Illicit Passions

by Crystal Jordan

  “We’re still mated.” That said it all to him. There was no escaping this, ’til death did them part. They could separate, but they could never mate with anyone else. The bottom line was, he loved her too much not to try and make this work. He loved her enough to stand by and let his father hold a news conference that sold out his entire race. He loved her so much that the very idea of a world without her in it was incomprehensible.

  She sighed, sounding weary. “Trust me, I haven’t forgotten that. I wish I could.”

  That was a knife to the gut. “Don’t say that.”

  After yanking a towel off a stack by the sink, she dried her hands. “I can’t believe you revealed shifters to humans. Were you not at the meeting where representatives from the leopards, the wolves and the birds all agreed on avoiding that?”

  “I didn’t reveal shifters, Tori. My father did.”

  “Don’t try to wiggle out of responsibility.” She poked a finger at his chest. “You stood there and let your father do it. I didn’t see you tackling his ass to the ground to keep him from speaking into the mike. You were part of that mess.”

  “You think I haven’t reconsidered my actions of that night over and over again? I have. I made the best decisions I could in a shitty situation.” He threw out his arms. “Even if we’d had time to confront the dads as planned, the damage had already been done. Enough information had been leaked to those scientists that they were going to prove their point at any cost. If it wasn’t you they’d kidnapped, it would have been Sarah Beth or Ajax or, God forbid, Ajax’s daughters. I’ve been over their notes. Those little girls were on the list of people they considered grabbing. Maybe the birds would have reacted differently than the wolves did. We’ll never know, but—”

  “But those are little girls. I’m an adult. I said I could get myself free.” She grabbed her earlobes and tugged. “You never listen. You don’t trust me to take care of myself.”

  “They managed to kidnap you in the first place,” he pointed out.

  She sliced a hand through the air. “I know that. I also know I managed to get myself unkidnapped without your help.”

  True enough. He sighed. “Your family is pissed that I didn’t protect you. Apparently, they think you occasionally need someone to take care of you.”

  “Well, I’m pissed that you didn’t listen, that you outed our entire fucking species. I’m not worth that. No one person is worth that.” She poked her thumb between her breasts. “How dare you put that on me?”

  “Was I just supposed to let you die?” Inconceivable, the idea of letting his mate be murdered. His mind wouldn’t even go there.

  Her chin jutted pugnaciously. “Yes. If it came to that, yes.”

  “No.”

  “You’re not thinking rationally.” She tapped her forehead. “You’re thinking with your he-man alpha testosterone, like ‘how dare someone touch my mate?’ rather than with your brain that knows it wasn’t worth throwing all shifters under the bus to save my skin.”

  “My testosterone?” A harsh laugh spilled out of him, and he felt the humiliating burn of moisture at the backs of his eyes. “No, you’re right. I wasn’t thinking with my head, I was thinking with my heart. It’s just a fucking shame my mate can’t understand that.” He shoved a hand through his hair. “What the hell am I doing here?”

  Her hand rose as if to touch him, but then she let it drop. “Bastian…”

  “If our situations were reversed, would you have wrestled my father to the ground and knocked him unconscious? Would you have killed him to keep our secret safe? Because short of death, Michael Lykaios had made up his mind and nothing but the grave was going to stop him. Or Hector. How many members of my family—if we’re getting to extended family, even Hector counts—did you want me to lose that night? Maybe it makes me a shitty person and an even shittier leader, but I’m not strong enough to be responsible for your death and both of theirs. Are you?” His gaze bored into her, daring her to respond.

  “No,” she whispered.

  “I assumed I’d be killed for being party to that news conference. I assumed I was trading my life for yours.” For a moment, she seemed to stop breathing, her hands pressed to her chest. He pushed on relentlessly. “I tried to get everyone but my father to stay home and pretend no knowledge, but they refused.”

  She swallowed. “I don’t want you to die for me. I don’t want anyone to die for me.”

  “I would in a heartbeat. If that’s what it took to keep you safe.”

