Hand-Me-Down Love

by Ransom, Jennifer

  Cynthia had arranged for serving dishes of food and a big pot of gumbo, because she knew Meredith would have wanted that. People mingled and ate and drank, moved outside to the patio. It seemed almost like a party, and Marla had a hard time with that. But she knew that this was the way. The way people celebrated a person’s life. The way they said their final goodbye.

  After talking with the guests for a little while, Marla wandered upstairs. She walked into the room she and Meredith had shared when they were little. Later, it had become Marla’s room when Meredith demanded her own space. Two twin beds still sat against the far wall, covered with white chenille bedspreads. A dark mahogany table was between the beds, as it always had been. Her mother had painted the room a light gray color since Marla moved out. But she still could envision the lavender walls she had chosen as a pre-teen. Marla lay down on the bed that had been hers. She thought about Meredith and their life together in that old family house. And then she slept.

  When Cynthia woke Marla, it was dark outside. Marla was disoriented and didn’t know where she was for a moment. “I’m sorry to wake you up, honey,” Cynthia said. “Maybe I shouldn’t have. But everyone’s gone now and I know you were going over to see Sean.”

  “What time is it?” Marla asked her mother.

  “It’s eight thirty. You’ve been asleep for quite a while.” Her mother sat on the side of the bed and began to weep softly. Marla sat up and put her arm around her mother’s shoulder. She began to cry, too.

  “It’s the hardest thing in the world to lose a child,” Cynthia said. “It’s not natural. It shouldn’t be.”

  After a few minutes, Cynthia told Marla that if she was going to see Sean, she should get going. Marla got up from the bed that had been her comfort through countless nights and years of her childhood. “You’re right, I should go. I promised Merrie.”

  Cynthia looked at Marla, questioningly, but she didn’t say anything else.

  “Mom, is it okay if I leave you and Daddy? I know you need me too.”

  Cynthia didn’t respond right away. And then she said, “I wish you would stay here forever. I want to hold on to you. I don’t want to lose you. But I think Sean needs you right now. It’s what Merrie would want.”

  They walked down the staircase with its polished wood banister and Marla held onto it as she descended. She hugged both of her parents goodbye and walked outside to her car where she had parked it before going to the funeral. The night was clear and dark and the stars winked in the sky.

  Marla pulled up in the driveway of Meredith and Sean’s house and walked to the kitchen door. Sean’s parents saw her and opened the door.

  “He’s asleep,” Sean’s mother said. “I gave him one of my sleeping pills. I don’t think he’s slept for days.”

  Marla nodded in understanding and moved to the table and sat down. Sean’s mother got her a cup of tea.

  “How is he?” Marla asked.

  “He’s not good. I’m pretty worried about him,” his mother said. “I’m going to stay with him for a while. But I know the time will come when he’ll want me to leave so he can grieve alone. And then I’ll have to go.”

  Marla sat with Sean’s parents and sister for a few more minutes, sipping her tea but not tasting it or enjoying it. She got up from the table. “I think I’ll just look in on him before I go,” she said. She walked into the hallway, past the spare room with the hospital bed, and quietly opened the door to the master bedroom. Sean lay on the bed fast asleep. Marla wanted to comfort him, but she didn’t know how. She needed comfort herself.

  Chapter Eight

  A week after the funeral, the ashes arrived from the crematorium. Marla went to the funeral home to pick them up. They were in a plain white box. Marla picked the box up and it was heavier than she expected. Inside, the ashes were in a plastic bag. That didn’t seem right. Meredith in a plastic bag. Meredith wanted her ashes scattered in the bay, and Marla wanted to do that as soon as possible. Get her sister out of that plastic bag.

  Marla knew she couldn’t take Meredith’s ashes to Sean’s in a box that looked like something ordered from the Internet. She went back to the shop and went up to her apartment, carrying the box like a treasure. The china cabinet in the dining area was full of family china and various vases. Marla opened the cabinet doors and reached into the back of the top shelf, careful not to knock into the china in front. She was reaching for a Chinese vase with a top. Meredith had always loved the piece, which had been in the family for over a hundred years. Marla pulled the vase out of the cabinet. It was dusty and she took it into the kitchen and washed it in the sink. When it was completely dry, Marla put the bag of ashes inside and put the top on.

