Discovering April

by Sheena Hutchinson

  Slightly offended, I respond, “What indecision? I mean…”

  “Nothing compares to figuring out what to do with you, whether I should—” I feel his fists clench the blankets on either side of me and I’m suddenly well aware that he’s only wearing a pair of jeans and the bare skin of his chest is giving off the scent of his soap.

  “Jared—” I whisper, about to interrupt.

  “—But then you called me Jare Bear last night, and it just reminded me of when we were kids and you said something to me. Do you remember what you said?”

  “We said a lot of stupid stuff when we were kids…” I shake my head at a dozen memories that come to mind.

  “You said that we should get married because we never fight. All we do is have fun… do you remember that?”

  I smile because I remember the exact day he’s talking about. It’s the same day he taught me to rollerblade. “Yea, I remember something that…”

  “Well…” he pauses as if searching for the words. “I know I’ve been acting weird, maybe a little guarded, but I’m just going to put it out there and …”

  I reach for his arm, and my breath hitches in my throat. Anxiety and maybe a little exhilaration roar through me. “Jare, what is it?”

  “I want to be there for you. I want to show you to be strong and never give up like you did for me, but I don’t want to be your rebound!” he blurts out, slipping away from me. He climbs to his feet, pacing back and forth with hands on his head.

  All I can do is stare. What? That was totally not what I was expecting.

  “Apes, it’s always been you. I’ve been in love with you since the moment I first saw you. I just didn’t know what it was called. I’ve played beside you, I’ve watched you go to prom, I watched you walk through the halls at school, I’ve seen you crying over boys that didn’t deserve you, I’ve seen you kiss guys that could never love you. I didn’t want to say anything. I didn’t want to kiss you before because… I don’t want to be your rebound. I don’t want to be just another guy—because I am the guy for you.”

  I’m stunned into silence. I had no idea. How could he have all this feelings for me and I not have a clue? Could I have really been that blind? That stupid? I shake my head because I realize I’m just staring at him, wide mouthed. In this moment I realize, I don’t care. Isn’t this exactly what I had wanted to hear? From the moment he showed me the stars – the real stars – I have been unequivocally his.

  “Jared, you could never be a rebound,” I say carefully, scooting off of his bed.

  Dropping his hands from his head, he watches as I approach him. He smiles, a full-blown smile with teeth and all. It warms my heart. He is so incredibly handsome when he smiles. He glances down, taking my hands in his, and I look down at them. His rough, manly hands holding my tiny, thin ones look strange yet familiar.

  I look back up into his brown eyes and I can’t help but return his broad grin. “Isn’t this the part when you kiss me?”

  He smirks. “Nah, that’s so cliché…” he whispers as his hands link loosely behind me. “But, I will take you out for a real date, tonight… at 7.”

  I’M STILL UPSTAIRS straightening my hair when I hear the doorbell ring. I’m usually on time, but for some reason today I just couldn’t figure out what to wear. I can’t help the anxiety bubbling upside of me. I feel like everything has culminated to this moment. It’s finally happening, I’m going on a date with Jared. A real pick-me-up-at-my-house-and-take-me-to-dinner, date! I run my fingers through my hair one more time before I grab my phone off my dresser and tuck it into my purse. I decided on a cute, empire-waist sweater dress with my casual knee-high boots. I throw my purse over my shoulder and blow a kiss to Jinx, who is giving me the evil eye from the bed.

  “Don’t wait up!” I call to him as I turn and head down the stairs. My boots clunk all the way down, announcing my every step. I finally pull open the door to see Jared standing there in the cleanest pair of jeans I’ve seen him in and a button down shirt. Holy cow, Jared cleans up nice. On his feet appear to be sneakers instead of construction boots, but hey, whatever works.

  “Well, there is a man under all that grease!”

  He shrugs. “Yea, you know, only for special occasions.”

  “So, this is a special occasion?” I glance down, opening the door wider and taking a step onto the porch before closing it behind me.

  “I’d say… You look gorgeous, as usual.”

