A Shining Light

by Judith Miller

  Our first rows had been particularly full, and by the time midmorning arrived, I needed to lift my apron often to wipe perspiration from my forehead. Row by row, our group progressed through the field, and I was thankful the crop had been less abundant on the later passes of the plow. We finished our next row and I sat down, not caring that the damp dirt would likely stain my dress.

  Several of the younger women began tossing clumps of dirt, and soon a contest began to see who could throw the greatest distance. “Do you want to join them?” Sister Dorothea gestured toward the group.

  I laughed and shook my head. “I would much rather rest.”

  “I am sure Sister Greta would be out there throwing dirt if she were here. She enjoys a gut time.” When I didn’t immediately respond, she took a drink of water from one of the nearby jars we had brought with us. “I am told by a couple of sisters that Greta hopes to marry Brother Dirk. Is this true?”

  My stomach clenched. Greta and Dirk were already talking of marriage? I wanted to avoid Sister Dorothea’s question, but she was looking at me with such intensity, I felt obligated to respond. “I am not sure. She has not confided in me.”

  Her eyebrows pulled together. “Since you work together, I am surprised you would not be aware of such plans. Perhaps there is no truth to what I’ve heard—or maybe I misunderstood. Let me ask Sister Hulda.”

  She shifted to her knees in an effort to stand, but I reached out and stilled her. “Greta and I haven’t had much time alone over the past weeks, so what you have heard could very well be true. There’s no need to ask Sister Hulda.”

  Confusion clouded her gray eyes, but she returned to a sitting position. “But Sister Hulda’s the one who told me. If I misunderstood . . .”

  I didn’t give her an opportunity to complete her argument. “Rather than ask any of the other sisters, wouldn’t it be best to ask Sister Greta? Then you can be sure you’ve received the proper answer.” My insides churned. If word got back to Greta that several of the sisters had been discussing her relationship with Dirk, she’d likely think I’d been involved. Such talk would create greater difficulty between us.

  “I suppose that would be best.” Even though she agreed, Sister Dorothea didn’t appear particularly pleased by my suggestion.

  For the remainder of the day, we continued our work and I had to agree that, although my back ached a bit, working outdoors among the other women was enjoyable. There was laughter, singing, and a great deal of chattering as we loaded the wagons with potatoes. Sister Dorothea seemed to forget our earlier discussion and chatted at length. As we rode back into the village, I was pleased that I’d have several more days to work alongside these women.

  Rather than going directly into the kitchen house, I decided to check on Lukas at Dirk’s shop. If Dirk didn’t need him, we could walk over to see Fred. If we went now before supper, it would be a short visit and Fred wouldn’t expect us to return before prayer meeting. At least that was my hope.

  The sound of a wooden mallet pounding on tin echoed as I walked into the tinsmith’s shop. I glanced about, hoping to catch sight of Lukas, but from where I stood, I could see only Dirk’s back as he hammered. At the far end of the room, Werner sat hunched over a worktable, drawing a design of some sort, but there was no sign of Lukas.

  Werner glanced up and caught sight of me. “Guten Tag, Sister Andrea.”

  “Guten Tag,” I replied.

  Dirk dropped his hammer onto the worktable and whirled around. His eyes lit. “Andrea! For sure, this is a surprise. Sister Erma has sent something for repair?”

  I shook my head, my mouth suddenly dry. The sight of his broad shoulders and square jaw sent a shiver coursing through my body. I had reasoned with myself that stopping for Lukas was a sound idea—that it would decrease my time with Fred. But in truth, I’d come here not because of Lukas or Fred, but because I wanted to see Dirk. And now I knew it was a mistake. Being so close to him made me long all the more for what could have been.

  His face creased with worry. “Has something happened to Lukas?”

  “What do you mean? Lukas isn’t here with you?” I clutched my hands together and attempted to remain calm, yet panic seized me. “Where is he?”

  “I do not know, but I doubt there is any reason to worry. He is probably with his Vater. I thought perhaps he had come to the Küche and you had given him permission to go for an early visit.” His gaze settled on my dirt-caked hands. “But you have been harvesting potatoes today?”