  Marla drove to Sean’s house, because now it was Sean’s house and not Meredith’s anymore. His mother greeted her at the kitchen door.

  “I’m leaving tomorrow,” Mrs. O’Connell told Marla. “Sean has encouraged me to get back to my life in Atlanta. I knew this time would come.”

  “Yes,” Marla said. “You said it would.”

  Marla set the vase on the kitchen table. “It’s the ashes,” she said. Mrs. O’Connell looked at the vase. “That’s beautiful,” she said.

  “It’s a family piece,” Marla said. “Meredith loved it but somehow I ended up with it. I don’t remember how.”

  Sean came into the kitchen as the women were talking about the vase. He looked at it on the kitchen table and Marla saw pain cross his face. “Is that it?” he asked.

  “Yes,” Marla said.

  “I don’t want it here,” Sean said. “Can you take it with you?”

  Marla was shocked by Sean’s request, but nodded her agreement to take it with her. “I’m sorry, Sean,” she said. “I thought you wanted me to bring it to you.”

  “I’m not ready,” he said. He turned away from Marla and his mother and left the room.

  Marla said her goodbyes to Mrs. O’Connell, and picked up the vase. She placed it carefully on the passenger side of her car and drove home.

  The next afternoon, she called Sean. He picked up after several rings.

  “I just wanted to see how you’re doing,” Marla said.

  “My mother left,” he said. “I made her leave.”

  Marla didn’t know what to say.

  “I don’t think I can stay here,” Sean said. “I can’t look at that bed in there.”

  “I’ll come over and take care of that, okay?”

  “Okay,” Sean said dully.

  Marla drove over to the house. Sean opened the door before she knocked. She followed him into the kitchen.

  “Let me call the hospice place to get the bed,” she said, punching in the numbers.

  “They’ll come get it on Monday,” she told Sean after hanging up. “They’ve been backlogged.”

  “Lot of people dying, I guess,” Sean said flatly.

  They stood in the kitchen without speaking to each other.

  “Sean, do you want me to come over here and stay awhile?” Marla finally asked.

  He looked at her. His face was impassive.

  “I think I’ve got to get out of here,” he said. “I’ve got to go back to work. I think the best thing to do is get a place in Mobile.”

  “Okay,” Marla said. “I’ll help you do that.” Sean nodded.

  She left a few minutes later. It was very clear to her that Sean needed privacy.

  The next morning, Marla called in a favor to a college friend who was selling real estate in Mobile. She told her she needed a furnished place for her brother-in-law, preferably near the bank. Something that wouldn’t require a lot of upkeep. Her friend, Catherine, said her company managed several condominiums and that they had one that might be right for Sean. Marla called Sean and told him about the condo.

  “How soon can I move in?” he asked.

  “Don’t you want to look at it first?” Marla said.

  “No. I don’t care. If you think it’s okay, then it’s fine with me.”

  Marla
called Catherine and asked if Sean could move in right away. Catherine offered to send photographs of the place, which she emailed to Marla. The condo looked fine to Marla. It was in a nice district, close to the bank. It had two bedrooms and a roomy looking kitchen, not that Sean would care about that. Marla called Catherine back and asked her to hold the place and send her the lease. When she received it through her email, she took it over to Sean. He signed it without even looking at it.

  “You can move in tomorrow,” Marla said. “I’ll come help you.”

  The next day, she walked into Sean’s house ready to pack.

  “I’m just taking some clothes,” he said. “I don’t want anything else.”

  “What about stuff for the kitchen?” she asked. “You’ll need to be able to cook and eat there.”

  “No. I’m not taking anything but my clothes,” he said. “I’ll eat out when I need to eat.”

