Breaking Through The Wall (Guarded Hearts)

by Ashley Piscitelli

  “I don’t know, Nic. I mean, he barely gives me the time of day. Not only that, but my dad would flip; you know how he is.”

  Christen’s dad was some big business tycoon, and was concerned with having the best of everything. Unfortunately, in Christen’s case, this meant the perfect daughter, who had the perfect job, and the perfect relationship. “Screw your dad, Chris. You deserve to be happy and do what you want. You can’t always live your life for someone else. If you do, then it’s not your life anymore.”

  “I know that you’re right, Nic. It doesn’t even matter, though; Shawn is not interested in me. If he was, I feel like something would have happened already.”

  If this made me a bad friend then so be it, but I was glad Shawn wasn’t giving her the time of day. Whatever he was into right now was not something she needed to get dragged into.

  Jason

  Tonight was the last night of Nicole’s play, and I had been going to every single one. It did not get any easier to understand the language though. Half of the time, I just zoned out and stared at her, thinking about what we would be doing when we got home. Having to sit here and watch her kiss Aaron on a daily basis for the last week had really been getting to me.

  That asshole knew exactly how to push my buttons, and he was about to get another reason why that was a bad idea. Most guys would go away after getting humiliated and punched in the face, but not him. He still had this crazy idea that Nicole actually wanted him. I am all for being confident and cocky, but he was straight up delusional.

  I loved all of the costumes that Nic wore in this play. Every dress she had on, seemed to make her tits look even better than they normally did. I asked her about it the other night and she said it was because of something called a corset. I want to invest in one for her to wear seven days a week.

  I started to get anxious, because I knew the part where they were going to kiss would be coming up soon. Thank God this was going to be the last night that I would have to watch this shit. When he pressed his lips to hers, I gripped the armrest so hard that it hurt, and didn’t relax until he backed off.

  How do actors do this on a regular basis? Sometimes their girls need to get in bed and roll around with a guy. Nicole couldn’t have wanted to be an accountant or something?

  After the play ended, the cast lined up to take their bows and stuff. Just as everyone was walking away, that dickhead grabbed Nicole and kissed her. I couldn’t see what happened next, because they shut the curtain. I was up and running backstage before it was all the way shut. When I got to the stage, I saw Aaron lying on the floor clutching his dick and moaning. I started laughing, then went to look for my girl.

  “Jason!”

  When I looked behind me she had gotten changed and had the biggest smile on her face. “Hey, babe. Congratulations on your last show. Also, good work laying Aaron out; you saved me the trouble.”

  She laughed and leaned up to kiss me. I don’t think it would ever be possible for me to get tired of her. I always thought being tied to the same girl would be boring, but with her it was anything but boring. “Listen, I planned a girl’s night since we are going to my dad’s house tomorrow and then to yours for winter break. We all wanted to get together for one last night.”

  “I thought I was going to have you to myself for tonight.” I had basically been living alone since everything went down with Shawn and Maddy. He would come in after I was in bed and leave after I woke up.

  “Do not pout at me J, I’m sure you will survive for one night. Besides, you will have me all to yourself for the next month.”

  She started walking out of the theater and I followed her. I couldn’t wait to get away for winter break. I think I might finally be able to tell her that I loved her. It scared the shit out of me to even think about it, and it scared me more to know that it was true.

  Nicole

  I was going to miss hanging out with J tonight, but I needed a girl’s night before we left for winter break tomorrow. He wasn’t helping much either; it is taking me twice as long to get ready with him here. I finally got my dress and heels on. When I walk out of the bathroom he is sitting on the bed where I left him, still pouting. “So…how do I look?”

  He lifts up his head and just stares at me.

  “What?”

  “Please tell me that what you have on is like the lingerie for the real dress you are wearing out.” I couldn’t help but laugh. Yes, the dress I had on was short, but it was far from lingerie. Jason walked over to my closet and started to look through what I had. “Here, wear this instead.” He threw something at me. I held it up and looked at him like he was crazy.

