Pain

by Amanda Mackey

  Digging into my leather jacket pocket, I pulled out a cigarette and lit up.

  “Son, there is no smoking in this car. You’ll have to put that out,” said the overweight, balding misfit behind the wheel. I stared at the guy delivering me to my new home for the next eight weeks. Eight fucking weeks! I’d be going stir crazy in less than one.

  “Don’t see a sign anywhere,” I answered purposefully, blowing smoke rings at the back of the prick’s head to annoy the hell out of him. I was good at pissing people off. I’d been doing it most of my life. I’d been in and out of foster homes, some worse than others, but none as bad as the sinister hole I’d endured for five years because I was stuck in a system that didn’t give a shit. I could still smell the filthy pile of waste I’d lain in for days as if it were yesterday. Bound like an animal. Lost to the darkness. Cold. Numb. Hungry. I’d been so fucking hungry I could have chewed my own arm off.

  A grunt from the front seat drew me to the present as a window was wound down, nothing more being said about me smoking.

  The scenery outside had transformed from tall skyscrapers and freeways to narrowed roads lacing through towering pine trees. A different world. One I’d never seen before. My pulse was elevated, rage never far from the surface. I’d been a prisoner my whole life in one way or another, and I’d never seen outside the small perimeter of my mutant existence. Nothing about it had ever been normal. I had never been normal.

  “How much further?” I wanted this to be over with. Already, it felt like we’d been traveling for days.

  “About another hour,” came the reply with a nonchalant shrug.

  I sank back into the seat, enjoying the calming effect the cigarette brought me. It was about the only thing that worked to quell the jittery nerves that always filled me when I was being sent into the unknown. How many fucking places was I going to get delivered to in my lifetime? I was an adult for crying out loud! Didn’t I have any say in the matter? I’d done my time. Paid my dues in prison. Gripping the edge of the seat, I closed my eyes and fought to control the sudden onslaught of messed up images that popped into my head of my time in the lockup. Dragging deeply on the cigarette, I willed the dark thoughts and memories to cling to the puffs of smoke that I blew from my lungs as if that might purge them from my body.

  I wasn’t sure how the latest attempt at fixing me was going to go down, but I did know that I was going to get the hell out of there the first chance I got. It was me against the world, and I sure as fuck didn’t need to be under anyone’s care. I’d been there, done that, and they’d all failed. Miserably. Or maybe it was me. Maybe I just had a tendency to rub people the wrong way. It sure felt like it.

  I had fifty bucks to my name and a small backpack with a journal I kept and a cell phone I’d snatched up from some drunk outside a club who’d dropped it on the pavement as he’d staggered toward a cab. That was all I owned. That amount of money wouldn’t go far if I was to live on the streets, but maybe I’d be able to find some cash lying around at the zoo or something of value I could pawn. Hmm. The more I thought about it, the more I was starting to think that it mightn’t be so bad where I was headed. Not if I could use it to my advantage.

  Chapter Three

  Lil

  My face was buried in the luxurious, tawny mane of Raj, one of the adult male lions, while we sat in the dappled sunshine under the shade of a large fir tree, enjoying each other’s company. The lukewarm rays caught the golden strands at just the right angle, transforming them into fibers of spun gold. The remainder of the pride weren’t too far away, drinking from one of the water holes scattered around the property.

  Raj was making gruff, teasing noises as I scratched his throat, letting me know that I was hitting the right spot.

  “Today’s the day, Raj. A stranger is coming into The Sanctuary, and I’m a little nervous about it. I really don’t know what to expect, considering the guy has led such a colorful life. I try not to judge, but I can’t help but feel he’s going to shake up our perfect world.”

  I lifted my head as Raj turned his toward the sound of my voice, head-butting me and trying to lick my face with his mammoth, raspy tongue. It could graze skin with just one swipe, so at the last minute, I turned my head, giving him a mouthful of my hair. He snuffled, almost sneezing when my reddish locks tickled his nose.

  His head fell back onto my lap as I stroked him. I wished he could impart some words that would comfort me about the impending newcomer. I could have been barking up the wrong tree, but something about his arrival had me on edge, and I wasn’t sure why. Maybe it was the fact that it had been Dad and me along with Daniel and Nate for so long now that bringing someone else into the mix would unbalance our well-adjusted unit. The four of us gelled together perfectly. I didn’t want to disrupt that. I’d finally found a calm and peaceful life, and the thought of changing it scared me.

  Raj was nodding off with my gentle caresses, but I knew I couldn’t stay. I needed to get cleaned up for our guest.

  Slowly, the rest of the pack ambled up toward us, and I cuddled each one before saying my goodbyes. I glanced at my watch and determined my prodigy would be arriving at any time.

  “Great. This is just great. If he stresses me out, I’ll be sending him in here with you guys so you can sort him out.” I walked with my pride to the gate before locking it behind me. I tore up the dry road with my truck, heading back to the house for a shower and change of clothes.

  ***

  Half an hour later, I was dressed, hair still damp, sipping a coffee in the kitchen. I heard a car approach. Dad was with Mia. It was up to me to deal with the parole officer and his passenger.

