by Nina Levine
Chapter 10
Jason
I collapsed onto the bed, thankful as fuck that today was over. I didn’t have it in me to bother heading home so I was just crashing in my room at the clubhouse. The ride home from Coffs Harbour had been long, probably because I couldn’t concentrate with my dick doing the fucking happy dance that Madison’s tits and pussy were pressed tight to me. It had been just over three hours of torturous bliss; her on the back of my bike again was something I had never thought would happen, but I was sure as fuck glad that it did.
And then she had gone and pissed me off, and I had said stuff I wish I could take back because I didn’t really mean it. Fuck, I had really hurt her; I could see it in her eyes and hear it in her voice. Maybe it was my way of pushing her away. There was that old familiar pull to her and I wasn’t sure it was a good idea to even consider getting close again. But, fuck, I just had to be in the same room as her, and I wanted to touch her and bury my dick as far in her as I fucking could.
Watching her get into an argument with Scott and then listening to her tell me off had been both infuriating and a relief. It was good to see the old Madison back. She had slowly disappeared on me after the incident with Rob all those years ago and the drinking had only made it worse. It had fucking killed me to see her lose her spark. Madison was the kind of woman who didn’t let any man walk all over her, and after we broke up, I had been horrified watching her allow Nix to control her.
The night I had found her beaten up was one of the worst nights of my life. If I hadn’t let her go, hadn’t given up on us, she wouldn’t have ended up with Nix and he wouldn’t have laid a finger on her. I had sworn death after that and had meant it. Scott and her father had been with me on this, but then club politics got in the way. If we had followed through on our threat it would have ended in all out war between Storm and the Black Deeds, and our club wasn’t ready for that back then. We’d spent the last two years getting our shit in order, getting ready to strike and take the fucker down. Getting Madison out of the picture had been an important part of this plan even though I hadn’t agreed with it at first. I had wanted her back with me, where she belonged, but Scott had ordered me to make sure she left town. I had done this alright; I’d killed any love she might have had left for me the day I told her to get the fuck out; the day I had told her I didn’t love her anymore.
Looking at her now I knew we had done the right thing. When she left, she had been drowning in alcohol. I hated watching her do that to herself; I felt useless, unable to make her see what she was doing. My mother had done the same thing and it was like watching re-runs of shitty television; seeing the same old crap over and over, hating it more each time. Now, Madison had her life together so it made the last couple of years worth it, even if she didn’t want anything to do with me now.
I was almost asleep when Scott bashed on my door. “J, need you man.”
“Fuck! Really?” I yelled back. It was just after midnight and I was wiped.
“Yeah, need you to check on Madison,” he replied.
Shit. Even in my sleepy haze I was now wide awake; just the sound of her name stirred me. I sat up and reached for my boots. “Hang on, be there in a minute.”
Scott was pacing at the bar when I found him. He looked up and I was instantly alert. Scott was known for keeping his shit together, but right now he looked stressed.
“What’s happened?”I asked.
He stopped pacing and raked his fingers through his hair. “Davey was keeping an eye on Madison but she ditched him. I’ve got no fuckin’ idea where she is.”
“Jesus fucking Christ!” I roared, “What the fuck is wrong with these dickheads? They can’t even do a simple job.”
Scott was nodding in agreement. “Yeah, brother. That leaves you and me to find her. I don’t trust anyone else.”
“Got any leads at all?” I asked, hoping like hell that he did.
“No. This is a fuckin’ nightmare because Nix has shown back up in town.”
Fuck! Not what I wanted to hear. Needing to lash out at something, anything, I turned around and punched the closest wall. Davey was fucking lucky that he wasn’t in sight because I would have pounded him if he was.
Scott’s phone rang, and while he answered it I mentally filed through a list of Madison’s old friends trying to work out where she might have gone. I came up short because she had wiped a lot of her friends when she was with Nix.
