by Nina Levine
“Madison, the club ruled and I followed through. Jesus babe, you grew up in the club, you know how it works. Our problems weren’t to do with the club.”
“Well the club had a lot to do with them. The club, and its way of dealing with shit.”
He cocked his head to the side and studied me for a moment, “What exactly are we talking about now?” he asked, and I wished I had kept my mouth shut; I didn’t want to have this conversation today.
“J, this conversation is pointless...”
He came closer to me again, his breathing ragged and his face a picture of anger. Bending down to meet my eyes he spat, “I fucking tell you that I still love you, and you tell me this conversation is pointless?”
And just like that, the anger seeped out of me and all I felt now was desire. J had invaded my space and my senses again, and telling me he still loved me only heightened my craving for him. I knew I needed to get out of here; I couldn’t think straight when he was this close, and right now I really needed to sort through my conflicting thoughts and feelings.
“I’m waiting for an answer, Madison. Is this conversation pointless?”
“I don’t know, J, okay. I need some time to think,” I finally answered him.
He stood up straight, his eyes intense and focused on mine. He took a moment and then said, “I’ll give you some time. But then we talk. And babe, we will talk about every fucking thing we should have talked about two years ago.”
With that, he turned and left me alone; alone to contemplate the conversation that we would finally be having. He was absolutely right. There were things that should have been said all those years ago; things that I still found hard to even think about, let alone talk about.
Shit.
But first, I needed to sort out the mess of feelings I was having about J. Why the fuck couldn’t life ever be easy?
Chapter 12
Madison
The day had passed fairly uneventfully after my run in with J. He had left with Scott and some of the other guys to take care of something. I wasn’t sure what it was they were doing but then again, I was never privy to that sort of information. And, yeah, it pissed me off. That was something that J never understood. He never shared club business with me, unlike some of the other club members who talked stuff through with their old ladies. I had wanted to be involved in J’s life fully and that meant club life as well. I didn’t expect to be told everything, but to be told nothing kind of hurt. It made me feel like I was only a part of some of J’s life.
I had hung out at the clubhouse for most of the morning, catching up with friends I hadn’t seen in years. I loved that aspect of club life; the social side. These were my people; I had grown up here and felt totally comfortable here. I loved living in Coffs Harbour but there was something peaceful about coming home to where I was accepted and loved without reservation.
Now I was on my way to visit my Mum. My parents lived about twenty minutes away so I had caught a lift with one of the guys. As we pulled up to the house I was hit with the memories of growing up here. Mum and Dad had given Scott and I a good life. We had been surrounded by lots of love in the form of club family. I remembered tons of get togethers with the boys and their families; parties, barbeques, you name it, my Mum was always organising something. My Dad may have been the club president but my mother played a huge part in keeping it all together and running smoothly. I didn’t know how aware she was of the day to day business of the club but I truly believed that she was the strong woman who stood behind my father and supported him in everything he did.
Sharon Cole was a woman that most people tried not to mess with. She was a hard as nails, straight up, ballsy woman who loved fiercely, and lived and breathed Storm. Her father had been a member of Storm, and she too had grown up in the life. She had met my father when he joined the club and the rest is history. They had been through a lot and had built Storm up to be the club it was today; a force to be reckoned with. Storm had a reputation for getting the job done and it was a club that others didn’t fuck with, although that reputation had really only come about over the last few years.
Even though I hadn’t had much to do with Storm since I left two years ago, I had heard whisperings from friends about the lengths the club would now go to, to protect its business dealings, its members and their loved ones. As much as I wasn’t aware of within the club, I wasn’t naive; I had seen enough to know there was a lot of violence involved, and it seemed that this had only intensified. I had struggled with this when I dated J; he had sometimes come home bloodied and bruised, and when I asked about it he had told me it was club business and I didn’t need to know. Thinking about my mother now, I wondered how she dealt with this side of Storm. We had never talked about it but perhaps it was something I needed to ask her; perhaps learning how to deal with this would help me move past what had happened with Rob.
