Never Forgotten Love

by S. M. Stryker

  “Beckett, there is so much that has changed.”

  “Then tell me, tell me how I can fix it. Harlow, it can’t be that bad. I have lived in hell and the memory of you was the only thing that kept me going. If I can live through that hell then, I can handle anything, just give me a chance. Please Harlow girl,” I plead as I pulled her hands to my lips kissing them. “Tell me your story Harlow girl, let me see what I am fighting, that is, unless it’s me and you don’t feel anything for me anymore,” I say in a whisper.

  “No, it’s not that…It’s just a long horrible story Beckett.”

  “Can I take you for a short drive?”

  “Listen Beckett, I’m tired, I’m emotionally drained…”

  “Please, Harlow, we will be back within an hour.” I look up into her beautiful face, I can’t let this go, I’ll beg on my knees if I have to, to make her see.

  “Fine, but no more than an hour.”

  “Ok, can I help you finish what you have to do here?”

  “There isn’t anything that has to be finished other than taking your cup into the back.” Which Harlow picks up and walks back through the saloon door. She emerges a minute later with her purse and her keys in her hand.

  I stand and follow her through the front door as she turns to lock it.

  I place my hand in the small of her back and guide her to the Jeep. Opening her door for her to help her inside. Closing her door and settling myself in my seat, she says, “Nice Jeep.”

  “Thank you, it’s actually my first car, I bought it a couple years ago.” Harlow looked at me surprised.

  “You didn’t have a car in school?”

  “No, I bought it right before I graduated from college.”

  “How did you get around?”

  “I lived within a mile of school, so I walked to school and to work and took the bus when I was in college.”

  “Oh.”

  Putting the car into drive, the smell of her perfume hits me. “You changed your perfume. I couldn’t smell it inside the bakery.”

  “Yes, you can smell it still?”

  “Yes, I changed it in high school, it is still by Ralph Lauren, I had to change it.”

  “I liked the old one, but this one is pretty on you too. I have always loved the way you smelled with or without perfume though,” I say as I run my hand down her arm and steal a glance at her.

  I drive to a little park that I’ve gone to several times. It wasn’t like the one in West Seattle that had all the older vintage toys, but it did have a swing and on my bad days, I would go and just sit on the swings and think. I park the Jeep and walk around to open Harlow’s door.

  Taking her hand, I lead her to the swings. “A park?”

  “This is where I would always come to think.” I let go of her hand and sit on one of the swings, not swinging, but just sitting. Harlow just stood there looking at me. “I thought you might be more comfortable here than anywhere else. It’s not our swings, but they helped me through some really tough times.” I look up at Harlow. It is a nice warm summer evening. The birds are still out singing in the trees and the scent of blooming flowers lofted in the air.

  Harlow turns and looks around, then sits down on the swing next to mine, she almost looks lost.

  “Why would you come out here, you seem to have everything going for you.”

  “I guess because this is the kind of place I felt the closest to you. We would always go to the swings and talk things out. It was our place. I feel safe here and can think clearer. Please tell me Harlow.”

  Harlow’s head falls; I can see her taking in a deep breath. She looks as if she is deciding on saying anything to me or not.

  After several minutes, she takes another deep breath, lets it out and in a very quiet voice, she starts. “After I stopped hearing from you I was really upset, I couldn’t figure out why you would’ve stopped talking to me, I tried to call you but it went straight to voicemail, I left messages and never heard back from you.” Looking up at me she said, “I hadn’t taken your mother into consideration. I’m sorry for not trusting you. Anyway I moped around for a while, but I couldn’t get over you, I’d stopped eating, I couldn’t sleep and my parents were really concerned about me and what I might do.”

  “My God, you didn’t try anything did you?”

