Weird Tales, Volume 51

by Ann VanderMeer

  We were poorly trained, of course, but not as desperate as the peasants that even now were being recruited to defend the city. We were all noble-born, although our families had fallen in disgrace, and had all received standard battle training before we were put to the knife. I fumbled with my sword and dagger, trying to remember the knowledge that I had so easily wielded when I was twelve and wincing at the easy muscularity of the whole men around me.

  Rumours said that the nobles were refusing to fight, holding back, they said, as shock troops for the day when the need was dire. I knew they were stalling, pulling strings, making alliances and even sending parleys among the dreaded Farong to see when to throw their weight, and with whom. We marched to see the King, Aghar speaking for us all. The Law says a eunuch cannot fight, but His Majesty sighed and laid a two fingered benediction on Aghar's nehilim sword. After that, nobody tried to stop us.

  When the Farong came, we left the citadel and went out to the trampled dirt-bowl to meet them. Their first instinct was to jeer at us. I can still hear their battle cries, their coy seductions and their threats. The Farong women stood out like jewels on the field, diamond tipped spears and well oiled scales reflecting the light like myriad green prisms. Their partners marched by their female's sides, five men to each wife.

  Aghar surveyed the scene calmly, as if we weren't staring at our deaths. When they cut him, they took away from his skin the capacity to wrinkle, and his face seemed flat and inscrutable, like that of a young girl who does not wish to be married. His hair, which had been oiled by kings in the bedchamber, now flew loose in the wind.

  Aghar barked his orders.

  We spread out and formed three columns, the better trained Sworn Maidens on the sides, eunuchs and conscripts in the centre. Farong fight in family packs with their females as leaders. Discipline is exquisite inside each pack and every male has a rank which is achieved through a complex scale of feats, but they don't have an overall strategy of war. Still, they outnumbered us five to one.

  We did what we could, but soon the central column started to fold. Eunuchs are trained for the bedchamber, not for the sword. Aghar's orders kept us fighting but we were ceding ground. The enraged Farong inched in on us.

  “Central column, retreat!”

  I ran for my life.

  The enemy came after us and was surrounded by the Sworn Maidens. I scrambled into their left column and they let me pass to safety with amused grins.

  Shrieks pierced the air. In my flight, I slipped on red and green blood. Soon there were no more formations and I did not know where to run. My companions were scattered and Aghar had his hands full, directing the Sworn Maidens to where they could do the most harm.

  I stood trembling, the sun beating down on my helmet. I could not run much further. Around me, green Farong limbs continued to twitch, even after being severed from their bodies.

  At first it seemed the Maidens had the situation under control, but I soon realized that many felled Farong were regenerating and getting up to join the battle again.

  Without hesitation I walked to the nearest fallen brute and severed her head. I stood next to her, watching, but she stayed down. The other eunuchs picked up the idea. Soon, we were joined by the conscripts and by some of the wounded Maidens.

  It took a while, but when the Farong saw there was no hope for them once they'd fallen, they retreated. There is nothing so enticing as a running enemy. The blood frenzy went to my head and I started to fight in earnest, without care for my safety, swinging my sword wildly, parrying, attacking, cutting, crushing and maiming what stood in my way. After a while, somebody pulled me back and dragged me to camp. That's all I remember of the first day.

  That night, I oiled Aghar's back until he seemed to melt under my hands and asked him what he thought of our chances.

  “It won't be so easy tomorrow, they will have learned from this mistake,” he whispered. I trembled, my shoulders ached from supernatural fatigue and I didn't know if I could fight again. “If the nobles don't commit themselves...” he sighed.

  “The Sworn Maidens are the best...” I muttered, trying to appease him. It hurt me to see him worried.

  “But there are just too few of them!”

  I winced. I'd been trained to please and I took a man's anger as a personal rebuke. Aghar noticed.

  “Poor Telora, come here,” he said, holding my head against his chest. “Don't worry, the nobles will come and all will be well.”

