This I Promise You

by Tressa Messenger

  “I’ve never kissed a boy before,” I said quietly, feeling very young and ridiculous.

  “Really?”

  “I know, I’m lame,” I said, looking away, wishing I could jump in the ocean and let it swallow me whole.

  He stared at me quietly then turned my chin to look into my eyes. “No, the opposite, actually,” he said as he brushed his lips to mine again, and then pulled away slowly. “I’m honored to be the first. But we don’t have to rush it. I can wait.”

  “Really?” I asked, stunned.

  “Yes, really! I’ll wait as long as I have to. In a way, I feel like I’ve waited a long time for you. Don’t ask me to explain it because I can’t. Come on. I’ll walk you home,” he said, wrapping his hand in mine.

  We stopped at the bottom step of my back deck. I looked down and buried my feet in the sand and said, “Thank you for inviting me out tonight. I had a good time.”

  “I did, too. I’m glad you could come. Maybe we can hang out again tomorrow.”

  I smiled up at him, feeling a million different things at once. “I’d like that.” I pried my eyes off him and looked toward the door. “I hate to do it, but I better go in before I get in trouble and get grounded for the rest of the summer.” I turned to look back at him. “Where will I find you tomorrow?”

  He lifted my hand and gently kissed my knuckles. “I’ll find you.”

  “Okay. Good night, Jeremy,” I said, blushing.

  “Good night, Nicky.”

  I turned, walked up the steps, and quietly opened and closed the door. He stood on the dark sandy beach and watched me until I was safely inside before he turned and walked back down the beach to the Shack to rejoin his friends.

  I tip-toed to my room without turning on the lights to guide my way, in hopes of not waking my parents and alerting them of my late arrival. I instantly froze when my bedroom door opened and light streamed out.

  “Nicky, where have you been?”

  “Jesus, Dawn! You scared me to death!” I whispered, holding my chest.

  Dawn stepped aside to let me in. “So, where were you?” she whispered, following me in the room.

  “I was hanging out with Jeremy on the beach. You knew that.”

  Dawn sat on her bed across from mine and folded her legs under her. “Well, I didn’t see ya’ll when I was coming back. What did ya’ll do?”

  “Nothing. Just talked,” I said and stripped out of my clothes and put my pajamas on before I laid down on my bed. As I lay on my back, I crossed my arms under my head and closed my eyes. “I’m really tired now. Can we talk about it tomorrow?”

  “Uh-huh,” Damn said mockingly.

  “Good night,” I told her, hoping she would give it a rest.

  “Fine! You keep your secrets! See if I help you again,” she said, trying not to sound interested.

  Dawn turned off the lamp on the night stand in between our beds, making the room seem very dark and quiet. I rolled on my side and stared out the window beside my bed into the sleeping night, letting the magical sound of the ocean outside the window lull me to sleep with images of Jeremy Hayes running through my mind.

  Four

  “Where are you going, young lady?” my dad, Carl, asked me the following morning just as I was grabbing for the door knob.

  I stopped at the back door, turned around and looked at my dad, who was sitting at the breakfast table while my mom stood by the stove, both staring at me curiously.

  “I’m going to the beach,” I said casually.

  “Nicole, it is only eight o’clock in the morning,” my dad said, as if I didn’t know the time. “Sit and eat. Your mom made breakfast.”

  I sighed and threw my towel on the counter by the door and sulked toward the table. I sat down across from my dad. Just then Dawn and my brother, Robert, came into the kitchen yawning and stretching.

  “Good morning! I hope you’re all hungry,” my mom said.

  “Starving,” Robert said, sitting down beside my dad.

  “Not surprising! You’re always stuffing your face,” Dawn said to him, sitting down beside me.

  “Shut it, hag,” he said in return.

  “All right now! Be nice!” Dad said to both of them sternly, staring at them over the rim of his gold tone glasses.

  Robert stuck his tongue out at Dawn and she gave him a lethal dagger throwing glare in return before they turned their attention to Mom.