  So, Marla really had nothing to do to help Sean move. He brought three suitcases to the kitchen door and said he was ready to go. Marla said she would follow him to the new place. She kept close behind his BMW as they crossed the bay bridge and drove into Mobile. She followed Sean as he drove to the condo complex. Catherine had left the key under the welcome mat. “This isn’t how we usually do things,” she told Marla. “But I’m making an exception for you.”

  Marla and Sean walked into the condo. It seemed sparse and empty, even though it was furnished. It was empty of the spark of life, Marla realized. Sean put his bags on the bed and started unpacking.

  “Sean, you’re going to need some towels and at least some glasses,” Marla said. “I’m going to go get those things, okay?”

  He turned to her, a shirt in his hands. “Okay. Thanks. I guess I left in kind of a hurry. I didn’t think about all that.”

  Marla drove a few streets over to Wal-Mart. She got a shopping cart and went up and down the aisles. She put a set of dishes in the cart along with drinking glasses and a set of eating utensils. She got a set of green plush towels and two sets of bed linens. Even though Sean said he didn’t want them, she got a skillet and a couple of cooking pots. Sean would need laundry detergent and cleaning supplies for the kitchen. She got those things and threw them in the cart. As she was about to check out, she realized that Sean had not brought a television to the condo. He was going to want that, she thought. He would need a distraction. She went to the electronics section and got a flat screen TV.

  A couple of hours later, Marla returned to the condo. Sean was still sitting on the couch. It didn’t look like he had moved an inch in the entire time that Marla had been gone.

  “Can you help me get the TV in here?” she asked Sean.

  “I’m sorry,” he said. “I’ll get it. Thanks for doing that.” He sounded hollow.

  Sean and Marla walked outside and Marla popped the trunk. Sean lifted the TV easily and carried it inside. He busied himself with taking it out of the box and hooking everything up. Marla brought the rest of the bags in. She took the sheets out of the plastic wrapper and threw them into the washer along with the towels. Marla put the dishes, glasses, and utensils in the dishwasher and rinsed the pots and pans and set them on a towel by the stove to dry. When the sheets and towels were dry, she made the bed and hung the towels in the bathroom.

  She walked back into the living room. “I’m okay,” Sean said, looking away from the television and up at Marla. “You don’t have to worry. I know you’ve got your shop and a lot to do.”

  Marla didn’t want to leave Sean in that impersonal condo, but she felt the vibes from him that he wanted to be alone.

  “Will you call me if you need anything?” she asked Sean as she picked up her purse.

  “Yes. But I don’t think I will. Thanks for everything you’ve done to help me today.”

  “What about the house?” Marla asked.

  “I can’t think about that right now,” Sean answered. “I just need to let that alone.”

  Marla hugged him goodbye and got in her car. She headed back to the bridge, and then home to Bay Point. How was she supposed to keep an eye on Sean like Meredith wanted if he wasn’t even living in Bay Point anymore? She didn’t know how to do that. Sean was gone, and Marla felt like an intrusion on his life.

  As Marla slept that night she had a dream about Meredith. “What are you doing here?” Marla asked her sister in the dream. “You’re dead.”

  Meredith looked at Marla and laughed. “Dead but not forgotten,” she said impishly. That’s when Marla realized they were sitting in the tree house they had built as children. She looked around the cozy place and it was just as it had always been. The plywood sides were painted lavender with leftover paint from Marla’s bedroom. Marla saw the one spot that the paint had missed, close to the floor of the tree house. It was real.

  “Where have you been?” Marla asked Merrie. “Where have you been all this time?”

  “I’ve been right here,” Meredith answered. “Right here.”

  “Sean moved,” Marla said. “He didn’t have a TV.”

  Meredith laughed. “I know,” she said. “Are you going to look after him? You promised you would look after him.”

  “Yes,” Marla told her dream sister. “Yes. I’m planning to do that. It’s good he got a TV.”

  Meredith laughed again and was gone. Marla sat alone in the tree house.

  She woke up suddenly, still in the dream, still sitting in the tree house. She looked around the room for Meredith. Gradually, she realized she had been dreaming. It took a while to go back to sleep.

