Sleepless Nights

by Amanda Heath

  I sigh and sit back against the couch not planning on calling any of them back. It’s not really any of their business anyway. I don’t get into their business like this and I wouldn’t ever. But then again, I’ve let them think I was a simpering damsel in distress for most of my life. They all think they need to save me.

  I make a decision in my head and walk into the bathroom. I do my business and flush the toilet. Then, while I’m washing my hands, I drop the expensive iPhone 5s into the sink and let the water destroy it. Luckily it isn’t a galaxy 5 like I wanted to get. I would have had to lose it before it stopped working. And it would be really hard to lose a phone that doesn’t even fit in any of my pockets.

  A scratching at a door gets my attention when I come out of the bathroom. I walk through the living room to see Chuck at the back door. I get a big goofy grin on my face and open the door to let him in. I take in the big backyard with the wooden fence. There’s a big black doghouse out there also but not much else.

  It makes my heart explode with happiness that Damien built all this for Chuck. He doesn’t have this much room at my mom’s considering she still has Court’s skate park back there.

  Chuck barks at me when he gets inside and starts licking at my hand. I follow him into the kitchen where he stops at a cabinet under the sink. I open the doors and find a huge bag of dog food. There’s a red dog dish with Chuck’s name on it sitting on the counter near the fridge. I fill it up with food and water.

  I start the coffee maker next and think about how I wish I had some clean underwear. It’s a bit drafty in the house and my lady bits are fucking cold.

  I’m standing there watching Chuck eat and waiting for coffee when I remember Danielle. “Shit!” I exclaim and start looking through the kitchen for a phone. I don’t find anything in the kitchen or the living room. I shouldn’t be surprised because not many people have house phones anymore. And I know that’s something Damien wouldn’t even think about so why the hell am I looking?

  I do find his cell on the living room floor so I pick it up. I don’t look at the messages he has or the missed calls. I’m not the type of girl to go through a guy’s phone. I just pull up the keypad and dial Danielle’s cell phone number. She answers after the third ring. “Hello?”

  “Hey Danielle, it’s Ashley,” I say, before moving to sit down on the couch. “Listen, I’m not going to be able to come in for a while. Like days probably. I’ll need you to cancel all my appointments and refer them to Dr. Gerald on Sixth Street. Caleb will still need to come in for the boarders and Veronica can still do shots for the time being. I’m sorry to put this all on you but I don’t really have a choice.”

  “It’s okay Ashley. You’ve been working too hard for the past month, I’m glad you’re taking a vacation. We can still run the place without you. In fact, I’ve found a suitable vet to take the second position. She’s fresh out of school and has perfect recommendations.” I hear her clicking away on the keyboard so she must be at the clinic. “Plus, she’s my brother’s girlfriend’s best friend so I can totally vouch for her.”

  I groan. With everything going on I really don’t need to worry about some new vet taking on my patients. “I don’t know Danielle. I’d like to meet her and everything and that’s just not possible right now.”

  “Oh, okay then. I’ll tell her you’d like to do the interview when you get back. She’ll understand. She’s part time at another vet’s office so it’s not like she needs the job immediately.”

  I smile. Danielle always rolls with the punches. That’s the main reason I hired her. “Tell her that if she meets all my requirements I’ll hire her after her interview. Then she can have a trial run and if everything works out she can have a permanent position. Okay?”

  “Sounds good Ashley.” We chit chat about a few other things and then we say goodbye. I hang up Damien’s phone and put it down on the coffee table.

  Then I about scream when I see Damien standing in the entryway wearing some nylon gym shorts. “What’s wrong with your phone?” he asks, rubbing at his eyes.

  I shrug my shoulders as I cross my legs. “I might have dropped it in the sink when I was washing my hands.”

  His mouth pulls up on one side as he crosses the room to sit down next to me. “Your family called a lot and you don’t want to deal with it. Got ya.”

  I sigh and pull my legs up to go over his legs. Then I lean my head on his shoulder and wrap my arms around his. “I don’t get in their business. I don’t understand why they have to get in mine.”