  I let out a long sigh. I threw my cup in the sink and moved through the living room to the front door, my heart beating a wild tempo at the thought of being face to face with a real-life criminal.

  Animals were easy. People were hard. This guy would be no different, and so I wasn’t going to bow down to him and let him walk all over me. I needed to show him right from the get-go that I could handle any animosity or attitude he brought with him. This was my home. He was a guest. He needed to respect that. I could play hard-ball if needed.

  Squaring my shoulders and jutting my chin outwards, I opened the front door just as the white sedan stopped in the driveway. Two people got out.

  Moving to stand at the edge of the porch, I let them come to me. My feet were still bare from my shower, so I didn’t want to dirty them up again. The driver looked to be middle-aged, balding, and wore a dress shirt, tie, and long pants. Borderline overweight. He nodded to me as he approached with his aviator shades on. “Miss Harris?”

  “That’s right.”

  “I’m Jack Sutton, and this here is Justice Armstrong.” The parole officer held out his hand for me to shake and then nodded his head behind him to where the guy called Justice stood.

  Shaking Jack’s hand, I mentally laughed at the name Justice, considering what it represented and to whom it was attached.

  My eyes drifted to the tall, all in black figure standing with both hands stuffed in his jean pockets, staring at me with a haughty sneer on his face that screamed trouble. Just as I expected, first impressions told me that I was going to have my work cut out for me. I dropped my gaze to his feet, discounting the flutters in my chest.

  His black work boots had me guessing his feet were huge. Noticeably so. A flicker of a thought crossed my mind about large feet relating to large…never mind. I shook it off and continued up his denim-clad legs to his torso. A black leather jacket was wrapped over the top of a rather tight black tee that molded to some ripped pectorals underneath. Hot enough. Moving further north I let my eyes settle on his face again. Ignoring his sharp jaw and conceited smirk, I looked for something less roguish but couldn’t find anything. He screamed “bad.” A single onyx earring pierced the lobe of his left ear, glinting as the sun caught it. A scar down his prickly jawline almost finished off the unkempt package. It wasn’t until I let my eyes connect with h
is and saw as plain as day the raw brutality of a tortured soul in their endless depths that I truly acknowledged we were letting a criminal into our home. Eyes that had seen too much and done too much—wounded eyes that were not dissimilar to those of my rescued animals. Right there, in that very second, goosebumps dotted my arms, my heart stuttering for just a moment before picking up its rhythm. Dangerously beautiful were the only words that could describe him, a combination that had heat torching my insides.

  I squinted against the glare of the sun and held out my hand, showing some manners in front of Jack, drawing in a deep breath through my nose.

  “Nice to meet you, Justice. Welcome to The Sanctuary. I’m Lil.”

  He interrogated me with his dazzling, brooding charcoal eyes, unnerving me slightly, but I was determined not to show any sign of weakness. He kept both hands in his pockets, merely giving me a slight nod. “What kind of a name is Lil? Is it like Li’l darling or Li’l princess?” There was definitely mirth in his sonorous, rough voice, the right side of his lips tipping up.

  Okay, what the hell? Lowering my hand and scrunching my fingers, I shot back at him, “What kind of a name is Justice? Is it a joke name given to you by one of your prison buddies? You know, like blatantly flipping the bird at the law you successfully keep on breaking?” It was probably a bit low, but this guy was a smartass. Gorgeous or not, I didn’t care for his overt attempt at making me feel like a needy, inadequate female or the way he moved closer to me, a vein in his neck nearly rupturing as his jaw squared even further at my retort. He wasn’t even in the front door, and he was already pissing me off.

  “You. Don’t. Know. Fuck. About. Me,” he pushed out, getting right in my face. The fury erupting from him immediately rocketed my own temper into the red zone.

  Not one to back down, as I had learned with my feline friends, I returned his scrutiny and stood taller. “I know that you’re rude and arrogant. That’s just after a minute in your company. Give me another hour, and I’ll know enough.” There was a showdown brewing.

  Jack cleared his throat, moving to push between us, probably able to sense that an all-out brawl was about to ensue. I’d momentarily forgotten he was even with us. “I have some paperwork for you to sign, Miss Harris, and then I’ll be on my way.” His thinning hair lifted from his head with the fluttery breeze before falling again in a not so perfect manner.

  I could tell by his tone he was itching to get out of here and leave Justice in my care. Pulling my fiery stare away from the new thorn in my side, I nodded. “Come on in the house. We can sit at the table. Can I get you a cup of coffee?” I expected him to say no, but I was kind of hoping he would stick around so that I didn’t have to be alone with Mr. Attitude.

  “Ah, thanks for the offer, but I really do have to get going. You know, the drive back to LA and all?”

  Right. Well, it was worth a try. I turned on my bare heels and led them into the house, wishing like hell I could teleport to another dimension. How could my father leave me with this jerk?

  There wasn’t just some paperwork. There was a stack of it, so it took a while to get through. All the while, I was extremely aware of Justice standing beside me, fidgeting and moving nervously from one foot to the other. I wanted to tell him to quit it but held my tongue. I needed to try to simmer down before I got myself into a situation that I’d regret. My mouth sometimes worked before my brain.

