Darkest Sin

by Ashton Blackthorne

  The doctor shook his head.

  “Veronica, you were fornicating with that boy. That’s what caused you to fall in the shed. Sister Bridget was alerted by Serena. They saved your life. Now I’m very sorry you’ve lost your baby, but accusing Sister Bridget won’t help you.”

  My mind was reeling. I hadn’t wanted to keep the baby, but I wanted to give birth to a healthy child. To think that something was wrong with me all this time….it was too much.

  “I…I want to go home,” I whispered.

  The doctor nodded.

  “Yes, your father has been sent for. He should be arriving in a few days.”

  Oh, thank God, I thought.

  “Sister Bridget, she’s a fucking murderer! Look at the way she beat me, the cuts on my thighs…”

  “The cuts on your legs? That’s from where you fell in the shed.” The nuns stood around the doctor nodding.

  “No, doctor, they didn’t. Sister Bridget hit me with a willow switch!”

  “I’m sorry, Veronica. You need to rest.” The doctor stood by me with a syringe in his hand.

  “She’s a killer, doctor! Believe me!” I flailed my arms about struggling to get up.

  The doctor nodded at the nuns to restrain me.

  “Now sleep, Veronica. Sleep until your father arrives.” He slipped the syringe into my arm. I felt my eyes growing heavy and the room became fuzzy. I lay there as if eviscerated, torn and bleeding. Slowly, the hideous nightmare in which I’d been living began to fade. Sister Bridget’s horrible face became a distant memory….

  “So you lost the baby?” Ash looked pale and shaken. He kept his arm around my shoulder as I continued to cry.

  “Yes.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me years ago?”

  “Because I thought you’d want to have children. I’ve been to a gynecologist since then and I have PCOS. That combined with the scar tissue from the injuries years ago has left me with a less than five percent chance I can ever have children.”

  Ash turned to gaze out the window at the snow beginning to fall.

  “Ronnie, I don’t know how I feel about children, but that would never stop me from being with you. What you went through is appalling to say the least. But what I’m concerned with is how your experiences mesh with our relationship.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You submitted yourself to me and I am your dominant. But I’m worried that given your traumatic past, this type of relationship may be too much for you. Perhaps that’s why you didn’t tell me.”

  I shook my head.

  “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to think less of me for getting pregnant so young. As far as our relationship goes, I love it. It’s exactly those types of desires my father repressed in me and the nuns tried to beat out of me.”

  “I’m so sorry that happened to you. You getting pregnant doesn’t make me think less of you, but it does make me think less of your father. I’m sorry to say this seeing how he’s just passed, but I never cared for him. I like him even less now. Did you ever tell him what happened?”

  “I tried, but he refused to hear it. He believed the sisters not me. That’s why I haven’t set foot in a Catholic church since then. I just can’t. I’ve woken up screaming many times in the night since then.”

  “Ronnie, that’s terrible. But you have me now and that was so long ago. If you wake up screaming, I’ll be right here with you.”

  I kissed him gently on the mouth. I snuggled down with him to watch the snow fall. The nuns led me to believe that I was branded a fallen woman and no good man would ever want me. I never thought I’d actually find my Prince Charming after that terrible time in my life.

  Some dreams do come true.

  Nineteen

  Veronica

  The morning of my father’s funeral, I stood hand in hand with Ash. I wore a black Chanel suit my Aunt Shannon had selected for me. I had wanted to keep the funeral a simple ceremony with only close friends and family, but my father had anticipated that so his will provided for an elaborate service in St. Patrick’s Cathedral in Manhattan. All of my extended family from New York, Boston, and Ireland were present. Cousins my father and I hadn’t seen for years attended. All of my father’s business acquaintances came to pay their respects to a man they had barely tolerated in life now in death they revered him.

  I stood with Ash allowing mourners to comfort me. I still couldn’t feel anything. This was the first time since I’d been tormented by the sisters in England that I had set foot inside a church. The beautiful Gothic architecture brought back too many painful memories. Ash held me close to him knowing how fearful I was of being inside the church. When several nuns came by to express their condolences, I recoiled in terror.

