Pain

by Amanda Mackey

  Pushing off the ground, my anger fueled my need to go find the gargantuan animals that had lured me over the wall of torture in the first place.

  If I wasn’t searching for the flicker of calm they had brought me on my first visit, I’d surely let them crush me to smithereens with their weight. Either that or head on into the lions’ den with my blood dripping like a fine, tasty lure.

  On foot, I wasn’t sure how far I had to travel to find the elephants, but I figured I’d fall upon them eventually. I’d slowed to a walk after expending all of my energy getting to the fence and then scaling it, not to mention my near meltdown.

  Following the gravel tire tracks that had been cut into the ground from Lil’s truck, I remembered how far in we’d had to drive to reach them.

  My fury had lessened only a notch. I’m sure I must have looked like a vagrant who had been put through a meat grinder with my torn jeans and shirt, blood still draining out, slowly seeping through the fabric. Nostrils flaring, mouth ironed into a flat line, hands still tightly coiled, hair littered with gravel. I imagined my eyes were flashing like two warning beacons. Stay back, or suffer my wrath.

  Lil and Tom would have been on the receiving end had I stayed at the house. I’d done them a favor by fleeing. No doubt someone would come looking for me if I stayed out long enough. I didn’t need them fueling my fresh wounds by asking stinging questions.

  What I needed was to calm the fuck down and forget I ever saw that damn news broadcast. Bury that son-bitch deep down in the pits of my soul and cover him up with walls of steel. Easier said than done. I’d been trying to do that for years, and look where it got me.

  Shifting my gaze from internally to my surroundings, I found what I was looking for up ahead. A huddle of three elephants, swishing their trunks, lazing idly in the sun. Not sure how they would greet me without Lil, I approached slowly and cautiously.

  They didn’t seem too bothered by my presence. I didn’t have a clue what the hell I was doing, and suddenly the sheer size of them next to me had me a little apprehensive.

  Don’t show fear. Wasn’t that Lil’s motto? Easy to say. Hard to do in certain situations.

  Inching closer, I stopped within a few feet of the group and just waited to see what they would do to me, on guard to run at a moment’s notice should they decide to charge.

  It was idiocy, but then, that was me all over. Pushing the boundaries of my fucked-up-ness.

  One of the largest elephants peered at me, lifted his trunk in the air, and let out a long trumpet sound, ears flapping, and I knew that wasn’t a good sign. Bracing myself, I waited for him to make the first move.

  Chapter

  Twenty-Three

  Lil

  “We need to go find him. It’s been over an hour.”

  “You’re not really in any position to go anywhere, honey. Let me go.”

  “No. I’m coming with you. I’m not going to sit here worrying while you’re out there searching. It will drive me crazy.”

  Dad gave me a knowing smile. “You always were stubborn—just like your mother.”

  It was one of the few times since she’d died that it had been brought up, and I was surprised to hear it now. I wasn’t quite sure what to say.

  “I…I just need to be doing something. He saved me. I owe him.”

  He watched me for a moment before sighing. “Come on then. I’ll drive your truck.”

  Before long, we were heading to the stables. I’d thought maybe he would go there to let off some steam by way of some physical work, but after Dad checked inside and out and came up empty, we headed toward the lions.

  “You don’t think he’d do anything stupid, do you?” I asked my father.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Like going in any of the enclosures without me.”

  “It would be darn near impossible if he doesn’t have a key. Those fences are designed to keep people out. You’d have to be crazy to try and get in. They’d cut you to pieces.”

  Staring out the window as Dad pulled the truck up to the lions’ gate, I couldn’t help but feel if anyone was going to attempt it, it would be Justice. Still, I’d seen the fear in his eyes the first day he’d met my friends. Why would he want to sign his own death warrant by returning without me? It didn’t make sense. Even someone wanting to end their own lives wouldn’t want to do it by getting ripped to shreds.

