Shattered & Scarred: The Sacred Hearts MC

by A. J. Downey

  OMG

  I smiled.

  We’ll be in San Antonio until tomorrow. It will take us at least another day to come home. Day after tomorrow baby.

  I sent her, hoping she would understand.

  I understand.

  She sent back and I smiled. That was my girl. My regular phone buzzed in my pocket and I frowned I looked at it.

  Omg the news says my husband killed himself Ethan! When will you be home!?

  I broke into a huge grin and texted Ashton’s regular cellphone back.

  We’ll be in San Antonio until tomorrow. It will take us at least another day to come home. Day after tomorrow baby. Just hang on.

  “Smart little shit.” I said all smiles. Reaver peeked over my shoulder.

  “Hells yeah.” He said.

  “What’d she do?” Dragon asked and I showed him.

  “Heh. Outlaw spirit that one.” He commented and handed me back my phone. She’d just reinforced our fucking alibi. It was going to be a long couple of days before I could kiss the shit out of her for it too.

  Chapter 30

  Ashton…

  The phone Ethan had given me buzzed across the kitchen island between me, Gypsy and Hayden late the next morning. Hayden was fixing us breakfast and we were all sharing coffee and chatting.

  Turn on the news, flashed bold across the screen. We all leaned over to look at it and then all looked from one to the other. The scraping of the kitchen stools across the hardwood was loud in the bright kitchen as we three went to the living room as one. Hayden picked up the remote control from one of the trays on the ottoman and turned on the region’s 24 hour news channel.

  I gasped.

  My house was on the screen, ambulances and fire trucks and police cars spilling out the front gate, piled in the circular drive behind a pretty blonde reporter.

  “Circumstances surrounding the death of prominent defense attorney Chadwick Granger aren’t being released at this time citing that his wife and family haven’t been notified. No one knows where Mrs. Ashton Granger is located at this time. She and her husband were recently in the news…” I sat down on the edge of the chaise lounge, my knees suddenly shaky.

  “Wait, yes, a source inside the investigation is saying that this looks like a potential suicide. I repeat, it looks as if prominent defense attorney Chadwick Gregory Granger has been found dead of an apparent suicide and that drugs and or alcohol may be a factor here. Of course any official findings will be up to the medical examiner’s office…” she prattled on and with shaking fingers I texted Ethan back.

  OMG

  The phone buzzed in my hand.

  We’ll be in San Antonio until tomorrow. It will take us at least another day to come home. Day after tomorrow baby.

  I blinked in momentary confusion.

  “San Antonio?” I murmured. Gypsy grunted.

  “Anyone asks you, that’s where they’re at.” He said. I blinked and looked up at him.

  “I’m a horrible liar.” I said panicked.

  Hayden snorted.

  “I’m not. Where’s your real phone?” she asked.

  “In my suitcase, turned off.” I answered immediately.

  She gave me a feral grin and disappeared up the stairs, when she returned she handed it to me, the startup screen lit.

  “Send Ethan’s phone a message, something about your husband committing suicide and ask when he’s coming home.” She smiled her impish smile and it was pure deviousness.

  I texted out: Omg the news says my husband killed himself Ethan! When will you be home!?

  A return text came in on my phone immediately: We’ll be in San Antonio until tomorrow. It will take us at least another day to come home. Day after tomorrow baby. Just hang on.

  “Smart.” Gypsy commented.

  “Let the electronics do the lying for you.” Hayden said softly. I looked at her and wondered just what Reaver had told her.

  The police came much later that day. Gypsy disappeared upstairs and into the guest room when the sharp knock landed on the front door. Hayden motioned me to stay on the chaise lounge in the living room and went to answer it.

  “Yes?” she asked when she opened the door. I could see her but not the officers.

  “Hayden Michaels?” a man asked.

  “Yes?” She was unerringly polite and sounded curious. My heart hammered in my chest and I wondered if I could do this. Tears gathered in my eyes and spilled over.

