The Pillow Book of the Flower Samurai

by Barbara Lazar

  I return to fighting, but now it is easier. The Minamoto are stunned and quickly killed. One man barely raises his sword before I split his neck. He collapses and falls close to his horse, blood spraying like a waterfall. Another warrior spies me, perhaps not expecting a woman. I slash him across the chest, deep under his torso sheath. He drops into the mud. I do not look back.

  After what seems like months and a moment, the fighting slows. I see only Taira, no Minamoto, except those who are fleeing. Not knowing what to do now, I hunt for the captains or the governor. A captain is beside me. It is Tokikazu, and he motions. I follow him to a place near the Phoenix Hall of Byōdōin. His eyes are grim, but content. He and I are covered with blood.

  The governor gathers the captains who have survived with another of his small gestures, and they obediently crouch around him. He motions and allows me into the circle.

  ‘Today is a good day.’ He lifts both hands, palms outwards, to his men. ‘We have vanquished Minamoto no Yorimasa, once ally of the Taira Clan. He has committed seppuku in front of the temple.’

  My stomach seizes as I realise who and what I witnessed.

  ‘We have captured and killed Prince Mochihito, the traitor! Chancellor Taira no Kiyomori will be pleased. I believe our emissaries have enlightened us properly. With you men on this side, we led our troops across the river to victory! Yorimasa and the traitorous Mochihito are dead!’

  With that, he motions to Tokikazu, speaks to him, and again calls his circle of power with their mysterious drawings on the ground.

  Tokikazu accompanies me away from the circle. ‘My lord Taira no Michimori bids me to take you and your serving girls to Heian-kyō. He is required elsewhere immediately.’ Tokikazu faces me closely; his eyes smile. ‘My lord desires me to tell you that you did well in your first battle.’

  His eyes shine as if he is gratified.

  He continues, ‘As they say, we gathered like ants but must be dispersed like birds.’

  Suddenly a great hungering to see the huge ruby-bird temple surges inside me. ‘I humbly request a few moments to enter Phoenix Hall. I have not seen it before, worshipped there.’

  ‘You have not begun your Purification so you cannot enter the temple, but you may stand at the entrance. As a boy I was often there. In this sunshine you can probably see the Amida Buddha. Jocho was the sculptor. He perfected kiyoseho, the joined wood technique. Examine it carefully, if you can.’

  I nod my thanks and bow, saying I will return shortly – I know he is anxious for us to begin. I leave my horse and walk along the river to the temple. Unexpectedly he follows me. I wonder why.

  IV. Byōdōin

  Tokikazu said, ‘More than a hundred years ago this palace was built to the west of Byōdōin.’

  While he talked on, I examined the shining crimson bird, its roof ready for flight, golden sunlight gilding its wings against the stark azure sky. I wondered if he was trying to impress me.

  ‘There is a stone lantern outside the Phoenix Hall, and the statues inside were commissioned from Jocho,’ he added.

  Without warning, pictures of bloody and dead bodies flashed in my mind’s eye. As if knowing my attention had drifted, Tokikazu touched my shoulder. ‘Jocho was raised to the rank of hogen because of his exemplary work here.’

  He seemed attracted to me. I turned to him as he spoke, but kept my face neutral.

  ‘When Emperor Goreizei visited here, a brocade canopy was laid over this pond so His Majesty might have shade while worshipping. A complete recitation of the Buddhist canon was made here.’ He took his hand off my shoulder and pointed to indicate the place.

  ‘See – on the roof there is a demon on its back.’ He raised his fingers to the north-west corner of the hall, then led me towards Phoenix Hall’s great door. The door handle was iron with copper, shaped like an enormous lotus flower. The raised petals seemed so real that I was almost afraid to touch them, for fear they might come off in my hand.

  I saw Akio by the great door. My Akio. He had come! He trotted over to us, dismounted and paused in front of me.

  ‘Who are you, and by whose authority do you approach?’ Tokikazu said, hand at his sword.

  ‘Akio. Sent by Commander Taira no Michimori.’

  ‘What is your duty here, Akio?’

  ‘The security and comfort of Lady Kozaishō.’

  The wild boars squared off. Why was there animosity between the two men?

