Lost Daughters

by Mary Monroe

  “I’m glad I never had that problem. I always latched on to men that my girl took a shine to,” Maureen said with a proud sniff.

  Big Maureen took a deep breath and gave Maureen a curious look.

  “What’s the matter?” Maureen asked. “You look like you got somethin’ on your mind.”

  Big Maureen wasted no time telling Maureen what was on her mind. “I’m nosy so I got to stick my nose in your business. See, I got a feelin’ there is somethin’ you ain’t tellin’ me about you and Mel.” There was an accusatory look on Big Maureen’s face.

  “Why do you think that?”

  “The whole time I been here, I ain’t seen you show not one bit of affection toward your husband. I ain’t seen you hug him, kiss him, or even talk to him that much. When he took us to eat at that Cracker Barrel in Tampa last night, you didn’t even sit next to him. Lo’retta did.”

  “Oh. It’s just that me and Mel got so used to each other over the years that we don’t show our feelin’s in public that much anymore,” Maureen explained.

  “In public is one thing. A lot of women don’t like to get too mushy in public. But I noticed that the first night in your apartment, you and him seemed more like strangers.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “For one thing, I noticed that when he tried to kiss you on the cheek, you turned your head. Another thing I noticed, Lo’retta pays him way more attention than you do.”

  “Oh, she’s just so happy to finally have a daddy, that’s all. I wish I’d had one when I was her age.”

  “Uh-huh.” Big Maureen gave Maureen a look that she could not interpret. “Now tell me, you in love with another man, ain’t you? Don’t bother lyin’ to me. I ain’t blind or stupid.”

  Maureen dropped her head and bit her bottom lip. Then she looked at Big Maureen with a wan smile on her face. “There was another man I cared about. I met him too late, though.”

  “Baby sister, I’m a lot older than you, and I’ve been around the block more than a few times. Let me tell you somethin’—when it comes to love, it ain’t never too late.”

  “You mean I should divorce Mel and go after the other man?”

  “You don’t have to divorce Mel, but you don’t have to turn your back on that other man neither.” Big Maureen stopped talking and looked around. She smiled at Mel. He stood a few yards away near the refreshment table, munching on a sandwich. Loretta, also munching on a sandwich, stood next to him. Loretta was gazing at Mel like she wanted to munch on him next. Big Maureen searched around until she spotted Virgil. He was shaking hands with one of Loretta’s teachers. Big Maureen looked back to Maureen. “Why can’t you have both men?” she asked, still smiling.

  “You mean like an affair?” Maureen gasped.

  “You can call it whatever you want to call it. Men have been doin’ it from the beginnin’ of time. My first husband did it, and the nasty buzzard I’m married to now hops into bed with some floozy on Board Street every chance he gets. That’s why his back is always goin’ out on him. I can tell when he’s been with her. I can smell her scent on his hide. That’s when I make him give me some pleasure, whether he wants to or not. I straddle him and then I ride his tally whacker so long and hard, he has to soak it in Epsom salt when I’m done with it.”

  Maureen chuckled. “You sound so much like Mama Ruby. She said stuff like that all the time. But I don’t want to cheat on my husband.”

  “Why not? I do it all the time.”

  “You cheat on your husband?”

  “Honey, I done had so many affairs since I married Lukas I done lost count.” Big Maureen shook her head and laughed. “It keeps my blood pressure down, and it keeps me young.”

  “What would you do if Lukas ever found out?”

  “I wouldn’t do nothin’. He wouldn’t do nothin’ neither. If he did, I’d skin him alive!” Maureen gave Big Maureen an amused look; this sister was definitely Mama Ruby’s daughter.

  “What if he got real mean, like hit you or somethin’?”

  “Harrumph!” Big Maureen snorted. “The man is crazy, but he ain’t crazy enough to lay a hand on me. He did one time, though. That sucker slapped my Easter bonnet clean off my head, wig and all. I lit into him like a piranha. I bit and beat the bat shit out of him. By the time I got through, his back was broke in two places.” Big Maureen looked around some more until she spotted her husband. Lukas was talking to the parents of one of Loretta’s classmates. “His back never did heal right. That’s why a little fall or even him sleepin’ the wrong way in bed makes his back go out. It was his own fault, though. He shouldn’t have messed with me.”