  “According to our records you were with Ashton Granger on April 22 when an incident occurred at the YMCA on Rucker Avenue. Is that correct?” a female voice this time.

  “Yes that’s right.” she concurred nodding her head.

  “Do you happen to know Mrs. Granger’s whereabouts?” The male voice asked.

  “Of course, she’s right here.” She said gently and stood aside to let the two plain clothes detectives in. Their badges were clipped to their belts, gleaming golden in the soft light of the entry way. They looked my direction and the woman frowned.

  “Mrs. Granger?” The woman asked.

  “Yes?” I said and the tears spilled over. Hayden strode across the creamy carpet in her comfortable ballet flats and sat down beside me on the chaise lounge. She’d covered my bruises with expert makeup and I wondered if mascara was now running down my face. She’d told me not to worry that if the police found me here to just try to cry and she would do all the talking.

  I trusted her. We’d done some serious bonding over the last day or two and now here I was about to be put to the test. The officers stood a few feet from us and gave me their condolences.

  “We’re very sorry ma’am but we have a few questions we need to ask.”

  “Of course.” I said, more tears slicking down my face. I stayed silent and prayed the stricken look on my face would be interpreted as the shock of a new widow.

  “Ma’am were you aware that your husband had begun using drugs?” That one was easy.

  “Drugs? I… I know he…” I let out a shuddering breath.

  “It’s okay he can’t hurt you now.” Hayden said gravely, she looked up at the detectives and I clutched her hands in my lap.

  “Ashton’s told me that she suspected his drug use in the past, why?” she asked them.

  “Is that true Mrs. Granger?” I hid behind my hair and nodded rapidly.

  “Okay. Well preliminary tests indicated your husband had heroine in his system at the time of his death. I’m sorry to have to tell you that it looks like suicide…” they tried to break things to me as gently as possible, Hayden put her arm around my shoulder while I cried they didn’t need to know my tears were those of relief.

  Finally I was free. Finally I didn’t have to worry or be scared. It looked as if the detectives really believed that he’d killed himself. I was shocked. That I didn’t have to fake. They wrapped up their interview and took my phone number and where I’d be staying. I gave them the address to the club house since that was where I would be staying with Ethan and they left. I texted Ethan on my phone as soon as they were gone.

  The police were just here. I miss you. Please ride safe.

  The burner phone rang.

  “Hello?”

  “You’re a fucking genius.” Ethan’s voice was a low rumble filled with pride and love over the phone line.

  “Oh, well it was Hayden’s idea.” I said embarrassed.

  “Tell her she’s a genius.” He said.

  “I heard you loud and clear.” She said loud enough to be heard. Ethan chuckled.

  “How are you doing baby?” he asked me.

  “I’m just feeling so much, I don’t know... I wish you were here.” I sniffed and shook.

  “I know. Won’t be long. Have the club member you’re with destroy the burner you’re on. I’ll call you in a few hours from my phone. Keep the texts coming updating me but be careful what you send. I’ll call you when I can. Derek is on his way back and will take you to the clubhouse.” He said.

  “Okay.”
I said.

  “Cops suspect anything?” he asked. Hayden took the phone from me.

  “Doesn’t look like it.” she said grimly into the line. I couldn’t hear what Ethan said.

  “No she did great. She’s a little shell shocked I think. A lot to have happen to a person in a short amount of time.” A long pause.

  “Are you sure that’s a good idea? I’m happy to have her here.” She said. I frowned and she smiled at me. I didn’t want to put her out any more than I had.

  “Okay.” She handed me back the phone.

  “Sunshine?” Ethan’s voice warm and sweet came through the phone.

  “Yes?”

  “You’re going to be fine. I’ll see you the day after tomorrow. Hayden’s pretty great.” I smiled.

  “Yes she is.” I agreed.

  “I love you. I can’t wait to have you back in my arms.” He said.

  “I love you too. I miss you.” I began to tremble. I didn’t want the call to end but I could tell it had to.

  “Day after tomorrow.” He promised.

