Missed Connections: Stepping Out

by Marie Harte

“Good to see you aren’t the jealous type,” Mia said drily.

  “I’m not. But she is really on my last nerve.”

  “Uh-huh.” Trent, wisely, said nothing else.

  They watched Gwen’s handsome, charming boyfriend flirt with one of the anchors before his segment ended. That didn’t bother her. A clingy blonde pointing out sunny skies did.

  Oddly, she didn’t fear that Conlan had given out any weird vibes. He was just that great a catch.

  “You’re really not worried about him, are you?” Mia asked, reading her mind.

  “No. Shocking.” Gwen smiled. Meaning it. “He’s such a great guy. I mean, he has plenty of faults. He’s condescending at times, could stand to lose some ego, and a bear on a deadline. But he gets me, and I get him.”

  “You’re obviously attached.” Trent nodded. “He’s made it clear that he’s seeing you, and that you guys are exclusive. I gotta tell you, that rose dress? On TV? You might have noticed you’re kind of a celebrity now.”

  Mia agreed. “Especially since this week’s the Bend Voice column seems to be pitting you two against each other. The town is having fun taking sides.”

  “But it would be more fun if you two didn’t agree so much,” Trent said. “I mean, aren’t you supposed to argue more?”

  “Well, yeah.” Gwen had wondered about that. The thing was, Conlan gave sound advice. Because they thought along the same lines, they ended up offering the same opinions on things. But whereas she always put the one asking advice—the letter writer, or LW—in the guise of a woman and made the man look like an idiot, Conlan did the same, casting the man in role of poor, put-upon victim, with the woman as the villain. Entertaining pieces, and they meshed well together. Next week, for the first time, they’d be together on TV.

  She realized her cousin and Trent had grown quiet. Too quiet. She turned to see them looking at her with concern. “Okay, you two. Spill it.”

  “Well,” Mia paused. “We heard a rumor today.”

  “And?”

  “And Perry Warrington is getting married.”

  She waited for the news to hurt, to anger her. Instead, she felt relief. “Good. I hope he and his wife have a long and healthy life. And that he gets everything coming to him.”

  “She’s on a karma kick,” Mia said to Trent.

  Gwen laughed. “I’m serious. I’m over him. Totally done.”

  “Good.” Trent sighed. “Because I used to be scared to come over for a while. Then you settled down, mostly. But since hooking up with Conlan, you are a much happier person. And I feel a lot safer as a man in your house.”

  She laughed with him and Mia. Though neither she nor Mia had spoken about moving out, she had a feeling in the months to come, she’d probably move in with Conlan, and Trent would move in with Mia. The logistics made sense, and the territorial way Trent had been acting with Mia lately was telling.

  Her cousin thought it amusing and more than gratifying to see her boyfriend finally taking her seriously. Then again, with all the attention Gwen had been getting from strangers on the street, that attention had easily passed on to her gorgeous cousin. About time Trent made a more permanent play. After three years, Mia had earned it.

  A short while later, Conlan arrived at her place. He had a strange look on his face.

  “Conlan? Nice shot on TV,” Trent called from the back room.

  “Thanks,” he yelled in answer. “Ah, Gwen? We need to talk.”

  Her stomach sank. “What’s wrong?”

  “Well, the program manager at the station is in love with you.”

  “What?”

  “And his assistant thinks I’m awesome, which I am.”

  “Here we go.” She started to relax, because at first she’d thought he wanted to give her some kind of breakup speech. Which would have stunned her, since he continued to tell her on a daily basis how much he loved her. And boy, did he show her in bed…and out.

  “So my point,” Conlan continued, “is that they want to test us with a morning spot. An advice segment on a local channel. Ted wants to run our spot in the paper, two columns big enough to hold you and me.” The awkward silence that followed alarmed her.

  She studied him, seeing nothing but a blank face. “But that’s your spot,” she said stupidly.

  “Not anymore.” He gave her a wan smile, and she knew trouble was sure to follow.