  Maureen shook her head and excused herself. She decided it was time for her to mingle for a while.

  Catty had come to the ceremony, but she had to leave early because she had a funeral to go to. Fast Black was visiting her son in Brooklyn, so she had not been able to attend. But Maureen saw a few of her coworkers and a few people from the church she visited occasionally. And then she saw Jay. He had told her that he would attend Loretta’s graduation!

  He stood next to a petite woman in her twenties. His arm was around her narrow waist. He glanced at Maureen and nodded. He didn’t smile at her, but she smiled at him and nodded back. Then she quickly looked away. Just seeing Jay with another woman—a prettier, younger woman at that—made his departure from Maureen’s life seem so final.

  If only Mel were not in her life . . .

  CHAPTER 48

  TWO DAYS AFTER HER GRADUATION, LORETTA TOLD MAUREEN THAT SHE was going to the Bahamas with forty of the kids who had graduated with her.

  “You ain’t goin’ no place,” Maureen told her, giving her an exasperated look.

  “What? Why not? Everybody else is goin’!” Loretta squawked.

  “Because you didn’t ask me if you could go.”

  “Well, can I go, Mama? They are leavin’ next week.”

  “No,” Maureen said firmly.

  Even though Loretta had the money to cover her travel expenses, and there would be several chaperones, Maureen still refused to let her go to the Bahamas. In addition to the fact that Loretta waited until the last minute to even mention the trip, Maureen didn’t want to let her go because she was not going herself so that she could make sure Loretta didn’t get drunk and act a fool. Maureen didn’t want to trust her daughter in the care of chaperones she didn’t know.

  Loretta cried and begged, but Maureen still didn’t give in. “Like I said, you ain’t goin’ no place, girl.”

  “But I’m eighteen now! EIGHTEEN!” Loretta shouted as if she wanted the whole world to hear.

  “I don’t care if you are a hundred and eighteen. As long as you still livin’ under my roof, you will do as I say,” Maureen stated. “The only time you’ve even been out of the state is with me. There is no way I’m goin’ to let you go out of the country without me!” Maureen was adamant, so it didn’t matter how much Loretta pouted; she still didn’t give in. “You don’t even have a passport,” Maureen pointed out.

  “Yes, I do!” Loretta revealed.

  “How did you get a passport without me knowin’ about it?” Maureen gasped.

  “Mel helped me get it. He is my daddy now, remember? I kept forgettin’ to tell you about my passport.”

  “That was thoughtful of Mel, but that’s somethin’ that you or him should have let me know about by now.”

  “Mama, you’ve been so busy with that new job and gettin’ acquainted with your sister and all that I didn’t want to bother you with things that we can handle on our own. Mel saved the day.”

  Mel “saved the day” again later that evening. He suggested that he and Maureen take Loretta to the Bahamas as a graduation present at the same time the other kids were going. He had a client who had a time-share there. He had told Mel that he could use it anytime he wanted. Mel wanted to get a few shots of some exotic locations to incorporate into his portfolio and do a little socializing with some client friends who were going to be in
the Bahamas that same week. Maureen thought that that was a good idea and she agreed to go, but unfortunately the only days that the time-share was available was during Maureen’s workdays. Since she had already taken off the time to go to Louisiana last month, she didn’t want to request more time off again so soon.

  “Loretta can spend time with her friends while I’m busy shooting, but I’m sure that I will still be able to keep an eye on her,” Mel insisted. “I’ll make sure she stays out of trouble.”

  “But, Mel, honey, what if you get too busy to keep up with her? She might run off with some of those other kids and get to drinkin’ and doin’ all kinds of crazy shit,” Maureen wailed. “Maybe even have sex again.”

  “Baby, Loretta is my child as far as I am concerned. I will never be too busy to keep up with her. Besides, the main reason I want to go down there is for Loretta’s benefit. My friends already know that, so they won’t expect me to spend much time with them.”

