Choices of the Heart

by Daniels, Julia

  “I think it went all right in there.” He nodded toward the door of the funeral home before standing up and walking to the porch rail to look out over the Brewster’s cornfield. He couldn’t look at Chloe anymore. She tied his guts into knots. “I’ve never had to plan a funeral. My grandparents were gone before I came along.”

  “Mama’s was hard to do.”

  “I remember.” He turned and briefly met her eyes.

  Chloe was his first love, his only love, the woman he’d wanted to have children with, planned to grow old with. But at the moment, she seemed more of a stranger than someone he’d known her whole twenty-two years.

  “My father…” She swallowed and looked away. “He wanted to just bury her in the backyard without even a priest’s blessing. Daisy and I, well, you remember…” She swept her hand toward him.

  Tears shimmered down her cheeks and it took all his willpower not to grab hold of her, try to squeeze the pain out of her heart.

  “I do,” he said, still angry over her father’s treatment earlier at the hotel and for all the years before. “I offered to marry you, Chloe, to save you from that abuse.”

  She turned her watery gaze on him, met his eyes and then looked away. “There wouldn’t have been an escape, Reese. I would have seen him all the time. I would have always feared for my safety, the safety of any children we may have had…”

  “You didn’t think I could protect you from him?” He rubbed at the tension building at the back of his neck. He gritted his teeth to avoid saying anything more, giving away just how much she’d hurt him.

  “There was more to it than that.”

  She stood and walked next to him. He could smell her signature flowery perfume, a scent that said “Chloe” whenever he smelled it.

  “The city…it’s just so different from here. So many opportunities, so many interesting things. Moving picture theaters, museums…the university.”

  “And better men?” He hated himself for asking that, for showing just how raw his emotions still were. He lit another cigarette and turned his attention out over the cornfield again.

  “I did not leave you, Reese.” She grabbed his shoulder and turned him to face her. “I left Broken Bow and this.” She pointed at the bruise, slightly visible under the face paint. “I did not go hunting for a husband. I went to learn how to nurse people.”

  “And did you find both, anyway?” His voice shook. He was losing his cool, the one thing he promised himself he would not do near her, no matter what. She faced verbal and physical abuse throughout her whole life, but never from him.

  “Both what?”

  “Nursing and a man?” Damn, he couldn’t stop himself. Words tumbled out, as if his brain wasn’t working.

  The grating squeak of the screen door interrupted her answer to the one question that had burned itself into his mind for two years of lonely nights—the thing he’d been most obsessed about since she’d arrived yesterday. Had she found someone else?

  They turned toward his father as he stepped onto the porch. The older man’s eyes were red and puffy. By damn, the man had cried. Reese knew his dad had a soft heart but had never seen him cry.

  “Chloe.” His father nodded to her. “Dottie and I are wonderin’ if you’d come stay with us while you’re here. Town ain’t safe for a single gal. Especially after what your Pa done to you. Dottie could use help with the boy, too. She couldn’t get him to calm the whole night through. We reckon with you there he might settle easier.”

  Chloe didn’t respond right away, but in time, she slowly nodded. “Thank you, Mr. Lloyd. I never imagined my father would…” Fresh tears shimmered in her eyes, glistened in the bright sunlight. Blinking rapidly, she turned away from Reese and his father. “I didn’t think I mattered enough for him to acknowledge me.” She took her hanky out—the one Reese had given her that morning—and dabbed at her eyes.

  The screen door creaked again. This time his ma stepped onto the porch. “Did you ask her, Randy? Will you stay with us, Chloe?”

  “Yes.” Chloe looked at his mother and smiled slightly, while putting her hanky away. Her eyes were rimmed in pink, and the tears had washed the face paint off her bruises. “And I thank you for your kindness.”

  “Good. We’d be glad to have you stay on. For as long as you care to be in Broken Bow,” his father told her before sitting on the two-seater porch swing.

  “We’ve got some papers here.” His mother flashed the envelopes she held in her hand. “The ones that came with Bobby. I figured we oughta get them to the lawyer. I imagine they got a will or some such in here.”

