“The girls are lucky to have you,” he said.
Jessie ducked her head. Being a good mom was everything to her, and his praise meant an awful lot. She had to be honest, however; she didn’t want him to believe something that wasn’t true.
“I’ve made a lot of mistakes,” she said.
“All parents do. It’s how you correct them that matters.”
“I should never have stayed with their father as long as I did, but I kept hoping that I could change him, that we could be the family I always dreamed of, but then one day when Seth missed Gracie’s science fair at school, I just lost it.
“I tracked him down and walked in on him with a woman. He’d been cheating on me all along, but this time it hit me that he wasn’t just cheating on me, he was cheating on his girls, making some bimbo more important than they were, and that was it. I was done.”
She felt Zach squeeze her close as if he could absorb her pain. She didn’t need him to do it. The truth was that since she had left her lying, cheating, drunken spouse behind, she had never been happier.
“Oh, my girl, I’m sorry he didn’t value you like he should have,” Zach said. He kissed her head and Jessie felt soothed.
“It’s all right,” she said. “I learned quite a bit about myself in that relationship. I learned that I can’t really forgive a person for cheating or lying. I tried, repeatedly, but I knew I would spend the rest of my life doubting him and that’s no way to live. When he let down Gracie, after promising he’d be there, and I watched her cry, there was no going back. It was a good life lesson.”
“Agreed,” Zach said. “Sometimes it takes a while to realize a person isn’t who you thought they were.”
Jessie glanced up at him. She sensed there was more behind his words but she didn’t want to press. If she was totally honest with herself, she didn’t want to find out he’d been in love with another woman who had broken his heart. It would explain why his friends had told her he was a no-commitment sort of guy, but she still didn’t want to hear it. She knew she was being a big chicken but she didn’t care.
Tonight had been amazing and she didn’t want anything to taint it, so she kissed him. She made it a long slow exploration of her mouth on his, tasting, licking, biting his lower lip gently between her teeth until all conversation was forgotten and his hands were on her body, drawing a response from her that left her breathless and weak and belonging to just him, even if it was only for tonight.
Chapter 23
After last night’s workout, Zach was sure he’d sleep for a month. But before the sky began to lighten, he awoke to find himself twined around Jessie as if he could hold on to her heat and light and block the winter’s cold darkness with it.
He’d never felt as connected to another person as he did to her. It wasn’t just the sex, although that had been unlike anything he’d ever experienced before; it was a connection that ran even deeper.
They had both spent their lives on the perimeter, both wanting to belong. Zach had created his own family with his Maine crew. Sam and Brad were like brothers to him, and as their group had expanded so had his heart, to include the ladies, their partners, all of them. Jessie had birthed her own family with the girls. She’d made something bright and beautiful out of a shitty situation and he admired her tremendously for that.
But where did this leave the two of them now? Were they a couple? Would they go back to being just friends? He pressed her close in a reflexive move at the thought of them going their separate ways. He didn’t want that. In fact, everything inside of him firmly rejected that idea.
He buried his face in her hair and the lemon scent of her filled his senses. He couldn’t imagine not having that in his life every day. And now that he knew what it was like to hold her in his arms, he couldn’t fathom not being able to hold her and kiss her whenever he wanted. He glanced down at her face. She looked completely blissed out and a small smile tipped his lips. He’d done that. Surely she wasn’t ready for it to end just yet.
His thoughts strayed to the girls and he felt a gut check. Whatever happened between Jessie and him, the girls needed to know that nothing would change between them. Zach was totally gone over those two imps, and he didn’t want to lose them any more than he did their mother. He would stay in their life even if only as a neighbor and a friend. He tried to picture what that would be like. Jessie going off on a date with someone else and Zach there to what? Babysit?
He hated it. The thought was worse than skunk spray, soggy shoes, a red wine hangover, or a trifecta of all three combined. There was only one solution. He was going to have to romance Jessie into seeing him in a more permanent light. He’d make sure she fell for him as hard as he was falling for her and then there’d be no silly talk of them going their separate ways or just being friends. Christ, it would kill him if she went there.
Knowing that the girls would be waking up soon, Zach eased himself off of Jessie. He didn’t want to put a strain on what was happening between them by having the girls see him in Jessie’s bed and then having to explain why he was there. Not yet. There’d be time for that in the future if he managed to achieve what he set out to do.
Jessie let out a soft grunt but she didn’t wake up. He’d feel bad about how exhausted she was except there was that whole mission-accomplished aspect to it that made him grin like an idiot. He tucked her in so that she stayed warm before he quietly pulled on his clothes and left the room.
A peek into the girls’ room and he saw that they were still asleep. He went down to the kitchen and made a pot of coffee. Jessie would be up in fifteen minutes and it would be waiting for her. He decided to leave a small note beside it, asking her to have dinner with him that night.
Zach stood with the felt tip pen and the sticky note, staring at the paper and debating what to write. Dinner with a question mark and then just his name? Just his first initial? Yeah, that didn’t seem douchey.
