Destined for the Star (Starstruck)

by Dell, Teresia

  She reached for her phone and started typing a message for him. The tears kept falling, obscuring her view. ”You’re not my Nate anymore. Please, just let me go. Olivia.”

  Then she hit send before she could chicken out. She sat frozen, crying and staring at the display. His reply came back almost immediately. ”No, love, don’t say that! Nothing has changed! You’re still my only love and I’m still your Nate. I will always be your Nate, even if you never forgive me for this. I would do anything for you, but don’t ask me to give you up. I can’t. Please, Olivia, I love you, I love you, let me explain.”

  ”There’s nothing to explain. You’re not my Nate, you never were, you belong with her. Please, please let me go, Nate. I’m turning off the phone now. Please leave me alone. O.”

  She didn’t wait for his reply this time, she just pressed send and turned the phone off as soon as she saw that the message had been delivered.

  Chapter 16

  Nate was sitting on the edge of the bed, in his hotel suite in Paris, wishing he could somehow wake up next to Olivia and realize this was just a bad dream. He understood completely what this must have done to her, to discover that he wasn’t who she thought he was, when she had so courageously opened herself to him, in a way she had never done with anyone before, trusting in him completely and trusting in his love for her. He groaned in agony as he thought of what she must be going through, believing everything they’d shared in the glorious past month to be nothing but lies. She must be hurting so badly right now. It felt like the twist of a knife to his gut to be so far away from her, and not getting to comfort her. But even if he had been in Stockholm, she probably wouldn’t have let him close enough to comfort her right now anyway. She may never forgive him for this and there was a real possibility that she had shut him out forever now. He knew her well enough by now to understand that her trust was hard to earn and once lost may not ever be regained.

  He buried his face in Olivia’s t-shirt, inhaling deeply, letting her scent give him hope.

  ”I refuse to give you up, Olivia,” he vowed out loud, ”you are mine now and forever. You belong to me and I belong to you.”

  As he said it, he felt the perfect truth of it resonate in his entire being. Nothing mattered more than the woman whose love he had been so fortunate as to win once. He would win her back somehow. He would earn her trust back, he refused to let this ruin the beautiful bond they had forged. There was no way all that glorious love she had for him could have just disappeared. He didn’t believe it for a second. She was obviously hurting, and hurting badly right now, but he knew in his heart she still loved him. He had messed up by keeping the truth from her. Of course she was hurting - feeling betrayed by him and confused, no doubt, by all the gossip out there about him. He had created this nightmare by not trusting enough in her love to tell her the whole truth before he left again. Therefore, when Sasha told her what she had found out, it must have been such a shock to her that she believed the stories about him and Julia so much more easily. He didn’t blame her one bit, after all neither he nor Julia had ever refuted the rumors surrounding them. They had never confirmed any of them either, but it hadn’t mattered much. Apparently, their on-screen romance was so believable that everyone just assumed they were together in real life as well.

  Nate had dreamt of being in the movies since he was nine years old and his brothers and their friends had sneaked him into the drive-in theatre one night to watch a screening of ’Where eagles dare’. He’d watched movies before, of course, but that one hit him with such force it knocked his whole being off kilter. He couldn’t imagine anything he wanted to do more than be a movie actor, after that night. He wanted to do what Richard Burton and Clint Eastwood did in the movie; pretend to be some cool hero and fight the bad guys and let people watch him do it on the big screen. He was mesmerized by the idea of making movies and he had worked so hard to make his dreams come true.

  As soon as he graduated high school, he’d packed his bags and driven to California in his beat-up old pick-up truck. It had been a slim few years in the beginning. He’d scraped by somehow, doing odd jobs here and there; bussing tables, parking cars and even embarrassing things like dressing up in silly costumes and handing out fliers for different fast food restaurants. He’d gone to what felt like a million auditions, hearing so many ”no thank you” that after a while it almost didn’t hurt so much. But just almost. He’d learnt valuable lessons about the industry, hitting a few mines in the process, and developed a thicker hide to protect himself from the cynicism of the business. And still he had kept at it, never losing sight of the dream of one day being the one up there on that mystical silver screen, bringing different characters to life. Eventually his persistence, along with his good looks and natural charisma, had gotten him a few commercials and bit parts in various daytime-soaps and slowly he’d built a resumé and landed himself an agent.

  Still, at twenty-two he had yet had to land anything substantial. The likelihood of him ever making it in Hollywood seemed slim to none. He’d been on the verge of throwing in the towel and head back to Oklahoma to rethink his career choices, when he’d gotten a call to audition for a part in a romantic drama. He told himself it would be the last audition he went to before quitting the business. The part he auditioned for was the male lead in the ’Time Traveler’s Tale’. Based on a bestselling series of novels, it was a part coveted by most every young actor in Hollywood but by some miracle he had been offered the part. Apparently, the chemistry between him and Julia translated so well onto film that the studio had hired him virtually on the spot. He’d signed a contract for all five films, making him suddenly financially independent.