  “That’s right. I haven’t seen Lukas since breakfast.” I took a backward step toward the door.

  He stepped closer. “I am sorry. I should have checked to make sure.”

  I turned to leave.

  “Wait, Andrea. I’ll go with you.”

  “No. For Fred to see us together would not be good.”

  Taking long strides, he followed me to the door. “You will send word if Lukas is not with his Vater so I can help find him, ja?”

  Glancing over my shoulder, I nodded in agreement. Each step of my pounding feet echoed in my ears. What if he wasn’t with Fred? I needed to remain calm. Dirk was likely correct. While I continued to run, I silently prayed that my son would be sitting at his father’s bedside.

  The bell over the front door jangled as I entered the doctor’s office, but no one appeared. Not even the doctor’s wife. I rushed into the bedroom. Lukas wasn’t there—and neither was Fred. Where were they?

  Chapter 21

  Dirk

  My chest constricted as Andrea raced down the street. I longed to run after her, but she was right. It would anger Fred to see me with her. Still, I couldn’t go back and work without knowing whether Lukas was safe. What if something had happened to the boy? I should have gone and looked for him when he didn’t appear after school. To simply assume he was with Fred was irresponsible. I couldn’t follow Andrea to the doctor’s office, but I could go and look at the Küchehaas. Maybe Lukas had gone to visit his father and then returned home to complete his schoolwork.

  The late afternoon sun glowed golden orange and had lost much of its midday warmth. Surely the boy would not have gone far. I leaned inside the doorway of the shop. “Werner! If anyone needs me, I will be at Sister Erma’s Küche. When you finish drawing the designs, sweep up the shop. I will return before time to close.”

  Without waiting for a response, I hurried off at a trot. I silently offered up a prayer for the boy’s safety. As I rounded the back of the Küche and bounded up the steps of the porch, I panted for air. The run—or perhaps my fear—had taken more of a toll than I’d expected.

  Sister Erma threw open the back door, and her eyes grew wide with surprise. “Brother Dirk! What a clatter you made. I thought a wild animal was preparing to attack.” Her laughter ceased as she took stock of me. “What has happened?”

  Before I could answer, Greta stepped onto the porch. “Dirk? What is it?” Her forehead creased with concern.

  “Lukas. Is he here?”

  “Nein.” Greta shook her head and stepped closer. “Why do you ask?”

  Still panting, I explained Andrea’s unexpected appearance at the shop. “She has gone to see if he is with Fred.” I inhaled a deep breath. “I thought maybe he came back here. She is troubled that I did not check on him earlier.”

  “Ach!” Sister Erma flapped a dismissive wave. “Lukas is a young boy. Children like to explore and forget the time. When the dinner bell rings, he will come running.”

  “You are probably right, but Andrea is very worried and I wanted to ease her concern. To see her so upse—”

  “Sister Andrea has a husband.” Sister Erma’s frown deepened. “He is the one who should help to ease her concern, not you. Especially since the two of you have been courting.” She gestured toward Greta.

  “Could you give us a few minutes alone so we can talk, Sister Erma?” Greta directed a beseeching look at the kitchen Baas.

  “Ja, but do not take too long. Soon it will be time for supper, and we
still have much to do.” After pinning me with one final sour look, Sister Erma returned inside.

  Greta grasped my shirtsleeve and tugged. “Over by the side of the house where no one will hear us.” She maintained a hold on my sleeve until we’d descended the porch steps and were out of earshot. Wheeling around, she touched her index finger to the side of her head. “You need to use your head, Dirk. Do you think any other man in this village would act as you have?”

  Her bitter tone startled me. “Ja, I think they would. Are we not supposed to care and look after one another?”

  “Ach! Do not try to make excuses for yourself. If Sister Andrea had gone to any other craftsman in the village, he would have sent his apprentice rather than leave his shop. If he thought the boy was in real danger, he would have rung the village bell.”