  “Day after tomorrow.” I repeated and the line went off. I was glad he hadn’t said goodbye. I sighed, Gypsy came into the living room and I looked up.

  “You’re supposed to destroy this.” I said and held up the temporary pre-paid phone. He nodded and took it from me.

  A few hours later Loyal showed up freshly showered and changed. He helped me out to the truck. I texted Ethan asking if it was okay to have visitors at the club house and he texted back that it was okay with him and the boys, that I should have people around me at a time like this. It was nice to be back someplace familiar. Chandra and Doc were waiting for me just outside the club house doors when Derek pulled the truck into the lot. The big tent thing had been taken down. I went inside and sat with them talking softly for a little while. They asked me how I felt and I didn’t really have an answer for them, I felt just… so many different things.

  Elated, until I realized I was elated that a man had died, then guilty for feeling that way then angry that I should feel guilty for being glad that I was finally free. Sad, a keen sense of loss, not over Chadwick being dead but for other things… for the life we could have had together. For the life that was stolen from me by his unrelenting cruelty. For the life of the child that could have been had I been stronger. Had I left his sorry ass the moment he even suggested an abortion.

  I mourned the loss of that child long ago and I thought I had mourned the loss of the ability to ever have more but now I was with Ethan and I worried about it. What if he decided he wanted a child? I couldn’t give him that. I pressed those thought back down deep into my secret vault of despair I kept locked in the far recesses of my heart to deal with another day. I told Doc and Chandra about the rest and Doc told me it was natural to feel all of those things. That it would take time to come to grips with all that had happened. Ethan called me an hour or two later and I excused myself to his small bedroom to take the call, away from everyone else. I needed to speak with just him. Hear his voice. No other people, no other distractions.

  “Ethan?” I asked quietly.

  “Yeah Sunshine, I’m here.” He said.

  “How long do I have to talk with you this time? Everything has just been so short…” I sniffed and dashed at my eyes.

  “Oh Baby I know, we got time. We’re stopped for the night and so a long conversation is okay.” He said and I smiled. I laid down on the bed and settled in.

  “I miss you.” I confessed.

  “I miss you too. Being away from you right now is killing me. Feels like I’m so close but so far away.” I could hear him sigh.

  “I’ve been thinking about a lot of things.” I whispered.

  “Tell me.” He said and it all came out in a giant soft spoken rush. Everything. My trials, my fears, my tortured mind. He listened. His voice, when it interjected some bit of sage wisdom or other, or when he soothed this fear or that worry, was liquid and deep. I confided in him everything, the hour growing late, the time ticking by but still he was patient and loving and kind and everything my now dead cruel husband was not and had never been.

  I realized that there were two kinds of monsters in this world. Evil ones who his behind beautiful masks and shrouded themselves in darkness. Monsters like Chadwick. Then there were the monsters like Reaver and Trigger and me now too, I suppose. The monsters who were honest about the brutality and awful thoughts. Who didn’t hide it, didn’t lie about it, but rather embraced those ugly parts of themselves and tried their best to wring what good they could out of them while they yet breathed.

  “You sound like you’re getting tired.” Ethan said gently when I’d paused for too long.

  “Yes and no.” I said honestly.

  “Okay well I’ll try to keep this short Sunshine. I want to address some of your fears. One, you are not a bad person. You are a good person who went through some very bad things and there isn’t a single person on god’s green earth who could go through the things you went through and not come out the other side with some kind of stain on their soul. You are some kind of angel, at the very least some kind of saint to be as well-adjusted as you are after living in that Hell.” He was quiet for a long time and I realized that he was waiting for me to acknowledge what he’d said.

  “Okay…” I said hesitantly. I wasn’t really sure what I should say to that.

  “Second, I love you. You. For who you are, as you are. Kids aren’t a deal breaker for me. If you want a child we’ll find a way when we’re both ready, when you are ready.”

  “Okay.”