  “It’s okay, Ronnie. I’m here,” he whispered, his hand against the small of my back.

  Ash’s secretary, Amber came through the line to express her condolences. I always felt a twinge of jealousy around her as she worked closely with Ash every day. She was incredibly beautiful, but her hair color and her figure reminded me of my own. Perhaps that’s why Ash had hired her.

  “I’m so sorry for your loss, Veronica.” Amber extended her arms to me. Reluctantly, I accepted her embrace feeling her full tits pressed against my own. I thought I saw Ash’s eyes light up with interest as we embraced.

  Even in a situation like this he was thinking of sex.

  Somehow, I was able to get through his service. Seeing him lying in the coffin dressed in his fine suit, he had looked years younger. I envisioned him dancing with my beautiful mother all those years ago on the night they first met at a charity ball in Manhattan.

  As we departed from the church, Ash rode back with me to my father’s second home in the Hamptons where dozens of cousins, aunts, and uncles awaited us.

  “Veronica! You have grown into such a beautiful young woman.” My aunt Shannon embraced me. She had the same bright green eyes as my father. Her beautiful hair which used to be red was now streaked with silver.

  “Aunt Shannon, this is Ashton Blackthorne. Ash, this is my Aunt Shannon.”

  Shannon extended her hand to Ash. He took and pressed it to his lips in an obscenely old-fashioned gesture.

  “My, Veronica, what manners he has.” Shannon blushed unaccustomed to a young man using such a gesture.

  “Such a pleasure to meet you, Ashton.”

  “The pleasure is all mine, Miss?”

  “James. I never married, Ashton.”

  He winked at me as she gazed at him with admiring eyes.

  “Veronica, dear, I was so happy to see you in church again. Your father would have been so pleased.”

  I cringed. Aunt Shannon never knew the details of the trauma I’d suffered at St. Augustine’s.

  “I’m just sorry he’s gone,” I whispered, looking down at my shoes.

  “Yes, dear, Malachy was such a kind, generous man. I miss him already.”

  I was glad then that I’d decided to tell Ash about my past. When Shannon referred to Malachy, she knew he meant my father. Shannon was the only one who still referred to him by his birth name. Shannon was six years older than my father and couldn’t bring herself to call him by such an “American” name. Despite spending a great deal of her childhood in the US, Shannon thought of Ireland as her home. After she grew up, Shannon moved back to Ireland as well as spending several years living in England.

  As I was talking with Aunt Shannon, my attention was drawn by an outburst in the front room.

  “Veronica!” I heard a familiar voice thick with a British accent.

  Oh no, it was Bryce!

  I had told him not to come that we would work everything out later. My stomach twisted, as I feared what Ash would do when he found out I had been engaged.

  “Ash, stay here. Let me deal with this.” I hurried to the front room as Ash stood staring after me.

  “Bryce!” I hissed pulling him to the side. The rest of my family eyed us curiously as we hurried outs
ide to the patio.

  “Veronica, I can’t let you do this. I don’t care whatever happened with Ash. Your father just passed. You don’t know what you’re doing. Let me come and stay here in New York with you.” Bryce pleaded with me trying to embrace me. I shrugged him off.

  “No, Bryce, I asked you to stay back in London. I know what I’m doing. Thank you for your condolences, but I meant what I said. I am breaking our engagement and that’s final.” I emphasized by pounding my fists on my thighs.

  “But, Veronica, that can’t be it. We’ve been together for a long time. I can’t just let you walk away.” He held my wrists tightly.

  I tried jerking and pulling away from him. It was a cold, winter’s day and the rest of my family was watching us arguing outside on the patio.

  “You’re not letting me. I am walking away! I’m sorry if this hurts you I really am, but I’m in love with Ash. I always have been.”

  Desperately, I was trying to get him to leave before Ash saw us together. Suddenly, the French doors swung open and Ash raced to my side.

  “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Ash demanded pulling me away from Bryce.

  Bryce laughed as he stared at us.