  “This is a fucking turtleneck that my grandmother gave me at Christmas. The only reason I still have it is because she expects to at least see it around the holidays.”

  “Well, I think that your grandmother has great taste!”

  “It has a fucking reindeer on it! You know what, I can’t do this right now.” I threw the turtleneck back at him. “I’m leaving. If you can manage to get your head out of your ass and act normal, I’ll see you when I get back.”

  Damn, he was so frustrating. I know he worried and everything, but sometimes it was way over the top.

  Holly wanted to go to this new club tonight, and it was packed. I didn’t care. I wasn’t here to hook up or get drunk out of my mind. I just loved to go out with my friends, dance, and have fun.

  I was so lost in the music, I barely noticed someone behind me. I turned around, gave him the ‘I’m not interested’ wave, and kept dancing. He didn’t leave though. He put his hands on my hips and pulled me back against him. At this point, I could feel how ‘excited’ he was to be dancing with me, and I needed him to leave. I turned around and leaned close to his ear so he could hear me over the music. “I’m sorry, I have a boyfriend.”

  “Yeah, and I have a fucking cat at home.”

  “Um…okay.”

  “I thought we were talking about things that didn’t matter.”

  Is he serious? “He does matter. Now, please get off of me.” I went to remove his hands, but he only dug them in deeper. Now he was hurting me and I was starting to panic. Holly and Christen were making their way back from the bar and I shot them the ‘save me please’ look. Holly tried to take my hand and pull me over to her, but Mr. Grabby hands wouldn’t let go.

  I reached my hands down again to take them off of me, but he moved quick and trapped mine under his. Now I couldn’t move them at all. Before I knew what was happening Christen was walking up with one of the bouncers, who thankfully got him away from me.

  “You ok, mama?”

  “Yeah, Chris, thanks.”

  After another half hour, I needed to pee and text Jason. I just wanted to let him know I was fine and that I would see him soon. I told the girls I would be back and made my way down the hallway toward the bathroom. I was just about to go in, when I was pulled into another room, which judging by the looks of it, was a storage room.

  Before I could say anything, a hand was clamped over my mouth and I was backed against the wall. In the dim light, I could make out the guy from the dance floor. Fuck. He leaned in and ran his nose up and down my neck.

  “You smell delicious.”

  All of the alarms in my head were blaring and I didn’t know what to do. I did the first thing I could think of and bit down on the hand that was holding my mouth closed. He yelped in pain and I tried to move around him. His hand caught me around my throat and slammed me back against the wall.

  “You little bitch!” He backhanded me in the face and I could feel blood dripping from my lip into my mouth. He grabbed both of my hands and held them above my head with one of his. He was rubbing his hands all over me and I felt like I was going to be sick. “You dance like a little whore. Let’s see if you feel like one.”

  He started to kiss my neck and I could smell the mix of alcohol on his breath. His free hand started sliding down my side, and making its way in between my legs. He started inchi
ng up my denim skirt. Please God, no. Just then the door flew open and I saw someone standing in the doorway.

  Jason.

  Chapter 10

  Jason

  When I walked in and saw that guy with Nicole my heart stopped. “Get your fucking hands off of her, now!”

  The asshole turned around and looked at me. “Don’t worry, pal, I’m sure this one will be up for two rounds.” He turned back to her and I charged.

  I grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and threw him on the ground. Then I got on top of him and started hitting him wherever I could. I heard bones cracking and he was begging me to stop, but I couldn’t.

  Then I felt a hand on my arm, trying to pull me off. “Please, Jason, stop!” I turned around and Nic was standing there looking petrified. Then I saw her lip. It was split open and dripping blood; that motherfucker hit her. I turned back to him, but Nicole grabbed me again. “J, stop! You won’t be any good to me in jail.”

  I knew she was right, but I couldn’t stay in this room and not kill him. I grabbed her hand and started to lead her out of the club. When we passed the door, I nodded to my friend Max. He worked as a bouncer here and had called me when he had to get that animal off Nicole the first time. When we got to my car, I felt like I could finally breathe.