I never knew just what J was capable of until Rob. I shuddered thinking about it but the thing was, I had to think about it. I had pushed it to the deep recesses of my mind for too long now. It had everything to do with why J and I broke up, so in order for me to start sorting through my feelings about him, I needed to work through this first.
*****
“So, I hear you’re staying,” my Mum said as she made us coffee. She had been happy to see me and I could hear the relief in her voice now.
I smiled; it was so good to see her. “Yes,” I took a moment to get the words out right, “I haven’t wanted to come back because I wasn’t sure how I would cope with everything here. I thought that seeing J again would he hard and to be honest, I was trying to get away from the club. But you know what? I think I’ve missed the club and even though he is pissing me off, I’m okay with being around J.”
She nodded, “You were in a pretty bad way when you left, Maddy, but I think you just needed that time away to get your head together. It’s done you good, honey.”
“I want to stay so I can watch out for Crystal but being here with you now, I realise I’ve really missed you, even if you are overbearing sometimes,” I said with a cheeky smile.
Mum laughed, “I’ve been good lately, haven’t I?” she asked.
“Yeah, Mum, you have. And I need you to let me do things my way if I’ve got any chance of starting over here and keeping my shit together. Okay?”
She held up her hands. “Okay, okay. So, what’s your plan? Do you want to move in here with us until you sort yourself out? I know your father would love to have you here.”
“He’s got a funny way of showing it. He bit my head off yesterday.”
“He is very stressed at the moment with what is happening with Nix. Honey, he has been worried about you and yeah, pissed off with you. He just wanted you home where he knew you were safe and all you did was fight it. He and Scott have been constantly arguing about you and I’ve got to say, it’s been pretty hard living with him the last little while. So, I am really happy you are home.”
“What do you mean they have been arguing about me?” I asked, having no clue what she could possibly mean.
“Your father would have just come and dragged you home, nothing would have stopped him. But Scott stood up to him and argued that it had to be your decision. He understands how hard it has been for you, and he was so proud of you for quitting drinking; he just didn’t want you to go backwards.”
Well, fuck me. Scott was actually on my side. News to me. “Men! I can’t fucking work them out,” I said, totally exasperated with it all.
“Join the club, but I’ll tell you one thing, and you make sure you listen closely. Scott and your father love you and will do anything for you. This vendetta against Nix started after he beat you, and it has only gotten worse since then. It has put a lot of pressure on Storm and they have copped that. For you. So, you need to cut them some slack and start working with them rather than against them.”
“The problem is that they never give me the full story. You know what they are like...”
&nbs
p; She cut me off, “Yes, I know exactly what they are like, Madison, but the difference between you and me is that I trust them. I know in my gut that everything they are doing is for us and for the club. I don’t need to know the details but you seem hell bent on having to know every little thing. And you haven’t ever given them your complete trust. Dare I say it, but I think that’s where a lot of your problems with J come from too; you didn’t trust him.”
“How can I trust any of them when they don’t trust me enough to tell me stuff?” I argued.
My mother sighed; that sigh I had grown up with that told me she was getting frustrated with me. “Honey, it’s their way. The club way. It’s what their fathers did and their fathers before them probably; it’s all they’ve ever known and it is drilled into them when they join. What happens in the club stays in the club. And if you can’t live with that you should never date another member again.”
My natural reaction to all of this would normally be to continue arguing but I decided that perhaps it was time to start listening to my mother. She had been living this life for a long time and knew what she was on about. I had been fighting these ways for so long and it had gotten me nowhere. So, I took a deep breath and asked her a question. “How do you live with the shit that goes on? How do you deal, knowing what Dad is capable of?”