  “I’ll need you to call in once a week just to let us know how everything is going. Here’s my card,” said Jack, placing his business card down onto the table beside me.

  “No problem,” I answered, standing and shuffling all the paperwork together and holding it out for him. “There shouldn’t be any issues.” Glancing at Justice quickly with my best “don’t mess with me” look, I walked Jack to the front door and bid him farewell, watching his car until it disappeared, buying a little more time.

  I had to pause and breathe deeply in order to gather the courage I needed to get through, not only the rest of the day but the next two months.

  When I made it back into the kitchen, I found Justice opening and closing drawers and cupboards.

  “Looking for something?” God, he made me nervous, and why was he searching through our stuff already?

  “Nope. Just finding my way around. Getting to know where things are.” He turned to face me, leveling me with those devilish eyes, flashing me a hint of teeth.

  For a halting moment, I floundered as I took him in properly. He had to kiss six foot tall, minus his messy mane of dark brown hair that fell any way it pleased, playing with the collar of his worn black leather jacket. Heavy yet neat eyebrows peeked out from under his accidental fringe that begged to be pushed aside.

  A Roman nose sat proud above a mouth that almost appeared too feminine to be on such a masculine face. It clearly upturned at the corners, the top lip sweeping up gracefully before dipping in the middle, the bottom one moist and full, fleshy and succulent. It was clearly defined the whole way around, so much so that I gaped like a fool.

  “Like what you see, Li’l princess?”

  “What?” I jerked back, almost losing my balance, feeling warmth snake up my neck and settle in my cheeks. “No! I was thinking about something else—that we need to get moving so I can show you around. Follow me, and I’ll take you to your room. And don’t call me ‘Li’l princess!’” I had turned and was walking away before he could say anything, sucking life-giving oxygen into my lungs.

  His boots clapped on the wooden floors, so I knew he’d decided to follow me down the long hallway to the last room on the end, which was going to be his. Far enough away from mine to give me breathing space.

  The room was simple and light with a bed, chair, closet, and set of drawers. Beige curtains hung at the side of a floor to ceiling window that overlooked the expanse of flat, grassy land surrounding the immediate perimeter of the house. The décor wasn’t flash, but it was surely better than a prison cell.

  Justice entered and threw his small backpack down on the bed, sitting on the edge.

  “Is that all you’ve got?” I was surprised he didn’t bring a suitcase or something larger, but then I remembered where he’d been for the last year and a half.

  “I travel light. Never know when I’m going to have to up and leave in a hurry.”

  There was something in that sentence that led me to believe he was always on the run and probably thought he’d try to leave here the first chance he got. Well, he was in for a shock.

  “You might as well get comfortable, because there’s no way to get off this property unless you’re with my dad, me, or the two volunteers. The place is as secure as any prison you’ve been in. Once you’re in the gates, you’re here until the end.” This time it was me that smirked, triumphant in my small victory. It was, however, short-lived.

  He rose from the bed and stalked toward me, grabbing my arm forcefully. “You fucking mean I am actually stuck here? Caged in like one of your pets?”

  I almost thought I felt a spray of spittle hit me on the nose as he spat scathingly.

  “That’s right.” Studying his white-knuckled grip and wincing from the pain shooting up to my shoulder, I tried pulling away, but he was fastened on, his eyes a blistering inferno as I looked back up and cried out, “Let go of me! You’re hurting my arm!”

  He appeared not to have heard me, growling out, “Motherfucker! I’ve gone from one prison to another.”

  A moment of panic had me wondering just how crazy this guy was. There was no one else around that would even hear me if I screamed. He already looked like he was on the verge of going all psycho on me. Could I defend myself if I had to? I’d play-tackled lions and tigers before, but an angry male? I’d never really had to deal with one.

  I tried for the tough approach. I couldn’t show any fragility to this guy or he’d swallow me up and spit me out. “Let. Me. Go. Now. Or I will have your ass hauled back to prison within the hour!” There was enough venom woven into the words to let him k
now I was serious. My eyes glowered at him, my body unmoving.

  A momentary look of disbelief had him blink a few times, and then, he released me. The mention of going back to prison appeared to be the magic words. I’d do well to remember that.

  “Touch me again like that and I’ll throw you to the lions,” I offered, storming across the room, toward the door. “Be ready in five minutes.”

  “You can’t be serious! I just got here. Anyway, who died and made you the bitch boss? You barely look any older than me.”

  I laughed sarcastically, turning slightly in his direction so I could slide him a contemptuous scowl. “Listen up, sport. I don’t like having you here any more than you like being here, but the fact of the matter is that the law has provided you with a chance to get your shit in order. My father was the mastermind behind this little escapade, so you can thank him when I take you to meet him. Now you can sit around feeling like the world owes you something, or you can get your butt outside to my truck and use some of that anger you’re holding onto in a positive way. Your choice. I can’t promise you’ll like it here; in fact, I’m sure you won’t. What I can promise you is that if you give it half a chance, you’ll see that there’s a whole other world outside that is nothing like you’ve ever experienced before.”