  “I don’t know. The Bahamas is a foreign country and all. What if Lo’retta gets bitten by some strange island creature or somethin’ and needs a blood transfusion from me?”

  “Maureen, stop talking crazy,” Mel laughed.

  “Well, maybe we can all go around Christmas when I have some vacation time comin’. Maybe we can invite Virgil, Corrine, and the folks from Louisiana to come with us,” Maureen suggested.

  Mel couldn’t have looked more disgusted if Maureen had suggested they drag along his dreaded family with them. “Maureen, be serious. Do you honestly think that Loretta would enjoy a trip like that? This is a special time in her life. She wants to go at the same time that her friends are going. She may not see some of these kids again for years. The whole point of the trip is so these kids can have one final blast together. I mean, you were young once. You know how it is.”

  Maureen sighed. She knew when to quit fighting a losing battle. “All right, then. But don’t be callin’ me to complain if she cramps your style!”

  Mel and Loretta started packing that same night.

  Big Maureen enjoyed staying with Virgil, but she wanted to spend the last two days of her visit with Maureen in her apartment. Just getting to know each other better and trying to make up for all of the decades that they had already lost meant a lot to both of the Maureens.

  Even though Maureen had known Big Maureen for only a short period of time, it seemed like she had known her for years. One reason was because Big Maureen reminded Maureen so much of Mama Ruby. If Maureen closed her eyes and just listened to Big Maureen speak, it would be like Mama Ruby was in the room with her. Big Maureen sounded that much like Mama Ruby.

  “How come you didn’t have no more children?” Big Maureen asked as she sat with Maureen in her living room on her next day off, which was that Thursday.

  Maureen took her time responding. “I didn’t want to have any more babies unless I was married. It was bad enough that I got pregnant when I was a young girl and didn’t have a husband. I don’t want my daughter to think havin’ babies without a husband is a good thing to do.”

  Big Maureen looked at the side of Maureen’s head. “How come you didn’t marry Lo’retta’s daddy?”

  “He was goin’ to marry me,” Maureen lied. “But he passed . . .”

  “Oh. Well, that’s a shame. It’s a shame he left you with just one child.”

  “I had two. Lo’retta had a twin sister. Her name was Lo’raine. She fell in a lake and got drowned.”

  “Great balls of fire. You poor thing you! Well, I hope you don’t lose Lo’retta that way!”

  “I don’t think I’ll ever have to worry about that happenin’. Lo’retta loves to go to the beach, but all she’ll do is put on a bikini and stretch out on a towel to show off her shape. That girl won’t go near the water. She won’t even stick her big toe in the duck pond out at Johnson’s Park,” Maureen said with a heavy sigh. “I wish . . . well, my husband doesn’t really want kids, but I hope he will change his mind someday. After Lo’retta leaves home, maybe I’ll work on him about that.”

  “Someday soon, I hope. Don’t put it off like I did. I wanted at least one more, but by the time I decided I was ready, Mother Nature had other plans for me. I had a lot of female problems some years ago and had to have my baby-makin’ equipment removed.” Big Maureen wiped a tear from her eye. “I wanted to give Lukas at least one child. He got a few scattered around the state that he never got to know because the mamas never stayed in one spot long enough.”

  “That’s too bad. Mama Ruby was crazy about kids. She wanted a lot more than just me and Virgil and I . . .” Maureen stopped talking when she saw the unbearably sad look that suddenly appeared on Big Maureen’s face. “Oh Lord. I didn’t mean to remind you about Mama Ruby givin’ you up. Me and my big mouth!”

  “I don’t hold no grudge against my mama for givin’ me up. I probably would have done the same thing if I had been in her shoes. I had my first child when I was just sixteen, but I had a husband.”

  “Let me ask you somethin’. Do you ever think about adoptin’ a child?” Maureen asked.

  Big Maureen quickly responded. “Every day! Me and Lukas been tryin’ to do just that for years! But we ain’t that young no more. The older we get, the less chances we have of that happenin’, and that’s a goddamn shame! Believe it or not, black folks ain’t too quick to give up babies for adoption. Me and Lukas keep prayin’, though. I would give anything in this world to raise just one more child.”