She didn’t skip a beat, “We’re all capable of bad stuff, Maddy, but the shit they do is done for a reason. We’ve got a lifestyle that needs protecting, and your Dad and the boys aren’t afraid to protect it and us. I deal with that by choosing to love your father unconditionally and I make no apologies for it. When you really love a person you trust them, and believe in them and everything they do.” She cocked her head and gave me a quizzical look, “Are you thinking of getting back with J? Is that what all this is about?”
“I don’t know what is happening with J. What I do know is that I need to find a way to be okay with what they do.” And yeah, I also needed to decide if I wanted to be with J again but I was keeping that to myself for now.
“Nothing’s fucking happening with J.” We both jumped as the snarl of Nix’s voice swept through the room.
I screamed just as one of his guys grabbed me from behind and covered my mouth with his hand. Fear sliced through me, and the stench of sweat and tobacco overwhelmed me. Nausea hit and then the blackness took over.
*****
When I came to, I was tied to a chair and Nix was standing in front of me. He was leaning down into my face; his hot, acrid breath filling my senses. His eyes were crazy; fuck, he was crazy. Mad. Demented.
Panic gripped my gut, because I knew in that instant that I was as good as dead.
He ran a calloused finger down my cheek. “Madison, you came back to me.”
Oh, God. He really was whacked in the head if he thought that. I didn’t say anything, just maintained eye contact with him.
He stood up straight, and my eyes followed him. He looked to his right, and I realised that my mother was also here, tied to a chair. She had tape covering her mouth and blood coming from her head. I had been lucky to avoid all that. Her eyes were closed and she was slumped in her chair.
Nix nodded at a guy who was near my Mum. A silent command flowed between them, and the guy hurried off. My foggy brain slowed my thinking and I gave up wondering what that was all about.
Nix turned his attention back to me. “I’ve missed you, Madison. Bec kept me company for awhile, but she could never replace you or what we had. That bitch tried to fuck me over,” he was rambling, and then he laughed shrilly. “She got what she fucking deserved in the end.” His eyes glinted; he was terrifying me, just from his body language.
I didn’t want to talk to him, but I couldn’t stop myself. “What are you going to do to us, Nix?” I needed to know.
“I haven’t quite worked out what I will do with you, but your mother is an unnecessary burden to us, wouldn’t you say. She wouldn’t stop yelling at me before, so I had to fucking knock her out. I don’t need the headache,” he replied, and the nausea hit me at the thought of him killing my Mum.
“Let her go, and I will do whatever you say,” I frantically tried to negotiate with him.
He threw his head back and laughed. Then his face contorted into an evil mask and he sneered, “You’ll do whatever the fuck I say anyway, bitch. I’m not fucking bargaining with you for anything.”
I hated him, but hated myself more, for letting him into my life. Because of my past actions, my mother’s life was in danger and there was not a fucking thing I could do about it.
*****
Jason
My fist connected with the asshole’s cheek and blood went flying. “I can keep this up, motherfucker, until you tell us where Nix is,” I warned.
He landed on his ass and looked up at me through feral eyes. “Go to fucking hell,” he snarled and spat blood onto the ground.
Scott reefed him up from behind and held him in front of me. “Take another shot, brother,” he invited.
I had had enough, and was way past the fuck pissed off. We had been going at this for over half an hour now and it was time to move it along. I pulled out my gun and stepped closer, putting it to his head. “I’ll make this real fucking easy for you. Start fucking talking,” I thundered.
He glared at me but I could see him weakening under the pressure so when he again refused to give up the information, I aimed the gun at his foot and shot. I took great pleasure in the blood this caused. I craved their fucking blood.
“Motherfucker!” he screamed in agony, and tried to struggle out of Scott’s hold.
Oh, yeah asshole, I was just getting started. I lifted the gun and aimed it at his other foot, and was just about to shoot when he yelled, “Wait! I’ll tell you. Just fucking stop shooting!”
“Well, hurry the fuck up. We don’t have all day,” I bellowed at him, trying to create some fucking urgency for him to deliver the details.