  “So you must be the famous bad boy, Ashton Blackthorne. Really, mate, I was expecting someone a bit more impressive.” Bryce tried slapping Ash on the shoulder.

  Ash tossed his hand away. His jawline tightened as his fists clenched. He turned to me.

  “Ronnie, who the hell is this clown?”

  My eyes widened and I bit my lip. I couldn’t handle this today.

  “I knew him in London.” I choked the words out.

  Sensing a fight may ensue, the rest of my family charged outdoors. Ash and Bryce stood toe to toe. Ash was the taller one towering over Bryce by several inches.

  “Veronica, I want you to come back with me to London. Forget this pompous jerk.” Bryce pleaded with me trying to pull me to him. Ash slapped his hands away from me.

  “Motherfucker, I’m going to tell you one time and one time only. Get the hell off this property and stay away from Veronica! If you so much as try to contact her again, you’ll deal with me. I can assure that I will make life very unpleasant for you.” Ash’s hands were clenched so tightly his knuckles were turning white.

  Just then, Bryce tried hitting him with an upper cut to the jaw. With his fast reflexes, Ash blocked it grabbing his fist and twisting his arm backward.

  “Ash! Stop! You’ll break his arm,” I cried, pulling on Ash to release him.

  Ash released his arm shoving him to the ground. In a flash, Bryce charged him throwing Ash to the ground. Before Ash could recover, Bryce began pummeling him with his fists. I jumped onto Bryce’s back clawing at his face with my long fingernails.

  “Bitch!” he screamed, releasing Ash as he clutched his face falling back onto the pavement.

  That was all Ash needed. In a rage, he tackled Bryce pounding his face punching him over and over again. Bryce’s nose was crooked and bloody. His eyes swelled dramatically. Blood trickled from Ash’s nose and his lower lip was cut.

  “STOP IT! JUST STOP IT!” I screamed pulling Ash’s arm.

  Ash relented, falling back panting for breath.

  “Get the fuck out of here before I call the police. NOW!” He screamed holding me close to him.

  “Before you go apologize to Veronica and her family. How dare you come here to start trouble on this day of all days. She just lost her father.”

  Bryce rubbed his swelling face blotting his bleeding nose with his sleeve. He glanced around at my family who stood in shock.

  “Please accept my apologies. I’m sorry for your loss. Goodbye Veronica.” Looking ashamed, he raced off.

  After Bryce left, the rest of my family began to say their goodbyes. Aunt Shannon was the last to leave expressing her deepest regrets about my father’s passing.

  As we began cleaning up, Ash cornered me.

  “Ronnie, just what the hell was all that about? Who was that guy?”

  I bit my lip and looked around. My eyes came to rest on my mother’s portrait above the fireplace. She looked so young, so beautiful and so happy in the picture.

  “Ash, he’s just someone I knew in London. I worked with him.” I just couldn’t do this today. Everywhere I looked in the house I saw them. Their ghosts were all around this house. All of a sudden, I felt as though I couldn’t breathe.

  “Ash, I can’t be here,” I whispered.

  Ash looked concerned.

  “You want to leave? Come on, Ronnie, let’s go back to my place. I don’t want you to be alone.”

  I nodded gathering a few things in an overnight bag. I cast one more glance at my mother’s portrait. Her eyes seemed to follow me.

  After I’d doctored his wounds from his fight with Bryce, we curled up in Ash’s bed. Lying there, I looked up at the ceiling. I could feel the question burning in his mind.

  “Ronnie, I know today has been hard for you. But I need to know just who that man was.”

  I sighed clutching the locket in my hand. I felt sick. I had been dreading this all day. My heart ached with the loss of my father and now with the fear I might lose Ash. Still, he deserved to know the truth which I should’ve told him weeks ago.

  “He was my fiancé.”

  Ash shot up in bed staring down at me his eyes wide.

  “What the hell do you mean?”

  “I met him in London after you and I broke up. I met him at a charity ball. His name is Bryce. He’s the son of a British ambassador.”