  The filming of the first part of the series was an incredibly magical time for him. Finally his dreams were coming true. He loved being part of a group of people as passionate about making movies as he was himself. He loved finally getting to sink his teeth into a main character, and getting to explore that character for the foreseeable future, after having languished for so long in the wasteland of bit parts with only one or two small scenes, many of which ended up on the cutting-room floor in the end anyway.

  When the first Time-traveler movie was released and absolute chaos ensued, he felt as if he’d stepped on a runaway train. All he could do was try to hold on to his sanity and sense of self in the bizarre intensity of adoring fans who screamed and fainted at the sight of him, and the inane tabloid stories about his personal life. The loss of his privacy and personal freedom - no longer being able to move around without causing a commotion or being hounded by a dozen obnoxious paparazzi sticking cameras in his face - was by far the most difficult thing to come to terms with.

  In the midst of all the craziness and the pressure from everyone around him vying for a piece of him in one way or another, he’d clung to his family and old friends who knew and loved him for who he was, not for what he happened to do for a living. It had kept him sane, and kept him grounded. His big brothers would never have let him get away with a swelled head even if he had been inclined towards turning into a massive Hollywood ego, which he wasn’t.

  Despite the gilded cage his fame often felt like, he felt immensely grateful for his good fortune. The colossal success of the Time-traveler-series meant he was suddenly offered parts he could only dream of before. In between his contractual obligations for the Time-traveler franchise, he’d squeezed in interesting and challenging parts in smaller films - aiming to hone his craft and expand his range as an actor. Slowly the critics seemed to be warming to him. He had managed to prove, by taking roles diametrically opposed to the dreamy romantic hero he played in the Time-traveler, that he could bring a different audience, including men, to the theaters, outside of the Time-traveler-fans. He had films lined up back to back for the next two years, working for some of the best directors in Hollywood but also some of the most interesting young auteurs in the world. His future looked very bright indeed.

  And yet he would give all of that up in a heartbea
t, if that was what it took to win Olivia back. He couldn’t imagine his life without her. Nothing else mattered as much to him as she did. Life without her was too painful a prospect to even consider. He knew he could live without making another movie; yes, it would undoubtedly hurt and he would grieve for the loss of the vocation he loved so much, but he would never look back in regret if that was the choice he had to make in order to get to be with Olivia. He could face any future as long as she was a part of it, and no future at all without her.

  He felt a calm settle in him as a plan formed in his mind. He was under contract to promote this last movie of the franchise and attend some of the premières. This was the last intense week of that promotional tour. The world première had already taken place in Los Angeles the week before he flew back to spend that magical time in the cabin with Olivia. He smiled tenderly at the memories. She was in for a big surprise if she really thought he would just walk away. He felt at peace now that he’d made up his mind he would fight for her, no matter the cost to his career.

  In just a couple of hours he and the rest of the people involved were getting on a plane to Berlin, Germany, where a morning press conference, just like the one in Paris the previous day, was scheduled to take place. It would be followed by the usual string of TV-interviews with different media outlets and then, in the evening, the Berlin première of the movie, at which he was contractually obligated to walk the red carpet with Julia again. Then followed similar schedules and premières in Rome, Italy; Madrid, Spain; and at last, the final Time Traveler’s Tale Part 5: Into Eternity première in London on Friday night. And that would mark the end of his commitments to the franchise.

  Even if there were to be any more installments to the series further down the road, he hadn’t signed on to any more and he’d told his agent he was done with the Time-traveler. Not that he wasn’t extremely grateful to the franchise that had brought him to this place in his life, but after playing the same character in five films over four years (the last movie had wrapped over a year ago), he didn’t feel he had anything more to add to that particular character. He was ready to move on. Even if his fans abandoned him because they couldn’t see him as anything but the Time-traveler, he was still done.

  And maybe, soon, he would quit the business altogether. That was up to Olivia. If she couldn’t see herself as part of his world, he would quit that world and find them a new one to share. As long as she was his, he could be happy anywhere.

  * * *

  When he walked on stage later that morning, at the press conference in Berlin, he was wearing the same light-blue shirt as the day before. The one with Olivia’s scent on it. It was looking a little worse for wear - all right, a lot worse for wear - but he didn’t care. He badly needed that reminder of Olivia now that he was about to commit career suicide.

  The studio wouldn’t be pleased, nor would his long-suffering manager. He loved Dan, he was the best manager in the business and carried a heavy load as Nate hated a big entourage and didn’t even have a publicist. Nate owed him a lot - Dan had taken a huge chance on him when he was a twenty-year-old nobody with little more than a great smile and an unshakeable self-confidence to his name. Dan had started out as his agent but as Nate’s career exploded he had dropped most of his other clients to become Nate’s full-time manager. When it came to his career there was no one Nate trusted more than Dan. Still Nate hadn’t told him what he planned to do today. He knew Dan would try his damnedest to talk him out of it and he didn’t have the time or the patience for that right now. Instead, he’d only confided in Andy and asked him to arrange a private jet to stand by, ready to take off as soon as he left the press conference. He knew he could trust Andy with his life. The man was definitely due an extra nice Christmas bonus this year.