  “I bet you say that to all the girls!” I playfully punch his shoulder, only he doesn’t move.

  “What other girls?” I feel the weight of his stare until I finally glance up to meet his eyes. I don’t have the ability to speak so instead, I nod a few times, nervously breaking our eye contact. “Okay, close your eyes!”

  “Why?”

  “Just close them!”

  His excitement is contagious and I smile before closing one eye, then the other. I feel the air from his hand as he waves it in front of me, but I’m not peeking. I like surprises.

  Taking my hands in his, he directs me down the porch steps, guiding me each step of the way. We only walk a few feet when I hear him say, “Take a small step, now another.”

  Then we walk for a few seconds before I think I smell flowers … or maybe it’s candles? My stomach aches in anticipation as he guides me deeper, until we stop abruptly. I hear him exhale.

  “Okay, open them.”

  I slowly open my eyes to the most beautiful scene I could have ever imagined. We are in Jared’s backyard; I can tell only because I can see the side of his house peeking out from some ivy. All four sides of the backyard are white picket fenced in, with ivy winding its way through the posts until you can barely tell what’s underneath it. The only reason I can make it out is from the little white lines I see at the bottom. There’s a patio in the center with a glass table and white chairs situated at either end, and the table is set for two. The only lighting in the place appears to be icicle lights, perfectly situated in the ivy, and the two candles on the table before me. The lights twinkle against the ivy like little fireflies in the night. In the corner by the house appears to be a little man-made pond. The water trickles its way down into a stream that takes it around the fence and underneath a little footbridge that I’m currently standing upon. By the time I decide to look up, I realize I don’t think I’ve ever seen the moon so big. If I didn’t know any better, I’d almost completely forget where I am. The fence and the trees are carefully placed so that you can’t see the houses all around us, not even mine. In the two corners are flowers so pretty that I don’t even care what their names are because their color shines against the low, twinkling lighting.

  “Wow,” is the only word that escapes my mouth. Seems like ages ago when I was sitting in the windowsill, wondering what the hell he had going on back here. In all my imagination, I don’t quite think I ever pictured this.

  “Well, that’s a start.” He motions me to walk further. I’m almost afraid to move; I don’t want to ruin this moment.

  “Did you make all this? I don’t remember this when we were little!”

  “I’ve made some improvements.” He winks at me as he pulls a chair away from the table, indicating for me to have a seat.

  “You know, sometimes I wonder where all these chivalrous actions come from?” I mutter, slowly walking towards the table. “I mean, when did pulling out a chair or holding a door open determine how good a mate is for you? Where did this notion come from?” Maybe I’m nervous, but I can’t stop talking nonsense. “I mean, shouldn’t you pick a mate who can open the door for herself? Why would you want an incompetent, codependent that can’t even open a door?” I turn and slowly slide into the open chair in front of him.

  Without missing a beat, he twists until he’s kneeling in front of me and responds to my nervous hammering. “April, I know you are perfectly capable of opening a door or pulling out your own chair. Chivalrous acts are done as a sign of respect to you. Men, real men, that is, do thes
e things for women not because we have to, but because we feel they deserve to be honored in some small, tiny way every single day,” he informs me before climbing to his feet and walking across the table to the chair across from me. “And, no offense, but you’re stupid if you think that little things like that don’t determine a good mate.” With that, he sits down in the chair.

  Whoa. Just like always, Jared knows how to put me in my place and just like always, I hate that I was caught saying something stupid again. I reluctantly look up to meet his eyes, but instead the two white candlesticks in between us intersect our eye contact. He laughs and gets back up to his feet.

  “I didn’t think this candle positioning through, did I?” Instead of moving the candles, he moves his chair to the side of the table to the right of me. I much prefer this. I don’t like the formality of sitting at the head of a four-foot table. It’s just not us; we are not very formal or conventional.

  “Better!” he states, looking to me for confirmation.

  I nod smirking at how linked our thought processes are.

  “Hmm, where is that waiter already?” Jared asks, looking around.

