Michal's Window

by Ayala, Rachelle

  He conferred me with a kiss that hung in the air.

  As he turned to leave, all the women’s gazes clung to him, faces full of adoration. Maacah crossed paths with him purposely, dangling Absalom across her hips. David’s glance darted to her, bringing a seductive smile to her heavily made-up face. When he passed the threshold, Ahinoam ran her hand over the sleeve of his robe and whispered in his ear. He gave her a throaty chuckle and pecked her on the cheek. Pressing Abigail’s hand, he kissed her and fluffed her hair. She giggled; a flush of pleasure pinked her face.

  So, this was how it would be. He’d have women fawning over him, praying for a wink or a nod, perhaps a word, maybe a smile, hoping in the evening there’d be a knock on their door, and David would deign to spend a few minutes with the fortunate one.

  A chill closed over my heart. I disdained his wives and their obsequiousness. I would never be caught looking after David with such pathetic longing and desire. I marched back to my bedchamber alone.

  An intricately carved sandalwood box sat on the table, a gift from David. An eight-armed pregnant goddess, surrounded by vines intertwined with peacocks, beckoned from the lid. I opened the box. A pungent scent reminiscent of cedar wood mixed with spices and earth greeted me. Strong like Phalti. Warm like his heart. I kissed the box. A tear dropped in and wet the wood. Phalti, when I think of you, I’ll catch my tears in here. And someday, I will bring this box with me and be your wife again. Anna, my darling little girl, forgive me for leaving you, but I shall be back soon. I put my head on the table, oblivious of the time, not caring if I missed David and dinner with his bevy of delightful wives.

  * * *

  I dreamed of Phalti and woke with a heavy, monstrous millstone on my chest. I wheezed and coughed at the side of the bed. I should’ve thrown myself on the ground and refused to leave. I should’ve escaped with Phalti, risked death, maybe gone to Egypt or beyond. My heart and arms ached for Anna.

  What kind of mother was I to give her up?

  Naomi brought my boys for breakfast. I dried my tears and spent the rest of the morning playing with them, but I refused to unpack my belongings. Once David had no more need of me, I’d ask him to send me back to Mahanaim.

  David visited with stick ponies, leather balls and wooden swords for my sons. They jumped in delight with their new toys and ran to the courtyard with a pair of manservants.

  “What nice boys.” David looked after them. “I missed you last night.” He kissed my cheek. “Were you not hungry?”

  I bowed my head. “No, not hungry, my lord.”

  “You miss your daughter, don’t you?”

  “Yes. I’m sorry. I can’t talk about this.” I studied the brocaded border on his robe and wished he would go away.

  “You did a brave and noble thing. I’m not sure I could have let Phaltiel stay. Well, I’m sure he made it back to Mahanaim just fine.”

  He mentioned Phalti’s name so casually, as if he were a pet mule and not the sweet, wonderful man I loved. I gripped my elbows and took a deep breath. “I have a headache.”

  David lifted my chin and caressed the side of my head. “Would you like some willow tea?”

  I shook my head, and he led me to the couch.

  “I missed you so much. Are you happy to be here?” A smile beamed on his charming face.

  My lips trembled. I could not lie. David wrapped his arms around me and kissed my cheek. He held me for a long moment, tracing a finger over my face from my temple to my cheekbone, around my ear and down my jaw and back again. His amber eyes solemn and glistening, he kissed each tear that trailed down my face. “I never forgot you. When Abner sent me a message, I refused to meet him until you were restored to me.”

  My chest tightened. “Why did you take so long? You asked me to wait in Israel, yet you took more wives instead of coming for me.”

  His eyes dipped beneath golden-tipped brown lashes. “I only took them as political gifts and to make alliances. Besides, your uncle and brother sought to kill me.”

  “And me? Am I also a political gift?”

  A pained look crossed his brow. “No, you’re my wife.”

  One among many. “What do you want from me? Is it the kingdom? Allegiance from the eleven tribes?”

  He tightened his grip. “I want you restored to me. Don’t you want to be back?”

  “I don’t know. I had a family, and you’ve torn it apart. I had—”

  “Michal, look at me. I’m your family, your husband.”