  He took his seat next to Julia. She, of course, knew nothing of what he was about to do, but she was his friend, and although she might be pissed that he hadn’t told her ahead of time, she would understand. He leaned over and whispered to her,

  ”Hold on to your seat, Jules, you’re in for a hell of a ride.”

  She looked at him, confused.

  ”What do you mean?” she mouthed.

  ”Just wait and see,” he whispered back with a smile.

  Then he bent over the microphone.

  ”Good morning everybody. It’s nice to see such a great turn-up for our little movie,” he said with a wry smile. ”Before we begin I have something to say.”

  He paused and thought he could hear the studio chaperones dropping their jaws backstage. This was not how this was scripted. And the studio hated unscripted movie stars run amuck, that much he’d learned during the promos for the first film. New to the game, he’d tried to liven up the insanely boring press junkets by improvising a little on his answers to the repetitive questions. It had nearly cost him his job, and therefore he’d been decidedly less spontaneous when doing press since then.

  But now he was about to really let it all hang out in front of the world press. He was fully aware of the implications of what he was about to do, and he doubted Hollywood would forgive him this time. He drew a deep breath and let Olivia’s scent give him strength.

  ”Five years ago, when I signed on for the fantastic adventure this series has been for me, I couldn’t even begin to understand the effect it would have on my life. I am immensely grateful for everything this film-saga has given me, not only the incredible professional opportunities and rewards, but also the friendships I’ve formed (he smiled at Julia) and the tremendous love and support my wonderful fans shower me with.” He looked out at the sea of journalists and fired off one of his megawatt-smiles.

  Then he looked down and took another deep breath.

  ”The other side to this amazing life that I’ve been so fortunate as to have, is the intense public scrutiny that comes with this kind of fame. I have always believed that my private life belongs to me alone, and is not for sale in any way, shape or form. It never has been and it never will be.”

  ”Therefore I have never commented on any rumors concerning my personal life. And Lord knows there have been a lot of rumors through the years,” he winked at Julia and there were some laughter from the press. But most of them were quiet, hanging on his every word, unaccustomed to the sudden change in tone from the usually very predictable information delivered at press junkets like these.

  ”I’ve never cared to comment on my love life in particular, although there has been much speculation on that very boring subject,” he said. ”I’ve never commented no matter how insane the stories in the press have been, because frankly it’s none of your damn business. So far that’s worked for me. My family and friends know me and know the truth. They quickly learnt to disregard the absurd headlines at the supermarket checkout lines. Unfortunately it’s no longer working for me. The one person that matters the most to me has been hurt by my silence. And that is why I am taking this opportunity to set some things straight.” He drew a deep breath again and then he looked straight at the cameras.

  ”Contrary to popular belief, I am not in a relationship with my lovely co-star Julia Embrey. We are not engaged, secretly married, nor is she having my love-child. I am not in love with Julia, my heart belongs to someone else entirely. Julia is a dear friend of mine and has been since we filmed the first movie together. I love her like a sister, a very annoying sister sometimes, but still…” he teased, smiling at Julia, who reached for his hand and squeezed it.

  ”Can I break in for a sec?” she asked into the microphone.

  He nodded.

  ”Sure, go ahead.”

  ”I second everything Nate just said. Our personal lives aren’t anybody’s business but our own, although I do understand the curiosity about us. The fact that people want to believe that the romance we share on screen spilled over into our real lives, is a testament to our work. I take that as a great compliment. But I am not Nate’s girlfriend, he’s not my lover, or my husband or anything but a really good friend, whom I have enjoyed
working with these past five years very much. That he has found someone to love thrills me immensely, because no one deserves that more than this guy,” she said and looked over at him.

  ”I am only sorry if our reluctance to discuss our personal lives in public, has caused him or anyone close to him, pain. I think I speak for us both when I say that was never our intention,” she finished.

  Nate smiled gratefully at her and resumed.

  ”Sometimes life forces you to prioritize and decide what matters the most to you. I love what I do, and I truly appreciate the love and support of our fans. That is all very important to me. But the most important thing to me are the people I care about; my family and friends and most important of all, the woman I love with all my heart. I’ve hurt her by not being completely honest about the rumors surrounding me and nothing matters to me more now than to seek her forgiveness.”

  ”That is why, though I hate disappointing the fans and my colleagues, I won’t be able to attend the première tonight. I have to go win my girl back.” He smiled apologetically at Julia before turning back to face the cameras again. ”I am truly sorry for the inconvenience this will cause everyone and I’m especially sorry to the city of Berlin, that so graciously has agreed to host us tonight.”

  ”If I could have one wish, it would be that our fans take this message, that I leave them with, to heart: If you are lucky enough to find someone you love, who loves you back just the way you are, then don’t let anything come in the way of that love. Thank you.”

  He stood up and gave Julia a hug.

  ”I’m so sorry to mess up your evening,” he said in her ear as the room erupted with questions being called out from every reporter there.

  ”Don’t worry about me, Nate. Go get her back!” Julia laughed. ”This has been the most exhilarating press junket I’ve ever been to.”