  “No, not to say I wouldn’t have, but my parents got me to talk to a counselor and that helped, but my self-esteem was very low. Then as I was getting myself back together, I met a guy in school and we kind of hit it off, he was popular and he was cute, and when I found out that he liked me, I was surprised. Anyway we dated for a couple months, but after a while, he started to get possessive and he wanted to do things that I wasn’t ready or willing to do.” I could feel my body tense and I was clenching my hands into fists. “I told my parents and they tried to talk to him, but he placated them, so everything seemed to go back to the way it had been. One day he got physical with my father, I felt really bad for my father, he was just trying to protect me, he ended up with a broken nose and some bruised ribs. My parents were so concerned about my safety they sent me down here to live with my Aunt Nicole. I finished high school down here and went to pastry school in Portland. I worked at a pastry shop saving my money so I could start my own bakery. I don’t even go up to Seattle to see my parents anymore. They come down here to see me. I really screwed up.”

  “I am really sorry Harlow, that’s horrible. Is your father ok now?”

  “Yes he is now, but Brad was so obsessed we don’t know if he will try and make good on his threats and if he is still looking for me, or if he is over it. After he beat dad up we, of course, called the police, but they can’t do anything until they find him. I had to register my bakery under my aunt’s name so my name couldn’t be found.”

  “Wow, so, to ask a stupid question, what does this have to do with us not being able to see each other?”

  “Beckett, I don’t know that I can give you that type of relationship. Brad really messed with my head.”

  Standing up from the swing, I kneel in front of Harlow. Taking her hands in mine, I ask. “Harlow, have I ever purposely hurt you? Have I ever physically hurt you? God, Harlow girl, I have waited so long for you, if it is a matter of waiting until you are ready, I’ll wait. If it’s a matter that you don’t have feelings for me, then I’ll just be your friend. Harlow, I just want the best for you. Please say we can try. You were my best friend, my only true friend, I miss that relationship, I miss you.”

  “No, Beckett, you have never hurt me. It’s just that I was so shaken up by Brad…I just don’t know how long it might take.”

  “I’m not afraid of time, I am afraid of losing you again now that I have found you. So can we start tonight? Can I take you to dinner?”

  Chapter Six

  “I DON’T KNOW BECK.” I stand up and pull her from the swing. Oh God, I have to make her see how much she means to me. I’ll do anything to make her mine again and to show her my love is true.

  “I see you still have your bracelet on, did you wear it when you were dating this Brad guy?”

  “I haven’t ever taken if off. It’s funny, even after I stopped hearing from you there was always this little voice in the back of my head, ‘you made a promise, don’t break it’ so yes, I couldn’t ever bring myself to taking it off. That was part of Brad’s problem too, He was very jealous of my ghost.”

  “Your ghost?”

  “The ghost of Beckett. No one could ever compete against it. As I said before, you have wrecked me for any other man, and I don’t even know what you feel like. What about you?”

  “No, it’s never come off since the day you placed it on my wrist. Nor will it ever come off, even now. I had to have my appendix removed and they said I had to take it off, I told them that it stays on, or I don’t have the surgery.”

  “Really?” She looks up into my eyes, maybe gauging what I was feeling.

  “Please Harlow girl? Just to catch up on old times, to get to know eac
h other again.”

  “Ok,” she says with a weak smile looking up at me through her damp lashes.

  I smile and lean to kiss her cheek. I place my hand in the small of her back leading her to my Jeep. I walk her to her side opening the door for her. “Is Stanford’s ok?”

  “Yes, that sounds good. I need to call my aunt to let her know I won’t be home for a while if that’s ok.”

  “Of course, do what you need to do.”

  We walk into a restaurant and we are seated within a few minutes. “Do you drink?” I ask.

  “Yes, wine would be great,” she says.

  When the server greets us and bring us our water, I ask “A bottle of Eola Hill Pinot, please.” As we wait for our wine, we continued to bring each other up to date on our lives since we last had seen each other. I couldn’t stop looking at Harlow, it’s not that she looks different than when I had last seen her, she looks more mature of course, but…she is beautiful, she always had been, but now I really see it, inside and out, she has such a loving spirit, it radiates through her. I don’t see how anyone could want to hurt her. “Harlow girl, I just have to say, you really are beautiful. I have just never said it, and I want you to know what I am thinking.”