  Seeing the gate closed and locked, we kept going. “Maybe just drive around the property for a bit and see if we can see him. I don’t think he’d attempt to go into the cat enclosures, but we can check the tigers and elephants while we’re out.” I fiddled with the keys to all the gates, knowing that they were all locked. Justice had left in too much of a hurry to even think of nabbing them on his way out.

  “What makes you think the kid hasn’t just taken off to calm down?” Dad asked.

  “I’m not sure. I guess it was the look he had on his face. He was destroyed.”

  Placing a hand on my arm, Dad offered, “We’ll find him and get to the bottom of it.”

  “I hope you’re right. I get the impression Justice is a ticking bomb just waiting to detonate.”

  Dad mumbled something indecipherable. I didn’t ask what he’d said. He knew taking a prisoner fresh out of jail wasn’t going to be a walk in the park. Things were never going to run smoothly. Having me incapacitated had been an added hiccup, though, so he really didn’t need Justice to go off and do something stupid on top of that.

  We’d been driving around aimlessly for twenty minutes or so and hadn’t spotted any sign of Justice.

  “Head on over to the tiger and elephant enclosures, and then I guess we’ll return to the house. Who knows? He may have made his way back there by now.”

  “He’ll come back when he’s ready.”

  Unless he took a tumble like I did. I thought it but kept it to myself. What were the odds?

  I couldn’t get my mind off the television story. The man who had kept that poor boy locked up was a monster. How could anyone do that to a child? How could anyone like that qualify as a foster parent? Weren’t there stringent testing and interviews potential parents had to go through first? It hadn’t just been one child in his care, either. They were appealing to others to come forward. Is that what had Justice so freaked out? Was he one of the others? A shudder ran through me like wildfire. It was too repugnant to think of, but it would certainly explain a lot.

  The tiger enclosure was bolted shut too. I didn’t expect the elephant one to be any different, but we were nearly there, so we may as well check it out. The more time that went on, the more worried I became. If Justice had been involved with that sick man at any stage, it was fair to say that he’d been damaged far more than my father or I had envisioned.

  Jesus! All of a sudden, I wanted to help him. None of it had been his fault. He needed to know that. It’s no wonder he’d ended up on the streets and on the wrong side of the law. He had been struggling to survive.

  “You okay, honey? You look a million miles away.”

  “Yeah, Dad. Just wondering where he may be, that’s all.”

  “Well, let’s do a drive by the elephants and then head back and wait for him. We don’t need to start panicking yet.”

  Trouble was, I was already beginning to panic. My mind was alive with what-ifs. Something was seriously off, and it was beginning to chafe my insides.

  Slowing down, Dad said, “Looks like the same.” He nodded to the fastened latch on the gate that led to the elephants.

  Damn. I wasn’t sure what I expected. For him to be standing on the outside looking in? At what, though? The elephants were rarely down this end. They tended to hang around the watering holes more often than not. My shoulders sagged in defeat as I glanced around, hoping he’d just appear out of thin air.

  “Maybe if we call, he’ll answer.” It was a long shot, and I knew that if he didn’t want to be found, he wasn’t going to answer.

  Idling and placing the truck into pa
rk, Dad appeased me. “I don’t think it’s going to work, sweetheart, but if you want to try, I’ll do it. You just stay here.”

  It’s not like I couldn’t move. I’d been hobbling around on my crutches since I’d been released from the hospital, but I guess there was no real point in us both getting out.

  Dad opened his door and left it ajar as he walked a few feet away and called out Justice’s name with his hands funneled over his mouth. It echoed back to him. He walked a little further away, turning to a different angle then repeating the shout out. It was pointless, but at least we’d tried. Maybe if he was able to scale any of the fence, he’d walked to the main gate and fled away from The Sanctuary. He could be miles away by now. Back on the street. The thought didn’t sit well with me. Even though Justice could be arrogant, he had grown on me over the last week, and knowing that he might end up having to steal, beg, and borrow in order to survive upped my panic mode threefold.