“Right, Madison might be at Hyde’s,” he slipped his phone into his pocket, “Let’s go.” He headed towards the front door.
I reached out and grabbed his arm, turning him around to face me. “You’re fucking kidding me, right? Not even twenty four hours home and she starts fucking drinking again?” I was pissed. Pissed at her, at Nix and at the whole fucking situation. Hyde’s was her old favourite drinking ground, and the last place I thought she would be.
Scott pulled his arm back and snapped at me, “How ‘bout you give her a break? She might surprise the fuck out of you.”
“Yeah, and she might fucking not,” I fixed an angry glare on him, “I’ve lived with, and buried an alcoholic, motherfucker. I know how they work.” I pushed past him and stormed outside. I was in a really bad mood now, and when we found Madison she wasn’t going to know what fucking hit her, especially if we found her drinking.
***
An hour later we still hadn’t found her. I had been surprised, but relieved not to find her at Hydes; I didn’t want to think about how I would have reacted if we had found her there. We had visited some of her old friends, and pissed them all off by waking them up. But none of them had seen her or heard from her. Scott was ropeable and I was pretty close. Then we got a call from Griff; Madison had shown up at the clubhouse.
We made our way back and as I stormed into the bar, I noted her tear stained face, but paid no attention to it. I grabbed her by the arm and pulled her towards me. “Have you any fucking idea how worried we have been?” I yelled at her.
She crumbled into my arms and started to sob. My reaction was automatic; I held her close, running my hand over her hair, trying to soothe her. The anger left me, and I felt the need to make everything alright for her. “Where were you, baby?” I asked.
She didn’t answer me and Scott barked at her, “Answer us, Madison. Where the fuck were you?”
I looked up at him, anger burning through me again, but this time directed at him, “Back the fuck off, brother. In fact, everyone get the fuck out of here,” I bellowed, and when no one moved, I added, “Now!”
People started moving out of the room and Scott stood there glaring at me for a minute or so, and then he left too.
I pulled back a little from Madison, to look in her eyes, “Baby, what’s going on? Talk to me.”
Her eyes slid to mine and the heartache I saw there stabbed me in the fucking heart. “I went to Bec’s house. I just sat outside and remembered stuff, you know, the good times we’d had, even the bad. J, I miss her so much. I can’t believe she’s gone. Even though we weren’t friends anymore, I always thought we’d patch it up.” The tears were streaming down her face now.
“Fuck,” I didn’t know what else to say. I was useless at this shit, so I just pulled her close again and held her, letting her get it all out.
Eventually she unwrapped her arms from me and wiped the tears from her face. “Sorry. I guess it is really hitting me, now that I am back here,” she apologised.
“No need to say sorry. But the next time you want to take off, for fuck’s sake, let one of us know where you’re going. Okay?”
She scowled at me, “Okay.”
I doubted she meant it. Madison did whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted. “Nix is back apparently. That is why we were all pissed at you. Plus, and you might find this hard to believe, we all care about you.”
She stayed quiet for a moment appraising me, and then she offered, “Thank you. I’m going to bed now. Goodnight.”
She left and I stood in stunned silence; she had
surprised the fuck out of me and I hated to admit it but my heart was starting to want what my dick wanted.
Chapter 11
Madison
I woke up the next morning feeling low. Remembering Bec last night had been hard and I was thankful that J had been there for me when I got back. That was a hard thing to admit to myself. I just wanted to hate him and not have anything to do with him, but then he had to go and be nice to me. And the things he did to my body. God, I was so messed up about him. He’d been back in my life for less than a week and here I was, wanting him all over again.
I decided to put thoughts of J aside and focus on my plan to move back here. First order of business would be to call Gina and let her know I wouldn’t be coming back to work. Thank goodness I had saved some money to get me through until I found a job here.
I grabbed my phone and dialled her number. “Hi, babe,” she answered.
“Hey, Gina. I have some bad news for you.” I decided to get straight to the point.
