He reached his red Chevy truck and tossed his backpack inside, following right behind. A passing shower had left his passenger seat wet and squishy. One day he would fix that window. It had been stuck at three quarters up ever since he could remember; but for now, it was not really a priority. He knew though that it would really make Kayla happy, so he would get it done as soon as he could get to it.

  He allowed himself to indulge a bit in thinking about Kayla as he threw the truck in gear. He had to be the luckiest guy in the world, and he counted his blessings every day. Who would ever have believed after getting knocked out by Kayla’s then-boyfriend five years ago that he would end up with the girl? It did not matter that she was two years older than him and thought him only a boy when they first met. After Casey had left to play professional football, Kayla was suddenly single, and he and Kayla’s friendship became so much more. She had made a man out of him, and he was determined to take care of her and to never disappoint her.

  At first he had been very insecure about dating Kayla. She was not like any girl he had known in high school. She was a woman, not a girl, and it almost scared him how much he thought about her. But he knew she must deeply care for him. When he graduated from college he did not follow the safe, sensible path. A college graduate was supposed to do certain predictable things. But Johnny did not put a padded resume together and search for a suitable job. Instead, he struck out on his own, and Kayla gave him her blessings. The day after graduation he packed his one and only suit, his guitar, a tattered copy of The Grapes of Wrath, and a sentimental football. Against all naysayers, but with Kayla’s encouragement, he set out for the city of country music stars to pursue his dream. He loved people. So, with a confidence possessed only by the young, he believed with all his heart that people would love him back.

  He glanced at the picture on his dashboard. Kayla held a black mixed-breed puppy and smiled that beautiful smile of hers. He had surprised her with the puppy the day before he was to leave because he did not want her to be alone. She had been so surprised and happy that she actually started to cry, which confused the heck out of him at the time.

  He chuckled to himself now as he remembered his reaction to her tears. He threw the truck into the next gear. Shaking his head, he laughed some more about the incident. It was such a fond memory.

  “Babe, what’s wrong? I thought you’d love him. I’m sorry. I can take him back if you don’t want him.” It had broken his heart to see her tears. He never, ever wanted to hurt her. She gave him so much. She had changed him, made him better. She had helped him understand more about life and the things that really mattered.

  “Oh, sweetheart,” she said with a sigh, “no, no, I love him. I’m just so … so touched. I love him, Johnny; I really, really do. You will not ever take him back. Just look at him. He is adorable, just like you.”

  She had leaned over and kissed him tenderly, and he had reached out to hold her. Both momentarily forgot about the squirming bundle of energy between them until the puppy reminded them by quickly relieving himself on Johnny’s leg.

  “I think I’ll name him Willie,” Kayla said and giggled.

  “That’s just priceless, Kayla. And, yes, I do get it - after wet Willie, right?”

  She had reached over again and kissed him and said, “That’s right, my smart man.”

  He arrived at his destination and shifted the column gear to the park position. Turning off the engine, he gave a quick love pat to the dashboard. She was not much to look at, but the man loved his old truck. It had brought him from the hills of East Tennessee to the halls of higher education. He believed it would now take him to the fruition of his dreams. He knew it in his bones. He knew he was going to make it in Nashville, no matter how long he had to stay.

  Entering the small Mexican eatery, he waved to the hostess and ducked into the men’s room. He had this routine down pat. After four months he could time his exit from job one and make it to job two with precision. Quickly changing from his café waiter’s black and white formal uniform, he emerged a new man. JC was now transformed back to being Johnny. It was in his three-year-old tennis shoes, thread-bare jeans, and muscle shirt that he felt the most comfortable. Noting his puny arms in the mirror, he made a mental note to get back in the gym as soon as he could afford it. Affording it meant both monetarily and time-wise. Nonetheless, he would do it, because that too was part of his composition.

  Donning a Tennessee baseball cap, he stepped to the cooking area and retrieved his guitar from the supply closet. It was still the only one he owned, compliments of Casey Capps, and of course Kayla. Moving closer to the cook, he gave him a good-natured slap on the back. “What’s for dinner, Julio?”

  Without turning his back, Julio lifted a plate over his shoulder. “We got your favorite tonight, Johnny: burrito supreme, one chicken, one steak. Hot sauce is in the cooler; help yourself. Better eat fast, gringo. You are on in a few minutes. You got a full house tonight. It should be a good night for you. This is a drinking crowd too. Most of them have drunk enough that even you will sound good to them, huh! Ha, ha, ha, you know I just make fun to laugh with you. You know you are very good.”

  “Julio, my man, maybe one day my music will be as famous as your burrito supreme.”

  “Maybe, maybe not, we will see. You go make good music now,
Johnny. You go play from the heart; they will love you. You go give them a reason to keep coming back – that is good for the both of us.”

  “It is from my heart. Thank you for knowing that.”

  Johnny knew that this gig was just about the bottom of the barrel, but he loved it for two reasons. First, he got all the free Mexican food and drink he wanted, and Mexican was his favorite food. Second, and most important, he loved the people who ran the place. True, the pay was not that great, but the good food drew big crowds, and they allowed him to play whatever he wanted for tips.

  Performing was fun for Johnny. He could hardly remember when he did not perform. He loved the energy of the audience, to see them laugh and enjoy themselves and his music. Music truly was the universal language. It was salve to his soul in the lowest of times; it was the bridge between what was and what could be. Music was the living of life, the crying of tears, the stem of faith, and the manna of joy. He could not imagine life without music – his life or anyone else’s. It was in his music that Johnny found his reason for being, and it made him so happy that he wanted to share it with the world. While some might have seen his dream as a luxury of entertainment, he found it a mission of necessity. It was his call to help others out of tough times, and to show them how to savor the good times.

  To him, music was a way of life that was free to everyone, no matter their circumstances. It was free of limitations; uninhibited by the usual barriers of race, religion, politics, or gender. Whether prince or pauper, it was there for the taking. In music he found truth, and because it was free he found justice. That is what propelled Johnny, like a missile to a pre-determined target, to persevere in spite of the odds and the naysayers. In his heart he knew he would never find what he was born to be anywhere else. This was bigger than him, and he could not stop if he wanted to. There was not a fiber in his body that wanted to give up on the dream. Every breath took him closer to making it happen.

  “Good evening, everyone. Whooooyaaaa, y’all havin’ a good time tonight?’ He took the stage the same way every night.