  “I didn’t ask for it.” Why she felt defensive, she couldn’t say. He hadn’t blamed her for moving in on his job. Yet. Her mind started churning, seeing a problem that would only grow worse. Things between them had been too easy too fast. Hell, they’d barely been together a month, and she’d imagined a happily ever after forever between them. She’d been with Perry for far longer, and look at how that had turned out.

  She should have known something would happen to screw everything up before they had a chance. Gwen just wasn’t lucky when it came to love. Their new relationship, her changing job, the sober expression on his face put there by her, even indirectly, caused a minipanic.

  “I didn’t say you did anything to cause this.” He shrugged. “It is what it is.”

  “So tell your editor it’s your column, and you don’t want me there.”

  He didn’t say anything, just looked at her. And she knew.

  “You told him that already, didn’t you?” Hurt that he didn’t want her, even though she knew she’d feel the same way in his shoes, she couldn’t help lashing out. “So all that ‘I love you’ bullshit and wanting to be together, what was all that? Just a lot of crap to get me in bed?”

  “Honey, I already had you in bed,” he said drily. “Not like it was that hard to keep you there.”

  She fumed, “Don’t be more of an asshole than you can handle. I didn’t ask to take over your job.”

  “I know you didn’t. But I can’t help feeling…invaded. I’ll get over it. It just hit me in a weird way, okay?”

  No, not okay. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “You know, maybe this is a good thing.”

  His eyes narrowed.

  “I mean, this—us—happened really fast. We should take a break for a bit. See where we stand.”

  “Why? I know I love you. And you love me. If our relationship can’t handle a few bumps, then what do we have?”

  “That’s a good question.” Her heart was racing, and she felt on the verge of tears. He’d said all the right things, but for some reason, she couldn’t make herself believe any of them.

  He tilted his head, studying her. “You know, this isn’t about me being upset. Not about the column or how fast we came together. This is you and your issues,” he flat-out stated.

  “I don’t think—”

  “You think too much, that’s the problem.” Instead of hugging her and telling her it would all work out—what she really wanted—he took a step back. “I can’t be the only one rooting for us, Gwen. Things are great between us, but we’ll have rocky patches too. You need to be in this for the long haul. Through the good and the bad.”

  “I know that.” Yet Perry had vanished when things had been good…or so she’d thought.

  “Do you? Yeah, we got together fast. But I know you’re it for me.” He shook his head. “I don’t think you know that about me yet. And that would be okay, except that you’re too willing to walk away instead of working through this. Why?”

  “Maybe I don’t want you stringing me along, only to leave me for someone prettier? How about that, Mr. Handsome?”

  “Christ. This is about your ex. I’m not him.”

  “For your information, I heard he’s engaged. And I don’t care. I hope he and his new wife are perfectly miserable together for eternity. No, this is about you not wanting me around.”

  Conlan sighed. “Believe what you want. You know, deep down, you’re afraid. I respect that, but I’d respect you a whole lot more if you’d be honest with me. I can’t do this again. No lies and misunderstandings with the woman I love. Get your head on straight and cal
l me. You want space? Well, you got it.”

  And then he walked away and out the door.

  The house remained silent except for her shivery breath and the sobs that followed.

  Then Mia was there, hugging her. “Oh, Gwen. It’ll be okay.”

  “Th-that’s what he should have said.”

  Trent remained conspicuously absent.

  “Did you hear it all?” Gwen asked before breaking from her cousin to blow her nose.

  “I did.”

  “And?”

  Mia smiled. “And I think Conlan was right. You’re a mess.”

  Gwen shocked herself by laughing before crying again. “Shut up.”

  “Well, you are. The man had a right to feel weird about you honing in on his work. How would you have felt if Karen suddenly demanded he get your column and a byline on the blog?”

  “It’s our blog.”

  “Not my point.” Mia tugged Gwen to the kitchen and sat them both down. “I love you, you know that. I’m always in your corner.”

  “But…?”

  “But Conlan was right. You’re making a big deal over this because you’re trying to ruin your relationship before it can go sour. Just because Perry hurt you doesn’t mean Conlan will.”

