“You’re what?” Heather gasps. “Oh my God, Nic.” She quickly gathers me into her arms as I cry harder. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.”
I don’t want to be comforted. I’m angry, hurt, and unbelievably heartbroken. I tried so hard to deny my feelings and act as if things were okay, but they aren’t. I’m not. None of this is even remotely okay.
“I’m pregnant and . . . oh, God, Callum’s wife came home early from wherever she was, I guess.”
Kristin’s hand covers her mouth. “Jesus Christ. Did she say anything?”
Did she ever.
Elizabeth didn’t hold back.
“She told me to get my shit out of her home, and . . . I fucking hate him. He lied to me.”
Kristin pulls me from Heather’s arms and into her own, holding me tight as I do what I never do . . . I break down. I cry so hard that my chest actually hurts. Speaking the truth has broken the last barrier I had. She rubs my back and Heather comes around, enveloping us both.
“It’s okay, Nic.”
“No, it’s not!” I start to sob. “None of this is okay!”
Heather pushes my hair back to look at me. “Okay, it’s not. What did he say when you told him you found out?”
I move back, wiping the stupid tears that won’t stop. “Nothing. I left! What can he possibly say that would make a difference? His wife said it all.”
Kristin chews her lip and then brushes my arm. “You know, I don’t know Callum well, but I can tell you that I’ve been on the other side of this. I don’t know if I would’ve had the balls to march in to see what I was in denial about.”
“Yeah, but I would have,” I counter.
I would want to catch them and then I would make their lives hell. If I gave my heart to someone, like I did Callum, and he trampled it after we were married, you’re damn right I’d be guns blazing.
I didn’t this time because he wasn’t mine. He was never mine.
“True, but what I guess I should say is that I’ve also been in a situation where not everything was quite as it appeared . . .”
She’s talking about what broke her and Noah up for a period of time. “That was different. You’re a good person.”
“And Callum isn’t?”
“I don’t know what Callum is other than a liar! He didn’t want me to go to his office, why? He didn’t want me to meet his mother or, at least, he said she had to cancel, yeah right. Then his wife shows up, spewing all her shit . . . so, yeah, I don’t think that’s the makings of a good person, do you?”
What is she not getting? I know that Kristin sees the good in people and situations, but there’s nothing here that can be prettied up. He lied, he cheated, and then the fucker got caught.
“Okay, what did the wife say?” Heather questions.
“She told me who she was, and then she told me to get my shit and get out.”
“And you left? You? Of all the people in this world, you let someone order you around?” Heather’s eyes are filled with confusion.
“Yes, because she said they’ve been married for eight years and that Callum has been cheating on her practically the entire time. They’ve been trying to work things out, and it was great until his father died and he went to the States.”
“That makes no sense,” Kristin says.
“What part?”
“That they were working things out and then his father dying starting him back to cheating again. Doesn’t he hate his father? Also, Callum practically twisted your arm to get you to go to London with him, why? If he knew there was a chance of his wife finding you at his place, why would he? Why would he want you to meet his mom? It doesn’t make sense,” Heather finishes for her.
“Maybe she wasn’t supposed to be there?”
“Has he shown you any indication that he would be hiding something?”
Jesus, why are these two so quick to find a flaw in this. “Kristin, you of all people know why this would be the fucking worst case scenario for me.”
“I know. What about the baby?”
I look down at my stomach. “I’ll be a single mom.”
“Are you going to tell him?”
The note I left did. “I’m sure he knows by now.”
“Are you okay with having a baby?” Heather asks.
That’s the sad thing. I am actually a little happy in some weird part of my brain. I love Callum. I know that it would have been hard, but we would’ve figured out how to be great parents. Maybe I would’ve moved to London. Maybe he would’ve come to America to be with us. Maybe the fucking white horse would’ve grown wings to carry our new love that we were feeling to Neverland. That possibility was burned to ashes as soon as I heard the word wife. Even with as much as I hate him, I could never hate this baby.
“I never thought I would, but . . . I mean . . . I’ll figure it out, right? You guys will help since I’ll be doing it alone.”
Heather and Kristin share a look and then Heather starts again. “You need to retract your claws for a minute and hear me out . . . can you do that?”
“I’m not sure,” I tell her the truth, which is clearly a concept Callum has no knowledge of.
“Try,” Kristin urges.
“Fine.”
Heather begins. “We know that you’ve been hurt. I know you’ve shared your story with Kristin, and I’m glad, but I’m going to guess . . . you were with someone before, and it turned out he was married. You thought he was a good man, and even in all your crazy ass ways, you’d never knowingly sleep with a married man. Am I right?”
“Yes.”
Shame hits me. It was a long time ago, but I still feel it. I hated myself for years. I felt as if punishing myself was the only way to atone for the destruction I caused that family.
“Okay, did you know he was married?”
“No!”
“Then you were not the person to blame,” Heather assures me.
