Coming Home to You

by Liesel Schmidt

  “Well, he is home now, so I guess you have to prepare yourself for the eventuality that you’ll run into each other sometimes. Hazards of living in a small town, you know,” he said, sounding a little too flippant for my taste. I was still feeling upended, so for him to dismiss the whole thing so casually seemed unfair.

  I studied Ray as he wound his way through the small room toward the kitchen.

  “Ray,” I said finally. “You will tell him about me, won’t you?” I asked, somewhat afraid of what his answer might be.

  “Don’t worry, Zoë,” he said, leveling his gaze at me from where he stood behind the counter. “I’m going to tell him everything, when the time is right. He just got home, so he needs a little time to get settled back in.”

  Ray nodded toward one of the barstools lined up in front of the counter-topped dividing wall that separated the living room from the kitchen.

  “Sit. Stay a while. I’ll make you a drink, and we can talk a little more about how all of this should happen.”

  I nodded, shrugging out of my coat and tossing it in a heap onto the couch with my purse. I plodded heavily over to a stool and slumped onto it, feeling oddly deflated. Maybe it was the idea of having to wait that was bothering me.

  Ray moved around the kitchen, gathering glasses and bottles and pouring various things that he mixed with exaggerated care. I watched silently from my stool, aware that he was trying to put off the conversation as long as possible while he framed his words. I knew that he was dreading having to tell Neil what had happened during those months that he’d been away, all the well-intentioned deceit and mischief that had played out while he’d been unaware.

  What would Neil say? How would he respond to the information that his home had been occupied, without his permission or knowledge, by someone he’d never met?

  How would I have felt, if the situation had been reversed? Really, wouldn’t anyone naturally feel betrayed, exploited, and violated? I had been in his home without his invitation, so didn’t that make me, in essence, an intruder?

  How would this affect his relationship with Ray?

  “There you are,” Ray said, breaking my deep thought process as he set a highball filled with something pink and cloudy in front of me.

  I pulled a face. “What is that?” I asked.

  I wasn’t about to drink anything without knowing exactly what was in it, even if it was Ray who’d made it. I wanted to be able to keep a clear head, not self-medicate with something that would knock me for a loop.

  “Pink grapefruit juice, grenadine, orange juice, and vodka. Lots of vodka. Yum,” he said, smiling as he nudged the glass closer to me with an index finger.

  “Uh huh. Sounds interesting,” I said with my nose wrinkled. “Does it have a name?”

  Ray shrugged, picking up his own glass and looking at it thoughtfully. “Probably, but I don’t know what.” He took a large swallow. “Mmmm. Try it.”

  I stared at my glass but made no move to pick it up. “Yuh. Ray, you have to tell him soon. The longer you let it go, the worse it will seem when you finally do tell him,” I said quietly.

  Ray set his glass down carefully, nodding. “I know. I’m just not sure how to word it.” He let out a low, humorless chuckle, looking up at me hopefully. “You want to come with me when I tell him?” he asked.

  I cocked my head.

  “You know as well as I do that you have to tell him by yourself. You need some alone time with your best friend to be able to explain the whole thing, and having me there to run interference would just come back to bite you in the ass.”

  I traced the rim of my glass with my finger, picturing Neil’s face when he found out.

  “This is a mess,” Ray sighed. “This is definitely not the way I’d planned everything to work out. I was going to tell him in an e-mail, lay everything out so that he would have time to digest it all before he came home.” He snorted. “Guess that worked out real well, huh?”

  “The best laid plans…” I trailed off, shrugging deeply.

  Ray took another gulp of his drink, nearly draining the glass.

  “We’re having lunch tomorrow,” he said after a moment. “I’m going to tell him then and hope like hell that he understands why I did what I did.”

  He looked tired, as though the worry over his friend’s reaction had sapped his usual energy.

  “And then what?” I couldn’t help but asking.

  “I don’t know. I really don’t.”