  ‘I am Captain Kunda Takiguchi no Tokikazu. Address me as such. I am charged with Lady Kozaishō’s security.’ Tokikazu turned to me. ‘Are you comfortable?’

  ‘Yes, Captain.’ I stared at Akio. I had never before seen him so overbearing.

  Akio gazed down at me. After a time, he said, ‘Good. I will stay here.’ He mounted his horse and remained at the hall’s door.

  Tokikazu’s eyes spat sparks at him. The two boars did not slash each other’s shoulders, but this month was not the rutting season. I drifted towards Hō-ō-dō.

  Standing outside the entrance, I beheld the Amida Buddha, golden and radiant, ethereal and vast, on a giant lotus. The Buddha’s eyes followed me, His expression placid and serene. His halo and the encircling canopy danced for me in hectic beauty. Around Him were Bodhisattvas, winding, cantering on winds or clouds, heavenly manifestations. His light saturated my entire body, like warm sake on the coldest night. His presence passed into my being, and at last I comprehended Tashiko’s peace.

  The Buddha! Below

  Protecting radiant dome

  Glowing, beaming forth!

  Bodhisattvas swirling by

  Golden Love soaks through my soul

  The next morning, Tokikazu requested I wear my full armour in case we met the enemy again. He directed me to ride abreast of Misuki and Emi in the ox cart. Throughout the trip, he often rode alongside me.

  V. Advice

  With all that had happened in so short a time, I had not speculated as to my future with Michimori. Perhaps he wanted me for his samurai, which would mean some physical hardships – so many men. Certainly I would endure, and indeed I held happy memories of training with the samurai at Chiba’s shōen. I waited eagerly to greet Akio again.

  Yet I revisited the poem in my mind. Surely I could not have misread Michimori. Surely he had affection for me. Surely one of my dreams would have told me if evil awaited. Surely my body’s responses to a man, this man, would not lie.

  Misuki and Emi, the only other women, sat in their ox cart, and I near them, either on my horse or in Michimori’s palanquin. The trip lasted two days because of the slow ox carts and the awkward palanquin that could not easily be taken up or down the steep slopes.

  The samurai obtained for us all we women required, with one exception: they answered no direct questions. That night, after the evening meal, we enjoyed a story and a small fire, which was a luxury not afforded us on our way to Uji. Tokikazu, carefully casual, strolled over to where I sat. Emi and Misuki were already asleep in the tent.

  ‘I have seen you in battle, little samurai,’ he chuckled, ‘so I know I can trust you not to reveal what I am about to say to you.’

  A lump began to form in my throat or my stomach, perhaps both. Tokikazu, somehow becoming aware of my discomfort, bowed a little. ‘Please, have no fear. I do not bring impure information.’

  He motioned for us to sit in front of the palanquin, away from the others. ‘What I have to say concerns your future and is unrelated to your past.’ I lifted my eyebrows in surprise. Since it was dark I thought he could not see my face clearly.

  ‘There are two matters I wish you to know. One is that I was privileged to ride and accompany you during this battle. You have had little training,’ I saw his eyes waver in the firelight as if to stay my protest, ‘and have been occupied with other matters, but you are good for a beginner.’ He nodded for emphasis, and I put aside my objections.

  ‘There will be further conflicts, more fighting, and usually we have no knowledge of when or where. I have observed
in you a curious mannerism that may not serve you. I wish to share this with you.’ He paused and I preserved a neutral face which was as much as I could manage, despite the darkness. This was a mystery to me, but I gestured that he should continue.

  ‘Each time you encountered an enemy, attacked and bested him, you proceeded on to another. May I ask the reason for this?’

  ‘I did not wish to look at what I had done.’ Thinking of the gruesome pictures in my mind, I lowered my eyes. ‘The reason is, was, I did not want to see men hurt or dying, the ones I killed.’

  Tokikazu leaned towards me. ‘Thank you for sharing this with me, but it is, I must tell you, an inordinately dangerous thing to do. You must never do it again. It is important to discern what is around you, to check behind you, each side, especially after fighting with another samurai. Please inspect the entire area before you turn your back and ride off. It would be easy for another to wait his turn. You might be taken by surprise.’

  I thanked him for his concern and promised to maintain caution in the future. What future had Michimori, the great governor, planned for me?