  Mom put a tray of scrambled eggs, link sausage, bacon, and buttered toast in the middle of the table. I scooped up a few spoonfuls of eggs and put them on my plate, eating them as quickly as I could. As soon as the eggs were gone, I stood up with my plate and started for the sink.

  “That’s all you’re going to eat?” Mom asked. “People are going to think I don’t feed you if you don’t start gaining some weight.”

  I pushed away from the sink, rolling my eyes as I walked back to the table and grabbed a crispy slice of bacon and a piece of toast.

  “It’s not like I don’t eat, Mom,” I said.

  “Oh, I know you eat, honey.”

  “Yeah, Mom. She can’t help she’s as skinny as a rail,” Robert teased.

  “Maybe it’s a good thing,” Dad said with a smile. “We won’t have to worry about boys for a few more years.”

  Dawn smirked.

  “Thanks, Dad,” I said and rolled my eyes again. I secretly wondered if they knew how much I hated the fact I was so skinny, or even cared that it bothered me. Of course I wanted to be as shapely and developed as Dawn, who unlike me never had to stuff her bikini tops with padding. It’s not my fault I’m so skinny. I wouldn’t be if I had a say in the matter. It just wasn’t fair.

  I grabbed my towel off the counter and put my hand on the doorknob, but before I could escape Dawn stopped me.

  “Where are you going?” Dawn asked me.

  “The beach. Why? You want to come?”

  “Yeah, give me a minute,” she said, jumping up from her chair and running to our room with a slice of bacon in her hand. A few minutes later she came running back to the kitchen wearing her snug fitting bikini and a beach towel slung over her shoulder. She grabbed another piece of toast before she turned to me. “Ready!”

  “Wait an hour before going into the water, girls,” Dad yelled at us, but we didn’t stop.

  Like the day before, we laid our towels along the water’s edge so we could feel the cool water on our feet.

  “So spill. What happened last night?” Dawn asked.

  I turned my head to look at Dawn, her head straight forward and her eyes closed. “Nothing really. We walked along the beach and talked.”

  “About what?” Dawn asked with a smile.

  “I don’t know! Stuff.”

  “Did you hold hands?” Dawn asked, still smiling with her eyes closed.

  “Yes.”

  “Aw…Did you kiss?” she teased.

  I started smiling then, too, despite myself, but was too embarrassed to answer. At my silence, Dawn opened her eyes and turned her head to look at me, but I couldn’t look at her.

  “You little hussy! You did, didn’t you?” Dawn said, astonished, and propped herself up on her elbows. “You seriously need to spill it now.”

  I propped myself up on my elbows as well and finally looked at her. It’s hard to tell if my cheeks were hot and flushed from embarrassment or from the sweltering heat. “Fine. All right, we kissed.”

  “Was it open mouth? Did you get butterflies?”

  “Good God, Dawn! No!” I exclaimed quietly, scared someone would hear.

  “Well, why not? That boy is super cute and he seemed to really like you,” Dawn said and laid back down and closed her eyes.

  “Because I don’t go around just kissing anyone,” I said, staring at her defensively.

  “Why not?” Dawn paused. She opened her eyes and squinted up at me, but quickly closed them again as soon as the bright sun threatened to blind her for life. “Have you ever even kissed a boy before?”

&nb
sp; I shook my head.

  At my silence, Dawn turned her head and this time sheltered her eyes to look at me. “Again, why not?”

  I shrugged my shoulders.

  “Well, I love to kiss. You’ll learn to one day as well,” she said nonchalantly.

  “I’m sure you do,” I said mockingly. “I, on the other hand, think it’s sweeter to wait until it’s just right, and on those special occasions when it does happen, light and sweet does it for me. I’m only thirteen. I’m in no rush.” Even though I meant the words, I couldn’t help but to remember the way it felt when Jeremy kissed me.

  “Whatever. You’ll see,” Dawn said before flipping over on her stomach.

  I stared off at the water and smiled as the night before replayed itself in my mind. I didn’t get the continuous rolling butterflies in my stomach from the time our hands touched as we walked down the beach until he kissed my knuckles at my back door, but I wasn’t about to tell Dawn that.