  “How about we eat lunch at the hotel, you can pack up your case, Chloe, and we’ll head out to the farm?” His father put the porch swing to rocking.

  “That sounds just fine,” Chloe said. “Thank you again for your hospitality.”

  “How long do you expect to be staying?” his ma asked Chloe.

  His mother’s voice was harsher than Reese wanted to hear. She saw more than anyone how much it had hurt him when Chloe had left, but his ma needn’t be so rough on Chloe now, at a time when they were all hurting. He shot his mother a warning look.

  “I suppose just a week, no more.” Chloe shrugged. She didn’t look at any of them as she made her way to the steps of the porch. “I’ll be going on down to the hotel. I’ll meet you there.” She nodded her goodbyes.

  When she was out of earshot, Reese pounced on his mother, his hands balled on his waist. “Why are you being so rough on her? She just lost her sister, for God’s sake. Show a little compassion!”

  “Reese, don’t you go forgetting what she did to you,” his ma warned. She sat next to his father on the swing. “You two were good as engaged, and she left.”

  “She had her reasons.” That’s all he could say. They knew the story almost as well as he did.

  “Don’t be getting all soft on her again. It’s obvious she wants to be gone from here as soon as she can. She might look like the old Chloe, but she’s changed inside, probably changed too much to be happy here in Broken Bow. You keep your sights on Isabelle, and it will all be well.”

  Isabelle. He turned from his folks to stare back out at the cornfield, leaning his stomach against the railing of the porch. What he felt for Isabelle was nothing in comparison to what he felt for Chloe. He didn’t mind eating dinner with Isabelle, taking her to a dance here and there, but the thought of being with her for the rest of his life? He swallowed. The only person he could imagine sharing a bed with was Chloe.

  The mortician stepped out onto the porch and told them everything was settled. “I’ll get the bill worked up. In the meantime, you get the legal matters settled, and we’ll be in touch. I’ll be at the church at four for the wake tomorrow.”

  “Well, we’ll see you then, George.”

  Pa stood from the swing and shook the undertaker’s hand. He helped up his wife, and together the three of them walked off the porch and climbed into the awaiting car to drive to the hotel and meet up with Chloe.

  Chapter Three

  “If things were different, I’d have you stay out at my place.” Reese spoke quietly.

  He’d remained silent throughout most of the lunch at the hotel, and she’d begun to wonder if he’d planned to speak to her at all. Now, as he and she sat on the porch of his parents’ farmhouse, watching Bobby play with the half a dozen or so cats on the lawn, he finally decided to share his thoughts.

  “Sure,” she said. “Just what you need, more tongue wagging.”

  They weren’t looking at each other. He was smoking another cigarette, and she was rocking on the white wooden chair.

  “It would be worth it,” he whispered.

  At his words, she snapped her head toward him. Had she heard him correctly? He was facing away from her. All she could see was the back of him.

  “Whatever do you mean?” she asked.

  He slowly turned toward her and leaned his back against the porch rail. He looked far calmer than she felt.
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br />   “Making love to you again, even one more time, Chloe Anne, would be worth every word of gossip that might be spread around town.”

  His statement left her speechless, with her mouth hanging ajar.

  “When I look at you, your eyes cut right through me, Reese,” she said quietly. “I didn’t think you wanted me anymore.” She swallowed, suddenly imagining how amazing it would be to be held in his arms again. “I’ve seen nothing in your face to indicate you might.”

  “Oh, I want you, all right.” He walked to where she sat and towered over her. She stopped rocking and looked up at him. “I want you so much it hurts. But that’s not love and it’s not forever. It’s like a need to scratch an itch, this lust I have for you.”

  “I see.” She’d never felt like a slut or a whore, despite making love with Reese frequently before she left Broken Bow. She’d always planned to eventually be his wife. They just started the physical side before being legally wed. But right now, she did feel cheap. He made their whole life together feel cheap. “Thank you for explaining it to me.”

  “You’re welcome to come to my bed, if you like,” he continued, obviously oblivious to how his words had hurt her. “Anytime you want to come, I’ll be glad to satisfy you as I used to.”