  I pulled her over to me and stood in front of her, so she was pressed against the car. I brought my hand up to her face and brushed my finger over her lip. She winced with pain and it took every inch of self-control I had not to go back in there and find the bastard.

  “Are you ok?” She nodded her head at me, but I could tell she wasn’t. “Let’s get you home.” We didn’t talk the whole way home, and I really didn’t know what to say. Carter was always the one that was good in emotional situations like this; not me.

  I brought Nicole right up to my room and grabbed her one of my shirts to sleep in. When she took off her dress, I saw tiny little bruises on her hips. As soon as she saw them she looked at me and confirmed my suspicions. That asshole bruised her.

  “Fuck!” I couldn’t do anything but scream right now. I was so damn frustrated. I turned around and punched the closest thing near me, which ended up being the wall. Shit, that hurt.

  I stopped when I heard her start to cry. Here I was acting like a dickhead and I didn’t even stop to think how it affected her. I went over to her and wrapped my arms around her.

  “I need to take a shower, J.” She pulled away from me, and started to make her way to the bathroom. I took my jeans and shirt off, and went to follow her. She stopped, turned around, and put her hand on my chest. “I um…I kind of just want to shower alone right now.”

  Shit, was she pissed at me? I sat on the bed and listened to the sounds of the shower. Once I heard the water turn off, I knew she would be out soon. When she came out, I went up to her and wrapped her in my arms. Then I shut off the light, and led her to the bed.

  “I’m sorry I was being a dick, babe.” I laid down, held her close to me, and she started to cry again. When she stopped, I lifted her chin up so that she was looking at me.

  “I’m here, babe, and I am not going to let anyone hurt you, ok?” She nodded her head. Is it ok to kiss girls after stuff like this or is there, like, a waiting period? Fuck it. I never second-guessed myself before and I’m not going to start now. I leaned my head down and kissed her, softly and slowly. It wasn’t one of those ‘let me rip your clothes off and fuck you’ kisses; it was an ‘I’m going to take care of you’ kind of kiss.

  “Jason, I want you. I want you to erase every moment of tonight and replace them with you.”

  I realized, now, that tonight was going to be the first time for us, that we would be doing more than just having sex. Tonight, I was going to make love to her. I slowly pulled off the shirt she was wearing and eased down her underwear, before taking off my own.

  We kept kissing and touching each other as I eased my way on top of her. This time when I slid inside of her, it wasn’t rushed and rough; I made sure to be gentle and I took my time. Each time I slid in and out of her felt like heaven. I had never had a girl like this before. I had never had sex mean anything until Nicole. I wanted it to matter and I wanted to show her how I felt, even if I wasn’t ready to say it.

  “I’m close, J.”

  “Me too, baby.” I leaned down and kissed her mouth. “You are so fucking gorgeous.” We came together at that moment and even then, it wasn’t the loud screaming; it was a content and peaceful moment of pure happiness.

  When we were laying there, Nicole turned to me. “How did you know to come looking for me?”

  She wasn’t going to like this, but I also wasn’t going to apologize for it either. “One of my friends from class works there. I had told him that you were going to be there, and asked him to keep an eye on you. He called me when he had to pull the asshole off of you the first time. We have to go to your parent’s house tomorrow, so let’s get some sleep ok?”

  She leaned up to kiss me, then rested her head on my chest and fell asleep.

  *****

  As we were pulling into Nicole’s driveway, I started to get nervous. I never had a girlfriend before, so I have never needed to go through the whole meet the parents thing. At least she said that her dad and stepmom weren’t getting home until tomorrow.

  “Come on.” She said, grabbing my hand and leading me through the house. Jesus, this house was big. I was never wealthy growing up so this all seems surreal to me. “I have been living in the pool house since senior year. I wanted my own space and my dad saw this as a compromise. “

  When we got into the pool house, my mouth dropped open further, if that was possible. It must have been as big as the first floor of my house. You could immediately tell that Nicole lived here. Every decoration in here was pink, or some form of animal print. “Nic, this is really…nice.”