  “Doesn’t mean he won’t either.”

  “Gwen, relationships are hard. Trent drives me nuts half the time. I yell at him. We argue. Then we make up. If you can’t handle the fact that life won’t always be rosy between you two, then you’re in for a rough life. A lonely life.”

  Calming down and realizing the truth of the matter didn’t make Gwen feel any better. “I know. I really am over Perry, but I can’t forget how much it hurt to be wrong about him. Mia, I love Conlan, more than I ever felt for Perry. If he cheated on me, I’d never recover.” She still didn’t think Conlan would do such a thing, but there were other ways to hurt the one you loved.

  “You can’t know what he’ll do, though, can you? You have to take a risk and accept him. Or don’t. It’s your choice. But from someone who loves you? Conlan is a great guy. He sees you for you, he’s smart, responsible, is loyal to his family, and Trent and I both like him. He’s a good man. You deserve a good man.”

  Gwen cried a little more. “I don’t know what to do.”

  From the kitchen doorway, Trent answered, “Take your time. You wanted a break, take it. See how you feel without him clouding your judgment.”

  She and Mia stared at him.

  He frowned. “What? A guy can’t have an opinion? Personally, I think you’re an idiot for letting a great guy like Conlan walk away from you. But women make little sense to me.”

  “Hey.” Mia glared at him.

  “Yeah, yeah. We’ll argue about it later.” He winked at Gwen. “Then we’ll make up. That’s one of the perks of having a girlfriend.” He turned and left before she could say anything.

  “Ignore him,” Mia said.

  “No. He’s right. And so are you. I’m going to take some time alone. See if this thing with Conlan was just a flash of hormones.” Though she knew it wasn’t. “Besides, if Conlan can’t wait for me to make up my mind, what kind of a future would we have anyway?”

  * * * *

  A week later, Gwen spent another miserable day working her fingers to the bone. She typed and typed, trying to give the lovelorn solid advice, except every time she read about someone’s miserable partner, she recalled how much she loved and cared for Conlan.

  The time apart from him had given her space and distance to rethink a lot of things. She owed him an apology for crowding in on his work. Regardless of how it had happened, she wanted him to know she understood how he felt. How she’d feel in the same situation.

  She glanced at her phone, unable to keep from reading the one and only text he’d sent her the day after their flare-up. “I’m here when you’re ready to talk. Make your choice, Gwen. And be sure.”

  He’d said he would wait, and he was. No immature taunts or gripes. Just a man in love, waiting for a woman to say yes.

  God, did she deserve him? Did she merit a happily ever after, or even the potential of one with no sure end in sight? “I don’t know. But I know I miss him like crazy.”

  “Talking to yourself again.”

  Gwen nearly jumped out of her chair. “Mia.”

  “You’re driving me insane. You’ve had time to think about what that big lug means to you. Now shit or get off the pot. Yeah, he’ll wait, but only for so long. And he’s totally a catch. How long before some other woman grabs him? Come on, Gwen. You know you love him.”

  “I do.” Saying the truth freed her.

  “So?”

  “But what if I mess this up?”

  “What if you do? Life has no guarantees.” Mia sighed. “I love Trent, but there are days I wonder if maybe I’m making a mistake.”

  “Are you kidding?” Gwen gaped. She’d never seen two people more in tune than her cousin and Trent. The guy was gaga for Mia, and she practically ended his sentences.

  “No, I’m not kidding. Trent is wonderful, but he’s a man, and men are idiots. You can quote me on that.”

  Gwen chuckled.

  “You need to think about what you want. Not about what I, Trent, or Conlan expect. What does Gwen Wilcox want out of life?”

  Gwen had been thinking of nothing else for the past week. “I want to be happy. I want a man to stand by me. Someone I can share my life with. I want to love him and have him love me.” She glanced down at the notebook on her desk, where she’d written those same words in a variety of ways. “I think I want him. I know I do. I’m just…”

  “Afraid. Join the club.” Mia snorted. “Being a couple is hard. You know that. Being a happy couple takes work. The question you have to ask yourself is if you think Conlan is worth it.”