“You’re not coming back are you?”
“I’m so sorry to do this at such short notice but no, I am staying here. My friend’s kid needs me,” I answered her, really regretting having to do this to her.
“I understand, and actually wondered if you might end up staying. You’re just lucky I love you, otherwise I would send Zane after you,” she threatened, but I heard the smile in her voice.
I shuddered at that thought. Zane was Blake’s and Gina’s brother, and a man you didn’t mess with. I had only met him a few times and he scared the living shit out of me. I never asked Gina or Blake much about him because I really just didn’t want to know who or what he was.
We chatted a bit more and I promised to visit her often before hanging up. I scrolled through my phone and hit Blake’s number.
“Baby girl, how are you?” he said as he answered his phone.
“Have you got a few hours?” I asked, jokingly.
He chuckled, “That bad? Do you need me to come and sort shit out?”
The thing about Blake was that, he would do that for me. In a heartbeat. “I appreciate that but no, you’ve got your own things to take care of and I’m a big girl; it’s time for me to sort out everything I walked away from years ago.”
“Yeah, I guess it is. How’s J? Still being a caveman?” I could hear the annoyance in his voice.
“J will always be a caveman, it’s just who he is. I’m so confused about him, Blake.” I decided that perhaps a guy’s perspective might be insightful.
“In what way?”
I hadn’t ever told my friends much about my relationship with J so I figured it was time to open up a bit now; especially if I wanted advice. “I left Brisbane because he told me to. We had been broken up for about six months but I thought we were going to get back together, and then he told me he didn’t love me anymore and that I needed to leave. He was the one who lined my job up with Gina, through another club member who knew her, I think. He said I needed space from the club to get my drinking sorted. He broke my heart but I thought I was over him. Now I’m not so sure. And he is running hot and cold with me; one minute being an asshole and then being nice. I don’t know what the fuck to make of it all.”
“Talk to him. But you need to work out what you want first,” he said.
“You are such a guy, Blake. You make it sound so easy,” I sighed. Why did guys think that every situation was so black and white?
“Well, why do women make everything so hard?” he asked.
“We don’t!”
He laughed, “Yeah, you do. We’ll have to agree to disagree. Just promise me you’ll talk to him.”
“I’ll try but all we seem to do is argue so it might not be as easy as you suggest,” I promised.
“Show him a bit of leg, it’ll shut him up for a minute and give you time to talk,” he suggested.
Now it was my turn to laugh. “Great plan, maybe I’ll flash my tits too, you know, to give me even more time.”
“Settle down, you want him to be coherent don’t you? Flashing your tits will send all the blood from his brain to his dick. Take my advice, no tits.”
“Okay, legs it is. Now, did Serena tell you that I’m moving back here?” I asked, and we talked some more about my move and what was going on in his life before ending the call. I knew it wouldn’t be long before one of us made the trip to visit the other; we couldn’t go too long without needing to see each other.
***
“Madison, good to see you, babe.”
I’d made my way downstairs to the club bar, and now turned towards the voice I knew so well and threw myself at him. “Nash. I’ve missed you,” I said, as we hugged.
“You’re still as fucking hot as you were last time I saw you,” he said, looking me up and down.
“And you’re still as fucking pervy as you were last time I saw you, “I slapped him on the arm, all the while smiling at him.
He grinned that wicked smile I remembered and shrugged. “Yep, and still the hot ass you missed out on when you chose that fucker, J.”
Now it was my turn to grin at him, “Didn’t know what I was getting myself into there, did I? And to think I could have had you.”
“Fucker’s still got a hard on for you, too. He’s got pussy anywhere he wants but none of it does what you did for him,” Nash said, shaking his head.
What the fuck? My mouth dropped open in shock, and I was about to quiz him when we were interrupted.
“Nash,” J’s voice boomed from behind me and I spun around to see him shooting daggers at Nash. Oh, god, I felt bad for Nash. He and J had always had a hard relationship and J had never taken kindly to Nash’s flirting with me.
