Redeeming Ace's Heart

by M. T. Ossler

  I know all about his childhood and baby sister and he knows about mine. When you spend a lot of time with a person, and you connect like Ace and I have, you tend to find yourself talking. He’s easy to talk to and I find myself telling him things I never thought I would. He said it’s the same for him. He tells me things he’s never told anyone, not even the guys.

  His warmth fills me and causes me to shiver. My breathing hitches and he continues in a low tone.

  “Babe, when I saw Devil with his hands on you and...” He stops not wanting to say the words, and then he continues. “And what they had planned... I’ve never, in my whole fuckin life, felt the way I did at that moment. Not ever... Not even the day I lost Brookie.” I’m frozen, listening to his heart breaking behind me. I know how much it still hurts him to think about her and that day. I want to hold him and take his pain away, but thinking about that dirty man is too much. Thinking about the way he touched me last night, and the things he said he was going to me. I just want it all to go away. I wish we could go back in time before those revolting men came near us and touched us. I don’t ever want to feel that way or be in that position again. In a position where my free will has been taken away from me.

  Last night, was the first time in my life, I was ever threatened. I’ve never had my life or safety jeopardized in any way. I never want to feel that way again. That’s why I want to go home. To the safety of my condo. I want to be safe in the comfort of my own space, in my little cocoon, like I was before... Before Antonio raped Bella and turned our world upside down.

  “The fear and rage I felt from losing you before I ever really had you... it consumed me, and I was scared to death. I don’t fear shit and nothin’ scares me but losing you made me feel those two foreign emotions,” he whispers in my ear as if he’s afraid to hear the words out loud. His voice is so shattered and it’s killing a piece of me inside. He’s wrecked inside, and the agony is consuming him. I don’t want him to hurt. Him hurting like this... tears at my heart, slaying me. I turn in his arms, wrapping my arms around his waist, and burying my face in his chest. I can feel him shudder under my touch and then he relaxes. He wraps his arms around me, smashing me to his chest.

  “Jules... I don’t ever want to feel that way for the rest of my life. I want to protect you, love you, and hold only you for as long as I walk this God forsaken earth. Please, let me love and protect you?” I can hear the pleading in his voice. He wants this, needs this. He truly does love me, and that scares the fuck out of me. It scares me so much, it’s almost paralyzing. A part of me wants this, but the fear is overpowering me and taking over that part of my brain.

  “Jules, babe, please say you’ll be mine and let me love you and take care of you. We can take this at your pace. I will do whatever you want, just tell me you’ll be mine. All I need is you, not all that other shit, the kinky stuff that scares you.”

  I need to know one thing before I can let my guard down any more than I already have.

  “What about Maggie? I know you’ve been with her since I’ve been here. She told me all about your time with together. Won’t you need her, want her for those things, if I don’t give them to you?” I whisper into his chest, loud enough for him to hear my words.

  “I have not been with Maggie. I don’t know what that bitch has been spewing, but I can assure you of one thing. I haven’t been with any of the whores that have walked into this Clubhouse. Not since the night before I heard your voice on Beast’s phone for the first time. I don’t need her or want her. I only want you, Jules. Babe, it’s been only you in my heart since that day. Your voice alone did things to me, then seeing you for the first time... it’s only been you. You are the only woman I have allowed myself to love. The only woman I’ve ever been in love with, babe.”

  As I melt into his touch, taking in his words, the walls around my heart start to dissolve, slowly.

  I want to deny him, deny me this happiness, but I can’t any longer after hearing his declaration. His words are breaking me down, fast. He makes me feel things, things I don’t know if I can live with or without at this point. I need him more than I care to admit to myself and he needs me. To be honest, it scares the ever-loving shit out of me, but I do want it. Him.

  However, for some reason, my heart won’t allow me to say the words.