  Damien chuckles and I grin at the noise. “Well, I doubt any of them were ever on the mob’s bad side. And I bet none of them ever married a guy with tattoos and a motorcycle. Though after getting a look at Courtney, I could see it. He’s got that look in his eyes. The need to be free.”

  I slap his shoulder at the comment. “He’s been through a lot. But he couldn’t live with the illegal stuff. He might think he’s a hardass but he’s not. Plus, he’s married now with a little boy.”

  “Ha, Courtney got married first? What the fuck? I thought he was the player out of the three?” he asks while picking up one my hands and weaving his fingers through mine.

  “Court and Channing were the players. Van was too in love with Annabella to be a player. I don’t know about now. I don’t really talk to him when he’s at school. He’s gotten distant since all the drama happened. Not that I blame him. Annabella got rid of his child like she was taking out the trash. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what he’s been going through.” I need to make a point to talk to my brother. I put blame on other people for leaving me out of their lives, when in reality, I kind of just leave them to it. I need to be more involved.

  I guess letting it go really worked.

  “What happened with her?” he questions while propping his feet up on the coffee table.

  “Drama that I’m not talking about right now. I’d rather stay happy then relive all that bullshit and want to kill Annabella’s bitch ass all over again.” So I just close my eyes and pretend it never happened.

  “You know she’s been fuckin’ Sage, right? Then she shows up at the clubhouse asking the brothers questions she shouldn’t have been asking. We left her alone considerin’ she wasn’t gettin’ anywhere and I didn’t want to take out Sage’s favorite piece of ass.” I watch as he crosses his ankles on the coffee table and then he scoots us further down. “But I knew who she was. Those light brown eyes and matchin’ hair? Could only be douchebag’s little sister. It didn’t even cross my mind that she was there for her brother and not her boyfriend.”

  I just shrug having no opinion on the matter. Annabella’s been a person I no longer care for, for a very long time. I don’t wish death upon her or anything but I will be happy when she’s gone from my life for good.

  Damien brings his free hand up and hooks it behind my neck. He pulls my mouth close to his and whispers, “I missed you so fuckin’ bad. Still can’t believe you’re sittin’ on my couch.” Then he kisses me. I open for him when he licks at my lips. His tongue enters my mouth about the time there’s pounding on the front door.

  We both groan when he pulls away. I get up to put my pants on which are still sitting on the couch. Damien goes to the front door once I get them on. I hear muffled voices and then Damien comes back with several of the brothers following behind him.

  Charlie comes into view first. Charlie is not his real name and I don’t know his real name. I think he got drunk one night and started talking about Charlie Brown’s Christmas special. That’s the rumor I heard anyway. He hasn’t changed much in the past five years. He’s huge, as in, he can take out five guys with one punch, huge. His hair is brown and he’s wearing it tied behind his head. His beard is damn near to his chest, which probably means he hasn’t shaved it off in over five years. His brown eyes are warm as he smiles at me. “Glossy, girl. Long time no see!” He lumbers over and gives me a tight hug. I bite my lip at the look on Damien’s face.

  The brother
s like to hug me just to piss him off.

  “Charlie. It’s been a while,” I murmur once he lets me go.

  Taylor comes in next. Taylor and I don’t like each other. Never have and never will. Mostly because he thought it would be funny to hit on me and then take it too far when I didn’t respond. His curly black hair sticks up in all directions and his jaw is covered in black stubble. His black eyes lock on me and I cringe on the inside. He reaches out to hug me and I elbow him in the face. Unfortunately I don’t break his nose.

  Bummer.

  “Bitch,” he mutters, moving far away from me.

  “Dickhead,” I toss back, loud enough for everyone to hear.

  I see Blade next, his blonde hair tied behind his head and the grey at the temples sticking out like a sore thumb. “Daughter. See you finally found your way home.” He bends down to kiss my cheek and I smirk.

  “No, Rage found his way home. All he had to do was apologize for being an idiot. And tell me how beautiful I am.” I give Blade a wink and move to stand beside Damien. “Isn’t that right, babe?”

  Damien growls and leans in to kiss me. It’s only a quick taste and I find myself wanting more. Alas, I’ll have to wait until Damien’s house isn’t full of bikers. “You’re too sassy for your own good,” Damien tells me and moves out of the way for my brother-in-law.