  Shaking her head, she harkened back to her main argument. “If you had just trusted me to get free, we—”

  “I trusted that you would try, but I couldn’t risk that you might fail.” He sighed, exhausted. “Just remember the last thing I saw was you being knocked out. How was I to know when you’d regain consciousness, if ever? If they’d had their way, you wouldn’t have.”

  “I know.” She closed her eyes. “I hate—hate—that you did this for me. That I was the excuse Michael and Hector got to use to fuck everyone over.”

  “You feel guilty, and you’re angry.” And unless he missed his guess, she was using her fury to cover her self-blame. “The anger is totally understandable. We’re all angry, sweetheart. But the guilt is misplaced.”

  She opened her mouth to retort, but all that emerged was a squeak when he reached out to wipe away the grease streak on her cheek.

  “Dominic is going through this too. Blaming himself for not tracking you down in time. He was about twenty minutes too late. All he found was a rabid Cyclops scientist and a fight-tossed lab.” Nothing Bastian or Paul or Tomas or Miranda had said could ease Dom’s shame, so Bastian had ordered everyone to leave him alone and let him work through it on his own. Sometimes a wolf just needed to lick his wounds in private.

  “The bitch deserved it.” Tori’s jaw jutted. “I don’t care if Michael screwed her over, she had no right to try to kill me.”

  “True. Nice job too.” He cradled her face between his palms as she gave a watery chuckle. Bastian wanted to deny his own sense of failure, but he’d come too far to try to hide anything from her. He’d decided before he left Tennessee to lay everything out on the table when he got here, and he wouldn’t take the coward’s way out now. “I hate—hate—that you were in danger and I could do nothing to stop it. I’m ashamed of how I failed you. I’m ashamed of how helpless I was to stop any of the shit that went down that night.”

  Pain reflected in her gaze. “We’re just one big fucked-up mess, aren’t we?”

  “That sums it up nicely, yeah.” He drew in a deep breath, and with it came the sweetness of her scent. “I’ve missed you. Even knowing you were out there in the world hating my guts, it was enough to know you were alive enough to be feeling anything. But damn, I missed you.”

  Her lips compressed and moisture glimmered in her gaze. “I don’t hate you. I hate the situation we were in, I hate that I feel so guilty, I hate that I didn’t keep myself from being kidnapped, I hate that you didn’t believe I could save myself, I hate everything Michael and Hector did. But I don’t hate you.” She closed her eyes, and a tear slipped free. “I missed you too.”

  He caught the tear with his thumb, swiping it away. “The question is, can you get past this enough to come home to me?”

  A laugh straggled out of her. “To be completely honest, it wasn’t just what happened that night that kept me away. I can’t be mated to the Alpha, Bastian. I just can’t. It was hard enough to consider being mated to the Beta, but the Alpha? All the reasons I gave you before are even more valid, to like the nth degree. I could twist myself into knots for you, but I couldn’t bite my tongue for the rest of my life. Especially not with the news cameras watching my every move now. It’s not just the shifters keeping a watchful eye on clan leaders anymore.”

  He’d thought of this long and hard, trying to come up with a solution that would work for everyone. There wasn’t one. All he could offer was a temporary compromise. “Five years.”


  “What?” She blinked up at him.

  Smoothing a lock of golden hair away from her forehead, he offered a crooked smile. “I talked to my brothers and we think that if I stay the Alpha for five years, I can step aside and hand over leadership without making too many waves.”

  The air left her lungs in a rush and he could feel the jolt of shock that went through her. “I…”

  He shrugged, hoping beyond hope that she could live with the plan he’d come up with. Their time apart had been a torment. “Think of it as being the First Lady while I’m elected president. You may not like it, but it’s not forever.”

  “You’d give up being Alpha. For me.” Her voice was flat, disbelieving.

  “Do you really doubt it?” He arched his eyebrows. “You’ve already seen what I would do for you. Anything is pretty much on the table.”

  She licked her lips. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “I do listen to you, Tori.” He stroked his fingertips over her face, reveling in the feel of her soft skin. “I don’t always agree with you and I’m not always going to do what you want, but I listen to what you say.”

  Her mouth opened and closed, more tears forming in her eyes. “I thought it was a package deal. Mating with you meant being a clan leader’s mate. Forever.”