  My heart clenched. If only Samuel had lived and he’d kept me instead of taking those other women. “You have your wives and your sons. Once you are anointed king over all of Israel, please send me and my boys back to Mahanaim. We don’t belong here.”

  “You’re going to be my queen. It’s what we dreamed about.”

  “I don’t want to be queen. I just want to…” A torrent of grief and pain tossed my heart and slammed it against my ribcage. I hid my face in my hands. How I missed Phalti, my gentle husband who loved only me.

  “You’ll have to put him behind you.” David raised his voice. “He agreed with Jonathan and Elihu to look after you without defiling you. But he took advantage of you. Joab told me to kill him—”

  Raw fear congealed in my gut. “No. Don’t. Please don’t.” I grabbed his robe. “If you hurt Phalti, I’ll never forgive you. Never.”

  He pried my fingers off him. “If I wanted to kill him, he’d be dead already. But as for your daughter, I’ll send Ittai to fetch her.”

  “Can’t you let Phalti live here, too? Can’t you take him as a scribe?”

  David’s face turned red. “No. I’ve rewarded him well for taking care of you. Did you ever wonder why he married you? Jonathan paid him to act as your husband, so your father wouldn’t marry you to Doeg. How do you think he obtained that house, the livestock and vineyard? He, whose ink-stained hands didn’t have two pieces of silver to rub together.”

  “Stop it. Stop talking.” I screamed. My chest heaved with pain. Each sob drove needles deeper into my heart. “He loved me. He wasn’t paid to do that.”

  “And did you love him? Did you?”

  “Yes.” I covered my face. “Yes, I did. And you broke my heart when you ripped me from his side.”

  David threw the table over, knocking the water jugs and breaking the plates. “Why do you have to ruin everything for me?”

  I gripped my knees and rocked on the couch, pangs of grief stabbing my insides. Ruin everything for him? What about Phalti, and Anna, and my family? “Do you not understand how I feel?”

  He gaped at me, clenching and unclenching his fists. “How could you lose your heart like this? Why didn’t you wait for me?”

  “I did wait. But now it’s too late.”

  David ran toward the door, then turned and returned to my side. “I’ll give you time, Michal. I promise you. You’ll love me again. You will. You have to.”

  * * *

  David invited me and my sons to dine with him that evening. Not wanting to embarrass him, I allowed Nefertira and her crew to prepare me. Ittai returned with my excited sons who tugged and bounced around him. He winked at me and departed after prying Joshua and Beraiah from his legs.

  “Eemah, Uncle Ittai gave me a real knife.” Joel grinned as he pointed to the sheathed knife on his belt.

  “I want one, too.” Gaddiel whined.

  Joshua and Beraiah ran circles around me, kicking a leather ball. “Eemah, play ball.”

  Eliah wanted to be picked up. He hugged me with his chubby arms. “Where’s Anna? Where’s Abba?”

  David entered after a servant announced him. He handed candy to the boys and rubbed their heads. “Are you going to introduce these fine boys?”

  I clapped my hands and ordered them to be still. Joel and Gaddiel stood at attention, but Eliah clung to me, and Joshua ran to David and stared at him. Beraiah tucked a thumb in his mouth and hid his face in my skirt.

  “Joel is the eldest. He’s ten about to turn eleve
n.” Joel bowed to David.

  “Ah, I remember you at our wedding. You were just a tiny baby.” Recalling Merab and Adriel, so young and alive, with baby Joel tightened my throat.

  “And this is Gaddiel, he’s eight. He was just a toddler when I escaped from Gath. And next is Eliah, who’s seven.”

  Gaddiel bowed obediently, but Eliah grabbed my skirts when I put him down and picked up Beraiah.

  David bent down and handed Eliah a honey cake. “Don’t be frightened of me. I don’t bite.” He turned to the twins. “And you two. How old are you?”

  Joshua stuck his hand out. “More candy, Uncle David. Candy.”

  A servant handed Joshua a honeyed sesame stick. David looked confused when Joshua gave him a hug and grabbed his crown, tilting it to the side. Joshua giggled and squealed.

  “You’re a little rascal. How old are you?” David asked.

  Joshua held up five fingers. “We born the same day, but he the baby.” He pointed at Beraiah who hid his face in my breast.