  I know what he’s into sexually and I don’t know if I can give him what he needs. I don’t know if I can truly make him happy. Not enough to give over that kind of control to him, to own me the way he craves. He says he just wants my pleasure, but will it stop there, will that be enough for him? Or, will he want me to submit to him, completely!

  First, I’m not as experienced as he is in that area. Not at all truthfully. I know nothing about being in a sexual relationship - or a relationship at all for that matter - let alone playing with all the kinky stuff. I don’t know anything about that lifestyle – BDSM - except for what I’ve read. You know, as in Fifty Shades. I have to admit, though, some of it does intrigue me, but most of it freaks me the fuck out. I honestly don’t know if I can do all that stuff with him. I’ve never even kissed a boy, let alone been touched by one, in my secret garden. I’ve only touched myself.

  On the other hand, my heart is telling me, demanding me to trust him, and dad always told me to follow my heart. I know in my heart of hearts, Ace would never hurt me, and he would be true to his word. He would go at my pace and never do anything I wasn’t fully comfortable with, sexually.

  I want to do that, trust him fully, it just hasn’t registered in my brain, yet. I just need to live for me once and do what I yearn for. What my heart desires. That is to be with Ace and try this relationship thing.

  “Babe, I know you’re afraid because I’ve felt the same way from the beginning. But, almost losing you last night... I can’t go through that again. I can’t let you go. I can’t let you not be in my fuckin’ arms every day and night for as long as I breathe. I can’t let you walk away from me, this, us, whatever we have. I will do anything to keep you. Anything, babe.

  “When you’re in my arms, a peace washes over me, and I feel... whole for the first time ever. When you’re in my arms, I want things I never thought I would, like a partner to share my life with, a family to hold, love...

  “Jules, you have me seeing a future beyond my Club. One I never thought could exist. A future full of more love than one person can handle, more love than I deserve to have in my life. A future with a family of my very own. An ol’lady, kids and grandkids. Babe, I want all that with you, only you.”

  I hear his words, but most of all, I can feel them in my heart and soul. I can picture a future with him, kids, us growing old together, grandkids to spoil, all of it. The more he talks about our future together, the more I want it to become a reality.

  “The day I left Brookie, I put up walls. Brick fuckin’ walls around my heart that I never wanted to come down. After leaving her the way I did, I resolved myself to a life of misery that I deserved. I don’t deserve you or any happiness, but I’m a selfish sonofabitch, and I want it all. Even after all the fucked-up shit I’ve done in my life, you’re good and you’re still here with me, and I feel... happy and loved. You snuck into my heart and shattered my defenses without me knowing. Babe, you can bet your sweet ass, I’m going to fight for you, for us all the way to the fuckin’ alter. Jul, I’m not going to give up on you or let you go. You can fight me all you want, but I’m not going to walk away, ever! So, if you have to bring on all your sassiness, stubbornness, thick head, and attitude, bring it all on, baby. I will continue to love you and fight for us with every breath I have in me. I love you that much and so much more. If I have to move heaven, earth, the moon, the stars, and the fuckin’ planets, by God, I fuckin’ will. We are worth it. You’re worth everything I have.” He finishes his speech and waits patiently for me to absorb all his words and finally answer him. I’m in awe of his heartfelt words. My heart skipped a beat and is now pounding in my chest just like I feel his doing against my s
houlder.

  I take a few minutes to absorb his words and feel them in my heart and soul. I want this and him saying he will fight for us that means the world to me. He unequivocally feels this in his heart and wants to step up and be the man I truly need. The man I need to hold me every day and night until we take our last breath on this earth. Through the good and bad that is sure to come.

  In a matter of minutes, he has convinced me to allow him to love me and me to love him. It’s not fair to deny us this. As much as he deserves this, so do I. I have sacrificed my whole life for everyone else - not that I minded - but now it’s time I let my heart take over and be happy. Now, it’s time, to let myself love and be loved.