“Warehouse on Woods,” he grumbled, and the adrenaline coursed through me with this new information. We were finally going to get that cocksucker. He had been one step ahead of us for too fucking long; it was time to take him down.
Scott flashed me an evil grin, “Time to rock and roll, brother.”
Ten minutes later we were heading to the warehouse. Scott had called Marcus, and he was rounding up the boys to meet us there. I was fired up to take Nix down. Finally. This had been a long time coming. When Marcus had put a stop to our original plan two years ago I had been pissed off, but he had managed to convince me it was for the best. We had all worked hard the last couple of years to build Storm up, and in that time Nix had gone even more rogue. He had taken over the Presidency of Black Deeds and was now pissing all over that club pursuing his own agenda. Killing Bec and her son had been the final nail in his coffin as far as we were concerned, and I was fucking ecstatic when Marcus had given the order to put him to ground.
My mind wandered to Madison. Fuck, I was glad she was back but it was stirring shit up in me that I thought was over and done with. I still loved her and had always known that, but I figured that relationship was in the past. Now I wasn’t so sure. I wanted her. But I wasn’t convinced that we could deal with the past and move on from it. Madison seemed to have a lot of issues with it all. Fuck, but I wanted her.
I put thoughts of her aside to focus on the job at hand. I followed Scott to the warehouse, noting there were only a couple of bikes parked outside; hopefully this meant Nix didn’t have much company.
While we waited for Marcus and the boys to turn up, Scott asked me, “What’s the deal with you and Madison?”
“Not sure, brother. Your sister has a fucking mind of her own and I’m not sure I’ll ever get through it.”
He chuckled, “You wouldn’t have it any other way. A submissive bitch wouldn’t stand a chance with you,” he said and then his face turned serious, “Don’t fuck her over. She’s not as tough as she likes to make out.”
“I hear you,” I agreed.
And I did. Madison liked to present a tough front but underneath it all she was pretty sensitive, and perhaps that was something I hadn’t paid enough attention to when we were together. It was certainly something I had figured out as our relationship had spiralled into a shit storm of hurt, anger and resentment. Too little, too fucking late though.
Scott nodded at me, “Good,” he replied, and then turned his head to acknowledge Marcus who was now walking towards us.
He had brought ten of the boys with him and we quickly discussed the best course of action. We split up; half going to the back, and the rest to the front of the warehouse. I was fucking itching to get in there and I pulled my gun out, ready to go.
Scott stormed through the door and we found Nix with three of his guys in there. But, fuck me, he was one step ahead of us again. Scott lifted his finger to indicate for us all to stop but I was seeing fucking red and wasn’t sure I could stop.
Nix chuckled, eyes glinting with sinister fucking glee. “Looks like you’re just in time for the party, boys.”
I powered past Scott, intent on killing Nix but he grasped my arm and yanked me back. “Now’s not the fuckin’ time, J. Be smart, brother,” he hissed.
“I don’t know how you can be so fucking calm about this! He’s got our fucking family there,” I barked.
Nix had Scott’s mother and Madison tied up, guns trained on them, and my heart was fucking pounding in my chest. Scott wanted me to be smart but as far as I could see, it was time to stop thinking and start fucking doing. It appeared that Marcus had the same idea as me. He came thundering through the back entrance and barrelled into Nix, knocking him to the ground. I took that as my cue to follow suit and fired my gun at the asshole that had Madison. I hit him dead in the eyes and he dropped like the piece of shit he was.
“Fuck!” Scott bellowed and gave the signal to the boys to get in it.
Marcus was busy with Nix and I had no doubt he could hold his own until we got the others under control, so I charged straight for the guy closest to me and swung my fist at him. I connected but he took a swing back and the crack across my cheek fucking hurt but it didn’t stop me. With all this adrenaline coursing through my system, I didn’t think much could. We continued to trade punches but he was one tough motherfucker and just kept coming back for more.