  The look on Ash’s face crushed me. At first, I could see the rage burning in his eyes then incredible sadness.

  “So are you saying this engagement is current? Just what’s going on with him?” Ash threw the sheets aside to glare down at me.

  I sat up and got to my feet. I was nude so I pulled on a black silk robe. It was time to tell him the full truth even if it shattered our relationship.

  “After we started seeing each other again, Ash, I broke up with him.”

  Ash’s lips curled over his teeth. He stood up to pull on a pair of black shorts. He stared at me with his fists clenched.

  “Just what do you mean? When, Ronnie, when did you break up with him?” He demanded. I’d never seen him this upset.

  I looked down the tears already forming in my eyes.

  “The other day,” I mumbled.

  “What other day? When the hell was it?”

  “The day my father died.”

  Ash’s face turned bright red. He was shaking with rage.

  “Ronnie, that was less than a week ago!”

  Miserably, I nodded.

  He paced the floor realizing what I was saying. I knew this would be bad, but I had no idea he’d be this upset.

  “Basically, you’re telling me that you were cheating on him with me, is that right?”

  I raced to his side to take his hand. Violently, he jerked away from me.

  “It wasn’t like that, Ash. I never really loved him. He was a way to appease my father.”

  Ash gave a sarcastic laugh.

  “So you were willing to marry a man you didn’t love for the father you claimed to despise?”

  “Ash, I never said I hated my father, but yes, I was prepared to marry him. I was alone in London. We had broken up. I didn’t know where to turn or what to do. I choose him because he reminded me of you.”

  Ash’s eyes narrowed to slits.

  “Are you fucking kidding me, Ronnie? You’re trying to put this off on me by saying he reminded you of me! I saw the guy, Ronnie, he looks nothing like me!” Ash shouted.

  For the first time ever, I was actually fearful of him. I backed away.

  “Look, Ronnie, this is bullshit. I don’t care what your excuses are. You fucking cheated on him!”

  “But only with you, Ash. As soon as I realized we could be together again, I broke it off with him.”

  He strode over to the closet pulling my clothes out. He ripped
them off the hangers and tossed them at me.

  “Get out, Ronnie!”

  In shock, I fell to the floor clutching my garments beneath me.

  “Ash, please, I love you. I just lost my father. Please don’t do this.”

  He wiped his hand down the side of his face. His eyes were reddened as he blinked back tears.

  “I’m sorry you lost your father, Ronnie. I understand that pain better than anyone, but I don’t want you here anymore. I can’t trust you. After everything, I told you about my mother, how could you do this to me? What the hell did you think I would do?”

  Brokenly, I sobbed pulling my clothes over my body.

  “I didn’t know, Ash. I’m so sorry.”

  Slowly, Ash sank to the floor in front of the huge picture window. He sat quietly just staring outside at the snow covered ground.

  I scrambled to my feet and walked over to him. I placed my hand on his shoulder.

  “Ronnie, you could’ve told me about him before. If you would’ve told me when we first started seeing each other again, then it would’ve been fine,” he whispered.

  Tears dripped from my cheeks as I held his shoulder.

  “I didn’t know how to, Ash. I’m so sorry. I never meant for it to happen this way. I mean I did plan—“

  “—plan what? I know you orchestrated the entire Vitalife deal.”

  I nodded.

  “Yes, I did, but that was so that I could see you again.”

  He looked at me incredulously.

  “You bought those shares just so you could see me again?”

  I walked over to him wringing my hands.

  “Yes and no. I watched you from afar for years, Ash, waiting to make my move. I just couldn’t marry Bryce without knowing if you and I would ever have a chance to be together. You are the one I wanted. I’ve always wanted you. No one makes me feel the way you do. You’re everything to me, Ash. The way your hand strikes my flesh, the way you command me with your eyes, no one else can do that.”

  He sat and stared at me. His eyes appeared cold, lifeless.

  “Ash, please understand. I never wanted to cheat on anyone! I’d never cheat on you. You own me body and soul. I’m yours now and forever!” I held the locket out to him.