  Storm and I stare each other down. Sometimes our relationship was hard considering he didn’t like me mothering him. But he needed it. The boy wouldn’t even wash his own clothes; I had to do it. Well, until he got with Lola then I made her do it.

  Other times we got along famously. We’d pull pranks on the brothers and watch scary movies together. Damien likes to think he’s a badass but you put on a scary movie and he exits the room faster than lightening. Lola won’t watch them either so oftentimes it was just Storm and I.

  “Glossy,” Storm states in his impassive voice. I hate when he talks like that. We all know he’s anything but impassive. The poor boy wears his heart on his sleeve whether he knows it or not.

  I laugh and pull him down to me. I kiss each of his cheeks and watch him give me a smile before he quickly loses it. “Storm. I hope you didn’t give Lola too much shit. I asked her to stay at the clubhouse. Chutney too. They just refuse to listen.”

  “She got what she deserved,” is his answer. I honestly don’t even want to know. They are both freaks.

  Bastard stands at the doorway, looking anywhere but at me. Don’t ask me why, we were never close, so I don’t know how he operates. His brown hair is gelled out of the way of his dark green eyes while his full lips turn down in a sneer. I’ve never had a problem with Bastard. Which you might find strange because of his name, but in all honesty, they gave him that name because his father was married to another woman when he was born. So he literally is a bastard.

  Out of all the brothers, Bastard is the one you wouldn’t find neck deep in club pussy or in alcohol. He never touched any of the drugs offered around and he always appears well groomed.

  Damien comes up behind me while I watch Bastard and wraps his arms around my middle. He kisses my temple and then rocks me back and forth. “Do you need me to go upstairs? Can I get a cup of coffee first?” I ask, placing my hands on his.

  “No, you’ll be talkin’ to us in the dinin’ room. This ain’t a normal church or anythin’. We just need to get some info outta ya,” Blade answers for him.

  Damien lets me go and places his hand on the small of my back, guiding me into the dining room. He makes me sit at the head of the table while they all file in and sit around me. Storm to my left, Damien to my right and Blade next to him.

  “What’s this about? You didn’t get the info you needed from Lola?” I question, shifting around in my seat, trying to get comfortable. Kind of hard in a wood chair with no cushion. If I lived here, these chairs would be outfitted to the utmost comfort.

  They all look at each other and I grow a little nervous. Lola sees everything and hears everything. She could have told them all the details. I don’t know why they have to talk to me like this.

  Blade clears his throat and looks at me closely. “You’re not gonna like what we have to say. I know ya, these boys know ya. But what needs to be said is gonna get said. You’re gonna listen and when I get done, you can have your say.”

  Oh God, they are going to make me go on lockdown.

  Damien grabs my hand and I wrench it away. They know I hate lockdown. One time during lockdown, Lola got hurt really badly and they wouldn’t let me leave to go see her. In fact, it was three weeks before they let me out to see her.

  “Barney, Sage and Micah have people out lookin’ for you. All for different reasons. They don’t know about this house because it’s in Betty’s name.” Betty is Chutney’s mom. “It won’t be long before they start lookin’ in this neighborhood since your momma lives three blocks over,” Blade explains, like I haven’t figured this all out. But I have to let him get his say in or I’ll make him look bad in front of his brothers.

  Ugh, men.

  “Far’s I can tell, Micah wants to kill you, Sage wants to protect you and Barney wants to talk to you about gettin’ Talon from us. So we’re here to take you to the clubhouse. Where you’re gonna stay locked up for the foreseeable future,” Blade finishes and I just roll my eyes.

  “Whatever,” I state, crossing my arms over my chest and leaning back in the chair. If I fight it, I’ll look like a deranged woman, which they all think I am. Besides, being on lockdown means I can hang out with Lola and Chutney whenever I want. I’ll also have my own room, well, a room I’m sure I’ll be sharing with Damien because heaven forbid he isn’t there to protect me twenty-four seven.

  Every one of them raises their eyebrows in perfect correlation. It’s almost comical. “You aren’t gonna fight us on it?” Storm asks, looking at me with narrowed eyes.