  I wipe my tears from my eyes and take a few deep breaths before looking up into his gorgeous, dreamy, glistening, blue eyes. I can see so many emotions running through them, fear, pain, anger, wanting, lust, and most of all love. I can’t hold back any longer. I clear my throat and give it to him. Here it goes, all my raw and true emotions.

  “Ace, Hunter, I need you to stay quiet and hear me out for a minute, please. Then I’ll give you what you want. I promise I will, if you still want it when I’m done,” I say and move away from him. He nods for me to continue and that’s just what I do. I step further away from him, needing space to clear my thoughts. I pace the length of his room and keep my head down.

  “First, you’re right. I’ll give you that. I’m terrified of the way I feel about you. You scare me more than anything in my life. Some days I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

  “Second, I am petrified of you, of us, of being us. I have lost so many people I care about in my life. Everyone I have ever loved has left me - in one way or another - or will soon, and then I’ll be on my own once again. But, I do have feelings for you... If I... if I were to ever lose you on top of everything... I don’t know if I could endure losing you. I think if that were to happen, it would be like losing my heart and that would destroy me for good.” Tears threaten to fall from my eyes again, and I turn away from him. Giving him my back once again to control the emotions I’m feeling in my heart.

  “From the moment, you stepped into my apartment, and we made eye contact, I felt...” I swallow the lump in my throat. “I felt an instant connection to you, to your soul. I knew from the moment our eyes met what it was. You are my Gio. That’s what scared the shit out of me. I couldn’t drop my walls out of fear all these months. I’m not like Bella in that way. Too many people in my life are counting on me, and I can’t let them down.

  “I want to love and be loved. It’s all I’ve ever wanted since I was a little girl and Bella would talk about her dreams of being with Gio.” I pause to compose myself. Now, it’s time to get to the heavy truth of mine.

  “Coming here after everything... hearing about your lifestyle from Maggie. What you like and don’t in bed.” I shake my head.

  “I’m not like you in that aspect, not at all...” I wipe my eyes and straighten my spine. I raise my chin as I say these next words. I need to look him in the eyes when I tell him my secret, that up until last night I thought only Bells and Ces knew. I turn and stare him straight at him with a defiant look in my eyes.

  “I’m not as experienced as you. I’m not sexually experienced like you by any means.” I take a shaky breath, to gather my thoughts and courage to say my next words, but he cuts me off.

  “Babe, I know you’ve never done any of the kinky stuff I’m into. I’m okay with all that. In time, I will teach you and we’ll take it from there, all you have to do is ask, though. I...”

  “Stop!” I scream to shut him up. “Hunter, you’re not listening to me. I know nothing about any of that because I’m a 23-year-old virgin. I’ve never even kissed a boy other than Ces. Not like that counts, he’s more like a girlfriend and it was just on the lips,” I say and have to look away from him. The intensity in his eyes glaring back at me is beyond anything I can handle. I have to give him my back again.

  He knows all about Ces, Bella told Gio and he had to let Hunter and Blaze in on his little secret. We asked them to keep his sexuality a secret from the other guys. I’m not sure how comfortable the men around here would be knowing he’s into men and not women. I don’t want to have my best friend hurt, he’s not a fighter, he’s more of a lover to all. Ces has the biggest heart of anyone I have ever met. Bella and I are his girls and he protected us all these years and took care of us.

  When he came out, at 18, his family disowned him, he’s been living off his trust fund, his grandparents left him, to pay for school, his apartment, and other things. He receives a monthly check like me.

  My father set it all up for my sister and me when he was sick, to make sure I would always be taken care of, without having to depend on a man. I receive $10,000.00 a month to pay for my schooling and living expenses. Ces gets the same amount and I’m sure Bella and Gigi will receive the same from Uncle Dominic and Aunt Amelia’s estate, once that mess gets taken care of by her brothers.

  I hear him take a few deep breaths behind me as he takes in my admission. Which one I’m not sure. It could be me being a virgin or it could be that Ces and I kissed. I’m not quite sure how he truly feels about Ces, I get a bad vibe from him on that. Either he does like gay men or it’s just jealousy towards him.