  “I will pray for that to happen too,” Maureen said, giving Big Maureen a firm hug. “I just wish that Mama Ruby was still here to see what a fine daughter you grew up to be.”

  “I feel her presence all the time,” Big Maureen said. “She’s with me in spirit. Will you or Virgil take me to where she’s buried so I can put some flowers on her grave? It’s the least I can do.”

  “I’d be happy to do that,” Maureen answered.

  When she drove out to Virgil’s house and told him that Big Maureen wanted to visit Mama Ruby’s grave, he was all for it. “It’s time for us to put some flowers on Mama Ruby’s grave anyhow. This is good timin’,” he told her.

  Maureen blinked and remained silent.

  “Now I know you probably think this is goin’ to be hard on me and you now that you know . . . you know what. But it’s somethin’ Big Mo’reen needs to do. Mama Ruby was her mama too,” Virgil told Maureen, speaking in such a cautious manner he thought he was going to lose his breath.

  “I know, but I was thinkin’ about somethin’ else.” Maureen swallowed hard and blinked even harder. “There’s that other thing.”

  One look at her eyes told Virgil what she was thinking. “Your real mama?”

  Maureen nodded.

  “Well, since Othella was your mama and Big Mo’reen’s auntie,” he said, “I’m sure she’ll want to put some flowers on her grave too.”

  “All Big Mo’reen needs to know is that Othella was such a good friend of the family, we thought it would be nice to honor her too,” Maureen said.

  CHAPTER 49

  THE DAY BEFORE BIG MAUREEN AND LUKAS LEFT FLORIDA, THEY WENT with Maureen and Virgil to the cemetery to put some flowers on Mama Ruby’s and Othella’s graves.

  Just being in this particular cemetery was enough to depress anybody. Some of the headstones had either been knocked over or had fallen over on their own. Dead leaves and other debris formed a carpet on the pathway that led from the road. The sky directly above seemed to be darker and gloomier than the sky beyond it on this particular day. A buzzard circled above. Too late for a feast, Maureen thought. Or was it? Mama Ruby had told her one time that when nobody was looking, dead people rose up out of their graves and carried on like they were still alive. Some of them didn’t even know they were dead. Was Mama Ruby’s spirit roaming around today? Maureen wondered. There was an empty beer can just a few feet from her grave, and everybody knew Mama Ruby had consumed at least a dozen cans of beer almost every day of her adult life. Maureen sighed and kicke
d the beer can off to the side.

  “I would give anything in this world to have met my mama,” Big Maureen sobbed as she placed a dozen red roses on top of her mother’s grave. “And Aunt Othella. It’s so nice of y’all to be so thoughtful to include some flowers for her grave too.” Big Maureen wiped her tears with a handkerchief. “It’s a shame that Lo’retta couldn’t come with us, but I remember what havin’ cramps was like. She need to stay off her feet. She don’t want to get so sick she won’t be able to go on the trip to them Bahamas in a few days.”

  “Uh-huh,” Maureen mumbled. She didn’t have the heart to tell Big Maureen that Loretta had decided years ago that it was “uncool” to put live flowers on a dead person’s grave.

  Mel had overheard Maureen’s telephone conversation with Virgil about the cemetery visit, so when she invited him, he already had a believable bogus excuse not to go.

  “It’s a shame that Mel had to go do a shoot for one of his sick photographer buddies and couldn’t come with us either,” Big Maureen lamented.

  “Uh-huh,” Maureen said again. She was disappointed, too, that Mel hadn’t come with them, but she never pestered him when it came to his work. Besides, he had told her a long time ago that he was superstitious about going to a cemetery before his time.

  Immediately after the visit to the cemetery, they all went to Virgil’s house. Corrine had roasted a duck for dinner and chilled several bottles of wine.

  It had been a long and enjoyable day for everyone. Catty and Fast Black and their current lovers had even dropped in for a plate and a few drinks.

  But it was a sad and bittersweet day too. Still, the two Maureens didn’t want it to end. In less than twenty-four hours, Big Maureen would be gone and Maureen and would miss her.