  As if on cue, Zach comes slinking out from around the side of the house in an ill-fitting tuxedo. I begin to laugh as he crosses the footbridge and bows to me before beginning to fill our wine glasses.

  “What’s for dinner, sir?” Jared gives him a knowing look and a wink back at me.

  “Oh, right!” he mutters nervously, putting the bottle down on the table and fumbling around for something in his pockets. Pulling out a folded up piece of paper, Jared begins to shake his head disapprovingly as Zach begins to read his list. “To begin, we have the house salad. Next course will be a pasta dish, followed by salmon on a bed of rice pilaf, and for dessert we have something special for the lady.”

  I giggle when I realize he needed a piece of paper to remember that.

  “I’ll be getting that first course for you guys now,” he mutters before scampering back.

  I look over at Jared who has his hand, over his face.

  “It’s so hard to find good help these days!”

  “Well, I think you have excellent interview skills. Who would have thought a construction worker could also be a waiter?”

  Pulling his hand away from my face, he smiles at me, showing relief. Relief? I guess he was just as nervous about all this as I was. Looking around at the backyard and the place setting before me, and thinking about Zach in his borrowed suit, I finally realize this night was a few years in the making. Reaching out, I take Jared’s hand in mine. He looks surprised at first, but he takes my hand right back, linking his fingers with mine.

  “Thank you,” I whisper. “For this. For all of this.”

  Before he can answer, Zach scurries back out with two plates of salad in his hands. Placing them on the table, he bows awkwardly again before backing up and disappearing out of the backyard again.

  Dinner is delicious, and by the time dessert comes along, I can almost feel the anxiety building inside Jared. “I … I know you don’t like cake or anything, so I thought…”

  I smile. I’m flattered he even remembers that tidbit of information from years ago. I wouldn’t eat his birthday cake and he got offended until I told him I just didn’t like cake. He called me a weirdo and chased me around with a forkful of cake for hours.

  It isn’t until I see our little waiter slide out from the shadows again with a three tiered contraption and set it on the table with a plate of bananas and strawberries that I realize what he has planned. He flips a switch and the contraption starts from the top, flowing chocolate down one layer, and then the other until it reaches the bottom.

  “You got me a chocolate fountain!” I squeal, reaching over for a strawberry.

  He laughs at my excitement before following suit.

  “This is awesome!” I somehow get out with a full strawberry in my mouth.

  “You like it?”

  “Do I like it? It’s my second favorite thing with batteries!” I blurt out once again without thinking. Our eyes meet before we both break into hysterical laughter.

  “Well, you’re welcome, I think.”

  Even though I’m full I still keep dipping the fruit in the fountain until the plate is empty. When I’m on the last slice of banana, my ears pick up some softly playing music. The song slowly gets louder and louder, until I realize Jared has his hand out for mine. Pulling back my chair, I place my hands inside his strong ones. He guides me to my feet and places one of my hands on his shoulder before sliding his hand to hold my waist. Keeping one of my hands held in his, he begins to sway from side to side to the beat of the music. I glance up and see the gleam in his eyes, and my stomach twists in a weird sensation. It’s strange, because I don’t know how to describe it. It’s not anxiety or those butterflies everyone always talks about. It just feels … real. Like that feeling you get when you’re on vacation and finally get home to sleep in your own bed again. That’s it! This feels like home. I feel like I’m finally home.

  Just like when I get home from that vacation, I find myself diving right in. My hand slip out from his and I wrap my arms around his neck before I reach up on my tippy toes. It feels like an eternity before I feel my lips brush softly against his. Jared pulls back, slightly surprised, before I feel his hands grip my waist tighter against him. This time when his lips touch mine, there’s no hesitation, no restriction. His lips part mine softly as one of his hands meets my cheek. I can almost taste the urgency as the kiss deepens. It’s as if we are trying to make up for all the years we’ve missed.

  “Oh, uh… I can come back!”

  Surprised, I pull away from his lips and peer over my shoulder to see a flustered Zach behind us. Still wrapped in his arms, I look back up at Jared and we share a grin before reluctantly breaking apart.