  “He is.” She kept coming back to that conclusion.

  “Then what the hell are you waiting for? If the man can overlook you being a bitch last week, grab him.”

  Gwen scowled at her. “Bitch is a little harsh.”

  “Is it? You’re threatening to take over his job. I don’t think he was harsh enough.”

  “Hey. You’re my cousin. You’re supposed to be on my side.”

  “I am.” Mia smiled. “And I think he’s perfect for you. Don’t screw it up.” She dragged Gwen from her desk and prodded her toward the door. “Go fix up your hair and put on some makeup. Then go get your man.”

  Pumped up and knowing she had to take the chance, because if she didn’t, she’d always regret it, Gwen went willingly. Now to convince Conlan to give her another shot and pray he was more forgiving than she could have been.

  Chapter Ten

  Conlan sighed and stared at his current work in progress. He still had plenty of time to finish and send it off to his agent, but his heart just wasn’t in it today. Fuck it all, he missed Gwen.

  He knew he’d done nothing wrong, had nothing to apologize for. The days had given him time to reevaluate his life and in particular his career. Having Gwen on board at the paper would relieve him, giving him more time to focus on his novel writing—what he’d been striving for.

  It was a scary, daunting, yet exciting prospect to make that leap to full-time independent writer, part-time journalist. He had his dream job, his dream life, and hopefully, his dream girl.

  Why the hell hasn’t she called me?

  He checked his phone again, seeing no texts or incoming calls from Gwen. What if she decided she couldn’t risk a relationship with him? He knew well how hard it had been to recover from Ally’s betrayal. Though Gwen had said she was over her ex, hearing that he’d become engaged had to sting.

  But he had to know. Could she be there for him for the long haul? Could she overcome her fears to want him more than she wanted to live a “safe” life? Heartache was a guarantee at some point when one took a chance on love. He wanted her in his life enough to risk it. Would she?

  His stomach rumbled, but he had no interest in food. Lisa had told h
im last night over dinner he looked terrible. What a great sister, so honest.

  He shook his head. “Women suck.” He needed to work that into an advice spot at some point in the near future. The “gentler sex” had men jumping all over themselves to please. And for what? A few meaningful orgasms? Some tender emotions, the ability to stroke her dark hair, stare into her big blue eyes, and know there was nowhere else you wanted to be?

  “Shit.” He rubbed his tired eyes. So damn exhausting to constantly pine for Gwen.

  The doorbell rang, and his heart raced. Probably Lisa, he told himself. Yet as he neared his door, he knew it wasn’t. He could sense Gwen standing just outside.

  After calming himself as best he could and putting on his game face, he opened the door.

  Gwen stood before him, wearing jeans and a sweater. And her damn glasses. God, he wanted to hug her and kiss her and never stop. He cleared his throat. “Gwen.”

  She gave him a shy smile. So unlike his virtual Amazon. “Conlan.” When he just stood there soaking her in, she asked, “Can I come in? I think we should talk.”

  He drew on what passed for his backbone and straightened up. “Sure. Come on in.”

  She passed him, so close he caught the light, floral scent of her. Memories of inhaling her smell while he made love to her turned him hard in a heartbeat.

  Once again trying to calm himself, he followed her inside and sat on the couch next to her. Close, but not close enough to touch. “Yes?”

  Gwen blew out a shaky breath. The knowledge she was nervous settled him in a way he couldn’t have expected. He found himself wanting to gentle her, to protect and soothe her. Because she’s mine.

  “I appreciate that you gave me space to think things over.” At his nod, she continued. ““I just… It all hit me at once. I was scared. You and I, we’re so close, and it’s been so fast.”

  “I know.”

  “Then there was my job that’s changing. I run a successful blog that pays. Amazing in itself. Now we’re talking a TV spot and a newspaper column… I’m sorry for that.”

  “It wasn’t—”

  She cut him off. “Not my fault, I know. I didn’t ask for a byline. And if you want me to say no, I will. But I think this could benefit both of us.”