  “Lastly, you haven’t even been free for twenty-four hours yet Baby. I’m in no hurry to put any kind of ring on your finger or collar around your heart. I suspect you aren’t ready for it either. Marriage, like children isn’t a deal breaker for me. That’s not to say I never want you to be my wife but I’m just happy you’re even in my life. Grateful that you want to be.” He paused.

  “What?” I asked alarmed, this silence was different from the rest. Heavier somehow.

  “Make you a deal Ashton.” He said.

  “What?” I asked again.

  “When you’re ready for me to ask you to be my wife you come to me and say ‘ask me’. I want to do right by you so I’m not going to drop to one knee right then and there and shit. I’m going to plan it and I’m going to do it right. You get me?” he asked.

  “I get you.” I said softly, the tightness around my heart easing with his reassurances.

  “We have a deal?” he asked me.

  “Deal.” I said and I smiled my first real genuine smile not weighted by sadness since this whole new mess began.

  “Good.” Ethan said resolutely into the phone.

  “Thank you.” I said.

  “You’re welcome Baby.” He said and nothing else needed to be said.

  He told me to rest, to heal and that he would call again in the morning. I must have been exhausted because I slept through three missed calls. When I got up a note had been tacked to the outside of the bedroom door.

  Sunshine,

  Trigger called the club house, had me check on you since you weren’t answering your phone. You were out cold, told him as much, he said to let you sleep and to tell you ‘I love you’. Please wake up next time so I don’t have to pass girly and embarrassing messages.

  Loyal

  I laughed a little and shuffled slowly to the kitchen for some coffee and cereal. Chandra was out in the common room reading one of her paperback romance novels.

  “Hey Girly.” She said looking up. She pulled off her red framed rectangular readers and set them down. She was sitting at a table by the window to take advantage of the natural light.

  “Morning.” I said.

  “More like afternoon but only by a bit. Still coffee in the kitchen want me to get you some?” she asked.

  “I can get it.” I said and moved off that direction.

  “Suit yourself.” She said and put her glasses back on. I returne
d with a steaming cup with liberal amounts of cream and sugar and took the seat opposite her.

  “Mmm.” She said and pulled herself back out of the book. She took off her glasses and marked her page.

  “Good book-boyfriend?” I asked and she smiled.

  “Think I may have a new favorite.” She said with a grin. A soft knock landed on the club house door.

  “What the hell?” she said getting up. I felt a surge of panic which quickly swirled away… Chadwick was dead. I had to remind myself. It still wasn’t real yet. Chandra opened the door.

  “Help you?” she asked in her hard stand offish way.

  “Oh my, um, yes, is Ashton here?” Hayden’s sweet and lyrical voice.

  “It’s okay Chandra, that’s Hayden.” I said brightly.

  Chandra stood aside and Hayden stepped through the door looking about as out of place as a sheep in a wolves den. She wore comfortable looking ballet flats, a pair of khaki cargo Capri’s and a light pink polo shirt. She even had a cream sweater, sleeves tied around her shoulders. Country club perfect in the middle of a biker’s club house. I hugged her and she hugged me carefully back.

  “Well I feel out of place.” She declared.

  “You look out of place.” Chandra confirmed and lit a cigarette between her lips. Hayden blinked and asked,

  “Should you be doing that?” I smiled. I had asked the same thing all those weeks ago and Chandra smiled around the cig and said the same thing she’d said to me all those weeks ago…

  “Private club.”

  “Oh.” Hayden said softly, her green eyes swept the club house considering.

  “The things I could do with this place.” She said and took a few steps further in.

  “Just don’t go opening any closed doors.” Chandra warned her. Hayden nodded absently and let her finger tips slide along the bar.

  “What’s back there?” she asked me.

  “Private rooms, rest rooms… My room with Ethan is back there.” I said.

  “Where’s the kitchen?” she asked me.

  “Behind the bar, come on I’ll show you and get you some coffee while I’m at it.” I linked arms with my new friend and we went back into the kitchen. She started commenting on how she would better lay out this or that, paint colors and flooring and I giggled.