  ‘There is more,’ Tokikazu added. He glanced to see if any of the other samurai were listening. ‘You must keep this within your heart, for Echizen Governor Michimori gave me direct orders, yet I feel strongly that I must honour your bravery.’

  I lowered and raised my eyes, giving him leave to continue.

  Tokikazu whispered, ‘Commander Taira no Michimori ordered me, Sadakokai and Mokuhasa to remain with you in battle to protect you. He has never done this before. It is most remarkable. I felt you should know.’ He stopped talking and placed his hand over his chest.

  ‘You do me too much courtesy,’ I said, understanding the tremendous honour both Michimori and Tokikazu had paid me. My eyes blurred. Wearing my full armour, I could only wipe the tears with my palms, and marvel at the love and loyalty Tokikazu gave Michimori.

  ‘It is my privilege to be your guardian, because of the honour and love I have for the governor. He has been alone, and I believe he is alone no longer.’

  I looked up from my tears in disbelief. Tokikazu was correct. The governor had acquired me, Emi and Misuki, taking us with him. It was a sign of great distinction for me to have Tokikazu and his samurai to protect me not only through the battle but all the way to Heian-kyō. I had much to think about throughout the remainder of our journey.

  By the time we arrived at our destination, there was yet another river. We passed large hills and valleys and travelled around and through small villages. Their poverty closely resembled that of my own home village. I recognised the dirt floors in smoky huts, barefoot children, bare-bottomed babies. Their mothers’ faces were drawn, tired, yet showed their delight in their children.

  It was at these times that I wept silently in the dark for my dear lost Tashiko, my family, and what my life would have been with them. Some of my tears indicated my growing warmth for the care Michimori had shown me in purchasing my servants and arranging for Akio and his family to accompany us. Such sensitivity showed potency and power. I gave thanks though my tears to the Goddess of Mercy for such a man, not at all like the fearsome People-Above-the-Clouds my father had portrayed.

  Again I ventured into the mysterious future, promising myself to do honour for someone else without knowing what or how. Once more my life was to be transformed.

  BOOK 10

  I. Homecoming

  The samurai had one more shōen to collect from before travelling to the Taira Clan city near Heian-Kyō. These fields appeared much like the others but I felt uneasy. They seemed familiar. Perhaps I was mistaken. After all, the huts here were no different from any others. But I recognised that cluster of six over that small hill—

  ‘We are close. Those are the outbuildings of the next shōen,’ Tokikazu said, leaning over my horse.

  My stomach tensed, a symptom I had come to trust. I scanned the horizon. To the left, a hill stirred a sharp memory. A mulberry thicket on its west side. My thoughts thrashed, like a wet cat. The trees had grown in ten years.

  That last day. The odour of rich soil and sweat surrounded me now. Had we already passed my father’s fields? Could I break away? No! Dishonour.

  I had met him here. Heavy ropes tightened around my chest. My stomach seized into a hard fist.

  The estate of Chiba no Tashiyori.

  Led by Mokuhasa, our foot soldiers ran past us to secure the area. I closed ranks with the captain and Sadakokai, and saw the gate. The same gate. Akio had rescued me there from a fall. Now my horse balked, skittish suddenly.

  By the time I had calmed him, we were inside. At the sight of Big House across the path, my thoughts blurred. My tongue was thick and dry. The sickening cruelties and deceit. My training returned. I breathed slowly. I cleared my mind, but my hands were taut. My horse became restless again, shook his head and stamped.

  Tokikazu pulled his horse closer. ‘Is this not where you were before you went to the Village of Outcasts?’

  I forced myself to take a long breath and say, ‘Honourable Captain, may I ask you to tell me the reason for your question?’ My horse pawed the ground.

  His sparse eyebrows rose in surprise. ‘It seems that this proprietor, like the last one, has kept taxes that belong to my lord Michimori.’

  I willed my thoughts to stay in the moment.

  ‘Does that surprise you?’ he asked.

  ‘No.’ At last, Chiba was found out, the lying, cheating, betraying thief. I thought my smile went entirely inward, but perhaps it reached my eyes. ‘Not at all.’ Who was this man? First he had taught me not to turn my back on an opponent. Now he had told me that Chiba, a demon in my life, had been found out.