  “Lil?” Dad’s concerned voice broke into my thoughts.

  “Hmm?”

  “It could be nothing, but there’s blood over here.”

  My heart began to seize in my chest as I thrust my door open, grabbed both crutches, and hobbled over to where my father was crouched on the ground.

  “Where?”

  “Down here. Looks fairly fresh. Seems to leave a trail,” he answered, turning his head to follow the bright red dots that led back over toward the fence.

  “Shit.” There is no possible way it could be anyone else’s other than Justice. The animals were contained. A bleeding rabbit? I didn’t think so.

  I took off, willing my crutches to propel me faster toward the gate, and as I got there and scanned the fence, I gasped in shock.

  “Dad!” My hand was pointing up at the barbs that had a piece of fabric hanging from them.

  My dad’s face was screwed up against the sun as he took it in, deducing the same thing I had, judging by his rigid jaw.

  “Let’s not jump to conclusions. Just open the gate, and we’ll take a drive around. If he’s injured, he won’t have gone far.”

  I begged to differ. It was Justice we were talking about, and as much as I didn’t know him fully, I had come to the conclusion that nothing held him back. His body was strong, and his mind…well, yesterday I would have said stronger but now, I wasn’t so sure.

  I handed Dad the keys. “Here, you do it. My hand is shaking.” At the same time, I was pissed off that he’d been so stupid as to scale a barbed-wire fence. He could have just asked me for the keys. What the hell was he thinking, going into one of the enclosures without me? While the elephants may be a lot calmer than the cats, I still wasn’t sure how they would react to anyone if I wasn’t with them—especially if Justice acted aggressive toward them.

  We took off toward nowhere in particular at a pace set by my father’s lead foot—a quality I must have inherited. It was a trait that I welcomed while we circumnavigated the property.

  The bumps and divots in the ground weren’t doing my healing back any favors as I bounced on the seat, but the discomfort was secondary to my rising anxiety. I wouldn’t settle until Justice was in the truck and we were heading back to the house.

  “Up ahead. I can see one of the elephants,” Dad pointed out, and I followed his eyes to gray shapes in the distance.

  They appeared to be huddled around in a circle as if looking at something. I couldn’t be sure.

  Dad planted his foot. “Jesus. I think they’ve got Justice surrounded.”

  My eyes slanted to my father and then back to the approaching scrum of gray, my eyeballs popping out. “Shit. Hurry.”

  “I’ve got my foot flat to the floor.”

  We pulled up far enough away so as not to frighten the elephants but close enough to see that indeed Justice was sitting amid the circle.

  “You stay,” I ordered Dad. “I’ve got this. They know me.”

  He pushed his hair back a couple of times. “Be careful. You’re not exactly in a position to be acting quickly should this go pear-shaped.”

  I had already opened the door and was thrusting my crutches under my arms and digging them into the uneven ground to propel myself forward.

  My eyes floated over the scene, my brain analyzing the situation. There didn’t appear to be any aggression. In fact, the total opposite could be said. The closer I got, the slower my gait became. Something I hadn’t seen before was ensuing.

  Justice was sitting in the middle, hugging his knees to his chest, and the three elephants were surrounding him, petting him with their trunks as if consoling him.

  Stopping suddenly, my eyes boggled as I processed the sight. A stranger was clearly upset, huddled on the ground while a male, female, and baby elephant tried their best to make him feel better. They sensed his pain. I was completely astounded, and it took me a moment to focus on what I needed to do.

  “Justice?”

  He kept looking ahead, not moving. I wondered if he was frightened at the way he was being coddled by such big creatures.

  Aran looked at me but kept up his calming strokes on the top of Justice’s head.

  “Um, are you all right? We were worried when you’d been gone for a while.”

  “Go away.”

  Huh? He was giving me attitude? My temper began to rise, but then I reminded myself why I was here and why Justice had run in the first place. I wouldn’t react how I normally would. I needed to attack the situation with caution.