  His glass was empty now, and he rolled it back and forth between the palms of his hands.

  “Are you going to drink that?” he asked, eyeing my untouched drink.

  “Please,” I replied, sliding it toward him. “Be my guest.”

  He smiled gratefully at me and reached for the glass. “I’m feeling a lack of vitamin C. And V,” he said drolly.

  “I love you, Ray,” I said with a small laugh. “Even after all of this, I still love you.”

  “I love you, too, Zoë. And thanks for that.”

  There was a glassy sheen of tears on his eyes, and I knew that as much as he tried to disguise it, he was afraid. His best friend had come home after months away, and he was now faced with the possibility that a decision he had made would ultimately damage what had taken so long to rebuild. He was afraid of what he might be losing, and I couldn’t blame him. After all, I’d had to have my own confrontation with Kate after Ray’s confessional. It wasn’t explosive—I knew that there had been no malicious intent behind the deception. I simply told her that I knew everything, that I understood her motives. Perhaps some might have considered me foolish and too quick to forgive, but from my perspective, life was too short to be spent in anger. Just like Ray, Kate had given me an unexpected gift, and I wanted to be able to focus on that.

  Chapter 26

  “What do you think of this one? Too floral?” Kate held out her wrist for me to sniff the perfume she’d just misted onto it.

  “Like someone just beat me over the head with a bouquet of magnolia blossoms,” I said, fighting off a coughing fit. I wrinkled my nose. “I think Ray would demand the ring back if you started wearing that.”

  “That bad, huh?” She put down the deceptively understated bottle and moved down the counter to continue her search. “I have to find something, Zoë. That’s all my mother said she wanted for Christmas, a nice bottle of perfume to replace the one she used to wear. They discontinued that one last year, and now she’s run out.” She selected a rectangular bottle of amber-colored liquid and took a tentative whiff of the nozzle. “Hmm. Come smell this, I think you’ll like it.”

  I rounded the glass counter toward her, steeling myself for another assault on my olfactory glands. Perfume hunting was highly over-rated, and we had been doing it for the better part of the afternoon in an attempt to finish up the last of Kate’s Christmas shopping. She’d gotten into town the day before, planning to stay the next two weeks so that she would be able to spend Christmas and New Year’s with Ray and her family. True to form, though, she’d put off her shopping until the last possible moment and was now driving herself mad with the rush of getting everything done.

  And I was getting dragged along for the ride.

  Not that I minded, really, since it was a nice diversion from everything else that was happening. And there was definitely a lot happening.

  Ray’s lunch with Neil had been two days ago, and I was still a little foggy on all the details of what had gone on. As it stood, I wasn’t one hundred percent convinced that Ray had told his best friend all the dirty little details. From what he was telling me, though, he and Neil were as tight as ever, which left me highly suspicious.

  I supposed I would find out on Christmas Eve, when everyone gathered at Kate’s parents’ place for some late-night festivities. Apparently, Ray had insisted that Neil come meet all the members of his new family, and Neil had been hard-pressed to refuse the invitation. A good sign as far as the state of their relationship, I knew, but still…

&n
bsp; “What did you think when you met him, Kate?” I asked, leaning forward to smell the bottle she was holding.

  She gave me a puzzled look.

  “Met who?” Kate craned her neck, looking around the store to see whom I was talking about. “Oh, him. You mean Neil?”

  I nodded.

  “Hmm. That’s a loaded question, isn’t it?” She set the bottle on the counter and shot me an inquisitive look. “How did you like that one?”

  “It was okay, I guess, but it didn’t really strike me as the perfect one for your mother.” I thought about it for a moment. “A little too woodsy, I think. Your mom’s other perfumes always smelled more on sweet side to me, so I think we should stick with that.”

  Kate smiled at me. “I knew I brought you along for a reason,” she said, moving down the counter again. “As for what I thought when I met Neil, he struck me as very…introspective. I think that’s the best word for it. He seems like a really nice guy, and I can see why he and Ray get along so well. Their personalities complement one another, even though they’re practically polar opposites.