Nash leaned over and whispered in my ear, “Looks like it’s time for me to get out of here.” He kissed my cheek, winked at me and said, “Later, sweet thing.” He lifted his chin at J and then left us alone.
J walked toward me with a fierce determination and my stomach fluttered. He had a feral look in his eyes and, fuck, it did things to me. “He’s right,” he said as he stopped right in front of me; so close, too close.
My brain couldn’t function properly when he was this close to me. His smell engulfed me and I wanted to reach out to touch him, taste him. It was too much and I tried to push him away but he grabbed my hand and pulled me closer. Our bodies were touching now and I felt it not only physically, but also in my soul. He bent and breathed in the scent of me too. “Fuck, you smell so fucking good,” he groaned as he pressed even closer so that I could feel his erection against me.
My body took over and I reached my hand up to wrap around his neck while lifting my lips to his. Our eyes met and I could see the same need in his that I had. His arms encircled me, and he ran one hand over my ass before tilting his head and finally kissing me. God, it felt so good; his hands roaming over me, his lips and tongue devouring me, and a thrill ran through me. A deep and uncontrollable urge took over and I pushed myself right into him; I needed to get as close as I possibly could. My hands gripped his hair and I plunged my tongue into his mouth, kissing him hard. He groaned again and that sound set me off even more. Fuck, I couldn’t get enough of him. It had been so long without his touch and I needed more.
J suddenly pushed me away and raked his hand through his hair, looking utterly torn. “Fuck!” he sputtered.
I was still trying to get my wits about me; my brain was scrambled from that kiss, and I was confused about what Nash had said. I looked J dead in the eyes and demanded, “What did Nash mean by that?”
“Exactly what he fucking said, babe.”
I scrunched my eyebrows together, still not getting it, “You still want me?”
“Jesus, how many other ways do you need it said? I never stopped wanting you,” he replied in a gruff voice.
I threw my hands up in the air. “Well, why the fuck did you tell me to leave?” I yelled, starting to get angry.
“You needed to get out, get away from the club and all the shit that had go
ne down. You needed to deal with your drinking and I thought you could do that better somewhere else.”
“No! You don’t get to say that. That’s a load of shit, J. Tell me the real fucking reason,” I demanded. Deep down, I knew there had to be more to this, I always had but it was easier just to let it sit there in my subconscious rather than trying to work it out.
He was exasperated by my outburst and I momentarily wondered if I had pushed him too far. “I had to. The club... “ he was pacing wildly now, “The club needed you gone.”
“What?” I held my breath, waiting for his explanation. None of this was making a lot of sense to me.
He stopped pacing and fixed pained eyes on me; he was calmer now too, like he had settled something in his mind. “Baby, you need to know that I never wanted you to leave. But after what happened with Nix, the club swore blood and we needed you gone to be able to do that. There was no way Nix would give you up if you were still here so we arranged for that job with Gina and sent you away,” he came closer to me again and reached for my hand, holding it, “The only reason I told you that I didn’t love you anymore was to make sure you would leave. I did it for your safety, you’ve gotta know that. I did love you; I still fucking do.”
“No! You said you didn’t want me. I moved on!” I shouted, getting in his face. I was really angry now. How dare the club control my life like that, and how dare he give me up for the fucking club.
“Are you listening to me, Madison? Did you hear me say...”
I cut him off and shoved at him, “It’s too fucking late, J. You gave up on us, you took the club’s side like you always did. I didn’t need revenge on Nix, I just needed out from him and I was out.”
J glowered at me and took a step back. “Let’s get one thing straight, right now. I did not give up on us. And I did not fucking take the club’s side every time,” he thundered, “But babe, you’ve gotta understand that when the club rules like they did, I got no choice.”
I stabbed a finger at him, “And that right there, is the fucking problem! We never had a chance with the club controlling us.”