  The next day, Aghar placed most of the eunuchs on top of a small hill and let the Sworn Maidens and the conscripts form to our right. Then he walked among the ranks of Sworn Maidens and chose one of every three to join us. This way, the enemy would see roughly an equal number of men and women on each flank. Farong are bad at distinguishing men from eunuchs, especially in armour.

  When the Gong chimed, the Maidens attacked the Farong. When the beasts turned towards us, they found we had the upper ground and they struggled to push us back. They hissed among themselves and turned back towards the Maidens, but then we attacked, downhill, easily and crushed them between us. Aghar was not satisfied.

  “They're only playing with us. It's mating season and they're itching to prove themselves. Once they've settled down for the year they will come at us in earnest and little clockwise tactics aren't going to do the trick.”

  I muttered abjectly, desperate to cheer him up. I was brought up to believe that my main function was to make my masters happy, and although Aghar was more a friend than a master, it still bothered me to see him like this. Battle hadn't changed me that much. I was in awe of the spasm that took hold of me in the battlefield and incited me to kill without remorse or regard of consequence, but once the battle was over I was back to my diffident self. I wondered if that was not the fundamental difference between men and people such as me: both men and eunuchs can be aroused to sex or bluster, but while eunuchs forget violence and sex when the occasion passes, men hold those two things dear in their minds and let them guide all their actions during their waking hours.

  “It would take the Sworn Maidens' drug to win this war, Telora, and the Gods know there's no way the Sworn will give us their magic.”

  “There must be some way,” I muttered.

  He smiled. “Don't be afraid, Telora. I have made my peace with this war and the death that it'll surely bring me. I need you to promise me one thing. When I'm sure I cannot hold them any longer, I'll give you this sign.” He gestured with his hand. “I'll send someone trustworthy to bring it to you. When you see it, leave the city and don't stop until you've crossed the Riatsu River. Don't look behind, because I won't be following you.”

  “What? Desert? Never!”

  He swung his head and smiled dryly, and I admired how his hair moved against his cheeks and shone in the lamplight, full as a woman's. One of the advantages of the surgery is that we never go bald.

  “Do you love me, Telora,” he said.

  I could only nod.

  “Then you will do as I say. I will defend my city to the last, if you promise to run when I tell you to. I can suffer to see you risk your life in battle, but I need to know you have a chance to survive.”

  I promised. It was the first lie I had ever told him and I hoped it would be the last.

  Days passed and we managed to keep the Farong at bay. Barely.

  I fought next to the Sworn Maidens each morning, marvelling at their near invincibility and at the respect they managed to gleam even from the Farong. The huge reptiles had learned their lesson and studiously avoided crossing swords with the Sworn in the battlefield whenever they could.

  Each day, my sword felt heavier, and the morale of our ragged army fell just a bit more. Only the Sworn kept up their chants. If they lost this war, they would simply move to the next citadel and offer their swords to a different King.

  Then, the morning came when fear caught up with me and I could go on no longer. I stood with my squadron, waiting to go into battle and fought to keep my lungs from burs
ting. I had known fear before and I had seen death before, but the panic which gripped me for no good reason was stronger than anything I'd ever encountered. It possessed me in a way I hadn't thought was possible. It left me empty of logic or conscience. By the time the panic retreated, I had arrived at a conclusion. I would not stand and let the fear take me again. I would not be passive. I would find a way to win this war, once and for all.

  I went to battle absent-mindedly and if the Gods had willed it, I would have died many times that day.

  Sneaking into the Sworn Maidens' camp wouldn't be easy. They were protective of the drug that made them stronger than any male and didn't like strangers wandering around. Considering what I was planning on doing, theirs was a reasonable concern.