  “Plus, you know those two have a lot of history together. I think they’re both at that point in their lives that they realize that life is messy and complicated, and you can’t just let history like that go. You work at relationships, even if things are a little strange for a while, you know?” She held out another bottle. “Smell.”

  It was the perfect blend of sweetness and spice, a light scent that I knew Kate’s mother would love. I smiled, nodding my approval both at her selection and at her words.

  “Zoë, this is Neil,” Ray said, thumping his best friend on the back in a gesture of manly affection. He’d caught me unprepared, my mouth full of carrots, and I curled my lips in a weak smile while I tried my best to finish chewing and swallow. Unfortunately, the carrot bits in my mouth seemed to be multiplying. And then there was the worry that I would open my mouth to speak or smile only to end up flashing teeth full of orange confetti. Or maybe just spewing carrots when I said my S’s.

  The pair of them watched me in amused silence before Neil finally spoke.

  “Don’t worry,” he whispered loudly. “I just spent the last twenty minutes talking to Kate’s father with spinach plastered to my front teeth.”

  I started to giggle and ended up sucking carrots up through my windpipe, causing a coughing fit.

  Great way to start things off, Zoë. Wonderful way to make a first impression.

  “Are you okay?” Ray asked, barely masking his glee.

  I nodded, coughing into my fist and trying to clear my throat without shooting anything out of my nose. I turned away, coughing uncontrollably as my eyes started to water.

  Amusement turned to genuine concern, and Ray and Neil watched me closely, poised to take action if I needed rescuing.

  “Sorry about that,” I said, smiling weakly once I could catch my breath. “Neil, it’s so nice to finally meet you. And I’m glad you’re home safely.”

  “Thank you, Zoë. Ray here’s told me all about you, so it’s great to finally meet you, as well.”

  I studied his face carefully, puzzling over his words.

  All about you would mean all about who you are, wouldn’t it?

  He certainly didn’t look or act like a guy who’d been hood-winked by his best friend. In fact, he seemed perfectly pleasant. Suspiciously so.

  “Um, I think Kate needs a hand in the kitchen. Please excuse me,” I murmured, lowering my gaze and tossing one last small smile in the general direction of the two men. I could feel their eyes following my hasty retreat, but I tried not to let it make me self-conscious. Make that any more self-conscious. I was already painfully aware of what a botched first impression I’d made; I had no intention of compounding the damage by sticking around to do something like tripping over my own feet. Or worse yet, over his feet.

  I couldn’t seem to help myself. As I walked carefully toward the kitchen and relative safety, I mentally compared myself to Sara. She seemed capable and graceful and sleek while I fell far short of the mark in all of those areas. My mother might have argued with me, but she would have been merely fulfilling her duties of motherly reassurance. And then she would have had to argue that she was not just trying to reassure me.

  Told me all about you. The words ran through my brain again. Relying on my own conjecture, of course, I was still highly doubtful that that phrase meant what it should have. But this wasn’t really the time or the place to break the news. That would have to come later, after I had a serious talk with Ray.

  “Hey, you,” Kate said as I made my way into the kitchen. She straightened from hunching over a platter of Russian tea cakes she’d been arranging, her smile of greeting settling into a concerned frown.

  “Are you okay, Zoë? You look a little flustered. Kind of flushed.” And then the light of recognition showed in her eyes. “Oh,” she whispered, ambling toward me and pulling me to a quieter corner of the crowded kitchen. “So?” Kate asked, her eyes widening in interest.

  “So, I made a complete idiot of myself,” I moaned.

  “Oh, I’m sure you’re just imagining things,” Kate said doubtfully. “What happened?”

  “I choked on my carrots,” I groaned, covering my face with my hands.

  “What?” she asked on a confused giggle.

  I shook my head and took my hands from my face, crossing my arms over my chest miserably.