  I laid my head back down and closed my eyes. I remained completely still and absorbed everything around me. I could feel the heat from the sun beating on my bare skin, causing beads of sweat to run down my body with a ticklish trail. I opened my eyes and turned my head at the sound of people all around, then closed them again when I saw that it wasn’t Jeremy. I did as Jeremy had told me the night before and worked to clear my mind. I focused my hearing on everything around me. Thankfully we were far enough away from any kind of traffic to dilute the relaxing sounds all around me. I could hear the sea gulls and osprey as they cried in the ocean breeze in hopes for a snack left unattended by the many beachgoers. I listened as the waves were building up in the water, then crashing on the shoreline before descending once again. I could hear happy laughter from everyone all around me. My mind was so focused that I never sensed him standing above me. The only reason I even opened my eyes was due to the sudden eclipse of the sun. But when I did, I squinted up at him and smiled widely. He was staring down at me, smiling in return.

  I put my hand over my eyes to shelter them from the bright sun. “Good morning,” I said. “You found me!”

  “Good morning to you, too,” he said in return. “I told you I would. Did you have any doubts?”

  I shrugged and smiled playfully.

  He crouched down beside me and sat on the hot sand. I felt awkward and exposed in my little bikini with the pound of fake padding on top, so I sat up and brought my knees up to my chest.

  “What are you up to today?” I asked.

  “Well, I was thinking about taking you down to the Circle.”

  “The Circle? What’s that?” I asked.

  “It’s a kinda small place where there’s are a few rides and a race track. It’s as old as time and not as big as it used to be when I was younger, but it’s still pretty cool.”

  “Sounds like fun to me.” I turned from him to look at Dawn, who was pretending she wasn’t listening, but I knew she was. She was too nosey not to. “Hey, Dawn, do you want to go over to the Circle with us?”

  Dawn opened her eyes and looked between me and Jeremy, then shook her head. “Naw, that’s all right. I think I’m going to lay here a little longer, then go for a swim.”

  “Are you sure?” I asked her.

  “Yeah. Ya’ll go and have fun. You can tell me all about it later.”

  “Okay, I will.” Jeremy stood up first and reached out his hand. I looked at it for a split second, then grabbed it and smiled as he helped me up. Once standing, I slipped my jean shorts on over my bikini bottom, then my mesh tank top. “Can you take my towel back to the house with you?” I asked Dawn.

  “Yep,” she said, waving at me dismissively, her eyes still closed. However a smile played on her lips.

  I don’t know how it happened, but that summer I finally started to understand my sister. She wasn’t always as mean and tough as she seemed to be. If you watched her closely you would see the subtle ways she lets one know she cares.

  We walked along the water’s edge hand in hand, stopping every now and then so that I could pick up a pretty seashell or so we could kick water at each other from the incoming waves. When we finally reached the Circle, I stopped and stared at the scene in front of me with a big smile.

  “I saw the top of the Ferris wheel when we got here yesterday. I was hoping to check it out,” I said to him, staring up at the massive wheel.

  “What do you want to do first?” Jeremy asked me.

  “I don’t know,” I said, prying my eyes off the colorful structure and looking around at the assortment of rides and games. “You pick.”

  “Hmm…how about the race track?” he asked, shifting his head toward a small covered race track with tiny single seat cars parked alongside the track.

  “You’re on!” I exclaimed excitedly.

  The race track turned out to be more like bumper cars. However, with only two laps in, the operator made us pull over and exit the track immediately.

  “Oh, my God! That was so much fun!” I said, laughing out loud hysterically as we rushed away from the operator.

  “You want real fun?” he asked with a sly smile.

  I narrowed my eyes as I looked at him. “I don’t know. It depends on what you have in mind.”

  “Turn around.”

  “Why?” I asked.

  “Just because. Now turn around.”