  “What about Isabelle?” They were moving into dangerous territory with this discussion, but the fact was, Chloe was considering his offer. One more time with Reese would be worth the world to her.

  “She and I aren’t like that,” he said with a shake of his head. “She won’t let me touch her. Not like you did.”

  “So, she’s a good girl, huh? Not like me?” She stood and looked at him straight on. “Remember, you and I were planning a future together, and the way we were together…the passion we shared…well, there was no stopping our lovemaking.”

  “But that was then, and this is now.” He pushed her hair behind her ear and caressed her swollen cheek with the back of his hand with unexpected tenderness. “My folks will keep you safe.”

  She nodded.

  “I don’t hold grudges, Chloe.” He looked toward the house. “Neither does my family. You did what you felt you had to do. What you wanted to do. How can I fault you for that? You followed your dreams. I respect you for that.”

  She could see him grinding his teeth, the muscles working at his jaw. Was it so difficult for him to admit this to her? That he was proud of her? He was proud of her! Imagine that! She’d expected anger, hatred even. Instead, he’d praised her decisions.

  “I got chores to do.” He glanced at her, then toward Bobby. “I’ll see you tomorrow at the funeral.” He walked down the steps of the porch and stopped before turning back to her. “The back door is always open for you Chloe Anne. You know where our bed is.”

  Reese waved and yelled goodbye to Bobby, who came running past him to join Chloe on the porch. She lifted Bobby in her arms, and together, they watched Reese’s motorcar come to life and soon disappear between the windbreak of trees.

  “You know where our bed is.” Reese’s comment tumbled repeatedly through her mind. Our bed. She’d lost count of the number of nights she’d spent with him in that bed, loving him, laughing with him, planning a future. Oh, how she missed his laughter and smile! Together, they had created plans and ideas for the house, the decorations and renovations. He’d bought the place from his Pa, intending to make it their home. The only thing missing had been a wedding and a license saying they were husband and wife.

  Chloe had ruined that picturesque dream by up and leaving him. She’d been scared, yes, truly terrified by her father. Her leaving was the result of many things. Reese never once said he loved her. Not in all the years they were together. She made him happy, they were good together, but did he truly love her? She couldn’t be certain, and growing up with parents whose love turned to hate, Chloe was a little hesitant about the whole idea of forever-after.

  Then Daisy left Chloe behind and went to Chicago. If Daisy could find something bigger and better than Broken Bow, then so could Chloe. The difference there, though, was that Ronnie had gone with her. Reese would never leave the farm. This was his life, and Chloe couldn’t imagine him being happy anywhere else. Ronnie had seen the world with his soldiering in the war; Reese was content with what he had and where he was. Chloe hadn’t been sure Broken Bow—and being a housewife and mother—was enough for her, and avoiding her father at every turn hadn’t helped matters, either.

  Reese had long since disappeared behind the trees when she turned from her thoughts of the past toward her nephew, still sitting contentedly in her arms with his head against her shoulder.

  “Well, little man, shall we go back inside and see what Grandma has planned for us?”

  Cleaned up and dressed in clothes that fit, he looked adorable. Bobby giggled when she pulled his thumb from his mouth, and he quickly shoved it right back in. She laughed and tried again.

  “I see Daisy in him.”

  Chloe turned toward Dottie, who joined them on the porch, the screen door slamming behind her. The older woman had changed into a dress Chloe recognized, one of Dottie’s favorites she wore to do chores. The hem grazed the ground as she walked. Dottie was a kind, round-faced woman, as nice as anyone Chloe had ever met. She had a perpetual smile on her face, liked to say nice things to people and make them feel good to be who they were. So unlike Chloe’s own parents. Unfortunately, Dottie was angry with Chloe, so she wasn’t being her usual wonderful self. Not that Chloe really blamed her. If someone hurt a person she loved, Chloe’d be angry, too.

  “I did, too,” Chloe agreed. “As soon as I saw him. He has Ronnie’s brown eyes, though.”