  A reasonable assumption, and one he would have agreed with wholeheartedly before he’d met her. Before he’d loved her. “Maybe it would be for some Alphas, but as much as I want to be a good ruler for my people, there is one thing I want even more. You.” He tried to smile, but didn’t think it was very successful. “So, here I am, asking if you’d be willing to hang in there with me for a few years.”

  He held his breath, waiting for her answer. Waiting for her to decide the direction their lives were going to take. If he walked away from the clan now, it’d be a free-for-all grab for power. The situation could easily devolve into civil war, which would give humans all the excuse they needed to step in and mess with shifters. Bastian couldn’t let that happen. He had to stay leader long enough for the power dynamic in the clan to settle down again. Which might mean living without his mate for five years. How he’d survive that, he didn’t know.

  His entire life hinged on what she’d say next. “Tori?”

  She knew he was waiting for a response from her, but she stared at him like a halfwit. He was willing to walk away from one of the most powerful positions in the werekind world for her. She could see on his face that he was dead serious, that he’d give it all up just to keep her happy. Another tear spilled over her lashes, and she sniffled. After all the sobfests she’d had since she’d left Tennessee, you’d think she’d be too dehydrated to cry, but apparently not. She’d told her family the waterworks were some kind of delayed aftereffect from quitting cigarettes, but she doubted anyone had bought that particular lie. They’d just given her a wide berth, quiet support and a busted-up car to keep her busy.

  “I’m not going to give up my cars.” She raised her chin. “I’m thinking about making a business of it. The Wolf Council and everyone else will just have to deal.”

  “Fine.” He nodded, something hopeful beginning to shine in his beautiful eyes. “I’ll support your right to whatever career you want. Just agree to come back.”

  A snuffling little sob escaped, and she wanted to throw herself into his embrace. Being without him was like a physical ache inside her, a bruise that had just kept spreading and spreading. She didn’t know how much longer she would have lasted before she’d packed her stuff and hightailed it back to Chattanooga, even without the compromises he’d offered. It was humbling to realize how much she’d have given up for him, and even more humbling to realize how much he’d give up for her. She met his gaze. “Okay.”

  “Okay, you’ll be the Alpha’s mate?” He eased closer, though only his fingers touched her.

  “No, I’ll be your mate.” She pressed her palms to his sides, feeling the warmth of his skin through the soft cotton T-shirt. “As for the Alpha thing…maybe I won’t hate it as much as I think I will.”

  Relief shone stark on his expression. “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. Five years and then if you think you can hang in there for longer than that, we’ll decide then.”

  Giving in to her needs, she slipped her arms around him and rested her cheek against the firm wall of his chest. She could hear the rapid tattoo of his heart, smell a hint of sweat and fear. He’d been nervous she wouldn’t come back to him. She almost laughed. He had a higher opinion of her resistance than she did. Which was an excellent thing, really. She needed to keep him on his toes.

  “I love you,” she whispered.

  His arms snapped around her like steel bands, crushing her against him. “I love you too.”

  Then his mouth was on hers and she almost sobbed again, it was so good. Her fingers gripped his shirt, and she thrust her tongue into his mouth. He groaned, his hands sliding up to cradle the back of her head. His lips moved over hers, a slow and reverent exploration, a tender homecoming that made moisture sting her eyes. Dear God, but she’d missed him, craved him every single second they’d been apart. Their tongues tangled, stroked together as their bodies rubbed with a subtle rhythm that mimicked what was to come.

  Her body burned with the kind of desire she’d never felt for anyone but him. She welcomed it, a cessation of the pain their separation had caused her. She skimmed her hands over every inch of him she could reach, up the back of his shirt to caress his skin, and still it wasn’t enough. Arching into him, she tried to communicate her need without breaking the kiss. Her sex throbbed, so damp she could feel the swollen slickness of her pussy.

  But he didn’t give her what she wanted, just kept up the slow, maddening seduction. He palmed her breast, his thumb circling her nipple. She felt each sweep of his digit like a lightning strike straight to her loins. Unable to take anymore, she tore at the button on his jeans, shoving her hands down his pants. They both groaned when she grasped his dick. The angle was awkward with her arm wedged between them, but she stroked him.