“No, you weren’t.” Kristin smiles as she shakes her head. “I don’t know the situation with Callum, but I can tell you this . . . when a wife finds her husband cheating, she doesn’t just stroll in, hoping to find her husband in a compromising position. I never wanted to see or even know about Scott and Jillian. I will also say that you should’ve talked to him. I’ve been on the other end of a miscommunication, and had Noah and I just talked, it would’ve been okay. Instead, he left angry, and it turned out to be a mess.”
I remember that whole thing since she came to my house. This? It is totally different. There aren’t many ways you can misconstrue meeting someone’s wife.
“What possible miscommunication is there for being married?”
Heather shrugs. “I’m not sure, but I read people for a living, and there was nothing I picked up on with Callum. But put all that aside, you’re having a baby, and he does need to be a part of the equation. You should probably talk to him.”
“I’ll talk to him when I can string words together and not cry. I will never let a man see me cry like that again.”
“Fair enough.” She nods.
“Besides,” Kristin calls our attention, “you have three million reasons you should call him anyway.”
I groan while looking up at the sky. “Fuck. I hate him so much.”
Kristin sighs. “No, you love him, and right now, you’re in pain, but you’re a professional and can handle this.”
This is why I never sleep with clients. There’s nothing more awkward than having to deal with someone after you’ve fucked them until you’ve blacked out and are carrying their love child.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Callum
I stand outside her flat, knowing this conversation will make or break us. I looked for her, tried to call her, waited at my home, but she never came back. Then I realized that she left, left. Like got on a flight and went home.
Now, I’m standing here, hoping she’ll hear me out.
I spent hours on the plane, restless to get to her, knowing the more time that passed, the worse this will be.
My ex-wife is a cunt, and I’d like nothing more than to bury her, but as they say, only the good die young. Elizabeth will live forever at this rate.
I’m not sure what it is that she refuses to let go of. We had a loveless marriage. She was too busy trying to find new lovers and spending my money to love anyone but herself.
Sitting on the floor of the hallway, I have nothing to do other than think and plan. Of course, nothing sounds good enough or like it isn’t a load of bullshit. It is going to be impossible to get her to hear me out, but I have to.
Then I think about her note. When I read the words, my heart stopped.
She’s pregnant.
“What are you doing here?” Nicole’s voice is filled with a mix of sadness and anger.
I pop to my feet. “I’m not married.”
She shakes her head. “I’ve heard that one before.”
“I swear it.”
“Your word means nothing to me, Callum.”
I hate that she sees it that way. Her eyes pool with tears, and I take a step forward. “Don’t cry.”
“I’m not! It’s the goddamn hormones! You don’t get to make me cry anymore.”
“I never wanted to make you cry at all.”
“Well, too late for that.” She digs around in her purse for her keys. “Go away.”
“No.”
The guilt for being the reason she looks sad is eating away at me. Nicole is normally so bright and warm, and I’ve broken that. Right now, she’s angry, hurt, and distant. I need to fix it.
I’m not leaving. She has to know the truth and know that I will do anything to make this right. I’m a bloody fool for not telling her to begin with, but nothing was done with malicious intent.
“God, you’re such an asshole. Did my avoiding your calls and texts not send a clear enough message? We’re done. I’m a mess, and you made me that way.”
She isn’t a mess. She’s beautiful.
I take a second to look at her and even with her red, puffy eyes, she’s the most gorgeous creature I’ve ever seen. Her blonde hair is pulled back, and she’s dressed in a pair of sweatpants and off-the-shoulder top. I wouldn’t change one single thing.
“I’m the one who is fucked up. I should’ve told you about Lizzie, but I couldn’t admit it.”
“Please, just stop. If this is about the baby, I won’t be that girl. You can see him or her anytime, and we’ll work it out.”
“That won’t work for me,” I tell her.
I’m not walking away from her. Baby or not, I love her. I want a life with her, and I’m not going to lose her because of this. I can’t endure it. The last three days have been absolute hell. I had to get things in London settled, and the moment I could, I was on a plane to America.
Nicole takes a step back. “I’m not asking you.”
“I love you, Nicole.”
She laughs. “Are you fucking kidding?”
“No.”
“You know, I actually fell for it all over again,” she says with disbelief. “I thought you were different. I thought that even though all the things I was feeling were so intense and quick, it was because this was right. I thought I could love again.” Nicole puts her key into the lock, and I know I’m losing her. “I thought I could be healed because what we had seemed like a fairy tale. Then I find out that not only it is not a fairy tale but also I’m the villain in the story.”
She opens the door and steps through. I know this is the last chance I have. My hand stops the door before she shuts me out and closes the door on us.
“You’re not the villain, and this is exactly the story we were in. I’m divorced. I left Elizabeth six years ago after her . . . God only knows what number affair she had. Our divorce was final five years ago.” I take out the paperwork to prove it and hand it to her. “Read it. It’s all there. I never lied to you. I didn’t tell you because that part of my life died. She was dead to me, and my marriage was a sham from day one. I don’t even consider her a part of my life. It was painful for me to admit that I was a failure at being a husband. If I had known . . .”