  “No, it’s okay, bring it here.” Only after Jared mentions it do I notice the box in Zach’s hand.

  “Um, okay, here…” Fumbling, he hands the box over to me.

  “Thank you, Zach,” I get out before he awkwardly disappears.

  “I thought I’d get you something in honor of our first date.”

  “What? This was a date?!” I gasp sarcastically before looking down at the square box between my hands. Tearing away the plain brown wrapping and opening the lid, I smile up at Jared. I rip the globe out of the box and tilt it upside down to see the sparkles begin to float around Tinkerbell, up on her tiptoes.

  “You got me the Tinkerbell snow globe? But…how did you know?”

  “Well, you stared at it long enough,” he jokes, a smile playing on his lips; the same lips I was kissing only a few minutes ago.

  I blush.

  “I knew you liked it. You seemed to gravitate to it every time we were there.” There’s a moment of silence before he continues, “Can I tell you something?” He doesn’t wait for my response. “I’ve waited in the shadows for too long, April. I’ve been planning, scheming, waiting ... for my one chance. I’m willing to do whatever to give you all the things you deserve.”

  The blush deepens further. How have I not noticed him before, how much he cares? I don’t understand; how could I have been so blind? I guess you can’t find what you aren’t looking for. I continue to spin the globe in my hand over and over until it becomes a vortex of glitter. A smile crosses my face. It’s a girly smile, cheesy and carefree – like I used to be.

  When the glitter settles, I place the globe down on the table behind me before my arms wrap around Jared’s neck again. He’s a little taken back at first, almost as if he doesn’t know where to put his hands. But he recovers fast, pulling me closer to him.

  “Thank you,” I whisper against his lips.

  They purse, about to respond, but they never get a chance to form words because I use his reaction to deepen the kiss. Surprised yet again, he moans against my lips as he struggles to hold me even closer. As if it were possible, he already has me pinned against the length of him. His first kiss seeme
d passionate and relieved. But this one I feel him pulling away, almost hesitant.

  He told me that he’s wanted this moment for years, but I’ve wanted this since our bodies first fit together on that picnic table, just like old times. It was in the way I woke up on his chest, like I was drawn to him. I clung to him for warmth like I clung to him to heal myself. Now, I find myself clinging to him once more. Stretching up on my tippy toes, my hands slide to the side of his face and again it’s me that coaxes him deeper into the kiss until there is no more restriction.

  In my desperation for him, I feel his walls finally slide down. They crash to the ground as his hands pull at my face. He pulls away fast, gasping for breath before pausing to look into my eyes. Our mouths collide hard and fast, desperate and determined until I feel myself defy gravity as my feet rise from the ground. Without breaking away from me, Jared has me in his arms and begins carrying me inside.

  By the time I open my eyes again, I notice we’ve made it to Jared’s room. I pull my lips back before swinging my legs free from his arms and I slip to my feet again. My eyes scan his room, trying to decide whether this is a good decision or not – that is, before they dart over to Jared’s. His hands have found their way into his pockets and he’s looking at me with those perfect chocolate eyes of his. Behind his eyes dwells hesitation, almost asking me if this is what I really want. Even after everything we’ve been through, he’s still skeptical?!

  “Jared?” I whisper, defeated by his reluctance before collapsing onto the side of his bed as I slip off my boots.

  “Yeah?” His body goes rigid.

  “I think we should take things slow… I mean, we just started hanging out again, you know?” My fingers nervously mingle through my hair.

  “Yeah… yea. You’re right… This is crazy.” He leans back on his heels and scratches the back of his head nervously. He glances over at himself in the mirror while biting his lip. It attracts my attention to those lips of his. I thought Hunter’s were perfect, but for some reason I can’t stop dreaming about Jared’s on mine. The way his face was centimeters from mine on the hayride and then there was the way I fit right into the nook of his neck last night. Then I suddenly remember the way he groaned when I deepened the kiss only seconds before.