  I’ve never indicated any of this to him before. Why would I, we weren’t together, and he had no right to know, neither did his brothers. He always accepted my boundaries and never even tried to kiss me. Well, he did try that once, and I ran away from him. Bella and Ces are the only ones that know all my secrets, and that sleazeball last night. He seemed to know I was untouched. His buyer knew too. How they did, I’ll probably never know.

  I know this has to be a game changer for him. He’s not going to want me now. Virgins are clingy and possessive. I’m not that type of woman by any means. I’m independent. I may love him, but I don’t need him.

  I will trust him, though, and when I trust, it’s with everything in me. When I give my trust to a person, it’s for life.

  Oh, fuck, who am I kidding? I need him, but only to love me and hold me, nothing more.

  Now, the ball is in his court. If he can handle my admission and we can move forward, maybe we can have a bright and shiny future together. And a family of our very own.

  Chapter 8

  Ace

  Holy fuckin’ shit, that is one confession, I never expected to cross her luscious lips during this conversation. She’s a virgin, a fuckin’ virgin, primed for the taking. No, primed for me to take and cherish, for only me. How the hell did she go this long without giving up her cherry, not that I’m complaining? It just proves my point, this is our silver lining, she’s meant to be mine, always has been. She is mine! All Fuckin’ Mine! I am the LUCKIEST bastard in this whole fuckin’ clubhouse!!

  How sweet is this shit? I get to be her one and only. The only man to show her pleasure, the only man to touch her sexy body, and to love on her. Exploring her succulent body is going to be a treat. I’ll be the only one her flower will open up for to devouring my thick, long, veiny, pierced steel rod. The only one to love on her flower for the rest of our lives.

  Yea, I know it’s a pussy, a pink, wet, juicy, tight, warm pussy. Jules is more than that to me, though. Jules is not like the sluts I’ve fucked in the past, and I will never fuck her or use her like I did them. I love her, so I will always make love to her sinful body. Her pussy, her cherry blossom will be mine. I will open her up and she will blossom for me, only me. I will nurture, love, cherish, and water her flower every goddamn day, with every orgasm we have. By water, I mean fill her up with my seed and fill her womb with my babies. For her to grow and nurture them until they are in this world and in our arms.

  This is a gift. God has sent me two gifts in my heinous life, her, and her purity. I guess I did something right along the way to get her and her virtue, and I will treasure both precious gifts. I’ll be honored to accept this gift from her.

  �
��Jules, this is the best gift you could ever give me,” I say with a smile that I can’t hold back. My heart is pounding so fast in my chest and a warmth has spread through my body. “I will make your first time, our first time together a memorable experience. It will only get better from there, babe. I promise you that. I will love, nurture, care, and protect you and our family to come for as long as I walk this earth.

  “Babe, this is a precious gift for us. It’s the beginning of our love story, our souls together forever. Like all that romantic shit you read in those books; it’s fate, dare I say.” I can’t stay away from her, it’s like an invisible cord is pulling me towards her. I walk closer, taking her in my arms, her back flat to my hard chest. The heat from her body spreads to mine and goes straight to my heart like an arrow. I want to devour her. I think I even want her to touch me and I’ve never wanted a woman to touch me, but I want her, I need her to. I need that connection with her, only her.

  My desire to feel her naked sinful body against mine is overwhelming, but I can’t, I won’t touch her that way tonight. I have to leave her for a couple of days to take care of Club business, but when I get back... When I come home to her, I will be devouring her sweet flower and make her my woman. I can wait for her, I will wait. I’ve trained myself to have control over my body and this will be my ultimate test with the sweetest reward. I’ll plan it out and make it special and unforgettable for her. It will be a day, no a night she will never forget. A night she’ll be able to tell the world about, to a certain extent. Not in full detail, of course, but the love and desire that I feel for her and how special I made her feel.