Nicole grabs the paper from me and looks at it. “Thanks for clearing that up,” she says and then shuts the door.
I guess I have more groveling to do.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Nicole
The phone rings again.
I glance at the screen, see Callum’s name, and send that shit right to voice mail.
It’s been a day since he was here, and I still refuse to answer any of his calls, return his texts, or read any of his emails. He’s resorted to calling my assistant, who is doing a bang-up job of ignoring him.
There is nothing he can say at this point that I want to hear. In my head, he kept something from me, which is as bad as a damn lie. He didn’t tell me about her or that he had been married. Had I known she existed, when she showed up, I could’ve handled her.
Instead, I had to stand there and feel like complete shit.
Sure, I get that he’s divorced, which is great, but he could have offered up the information when I asked him if he was married. He chose not to.
I’m sitting in the doctor’s office, waiting to go in, when my phone rings again. I don’t even look before putting the phone on silent.
Take a damn hint, Callum.
My OBGYN wanted me to come in right away and have the pregnancy confirmed. Since I’ve miscarried in the past and am the ripe age of thirty-nine, they want to be cautious. Peter’s funeral is tomorrow, so I figured I should get checked today. Plus, it’s another way to avoid Callum.
I’m being a bitch, I know this, but I’m hurt.
I’m also scared out of my mind because if I let him start explaining things, I’ll cave. If I cave and something else happens, I won’t ever be able to make it through losing him again.
These last few days have been hell. I’ve never cried so much.
I really built up this fantasy in my mind, and when my history repeated right in front of me, it was torture.
“Are you not going to forgive him?” Kristin asks from the chair beside me.
“You’re still here?”
She rolls her eyes. “You can pretend I’m not, but yes, I’m here. Ass.”
Kristin refused to let me do this alone. She should be with Danielle, but she said I needed a friend more than anyone.
“To answer your question, I’m not sure.”
“He didn’t lie.”
“Yes, yes he did.”
Kristin shrugs. “I think you’re trying to go into self-preservation mode.”
I think my friends are far too nosey for their own good, and I’m well aware of what I’m doing. It’s called surviving, which is the same damn thing as self-preservation.
“Can we focus on the fact that I’m knocked up?”
“We could, but you’re knocked up by a guy who flew over here to fix shit with you, gave you proof that he isn’t married, and has explained that his ex-wife is apparently Jillian’s long-lost cousin from hell, and you still won’t take the man’s calls.”
“So, you’re going to be silent?” I ask.
“Not a chance.”
“You used to be my favorite,” I tell her.
“I’ll live with the disappointment.”
I love Kristin. No matter what, she’s always hovering at that top spot. She’s like a damn panda bear, you just want to hug her. “I can’t stay mad at you. Which makes me hate you more.”
Her hand covers mine. “I know. It’s part of my charm. Back to Callum . . .”
So much for charm. “Why are you pushing this so hard?”
“Because he didn’t do anything, and now you’re using some lame-ass excuse to walk away from him. Had you stayed and talked to him, you wouldn’t be such a nutjob.”
Like any of these bitches can talk about being crazy? No. Heather is a lunatic, Kristin is a nut, and Danielle is . . . well, she’s allowed to be whatever she wants to be. I’m the only sane person in this group.
/> “I wouldn’t talk.”
“You know what? You’re right,” she says and sighs.
“Huh?”
“You’re right.”
Why do I feel like this is a trap? One that I’m going to hate myself for walking right into? I feel like this is one of those Mom tricks where the kid ends up agreeing to something they know they didn’t want to do just because they got talked in circles. The woman is trying to use some Jedi mind game on me to get her way.
“Good,” I say hesitantly. “I think . . .”
“I’m serious. It’s a good thing that you’re going to walk away before you love him. It hurts so much more after you get those feelings, you know?”
Here we go.
Kristin continues. “It’s best to lock your heart up, throw away the key, and be a single mom instead of being with a man who clearly loves you. I would totally do the same. Smart on your part.”
“Just stop,” I beg.
“What?” She gives me her most innocent expression. As if I would believe that shit for one second. “I’m agreeing with you.”
“So, if this were Scott—”
“You can’t even remotely compare what Scott did to what Callum did,” Kristin silences me. “Scott was my husband and did cheat. He lied, and put me down until I believed I didn’t deserve anything other than what he was giving me. Callum may have withheld information, but he isn’t actually married and, from what you have told me, he’s done everything to make you a better version of yourself. Oh, and the man is fighting for you.”
“I’m fighting for peace and quiet,” I moan.
“Too bad. Welcome to life with you as a friend.”
Am I really this annoying? Jesus, I want to slap myself. Then again, if it weren’t for me pushing my friends to get their heads out of their asses, I would be dealing with the calls, whining, and all that. At least now, their husbands, boyfriends, or whatever we’re calling them these days have to listen to them.
Where is that damn doctor? The best way to shut her up is to get called back there.
“Nicole?” It’s a voice that I never wanted to hear again, and I turn to Kristin, who looks every bit as shocked as I feel.
Not Until You Page 17