  Anger caused her voice to increase an octave, and I held a finger to my pursed lips. “I thought you were worried about being overheard. You do not need to talk so loud. I can hear you.”

  She frowned and moved closer. “You should be careful or word will travel to her husband that you are in love with Andrea. Do you think others do not see what I do?”

  “There is nothing for anyone to see except my concern for Lukas.” My words were punctuated with more irritation than I had intended.

  “Your anger tells a different story, Dirk. I know you love Andrea, and so does Sister Erma.” She sighed and glanced toward the kitchen. “Did you not hear what Sister Erma said to you? She does not appear convinced that you have set aside your feelings for Andrea.”

  “Right now, I care little about such nonsense. I am worried about Lukas.” I didn’t want to argue further, but my comment only served to further annoy Greta.

  She inched closer and glared at me. “You are supposed to be my friend, Dirk. You said you would help me. You care more about a married outsider than you care about me and our years of friendship.”

  The sting of her words made me take a backward step. “I think I will leave before our friendship is completely destroyed.”

  She grasped my shirtsleeve. “You should honor your word to me, Dirk.”

  “I am sorry you think me dishonorable for changing my mind, but I cannot go any further with this plan. I am still willing to speak with your Vater and ask that he reconsider his decision. I went to the picnic with you, but I will not try to influence others to believe something that is untrue. I want us to remain friends, and I hope you do, too.”

  Her angry stance melted and she leaned close and grasped my arm as the kitchen door opened and Sister Erma appeared.

  “Greta! I need you in the Küche.” Sister Erma’s voice bore a note of urgency.

  Before she rushed off, Greta shot me a cunning grin and I realized she had been performing for Sister Erma. I might have changed my mind about her plan, but it was clear she had not. With or without my help, she was going to do everything possible to convince others that we had moved beyond friendship. She had ignored my decision, and her bold behavior angered me, but right now I was more concerned about Lukas.

  I longed to go to the doctor’s office and see if the boy had been found, but such a move would be foolish. I had to remember that Andrea was Fred’s wife. To think of her as another man’s wife seemed impossible, but I had to accept what I could not change.

  I would never be able to extinguish my love for Andrea without God’s help.

  Andrea

  I stepped inside Fred’s bedroom at Dr. Karr’s office, the sound of my footfalls muffled by the multicolored wool carpet. Perhaps Lukas had wanted to play outdoors and Fred had agreed to sit in the yard with him. Resting my hands on the windowsill, I leaned forward, scanned the yard, and caught sight of Fred and Lukas walking along a path near the rear of the house. A whoosh of relief escaped my lips but was soon followed by a wellspring of anger. Both Lukas and Fred needed to know the worry they had caused me—and I was going to deliver a message they wouldn’t soon forget.

  As I turned to leave, my gaze fell upon some letters stacked on the small oak table near Fred’s bed. Curious to know who had been writing to Fred, I stopped and glanced toward the window. They were still a distance away. Lukas had mentioned stopping at the general store to mail and pick up letters for Fred, and I’d once seen Fred writing a letter, but that was the extent of my knowledge regarding his correspondence.

  I picked up one of the envelopes and removed the pages from inside. To read Fred’s private mail wasn’t proper, but the envelope was already open—and I was his wife. He shouldn’t be keeping secrets from me, should he?

  My heart pounded an increasingly erratic beat as I scanned the contents, shoved the pages back inside, and opened the next envelope. I had read only a portion of the second letter when I glanced outside to check on Fred’s whereabouts. I gasped when I saw Lukas and Fred circling around the side of the house. My hands shook as I tucked the letter into the envelope and straightened the stack. I hoped I’d placed the pages in the proper order.

  When I heard the bell jangle, I stepped across the threshold into the parlor. “Lukas! I have been worried sick about you. Where have you been?”

  Fred brushed past me and into the bedroom. He motioned for Lukas to follow him, and I trailed behind the two of them. When I entered the room, his gaze shifted from the stack of letters to my face. “How long you been in here, Andrea?”