  The camp was well guarded and I was no match for the Sworn's legendary strength. No, stealing the drug wasn't even a possibility. If I was going to get it and make the eunuchs and the conscripts strong enough to win the war, I had to be subtle. I had been called beautiful in the past, and always by men, but I'd felt the Sworn Maidens' stares and I had enough experience to recognize the look. They were rough women of war and didn't realize they were so obvious, but I knew all the games.

  The next couple of days, I polished my armour and wore my jewellery strategically, the best to enhance my lips, my arms and legs, and draw their eyes to me.

  Finally, I was confident that anyone who wished to notice me had noticed me in the battlefield. I still needed to find a Maiden, so I set out that night and pressed into the darkness until I found a hiding spot in the bushes next to the Sworn's camp.

  From my hiding spot, I searched for a candidate. The guard was talkative and open, but she was too old, and Sworn Maidens aren't stupid. If I made a pass, she'd know something was amiss. No, I needed someone younger, someone who would genuinely believe that, contrary to nurture and surgery, I might be interested in her.

  I waited. The women went to bed, but I decided to stay and watch the change of guards. It would be useful to know their patterns. If my plan succeeded, I would have to creep into the camp often to join my lover in her tent.

  The moon inched through the sky as I lay in the damp grass. After a couple hours, my shoulders stopped twitching with excitement and I dozed, but that was not a problem. I was no soldier, and I knew it. As long as I awoke every time the guard changed, I had all the information I needed. I had been trained to awake at the slightest sound when I was prepared to serve the bed of the King.

  Dew chilled me to the bone, but still I waited. Dawn rose with a peach coloured cheek and showed me my bride. She was almost a girl, maybe sixteen, and although the Sworn Maidens' drug had made her more muscular than any man, she still had a tenderness to her skin and a shine to her eye that spoke of innocence and a soft heart.

  I felt a pang of guilt for what I was about to do and allowed myself to feel remorse for a few seconds. Then I pushed my feelings into a corner, as I'd been trained to do, and slowly retreated away from the camp. I had a couple hours left to sleep, and I would need time to bathe, oil and paint my face before I met this girl in battle.

  I whispered my request to Aghar and he placed me in the same column as the girl. I couldn't tell if he realized what I was up to, but I suspect that even if he had known, he wouldn't have interfered. If there was any way to win the war, it was my way.

  I fought myself into her chisel group and engaged a Farong female who surpassed me in ability and strength. My Maiden gasped as I fought with the green creature, clearly amazed that such a delicate being as me would dare stand up to the brute. Predictably, the Farong disarmed me, and I fell on the ground, holding up my light shield as only protection.

  The enemy waited until her husbands gathered before closing in for the kill. It was the mating season after all, and only her valour guaranteed that her mates would stay with her one more year.

  “So, little man,” the Farong hissed. “You thought you could kill me?” I knew she wasn't taunting me; Farongs don't understand sarcasm. She was genuinely curious as to whether I had thought I could beat her in battle.

  “A man's luck is his own,” I said, using the time to crawl back towards the Sworn Maidens. I was frantic. I didn't know if the girl had noticed me. Damn you, Telora! How pathetic to die trying to attract a woman's attention.

  The males around her scratched their scales with their claws making a noise like metal on stone. The female threw her head back, aroused by the sound, and I knew I was dead.

  “Wait!” The girl jumped out from her formation.

  “Come back here, Lea! He's not our problem,” an older woman shouted.

  “I won't let him die. He's been brave. Courage should be. . . rewarded,” she said, flitting her eyes in my direction and holding her spear in front of her.

  “Very well,” the Farong said. “I'll kill you first.”

  From my position in the dirt, I watched the combat unfold. The males stood back, letting the female Farong prove her valour. My girl wasn't scared. Her spear didn't tremble. She circled around the Farong carefully, countering and paring, gauging her enemy's strength. I knew the real combat hadn't started yet; both dames were testing each other's strengths rather than attacking in earnest.

  The fighters around them respected the duel and kept on with their private combats. It was infantry at its best, woman against woman, with honour. The dream of any warrior Maiden.