  “Thank you, Beck. When I saw you this afternoon, well, other than I was shocked when I realized it was you,” she chuckled at the memory. “You’ve changed too, you’re, of course, taller, I never expected that. You’re not that small little boy I once knew, but God, Beck, you’re hot!”

  I had to laugh at that. I was always the small little geeky kid that was always picked on, it was like having a permanent kick me sign on my back, I guess I haven’t ever changed my way of thinking, I am just me. “You’re the only person that has said that to me. After I had graduated from high school, my body thought it was time to catch up. I’m sure my mother wouldn’t recognize me if she saw me either.”

  “You don’t see your mother?”

  “I haven’t seen her in years. It’s better this way, she wasn’t the most nurturing, loving or caring mother I could have wished for. I had considered your parents more my parents then her. However, I do want you to meet Richard; he is my boss…well kind of…we work together, I started working for him in high school and well, he’s like a father to me. He really encouraged me to find you when I thought it would be too late. Which, I cannot believe you were here under my nose all along. I have really missed you Harlow girl.”

  “What about your grandparents, I know they love you.”

  “Yes they did, they passed within a year of each other. It wasn’t too long after we moved to Bothell. They loved each other so much. I wish I could have spent more time with them. Mema past first and Poppy died shortly after, I think of a broken heart.”

  “I’m so sorry, Beckett.”

  “Thank you.”

  Dinner came and we continued to reminisce about our lives. It’s as if we’d just picked up where we had left off. It felt good, comfortable, like I was home…not my home, but symbolic, it’s where I wanted to be, where I longed to be. “God, I missed this, I missed you,” I told her.

  “Can you tell me about Brad?”

  Her eyes flashed to mine, she looked scared as she remembered something. “What do you want to know?” she said in a hushed voice.

  “Did he ever hurt you?” I asked, not knowing if I really wanted to hear the answer.

  “He got physical with me, yes, he would slap me or hit me, you know, in places that you couldn’t see the indication of his abuse, but that was the extent of it.” I could feel my body tense; I had to set my wine glass down before I broke it.

  “Why did you stay with him when he abused you?”

  “It’s so hard to explain. People just don’t understand, they just think I am stupid or that I like the pain or the attention, but he was the only person that ever asked me out in school. My self-esteem was low anyway; I just figured this was the way it was supposed to be. In the back of my mind I thought there was something wrong with me, first I don’t hear from you anymore, then Brad…”

  “I would never think those things of you. I just wish I could have been there for you. I wish none of this happened to you, I wish a lot of things, but ultimately we can’t go back in time and change things. All I can do is say I am so sorry. I wish I could have changed things, but there wasn’t anything I could do. Please tell me what happened next?”

  She looks down at her fingers; her hands were knotted together on the table. “The day that he beat my dad up, the school had early release; we were going to do our homework at my place, which wasn’t unusual. Mom had come down here for the weekend to have a girl’s weekend with her sister, Nicole, the aunt I live with. Anyway, we were at the house doing our homework. We had only been dating for a couple months, He walked over to give me a kiss, I had been sitting on the bed, it started out fine, but then he got more forceful than rough, he was hurting me. He pushed me down so I was lying on the bed, he grabbed both of my wrists, and pulled them above my head, pinning them down and squeezing them so tight it left bruises and so I couldn’t move them, he got on top of me.”

  I could feel my heart racing, I was breathing rapidly, my jaw was clenched so tight I thought I would crack a tooth, and I had to set my wine glass down again before I broke it in my grasp. I wanted to kill the fucker, how dare he lay a finger on her.

  “I tried to push him away, but he was so much stronger than me. Before I knew it, he had ripped my blouse open.” She closed her eyes as if she was watching it happen. “I remember hearing the buttons clatter and roll on the hardwood floor of my bedroom, I was screaming for him to stop; he was pulling at my pants.”