  “Ray came over to introduce me to Neil, and I had a mouthful of carrots. Which I choked on,” I continued, staring down at my feet. “He probably thinks I’m…I’m…” I didn’t even really know how to finish the thought.

  “You’re what? Zoë, I think you’re blowing this way out of proportion. Neil is a pretty easy-going guy. He probably doesn’t think anything of it.” Kate’s head was cocked to the side, her mouth curved into a reassuring smile. “Come on, give yourself a break. And give him a break, too. Give him some credit, Zoë.” Her smile turned serious, and she reached out to take my hand. “You’ve both been through a lot. And you’re both adults. Remember that. What happened out there is nothing more than a blip on the screen, and it’s something you should be able to laugh at.”

  I knew she was right, but I was still feeling embarrassed. I had wanted so much to meet Neil feeling confident and in control, but life rarely went according to plan. I realized he had made no mention of recognizing me from town, when we had seen each other on the street. Had he made the connection, or had I simply imagined the look we had exchanged?

  I nodded, pursing my lips against the protest I felt forming. The overly-anxious sixth-grader living in my head wanted to say that he was probably snickering over the whole thing with Ray and that neither of them would ever let me forget it. But a more rational, adult voice in my head scolded me for being so insecure. It’s hard, having so many people in your head.

  “Now,” Kate said, breaking my thoughts. “Stop hiding and go back out there. And take the cookies with you,” she instructed, crossing the room to hand the platter to me. “No one ever dares insult a woman with cookies,” she cooed with a breezy grin.

  I grinned back, thinking I’d never seen her looking so good. I knew she was happy, but every time I saw her, I was reminded of just how happy she was. She was incandescent.

  “I’m so glad you’re here,” I said, taking the cookies from her. “I can’t imagine having to spend my first Christmas back among the living without you.”

  “Well, you’re in for a treat, then,” she replied.

  I shot her a puzzled look, but she just shrugged and waved me away, out of the kitchen and back to the party. It seemed I was in for an interesting night.

  Chapter 27

  “Is this seat taken?”

  I looked up from the book I was reading to see Neil standing over me, smiling tentatively. It was the smile of someone who was unsure that he would be recognized or even welcome.

  “No, no,” I said, hastily adjusting my posture so I would less resembl
e a misshapen s. I returned his smile and gestured at the empty chair on the other side of the table. “Please, sit.”

  I’d been sitting alone at a small café table in Barnes & Noble, whiling away the hours with a book and a very large cup of coffee, and I was happy at the prospect of company.

  He pulled out the chair with swift and agile movements, and suddenly we sat face to face. I felt like all the movement and activity around us was smudged out into an imperceptible muddle, and we became the only two people in the room. There was just something about him, something I couldn’t really put my finger on, that made me feel at ease. He had a disarming smile, with intense eyes that seemed to know everything and nothing all at the same time. As unconventionally handsome as he was, nothing about him made me feel self-conscious. Which was a welcome surprise after that last meeting we’d had.

  I wondered suddenly if this odd sense of intimacy I felt had anything to do with the fact that I’d lived in his home for the better part of a year, or if it wasn’t quite so simple.

  “Good book?” he asked, kicking my attention back to the present.

  I looked down at the book I held in my hands. “Yes, very. Not quite what I’d expected when I bought it, but…” I trailed off, shrugging as I closed it and placed it gently on the table.

  He glanced at the title on the cover and nodded silently, looking back at my face. “You know, Zoë, I realized the other day after I left Kate’s parents’ house that I’d seen you somewhere before. On Palafox, in front of the jewelry store, right?” He searched my eyes for some hint of memory.

  “Yes, I remember.” I leaned forward and lowered my voice. “I have a confession to make, though. I knew who you were when I saw you then, because I’d seen your picture. I didn’t say anything to you because I really didn’t know what to say.” I smiled ruefully.

  He returned my smile, but his was amused. “Am I that intimidating?”