  “Not long. I have been worried sick. I came back from the potato field and went to the tinsmith shop to get Lukas. I thought we would come for an early visit, but Brother Dirk said he hadn’t been there.” I frowned at Lukas. “Do you know how frightened I’ve been not knowing where you’d gone?”

  “Stop that nonsense, Andrea. You keep acting like Lukas is a baby. He’ll soon be a man. Ain’t that right, son?”

  Lukas beamed. “Yes, Papa. Pretty soon I’ll be as tall as you.” He straightened to his full height and squared his shoulders.

  I wanted to tell him it would be many years before he’d be a grown man, but I didn’t want to start an argument with Fred. “That doesn’t mean I won’t worry when you’re not where you’re supposed to be. Why didn’t you go to the tinsmith shop after school today?”

  Lukas glanced at his father. “I was on my way there, but when I stopped to see if Papa had anything he needed, he said I should stay here. He gets lonely. Next time I’ll tell Brother Dirk.”

  “You don’t owe him no details ’bout where you go or don’t go, son. Only person you need to answer to is me.” Fred tightened his lips in a defiant angle.

  My anger mounted, but I would not let Fred pull me into an argument in front of Lukas. I needed time alone to digest what I’d read—and to worry over what was in the letters I’d not reviewed. “The supper bell is going to ring very soon, Lukas.” I reached for his hand. “We need to go home and wash up before supper.”

  “You go wait outside, boy. I want to talk to your mother alone for a few minutes.”

  “Yes, Papa.”

  I grimaced. Yes, Papa. No, Papa. Whatever you say, Papa. What had happened to my son? I feared Fred had won the boy’s confidence and now had Lukas in the palm of his hand. Either that or he feared disobeying Fred. I couldn’t be certain which was correct, and I doubted whether Lukas would tell me.

  “I need to get back, Fred.” I inched toward the door.

  He scowled and shook his head. “Not till we’re done talkin’.” He grabbed the stack of letters and held them in his fist. “You read these, didn’t ya?”

  “Why do you find it necessary to accuse me of wrongdoing at every turn?” I didn’t want to compound my misconduct with a lie, but I doubted I’d find any other way out of his interrogation.

  “Because I saw the look on your face when I came in here. I can tell when someone is lyin’ to me.”

  “Can you? Is that because you’ve had so much practice yourself?” I inched a few steps closer to the door. “Your letters don’t interest me, Fred. And if you don’t want people to read them, I suggest you put them away. Who
knows? Dr. Karr or his wife may take an interest in your letters, and if they should contain anything unseemly, it could influence your ability to remain here.”

  “And yours, too, dear wife.” He smirked. “Just remember, every­one else thinks I’m a changed man. You may have trouble convincin’ them otherwise. Don’t cause me no trouble, Andrea, or you’ll rue the day.”

  I startled when the bell over the front door jangled. “Dr. Karr, how are you?” My voice caught and I struggled to gain control.

  “I am gut, Sister Andrea. Will soon be time for supper, ja?”

  I nodded. “I was just leaving.” Before Fred could further detain me, I hurried from the room and out the door. “Come on, Lukas.” I grabbed the boy’s hand and hurried toward the kitchen house, unable to shake the fear chasing after me.

  “What’s wrong, Mama?”

  I glanced down at Lukas and shook my head. “Nothing.” I forced a smile. He didn’t appear convinced, but it was the best I could do.

  Sister Erma wheeled around when we entered the kitchen a short time later. “Ach! I am glad to see the lost boy has been found.”

  “Go upstairs and wash, Lukas. I’ll be up in a minute.” I turned to Sister Erma as he scurried through the kitchen. “How did you know I was worried about Lukas’s whereabouts?”

  “A short time ago, Brother Dirk came to see if he was here. He told us you had gone to see if the boy was with his father. For some reason, Brother Dirk believed it was his responsibility to help find the boy.” She pinned me with an accusatory stare.

  “I was concerned and too quickly cast blame on Brother Dirk. I will apologize as soon as possible—and thank him, as well. It was kind of him to search for Lukas.”