  The kiss grew rougher, more feral. His fangs scraped against her lips, and she tasted the tang of blood, which called to the animalistic side of her. Her hips bucked in a blind seeking for contact, for surcease that only he could grant her. She was going to implode if he didn’t fuck her soon.

  With a growl, he jerked back, his chest heaving.

  She sputtered. “Don’t stop!”

  “We’re in a garage,” he groaned, the sound almost mournful.

  “So? I do my best work in garages.”

  The look he shot her was scolding. “Tori!”

  She grabbed a clean towel from the stack, and with a quick snap, had it spread over the edge of the workbench. “Lift me up.”

  One dark eyebrow rose. “Not the most romantic setting for a reunion.”

  “All the beds are in the house. With my brothers,” she emphasized.

  He grinned. “It’s a really nice garage you have here.”

  “Exactly.” She pulled her shirt over her head and tossed it down next to the towel. If she got naked, maybe he’d take the hint and follow suit. Her bra went next and his gray gaze burned to pure silver as he watched her. She open her fly and worked her jeans and panties down her thighs before she remembered—duh!—she had to take her shoes off first. She bent to unlace her boots and tug them off. His hands bracketed her waist and he set her on the workbench. Then he wrestled the remainder of her clothes away.

  “You are so beautiful, my mate.”

  A lot of men had said that to her over the years, but none of them had ever had love filling their expression when they said it. The emotion made all the difference in the world. She leaned back on her hands and let him look his fill, feeling more beautiful than she ever had in her life.

  “You’re pretty good-looking too, Lykaios.” She gave a pointed glance to his attire. “I’d like to see more of you. We’ve both waited long enough.”

  His Adam’s apple bobbed and s
omething vulnerable moved behind his gaze. Even with his clothes on, she’d never seen him more naked. He let her see everything—all that he felt, all that he was. Not perfect or powerful. Just a man. Just her mate. “I love you.”

  “I love you.” She held out her arms. “Come here.”

  He stripped in under a minute and then stepped into her embrace. She wrapped her arms and legs around him, holding him as close as she could. His erection was rock-hard against her belly, and he took her mouth again. She danced her fingers over his form—satin flesh stretched taut over steely strength. Touching him fulfilled a need she’d never known she had before him. The need to connect, to steep herself in the essence of another. To mate. The taste of him was hot and masculine on her tongue, and she sucked his lower lip into her mouth, sinking her teeth into its fullness.

  Groaning, he reached between them to grasp his dick and guide it to her entrance. His knuckles brushed over her clit, and she whimpered in response. When he pushed into her, the whimper turned into a throaty moan. He was so big, the stretch as exquisite as ever. Her eyes drifted shut and she bit her lip, rocking her hips into his thrusts. Heat and friction, the crisp hair at his groin rubbing her clit, their gasping pants, the creak of the workbench beneath them. One sensation piled on top of the other, and she reveled in it. This was where she belonged, with this man, wherever they happened to be. All the pieces clicked into place.

  He pumped into her, hard and fast, and the angle the table lent them was so fucking amazing. Each time he slammed inside her pussy, the head of his cock hit her G-spot. She fell back on her hands and arched her torso, choking at how much better that felt. Climax was rising like a tide within her, threatening to pull her under. Moans spilled from her throat, and she clenched her thighs around his trim hips. So close, so very, very close.

  “Tori.”

  “Hmm?” She opened her eyes to look at him.

  His gaze locked with hers, caught her in their silver intensity, and there were no barriers between them anymore. Just acceptance, forgiveness. Love. The kind of love that would last for a lifetime. A smile curled her lips as they both fought their orgasms, tried to drag this out as long as possible, tried to hold on to the connection. He laughed, pure joy shining in his gaze. Light glinted off his fangs, the wolf as evident as the man. She loved both sides of his nature, loved that she could always lighten the seriousness in his expression. He needed her as much as she needed him. They moved in perfect sync, faster and faster, driving each other to the very brink of sanity.