  The Farong was at her prime, probably in her third decade, full of eggs that needed fathers and everything to gain from risking her life in the battlefield. I wondered if I had made a mistake by choosing her for my half-baked girl.

  I shouldn't have worried. My girl had a trick up her sleeve. She lunged to keep the Farong occupied, unsheathed a stiletto and threw it at her enemy. The Farong fell back, twitching, nehilim knife wedged firmly into her eye socket.

  I jumped up and decapitated her before she could regenerate.

  “Hey! She was mine, you half-man!” the girl shouted. The Sworn Maiden have customs regarding the bodies of their dead enemies. Every evening, they insisted on collecting the bodies and carrying them off to their camp.

  “Of course, my lady. I meant to save you this gory business,” I said, as if she weren't already covered with blood and guts from a dozen kills. “A beauty like you shouldn't have to bother with this.” I pointed at the decapitated body and showed my disgust. “You are much too valuable as a killer. Once a Farong goes down, some lesser soldier should handle the beheading for you.”

  She preened. “You could be right. Get behind me, and I'll give you all the beheadings you've ever dreamed of.”

  I followed her around, pretending to be enthused by the gore, but it paid off because that night she allowed me into her tent and let me wash the blood off her body. Then she sent me away, which was predictable. Sworn Maidens are virgins—in theory. But it was one thing to betray her vow and another to do so in the open with a man she'd just met.

  That night, she crept into my tent in the eunuch's camp. I have no idea how she knew where I was sleeping, but I guess Sworn tracking skills were to blame. I gave myself over to her as best I could, and tried to imagine Aghar in my arms instead of this pale scarred woman.

  All institutions die in the end, and the Sworn Maidens' virginity wasn't an exception. The other women accepted that Lea took me as a pet, and I was only too glad not to have to creep through the guards to get to my lover.

  Lea started behaving like I was part of her army, and even shot herself the drug in front of me. I stared longingly at the vials, hoping she'd relent and offer me some. If I could take it back to my camp, Aghar would find a way to replicate it. She didn't volunteer any information and we settled into a routine where we fought by day and loved by night.

  “To every weapon,” the old Maiden said, holding her crotch and looking around to build suspense, “there is a counter-weapon!” she laughed, pointing at me. Lea giggled under the influence of the potato alcohol I'd brought with me to the Sworn's camp. The women gathere
d around and drank, their tongues growing looser throughout the night. There was a temporary truce while the Farong mated and Aghar got supplies from the country side, so we were fairly certain we'd be able to sleep in late the next morning.

  I patted Lea's leg. It was now or never. If I couldn't extract the secret from her tonight, I might as well give up all hope.

  “There's a balance in all things,” Lea nodded wisely. The other women settled down into a more philosophical vein, spouting bits of wisdom that only seemed important because they were drunk. I played along.

  “The wise say that there are three sides to each entity,” I had forgotten most of my philosophy, but I knew none of the women were sophisticated enough to catch me if I made a mistake. “Man, woman, eunuch. Animal, vegetable, symbiont. Land, sky, horizon . . .”

  “Farong, noble, Maiden,” Thera whispered.

  “But each contains the seed of the other. A woman with too much is a man, a man with too little is an eunuch,” I said.

  The women murmured sympathetically.

  “I'd give anything to be as strong as you are and as worthy of defending my city,” I sighed and caught Lea's eye.

  “What can't be, can't be,” the older women murmured, but Lea held my hand until they were gone, and then took me to her tent.

  “To everything, there is a balance, and a life-force in all creatures,” she recited, as she shot me a vial of the Maidens' drug. “To fight the Farong, you must become the Farong, take them into you and be one with your enemy.” I looked into her eyes and suddenly understood that the Sworn Maidens' drug was made from the enemy corpses they were so careful to claim after battle.

  I had what I wanted, but still I stayed and loved her one more night, and then sprinted into the dew, my legs bouncing effortlessly off the wet ground.