  She dropped her bags on the floor and turned around to look at me. Then she reached up and wrapped her arms around my neck. “Thank you for coming home with me. I know this isn’t something that you were really comfortable with.” She leaned up and kissed me.

  “Baby, you have me so goddamn whipped that I would do anything for you.” I wanted to tell her I loved her. Maybe I would tonight. I know that I do with all of my heart and that she feels the same. However, knowing it and saying it out loud are two different things. She took my hand and led me over to her couch.

  When I sat down, she straddled herself on top of my lap. “Thank God that my dad will be gone until tomorrow. I have plans for you, Tarzan.” She started kissing me again, but this time there was a fire between us. We had this amazing chemistry together. Whenever we touched my whole body sprang to life.

  I started to kiss my way down her neck; nipping and biting just how she loved. When I heard the door open and a woman’s voice.

  “Nicole, your father and I—“

  “Ugh, don’t you know how to knock? This isn’t part of the main house, so you have no claim to it.” Nicole was still on top of me so I couldn’t see whoever had come in, but I am guessing it was her stepmom.

  With as much as Nicole talked about her, I just had to sneak a look. When I peeked around Nic and saw her, my heart stopped. No, this could not be happening right now. “Mom?”

  When she looked at me, I knew; I saw the recognition pass over her face. She turned without another word and walked out. I don’t know why I would be surprised by this. It wasn’t the first time she knowingly walked away from me. I moved Nicole off of me and stood up.

  I can’t even think right now. My mother is here and married to her father! Living the life of fucking luxury, while my dad works his ass off everyday. Half of the time I thought of her, I prayed that she had it as hard as we did. No, she was living the life and enjoying it. I needed to get out of here.

  I started for the door, but I felt someone grab my arm. When I turned around, Nicole was standing there staring at me. Looking at her now, all I see is my mother’s betrayal with her father. I couldn’t be
with her and I can’t be here. I reached for the door again.

  “Jason, please wait I—“

  “No, Nic, I’m leaving, this shit is too much. I am going to go home and you are going to stay here.”

  “No, I’ll go with you. I don’t want to be here; I just want to be where you are.” I could see the pain I was causing in her eyes, and it was about to get worse.

  “Well, I don’t want to be with you. I’m leaving. Don’t follow me.”

  “No! I refuse to let you end us because of this!” She was starting to cry now, and I couldn’t look at her.

  “You can refuse all you want, it’s over. Don’t follow me, don’t call me, just leave me alone. I don’t know who we were kidding with this, anyway. It would have ended eventually.”

  I started walking to the car and heard her following me. I opened the door and started to get in, when she grabbed it and stopped it from closing. It started raining. We were just staring at each other and getting soaked saying nothing at first. Nicole broke the silence.

  “J, please don’t leave. I…I love you.” She had tears streaming down her face now, and all I wanted to do was pull her into my arms. I couldn’t, though. I would never be able to deal with this, and having my mother be a permanent reluctant presence in my life. I pulled the door away from her and slammed it. Then I sped out of that driveway and away from that house as fast as I could.

  The whole drive home I couldn’t get Nicole’s face or what she said out of my head. For the first time since Sara died, I cried.

  Nicole

  I don’t know how long I had been standing in the rain, but it doesn’t matter. I am numb right now; a shell of who I was. Jason took every last part of me with him when he left. I can’t believe that he did that to me. I told him I loved him, and he just left. I had been scared to say it to him and as soon as I did he drove away like I had just told him the worst news ever.

  I slowly walk back to the pool house, not caring what I look like to the neighbors, or how wet I am right now. When I got there, I pulled out my phone and all I wanted to do was call him. I didn’t though. I did call Mads and try to tell her what happened, but between the sobbing and teeth chattering from being frozen, I barely get anything out.