  “I’m not going anywhere. I’ll just stay here for a while, I think.” Dropping my crutches, I sat down on the grass, hoping if I stayed, he’d talk to me. Let me in a little.

  He half turned, probably to check and see if I was bluffing or not, and then he turned away again. Not before I saw the anguish painted on his face, though. He looked a mess. Something huge had shifted in him, causing my own heart to soften at his obvious distress.

  Nellie decided she’d had enough of Justice and strolled over to me, trunk swinging, to say hello.

  “Hey, girl.” I let her sniff me while I patted her trunk. Aran and Inca remained with Justice, hovering protectively. He seemed to be soaking up their attention, letting them tend to him.

  I didn’t know what the hell to say. Dad was waiting patiently in the truck but had turned the engine off. It could be a long wait. Should I just sit in silence, or should I attempt to bring him back from whatever crevasse he was teetering on? I’d told Dad I’d handle it, but in all honesty, I wasn’t sure how to go about it.

  “They like you,” I squeaked. It was lame, but I hated the silence.

  Nothing. Not even a grunt. Okay, that went well. What next?

  Nellie was winding her trunk around me, wanting to play, but unfortunately with my incarcerated leg, there would be no fooling around today. That wasn’t why I’d come.

  “I’m here if you need to talk.” I let my gaze fall on his hunched back. Defeat stared at me. Every so often, his hand would move to rub one of Aran or Inca’s giant feet. They snuffled in response, enjoying the contact.

  Gah! The silence was frustrating. “Are you hungry? Why don’t you come back to the house and get some lunch?”

  Again, I was ignored. This would go on all day if I let it. Deciding to move closer, I raised my crutches and hoisted myself up, moving in so that I was beside him. I greeted Aran and Inca and then sat down, my arm brushing against Justice’s.

  “Did you hear me?”

  Slowly, his head turned toward me. My chest nearly hollowed out when I saw firsthand just how upset he was. It was evident he’d been crying by his red, puffy eyes and tear-stained cheeks. He stared blankly at me, the spark gone, replaced by a cold lack of interest.

  But even with him shut down, his presence was intoxicating to me. The heartbreak etched into his face only made him more appealing. More human. Breakable. A guy that had experienced so much pain in his life that he did whatever he had to in order to survive. A victim.

  My hand rose to his face, my thumb brushing the skin under
his eye to give him some human contact that might offer compassion. Somehow, I knew he hadn’t been given much. It was time to change all that. To make him see that there were good people around that cared and were able to help. He didn’t need to suffer alone.

  His eyes drilled into mine, changing from distressed into something even darker. I shivered in response.

  “I was worried,” I whispered, feeling his tension attach itself to me. The stubble on his face gloriously pricked at my fingers, and I was so tempted to move them to his sumptuous mouth. My breath had almost ceased. We were too close. Hormones swam south. My nipples were hard bullets. God, I shouldn’t be feeling like this now. I was meant to be comforting, not swooning. What sort of a person was I? My deprived body was holding all the aces, my head screaming at it without any luck.

  Before I could take another shallow breath, his mouth rammed onto mine, both of his hands coming up to grip my head, forcing it on an angle so his mouth could open and slant over mine. Soft, plump lips ruined mine. Dominant. Desperate.

  My throat let go a groan that was echoed by his own. A warm tongue lashing out, searching for mine. Sparks became an out of control blaze as I gripped his jaw, pushing my body closer. His mouth was so large it almost swallowed me whole as I drowned in sensation. His deep grunts were muffled by the sounds of wet, succulent kisses, lip biting, and savage breathing. I kissed life back into him with everything I had, and he took it like a starved beast. One of his hands grabbed a handful of my hair and tugged hard, breaking the suction of our mouths. I watched his swollen lips form the words “Do you have any idea how much I want to brutally fuck you right now? I’m talking no mercy. Pain and pleasure in copious amounts.”