  David tweaked his cheek and rubbed his hair. “You’re a handsome boy, Joshua. You must have gotten your dark looks from your grandfather Saul.”

  David took Beraiah from my arms. “You are so cute.” Beraiah stuck a thumb in his mouth and stared at him wide-eyed. “You and me are going to be best friends. I was also the youngest son of my family, and my hair was just like yours.” He looked at Beraiah and back at me.

  A smile crept onto his face as he kissed Beraiah and rubbed his head. “Were you pregnant when I saw you in Gath?”

  I swallowed, thinking about Samuel, our baby. “No. No, I wasn’t pregnant, at least not when I first arrived.”

  He set Beraiah down, who promptly ran off with Joshua. “Are you saying I got you pregnant?” He took my hand.

  I nodded and cringed inside, taking a deep breath to tell him about Samuel.

  Before I could speak, David kissed me full on the mouth. “Oh, Michal. You don’t know how I wished to have sons with you.”

  “I… uh… They’re…” I couldn’t speak. How I had wished the same thing. My heart twisted and turned as the ever-present void left by Samuel throbbed in my chest.

  His smile lit his entire face. “They are so precious. Joshua looks like your father, and Beraiah looks like mine. And they’re my eldest sons. You’ve made me so happy.”

  * * *

  When it was time for dinner, David asked Naomi to bring the twins to his side, seating Joshua on his right hand and Beraiah at his left. With one arm around Joshua and the other around Beraiah, David bent his head to pray. “Dear LORD, thank You for bringing my wife back to me. You’ve blessed us with this fine set of boys and have given me two sons, Joshua and Beraiah. You’ve loved me and favored me, LORD, and delivered me from my enemies. I praise You for remembering Your servant. In Your name from whom all blessings flow, LORD.”

  David’s words brought tears to my eyes, yet my heart skittered. How could I live this lie and not let David know his son had died? He was overjoyed, laughing and making jokes with the boys. I couldn’t help but smile as I pictured him as the sweet, rambunctious boy he must have been.

  One by one, the boys fell asleep. Naomi picked them up, and I tucked them to bed. David stood at the door of my bedchamber, waiting.

  He took my arm. “You’re a wonderful mother. I love seeing you with your children. And I’m sorry about Anna, I truly am.”

  “You don’t have to be sorry. You’re the king.”

  He hugged me. “But I’m still a man—a man who loves you very much.”

  My heart agonized with a sour weight. How could I let him believe this lie?

  “I’m not sure how to explain…” I began.

  He kissed me before I could finish. “Then let me. Now that you’ve given me sons, there is nothing in the world that’ll stop me from loving you, ever.”

  He swung me in his arms and pulled me to the bed. “You’ve made me the happiest man in the world. I’m your David, always yours, and you’re mine, always mine.”

  “You want me again? As your wife?”

  “Yes.” He moved forward imperceptibly, waiting for me to close the gap. Something drew me, a faint stirring of affection, memories, the thread of a song. And the realization embedded itself into my heart. I had never stopped loving him.

  His gaze fastened on me. I sank willingly into his embrace and kissed him. He responded slowly, almost languidly, crumbling the clods of my despair, replacing them with a sweet, comforting sensation. My tongue danced with his; the deepening kiss loosened the constricting bands from my heart, muting the ache.

  “Touch me.” He held my hands as I became reacquainted with the contours of his sculpted body. His hands wandered over my belly and hips and peeled the silks and linen off me before cupping my breasts. Tingles ignited and heat pooled between my thighs as my body churned with the memory of our marriage bed.

  Instinct replaced restraint, and I tasted him, licking the slightly salty skin, nibbling his chest, and nuzzling my face to the velvety skin below his waist. His scent enticed and aroused me. My hands traced remembered pathways, and my fingers closed and gripped him, stoking the fires of desire that singed me from head to toe. And I suddenly had a deep longing, a maddening need to have him fill me and love me, until I had forgotten my very name.

  In a single motion, David swung me on top of him and impaled the secret spot deep inside of me, causing me to shiver in fountains of pure delight. My entire body tightened and clenched, not letting go, not ever wanting to release him.

  “Keep your eyes open,” he said, “I want to look into your soul.”