  A foot soldier dashed up to us, presented the captain with a note and sprinted away.

  ‘I have just been told where the proprietor is hiding. I need to . . . speak with him. Would you please come with me?’

  From his tone I believed he knew a great deal more than he had said. No! I thought. I did not want to see that creature, that oni, ever again. The Buddha taught tolerance. ‘Thank you, Captain.’ Where had those words come from? The Buddha? Tashiko?

  My horse fought me with every step as we rode towards Lesser House. What would I find? Who would I find? Should I kill him – or would I forgive him? What if he had another girl there? I prayed: Please, Lord Buddha, guide me. With a deep sigh, I closed my eyes for a moment. My horse stopped.

  I opened my eyes and faced the door. Such a small hut. I could not believe such misery had begun in such a charming place.

  ‘Kozaishō,’ Tokikazu interrupted my ramblings. ‘The proprietor attempts to conceal himself here. My men are confiscating the goods he owes my lord.’ He scrutinised me with clear eyes I could not read. ‘Do you want to see the man?’

  No, I thought again. I ached to kill him. I wanted to make him suffer. ‘Yes, Captain.’ Yes! I desired to see him tied down and under the hoofs of every horse on this shōen. Broken. Bleeding. Begging for his life. How could I do that with Tokikazu there?

  ‘If that is your wish,’ he continued, ‘it would honour me to accompany you.’

  ‘No . . . no, thank you, Captain. If I may be permitted, it is my . . . wish to see him alone.’ I needed to see him alone. So I could slaughter him. Or forgive him? Again that thought. Where had it come from? How could I perform the Right Action when I did not know what it was? Forgive: the peaceful way. Kill: the right-minded revenge.

  Tokikazu yanked his reins and rode off.

  I was alone.

  Descending from my horse, I wondered what would best honour my Tashiko. How could there be absolution for all the suffering this man had caused? How could I avenge Tashiko’s honour – and maintain my family’s?

  Akio. Master Isamu. All their lessons. I recited the Noble Eight-fold Path. I repeated Right Thinking, Right Speech and Right Action several times. This usually calmed me.

  The door of Lesser House. How often I had dreaded a new horror when that do
or opened. Now I would be the one to open it. This door to Hell. I checked myself: my two swords, helmet, chest, arm and hand plates, and the leg armour I wore over my hitatare. My riding shoes. All secure.

  With one hand on my tachi, the other on the door, I slowly moved the screen, as I had so many times. Would I take blood, so close to my recent experience with the Amida Buddha? I prayed. I kept the scraping noise quiet.

  Amida Buddha, allow me to take the Right Action!

  I searched the small room, blinking in its yellow light. All appeared the same. He sat on a futon. His hair had thinned. His face, although bloated, was more wrinkled. The face of an ancient man. His eyes had shrunk to ink flecks. What was I doing here? How could I kill this old grandfather?

  ‘Who are you?’ Grunting like a sick animal, he took time to stand.

  I took the readiness stance. ‘Do you not know me? Do you not recognise me?’

  ‘Should I?’ His voice cracked. His body quivered like plum jelly.

  Perhaps Tashiko’s Buddha helped me. It would be easy to forgive this pathetic, frightened man. I removed my helmet. ‘Yes. You should.’ A step closer. ‘I am Kozaishō.’

  ‘Kozaishō . . . Kozaishō.’ He squeezed his eyes as if to dredge my name from the recesses of his memory. His eyes widened. ‘Oh – you.’ His body stopped shuddering. He pulled his shoulders back. ‘It is you. Of all the girls Goro brought me, I thought you would not be the one to return. With your omens. And training with the boys. You cost me a samurai. A good one at that.’ The old man’s voice was potent with anger. His words soared strongly; his tone slashed sarcasm. He smiled his old all-teeth-showing smile. A harmless old dog with no teeth.

  I saw the arrogance and his pathetic attempt at superiority.

  ‘Why have you come?’ He spat.

  ‘To say goodbye . . . and to cleanse you from my life.’ With these words I knew why I was there. He no longer had a little girl who believed his lies, promises and stories. His stories.

  His marvellous stories. This man had given me the stories that had taken me out of the Village.