  I did as I was told and saw two enormously tall poles standing parallel to each other jetting high up into the sky with thick bands coming off the top of each side. Two people were strapped side by side in a seat. All of a sudden I watched in horror as they flew high up in the air and a few seconds later dropped back down, only to be flung right back up again.

  “It’s called the Sling Shot,” he said excitedly.

  “Yeah, well, they should call it the ‘I don’t think so.’” I shivered as I watched it go back up again. “Or ‘never in this lifetime.’”

  “You don’t want to go on it?”

  “No!” I exclaimed in protest, staring at the horrifying scene, my heart pounded uncontrollably just by watching. There’s no doubt it would explode in my chest and kill me instantly. That is, if I actually got on the death trap.

  “Why not? It looks like a lot of fun and I’ve never tried it before. We could try it together.”

  “No, I’m sorry, but I can’t,” I said, looking away from him and feeling bad for being such a chicken.

  After a minute he bumped my shoulder with his. “It’s all right if you don’t want to. It was just a thought.”

  I felt so silly that I couldn’t look at him. I looked around at the park instead, hoping for some kind of redemption. “How about that?” I asked, pointing to the enormous round Ferris wheel at the edge of the Circle.

  He grabbed my hand, smiling, and pulled me to the back of the line. We stood silently staring upwards as people climbed on. When it was our turn to get on, Jeremy helped me into the seat then slid in beside me. Once the wheel started moving in a very slow circle, I slid even closer to Jeremy and squeezed his hand tight. It stopped every few feet to allow others to get on, which just worked to add to my distress.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked me worriedly.

  I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths before answering, “I think I’m scared of heights.”

  Jeremy looked at me, a little stunned. “But this was your idea.”

  “I know, but I felt so bad about the Sling Shot, and I didn’t want you to think I was a chicken.”

  He began to laugh at me, which made me open my eyes and turn to him.

  “What?”

  “Nothing,” he said, still laughing.

  “Then, what’s so funny?”

  “It’s funny, is all. Instead of admitting to me that you were too scared of heights to go on the Sling Shot, you decided to make it up to me on a Ferris wheel, which is actually pretty high up as well.”

  I could only stare at him because he was right, of course, and only just then did I realize how dumb it actually was. By the
time we got to the top, the wheel stopped again. I sucked in a deep breath and closed my eyes tightly, squeezing his hand for dear life. My heart and breathing became in sync with the same rapid punches, almost to the point of dizziness.

  “Hey,” he said to me softly. “Look at me.”

  “I can’t,” I whispered.

  “Yes, you can. Trust me, just look at me,” he said, giving my hand a supportive squeeze.

  I turned my head towards him and slowly opened my eyes.

  “Just look right here,” he said, pointing to his soft brown eyes with his free hand.

  I slowed my breathing and did what he said, which wasn’t very hard because he happened to have the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen. Hazel with flecks of gold shone in the bright afternoon sunlight. He gave me a smile, which in turn made his eyes light up even more, causing me to blush. I couldn’t look away. I stared in his eyes through the whole ride, forgetting everything else around me. I didn’t notice the sounds of glee or excitement around me as others went around in the slow circle. I didn’t notice the hot salty breeze from the ocean as we got higher. I didn’t notice the impressive ocean view at the top. I didn’t even notice when the ride had stopped and it was our turn to get off, not until the operator lifted our seat restraint.

  Once we were off, he grabbed my hand to usher me to the side, but I stopped him and spun him around. I surprised him when I leaned into him with a soft peck on his lips.

  “What was that for?” he asked me.

  “For helping me out up there and not making me feel like a baby for being scared.”

  “I feel like I should be the one thanking you.”

  “Me? Why me?” I asked, surprised.

  He looked away from me and stared at the ocean. After a minute he turned back to me. “I’ve had a really bad few years. I’ve been happier in these last two days than I have been in the past two years and it can’t be a coincidence that it has happened since I met you.”

  Shocked, I stared at him. I’ve never had a boy tell me the things that Jeremy had told me, and like him, I’d felt things in the past two days that I’d never felt before.

  “I told you, you could trust me. I won’t let anything happen to you. This I can promise you.”