  Marla called Sean every night for the next several days. Finally, on the fourth night, he said, “You don’t have to check on me every night, Marla. I’m okay.”

  “I’m sorry. I just want to make sure you’re doing okay,” she said.

  “Well, I’m doing as okay as a person can be in this situation,” he said. “I’m going to work every day. I’m eating. I’m keeping myself clean. I guess that’s about all I can hope for right now.”

  Marla agreed. “I know you’ll call me if you need me,” she said before ending the call. She resolved that she would only check in with Sean every now and then. It was obvious that he wanted his privacy.

  Chapter Nine

  Business at the shop was brisk. It seemed that everyone wanted vintage, and they knew Bay Point Antiques and Vintage was the place to get it. Jada started making chocolate chip scones every week to have in the shop for customers. They munched on the scones as they went through the vintage side, picking up vases and planters, rubbing their hands along tables and chairs, picking up linens to admire the embroidery or old printed fabric. Sales were so good that Marla considered going totally vintage. But her business self told her better. It was the fine antiques that brought in the big money, even if they sat there awhile before the right buyer came along. Bay Point Antiques, after all, had a reputation to maintain.

  It had been several weeks since Marla had seen Sean. She stopped calling him, but she texted occasionally, usually saying simply, “Hi.” He always texted back “Hi.” As long as he did that, Marla felt he was doing all right. As long as he kept in contact. Marla had not dreamed of Meredith again. She kept herself busy with the shop and only at the end of the day, in her apartment with Lucy, did she allow herself to feel the grief. She cried often up there, alone. She missed her big sister.

  The summer moved into late fall. Meredith had died in June. It had been five months since then. Life was going on, though that was still hard for Marla to imagine. That life went on after such a huge loss. The shop hosted a Fall Days sale, which Jada promoted on the blog, the website, Facebook, and Twitter. Customers were at times crammed into the shop. Marla had a new shipment of dough bowls, too, and they were gone within a couple of hours. It was a busy day and at the end of it, Marla went upstairs and fell on her bed, exhausted. She dozed with Lucy curled up against her side.

  Her cell phone jangled her out of sleep. She had left it on the side table in the living room. She didn�
�t make it in time to answer it, but checked the missed call. It was Sean. She immediately called him back. “Hey,” he said when he answered.

  “Hey,” Marla said. It sounded noisy on Sean’s end. “Where are you?” she asked.

  “I’m at Jackson’s,” he said. He sounded slurry.

  “What’s that?” Marla asked. “What is Jackson’s?”

  “It’s just a bar,” Sean slurred.

  “How are you?” Marla said. She didn’t know why Sean was calling.

  “Can you come get me?” Sean asked.

  This didn’t sound like any Sean Marla had ever known.

  “Of course. What’s the address?”

  “I don’t know,” he said. “I don’t know the address.”

  “Never mind,” Marla said. “I’ll get it from the Internet. Sit tight. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

  “K,” Sean said.

  Marla Googled Jackson’s in Mobile and got the address. It was on Old Shell Road. She flew down the stairs and got in her car. A few minutes later, she crossed the bay bridge and headed toward downtown Mobile. She turned onto Old Shell Road and started looking for Jackson’s. She spotted the neon lights on the right and pulled into a parking place a block down. She walked down the sidewalk and entered the bar. It was smoky inside and music was playing loudly. Marla thought her ears would split with the noise. How could she have put up with that when she was in college?

  Marla looked around the room and finally saw Sean sitting at the bar. He was alone and looked slumped over. She weaved her way through the bar customers and finally stood next to Sean.

  “Hey, Sean,” she said. He looked at her drunkenly. “Let’s get out of here, okay?” Marla said. She took his arm and together they navigated through the crowded bar. Marla led Sean to her car and opened the door. She guided him into the passenger seat and pulled the seat belt around him. He didn’t protest. He just sat there. Marla got into the driver’s side of her car and headed back to her apartment. She didn’t know where else to take Sean. She didn’t feel right about dumping him off at his condo, and she couldn’t take him to his house in Bay Point. Her apartment was the only place she could take him where she could keep her eye on him for the night.