  I sigh and stand up. “It’s a good idea. I hate lockdown, y’all know that. But I’d rather be at the clubhouse because they won’t come knocking there. If I’m at my mom’s and they start shooting she could get hurt. My baby nephew is there almost every day. I want to be far away from my family.”

  I storm out of the room because it wouldn’t be like me to just simply walk out. I have to make some kind of exit.

  ***

  I sit in the middle of Damien’s truck between him and Storm. Chuck sits in the bed of the truck with his tongue hanging out. Blade and Bastard ride in front of us. Charlie and Taylor ride behind us. It’s my very own personal entourage.

  Damien keeps trying to hold my hand but I won’t let him. I may have fucked him last night but that doesn’t mean we are totally back together. Some thing’s can’t just be worked out with our bodies. We’re going to have to open our mouths and speak about some of this shit.

  For starters; “Why did you think I wanted to be with you and Victor at the same time? Did I ever give you that impression? Did I talk constantly about Victor after he and I broke up? Actually, I don’t think I spoke about him at all. In fact, I didn’t even cry when my mom called to tell me he was shot.”

  Damien sighs and I watch his hands grip the steering wheel harder. “Do you seriously want to have this conversation right now?”

  I about crack my neck when I turn it so hard to look at him. “Yes, I want to fucking talk about this now. I’m going to be forced to be here for a long period of time. I’d rather not have an audience.”

  “Umm, I’m here,” Storm throws in with a smile in his voice

  “You don’t count,” Damien and I say at the same time.

  “But seriously. What was your problem? I never even gave you any doubt about my loyalty to you. I would have killed myself before I cheated on you.” Even talking about it makes me so damn angry I want to punch his face in. “I didn’t want Victor! I wanted you and only you! Hell, I didn’t even want Victor when I got back with him!” I scream, causing Damien to jerk the truck a little.

  “Jesus Christ, woman! I was insecure, okay! Fuck!�
� Damien exclaims, pounding his hands against the steering wheel. “I couldn’t give you what he could. It was always a problem for me. He had the money and he was off fightin’ a war for our fuckin’ country. I didn’t feel like I could compete. I’m fuckin’ sorry, okay?”

  I start pounding against his shoulders. I hit him as hard as I can, lots of time. Storm wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me back. “I love you, you fucking idiot! I loved you then, I love you now! I wanted you when I had to settle for him! Do you know what that did to me? I had to make myself into a girl I didn’t want to be just to please him. Just to please my family. I had freedom with you. I had peace with you! Fuck, if you had just stopped to think we wouldn’t have wasted five fucking years!” Tears fly out of my eyes and I don’t even care if they can both see. For once my tears don’t make me weak. They make me alive and they free the demons inside of me.

  “Fuck Ashley! I thought you let this all go! I watched you do it last night!” he shouts and pulls the car into the clubhouse parking lot. “Fuckin’ get your hands off of her, Ryan. I’ll blow your fuckin’ brains out.”

  Storm lets me go without another word but he doesn’t get out of the truck.

  “I did for the moment. But you couldn’t honestly think we could just get back together like nothing happened! I’ve got to talk about it. I just have to understand why you broke my heart in the first place. It didn’t make any sense to me. It still doesn’t!” The four others stand around the truck and I’m sure they can hear me. I guess I got an audience anyway.

  “I told you. I’ll tell you a thousand times if I have to. You may never understand and that’s okay. I’ll live with it the rest of my life. I’ll live with how I broke your heart, how I broke my own. But life moves on Ashley. We still love each other. It’s never gonna go away. Just deal with it. Just be my old lady and forget all that other shit.” He grabs my shoulders and hauls me across the truck bench. “There hasn’t been a moment in the past five years that I didn’t think about you. I know I made a mistake and I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make it right. But you’re gonna be here for me to do that.” He places his forehead against mine and looks deep into my eyes. “You and me are forever. End. Of. Fuckin’. Story.” Then we’re kissing and forgetting about the audience. I couldn’t honestly tell you who moved first, whose lips touched whose first; I can just tell you it was amazing. No matter how many years or how many times he’s kissed me, it’s always like I’m flying about the sky, like I’m fucking free.