  Tears start to fall down Harlow’s cheeks as she remembered the attack. “Harlow, stop, you don’t have to tell me…I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring up such a bad memory.”

  I quickly moved to her side of the bench she was occupying pulling her to my chest, rocking her in my arms, running my free hand over her hair, and kissing the top of her head. “Shhh, it’s ok, you don’t have to tell me anymore, shhh, I’m so sorry.”

  “No, it’s fine, you need to know what happened if we are going to continue to see where we go with this, this is part of who I am now and it will help explain why I am the way I am now,” she said as she pushed away from my chest.

  She continued the story as if she were reliving it. “Brad had me pinned on my bed, “’shut up bitch, you are such a fucking cock teaser, I have waited two fucking months for you to give it up to me…I don’t wait for anything, especially fresh virgin ass, I will have you today, with or without your permission!’” He had unbuttoned my jeans and was trying to pull them down and I was screaming when I heard the front door and heavy footsteps coming toward my room, all I could do was scream, I tried to knee him in the groin but he was straddling me, sitting on my legs. All of a sudden, Brad was yanked from off the top of me, I was blinded from the tears burning in my eyes, but I could hear flesh-hitting flesh as a torrent of curses filled my room. The smell of sweat permeated my nose. I scrambled for my phone franticly wiping the tears from my eyes so I could see the keypad of my phone as I called 911. I watched as Brad punched my dad in the face, with such force that his head whipped around, blood spewed out of my dad’s nose. I screamed and launched myself at Brad, scratching and biting anything I could get my mouth and nails on or in. “’You fucking bitch’” he roared as he backhanded me, knocking me against my mirrored closet door, shattering it. “’I’ll teach you!’” he said, he grabbed me by the hair yanking me to my feet, I screamed from the pain, I started thrashing my legs, I miraculously connected my knee to his groin, he doubled over cursing my name. I could hear the sirens in the distance. My face was throbbing, my eye swelling, I rushed to my dad, “’Wait until I get my hands on you, you bitch I’ll come back and finish this!’” he shouted at me as he raced from my room and out the front door. He had peeled out of the driveway before the police arrived.” She unconsciously touched the side of her face where
I would imagine he backhanded her.

  My hands were in tight fists, I was clenching them so tight they were tingling from lack of blood. I hadn’t felt this much anger in years. I take a deep breath knowing I needed to be strong for her.

  “My dad had taken off early from work, he was going to surprise me with a ‘date night with dad’ since mom was gone. We used to do it a lot when I was younger. I was so lucky he had, I don’t know what I would have been like now if Brad would have raped me. Dad called my mom and made arrangements with Nicole for me to move down here that weekend.” Harlow had tears flowing down her cheeks.

  When her crying had subsided, I took her chin with my index finger and thumb, lifting it up so I could look into her eyes. Taking my linen napkin, I wiped her tear stained face, kissing her cheek. “I am so sorry baby, I wish I could have been there to protect you,” I say as I kiss her on the forehead.

  “Beckett, I am so scared he will find me again. He was so mad, and I don’t know how many hits my dad got in, but I know I drew blood. I had it under my nails and I tasted it in my mouth. The police had to take samples while I was at the hospital with my father.” She was physically shaking now. I pull her tighter to myself trying to calm her fears.

  “I’m here now, and I’ll do whatever I can to protect you.”

  “I really appreciate it but I don’t know what you can do.”

  “I don’t either, but I’ll figure it out,” I say, as I look her in her sad red-rimmed eyes.

  On the way to the Jeep, I take her hand in mine and walk to the passenger side door, opening it for her. I lean close to her. “I have missed you Harlow girl!” I looked into her eyes wanting to kiss her so desperately my heart was beating uncontrollably. She wanted it too, her eyes were closed, and her lips open. I knew at that moment I needed to step away or I would do something she wasn’t ready for, I needed to slow down, I placed a gentle kiss on her cheek.