  “We didn’t know about him.” Dottie took the boy from Chloe and settled herself on the rocking chair. She pushed aside his curls much like Chloe had been doing and caressed Bobby’s cheek with the back of her hand. “Breaks my heart to think Ronnie never told us…” Her voice broke.

  Chloe leaned forward and enveloped the woman in a hug, the shared sense of loss drawing them together. The idea of never seeing their loved ones again was agonizing for them both. Although the woman probably hated Chloe for what she did to Reese, Chloe could offer Dottie some comfort now.

  “There has to be a reason why they never told us. Why they never wrote to us. Maybe something happened in Chicago, something they didn’t want us to know about.” Chloe pulled away as Bobby tugged on her shoulder.

  She sat on the opposite rocker and placed Bobby on her lap. He giggled and squirmed, until she finally let him down to chase the farm cats again that were expecting an evening handout.

  “I can’t imagine what, Chloe.” Dottie shook her head, watching her grandson tumble on the grass, blissfully unaware of the sadness they felt. “Ronnie and his father were close. They wrote each other hundreds of letters when Ronnie was in France fighting in the war,” Dottie said, sniffing back tears. “I can’t imagine anything would be so awful in Chicago that he couldn’t tell us ’bout it.”

  Bobby came back and pulled on Chloe’s dress, wanting to be cuddled. She pulled him up again on her lap.

  “He weighs next to nothing,” she said.

  “Eats well, though. Them are Reese’s clothes he’s got on.” Dottie pointed to the short pants and matching shirt.

  “Really?” Chloe laughed. “You’ve kept them that long?”

  “I reckon nigh on twenty-five years. Thought one day I’d give them to him for his kids to wear.”

  The smile slipped right off Chloe’s face. Bile burned the back of her throat. Dottie must’ve realized what she’d said and to whom because she frowned.

  “Sorry, Chloe. It just slipped out.”

  Chloe touched Dottie’s arm. She had to say her piece, had to make the older woman realize the truth of Chloe’s decision. “I loved him, Mrs. Lloyd. With my whole heart. I just needed to see something beyond Broken Bow. I wanted to be a nurse. I had to get away from my father, and now the whole town will know why. I kept it hidden so well for so long.” She f
elt as if the weight of the world rested on her shoulders. “I just can’t hide it anymore. I refuse to.” Taking a deep breath, she swallowed hard, fighting off the anxiety.

  “We suspected as much,” Dottie said quietly.

  “You did?” Surprise rippled through Chloe. “You never said anything! You never did anything to help!” Anger ripped through Chloe and she pulled her hand abruptly away. How could Dottie never have helped her and Daisy!

  “Randy and I thought Reese was taking care of you.” Dottie studied her hands, toying with the edges of her frayed apron. “Mind you, it wasn’t ’til your dear mama died that we realized what was happening. You all hid it so well.” She sighed. “When we found out… Well, Reese decided he’d marry you, take you away from your father. And Daisy of course ran off with our Ronnie.”

  But Chloe had been left alone with her father after Daisy ran away, enduring all the abuse the bastard could dish out on a daily basis. When she’d reached her limit, she had escaped, too.

  “I was all alone, Mrs. Lloyd. Day after day at that awful farm, I feared for my life. Reese did help me, but you and Mr. Lloyd could have, too.”

  “If you had stayed in Broken Bow, married Reese, you’d have been happy, Chloe. He would have protected you.”

  “How could he? The man, my father, is a monster. No woman is safe around him. Reese couldn’t be with me all the time. He had a farm to run. I had to get away from my father, or I was sure he would eventually kill me, just like Mama. Now I realize he would have raped me, too.” Chloe started crying, the familiar fear and uncertainty making her feel panicky.

  “Reese would have seen to your safety. He’s a good man. He would have cared for you.” Dottie put a hand on Chloe’s shoulder.

  A deep, dark, brooding, awkward silence hung between them as Chloe rocked Bobby to sleep.

  “I’d like to get changed before supper.” Chloe needed some time alone to think about what Dottie said, and the outlandish but exceedingly tempting offer Reese had made to her. She stood, cradling the sleeping Bobby in her arms.