He ran a hand through his hair. He’d never had to leave a note before. The importance of getting it just right began to feel like a cinderblock pressing on his chest. He desperately did not want to blow this. Maybe he should draw a picture of a heart or a flower. Nah, his art skills weren’t that great and the way his brain kept replaying last night it would undoubtedly look like a naughty porno sketch.
He decided to go for honest and wrote: My girl, I will be thinking about you all day and smiling. Have dinner with me tonight? XO, Zach.
He’d debated about the “X” and the “O” but since that was definitely something they had done, it seemed appropriate and was much less alarming than using the letter “L” or the “L” word too soon. Even in his post-coital haze of infatuation, he knew that, although he suspected the “L” word was exactly what he was feeling for both Jessie and the girls.
A rush of fear hit him like a blast of arctic wind. He was falling. He knew it. He knew there was no stopping it. The only thing he could do was surrender and hope that Jessie was feeling the same way. God help him if she wasn’t.
He wrapped up in his coat and hat, pulled on his gloves, and signaled to Rufus, who was still asleep on the couch, that they were going home. Rufus stretched with his back legs still on the seat before he ambled after Zach, clearly not appreciating the life-altering events that had taken place the night before.
Zach was halfway home before he realized he had no idea when or how she would get in touch with him. Oh, man, this could easily be the longest day of his life. He soldiered on, determined not to think about it. It didn’t work.
What if she says no? The thought dogged his every step. He arrived at home and glanced back over his shoulder at Jessie’s. He’d locked the door behind him, leaving only the kitchen light on. He didn’t see any movement yet. He resisted the urge to run back over and talk, or beg, her into going out with him tonight.
No, this was better. This would give her the chance to think about it and ans
wer him honestly. He trudged into his house, which felt cold and lonely compared to hers.
What if she says no? He shook his head and blew out a breath. And what if she doesn’t?
He felt better for a second and then the anxiety crept back in. Damn it, his pop psychology wasn’t working at all. He took his cell phone out of his pocket and glared at it.
It buzzed in his hand and a text message appeared. It was from her. Zach held his breath.
Dinner sounds nice. 7?
Zach expelled his breath and pumped his fist at the same time. Yes! She was going to give him a chance. Now he just had to make it the single greatest date anyone had ever gone on ever. Right. No pressure.
• • •
Jessie tried not to fuss with her hair. She failed and her hair fell flat. Damn it. She knew better. Just like when she watched the girls do artwork, there was always that moment with a piece of art—or a hairdo—that you dropped your hands and backed away or the piece or the hair went all kinds of wrong.
She’d been going for big bouncy curls, and she’d had them for a minute, but too much product and way too much fussing and now she had a straggly mess. She glanced at her phone on the bathroom counter. Did she have time to cry? No, she did not.
She grabbed a fistful of bobby pins, twisted her hair up in the back and let the one remaining curl frame the side of her face and then she hit it with the hairspray. Not too much, just enough to keep the pins in.
She stepped back from the mirror and studied her expression. The dark circles under her eyes had been erased, mostly, with a light hand at some concealer. Mascara, powder, and a tinted lip gloss and she was ready to go.
With the snow mostly gone from the sidewalks, she decided to wear her favorite calf-hugging black suede boots with a delicate heel paired with her bright blue cashmere sweater dress with the wide black belt. It was simple but it hugged her curves and made her feel prepared for anything.
Anything being Zach saying, Hey, that was fun, let’s be friends. Or worse, the dreaded, That was terrible, here’s a steak dinner, now lose my number.
Honestly, she had no idea what to expect. He’d set out on a mission to give her an orgasm, he’d managed to give her three. Were they quits now? Or had last night meant something more to him, like it had to her? She didn’t know. She only knew that she had woken up without him beside her and it had been cold and lonely and she’d hated it.
Oh, she knew he’d likely left so that the girls didn’t find him in her bed. Awkward. And she really appreciated that he was sensitive to that sort of situation but she still didn’t know what was going on in his head and she found she really wanted to know. She wanted to know how he felt about her, about them, if there even was a “them” to be felt about.
There was a knock on the front door a few minutes before seven. Jessie pressed her hand to her middle. No matter how tonight went, she promised herself she would handle it with dignity. Her ex hadn’t left much of her self-esteem intact over the years but she was slowly knitting it back into something significant and she wouldn’t let a one-night stand, if that’s what it proved to be, rend all of her hard work.
“Momma, Zach is here!” Maddie hollered up the stairs. “And he smells really nice.”
Jessie smiled and then grinned when she heard Zach laugh. Her excitement to see him overriding her nerves, she hurried to the stairs to find him standing at the bottom, waiting for her.
She slowed down just so she could savor sight of him, leaning against the banister waiting for her. He was wearing a suit, charcoal gray with a black dress shirt and tie—there was something wicked in that—and she wanted to take the tie in hand and haul him upstairs to her room. She resisted the urge.
When she reached the last step, he took his hand from behind his back and held out a big, beautiful bouquet of blue hydrangea and white alstroemeria, along with crème roses, yellow chrysanthemums, and eucalyptus. It was lovely.