  He caressed between my legs and brought me to such heights of bliss that I struggled to open my eyes. An eruption of sparks rose deep within and showered over my shoulders and chest. As I fell from the heights, his eyes darkened first, sharpened intensely, and relaxed as he exhaled in satisfaction.

  We lay there in the moonlight, our fingers entwined, our damp bodies enveloped in the silken embrace of the bed sheets. David pulled a coverlet over my shoulders and kissed the back of my neck. “Where’s the emerald I gave you?”

  “I left it with my daughter. I couldn’t leave Phalti bereft.” My voice choked.

  He cradled my head and caressed my shoulders.

  “For a long time that pendant gave me hope, faith that we’d be together again.” I tried to explain, but his mouth pressed on mine, nibbling, sucking, and then jockeying with my tongue.

  Heat built again, this time slower and more gradually. I tasted him, salty and tangy, the edgy scent of his loving and the memory of what he could do to me tugged me into the pleasure of his hands. They explored me, fingering and arousing me until he completed me again with joy unspeakable, cascading over and above the cries of my renewal.

  Chapter 24

  Isaiah 40:2 Speak ye comfortably to Jerusalem, and cry unto her, that her warfare is accomplished, that her iniquity is pardoned: for she hath received of the LORD’s hand double for all her sins.

  >>><<<

  A few weeks later Uncle Abner returned in triumph after conferring with the elders of the eleven remaining tribes of Israel. David prepared a feast to celebrate the union of Israel and the ending of the civil war.

  He seated me in a position of honor at his right hand. Uncle Abner sat on the other side of him. I was uncomfortable and hot under layers of clothing and jewelry and makeup and decorum. A jewel encrusted crown encircled my head, a little too tightly, but I acted my part. My father would have been proud.

  David raised his goblet for a toast. “Today, the house of David and the house of Saul are united. We will have peace between brethren. Together we shall defeat all of our enemies, starting with the Philistines.”

  The crowd cheered and stomped their feet in approbation.

  David waited until they quieted. His face glowed as he presented me to his court. “Michal, my queen, my wife and daughter of Saul.”

  He held my hand and lifted it, accepting the cheers and
accolades of his people. He wore Jonathan’s ring.

  After many toasts and speeches by various dignitaries, Abner proclaimed to David, “I will arise and gather all Israel unto my lord, the king.”

  He bowed low, and David sent him in peace, then took my arm and walked with me out of the hall. I kept my gaze averted from the women’s table where his five other wives sat.

  “My queen.” David swung me over the threshold and kicked the door shut. He laid me on a gilded bed, soft with wool, laden with silks, perfumed with sandalwood and dusted with myrrh.

  He removed my crown and fluffed out my hair. “Are you happy?”

  I hesitated, yet he looked so expectant that I mumbled, “Yes, I am.” Visions of Anna bouncing and giggling blurred my eyes with tears.

  “I’m glad.” He leaned in and kissed me tenderly. “Because today, our dreams came true. I will be king of all Israel, and you, my dear, are my queen. Didn’t I say I would keep my promise?”

  I opened my lips to reply, but he captured me with his mouth. I took in his musky, sandalwood fragrance and blinked back tears. The image of Abner and my betrayal of Phalti saddened my heart. I was the price to be paid for a united Israel.

  David’s eyes were closed, but he drew back at my lack of response. He stroked my temple. “You did well this evening, and you made me proud. You can relax now.”

  I squirmed out of his arms. “Then help me get out of these heavy robes and clean my face.”

  Closing my eyes, I let David’s gentle hands remove the layers of powder, kohl, malachite, carmine and rouge that Nefertira had caked on me. He stopped at the top of my left eye. “Did you know you have a little scar? A cut? I can see it only when you close your eyes.”

  “Then I shall keep my eyes closed for you. So you can see how scarred my heart is.”

  “Are you still thinking about them?” His voice scratched with irritation.

  I covered my face. “How can I not? Do you know what it’s like to be torn from your daughter?” I didn’t remind him of Phalti, although I still ached for him.

  David was silent for a moment. “I know what it’s like to be torn from you. I know what it’s like to have my heart ripped from my chest when I thought you’d forgotten me. And right now, I know what it’s like to have a wife who loves another man.”