“Thank you,” she said. She couldn’t remember the last time anyone had given her flowers. “They’re beautiful.”
“As are you,” Zach said. His gaze moved over her, his newfound knowledge about her body in his eyes, and she felt her face get hot.
“Thank you,” she said again.
Ugh, she sounded like an idiot. But she couldn’t think when he looked at her like that.
Jessie glanced down at the blooms. She didn’t know what to say. The man who was known for being a big kid, who could always come up with outrageous euphemisms for body parts, was charming her stupid. She wasn’t sure she knew how to handle this or him.
Thankfully, Gracie and Maddie rushed forward, breaking the spell Jessie was in. They were each holding a large heart-shaped box of candy and grinning at her.
“Look what Zach brought us,” Gracie said. “Our own boxes of candy!”
“You shouldn’t have,” Jessie said to Zach.
“What? Of course I had to bring something to my best girls,” he said.
Jessie glanced at Maddie and Gracie. They looked like they were going to swoon at his feet. Yeah, she got that.
There was a knock on the door and Zach said, “That will be Emma and Brad, our babysitters for the evening.”
“Babysitters?” she asked.
“Yes,” Zach said. He looked wary. “I hope that’s all right. We have reservations for a very stuffy restaurant in Portland. I thought the girls would be happier to stay here and eat pizza with Emma and Brad.”
Jessie nodded. “Oh, yeah, that sounds lovely.”
“Cool,” Zach said.
He turned and headed for the door while Jessie went to put her flowers in a vase. Her hands were trembling when she unwrapped them from the cellophane. Flowers? What did they mean? Was he trying to soften the blow or did he want more? More what? More sex? Yeah, that’d be okay with her. More relationship? She didn’t want to get her hopes up, but he had brought the girls chocolate. Was he trying to soften the blow to them, too?
She took a vase from under the sink and filled it with water. She found her scissors and clipped the stems on the flowers so they stayed fresh longer. She could hear Zach and the girls talking to Emma and Brad in the foyer. She could hear Emma laughing and she had an unreasonable panicked thought that they were laughing at her.
Jessie shook her head. No, that was the old Jessie. The one who thought everyone was loved except for her. The one who believed that everyone else had a happy ever after except for her. She had kicked that miserable version of herself to the curb and she didn’t want her back.
This self-doubt was coming from her own vulnerability. She knew that. She knew that what she’d shared with Zach was making her feel at risk emotionally and it would be so easy to fall back into her old patterns of paranoia and bitterness, especially if it turned out that Zach was taking her out to dinner as a Hey, thanks for last night, and we’re done.
“Oh, wow, those are beautiful,” Emma said. She stepped into the kitchen and leaned in close to smell one of the delicate crème roses in the bouquet. “Zach really outdid himself.”
Jessie glanced at Emma. She was a petite, pretty blonde with a baby bump and a husband who adored her. The old Jessie would have said something cruel and mean just because she was so angry at the world. The new Jessie looked at her new friend and saw the dark circles under her eyes—pregnancy was exhausting—and she knew that Emma’s life—losing her mother as a teenager—had been far from perfect.
“He did,” Jessie said. She gave Emma a side-eye. “In so many ways.”
Emma’s eyes went wide. “Oh, my god!”
She grabbed Jessie’s hand and dragged her toward the half bathroom just off the living room.
“Where are you going?” Brad asked as they flew by him.
“Lipstick emergency!” Emma said.
“Even at home they go to the bathroom in pairs?” Brad asked Zach. “I nev
er knew that.”
Emma slammed the door and turned on the faucet. She pushed Jessie to sit on the closed toilet while she perched on the edge of the vanity.
“Okay, rank it on a scale of one to ten,” she said. “Ten being the best sex ever.”
Jessie felt her face get hot. “One hundred. Infinity!”
Emma clutched her hands in front of her chest. “Atta boy, Zach.”
Then she took her phone out of her pocket and began texting. Jessie frowned at her.
“What are you doing?”
Emma waved her hand dismissively even as her phone started to light up. “One more question, how many?”
“How many what?”
“You know, big ones!”
“Orgasms?” Jessie dropped her face into her hands and then peeked at Emma through her fingers. “Seriously?”
“Yes, it’s very important,” Emma said.
“If you must know, three,” Jessie said.
“Ha, ha, ha!” Emma chortled. She was madly texting and then she yelled at her phone. “I win.”
“You win?” Jessie asked.
Emma glanced from her phone to Jessie. “I can explain.”
“Try,” Jessie said. She crossed her arms over her chest and glared.
“The Maine crew might have had a small—very small, miniscule even—betting pool about when Zach would . . . achieve launch, so to speak.”
“You bet on my sex life?”
“It sounds so callous when you say it like that,” Emma said.
“How much?” Jessie asked.
“How much what?” Emma blinked.
“Yeah, that innocent blinky thing will no longer work on me,” Jessie said. “I want half the take.”
“What?” Emma protested.
“You said you won,” Jessie reminded her. “Well, since I did all the work, I want half the take.”
Every Dog Has His Day Page 21
