All That Bleeds

by Kimberly Frost

  “Are you happy?”

  She swallowed hard. “Being a muse makes me happy. Yes.”

  “That’s not what I mean. I’m not suggesting you stop inspiring your aspirants. I’m asking you if you’re happy the rest of the time, living here with the scrutiny and speculation, under a mountain of rules.”

  Her breath shortened and her ears rang. Could she really even contemplate such a thing? Leaving the Etherlin? The possibility of a new life struck a frighteningly deep chord. Her mind reeled. “I barely know you.”

  “Leaving here isn’t only about me. It’s about you being able to breathe. A part of you wants me because of what I represent.” He paused. “Freedom.”

  He wasn’t wrong.

  “I’m sure I seemed unhappy last night, but it’s been an intense few months. Everything will get better when the competition ends, which it will tomorrow. Last night was an anomaly—”

  “It’s not about last night or the past few months. I’ve been reading your letters for five years. The truth about your life is there, between the lines. What makes you happier? Living here? Or being with me?”

  She held out a hand to stop him and shook her head. “It certainly didn’t make me happy to see Tobin’s face, if you recall. This infatuation that we have for each other will pass. Basing decisions on how I feel right now would be shortsighted. My father, the Wreath, the Etherlin, they’re my life.”

  “Your life so far,” he said.

  She shoved the door open and lurched out of the car, walking blindly away. She came to rest with her knees against the guardrail, staring out at the horizon. Was this how Phaedra had felt? So impossibly drawn by her attraction to someone that she’d wanted to throw caution to the wind?

  Alissa set her hands on her head and felt the truth of her own soul unfold before her. A part of her had been suffocating for years, but admitting it just meant that she couldn’t feign ignorance anymore. Denying how she felt had been her only refuge.

  She heard the car door open and knew he was nearby.

  I can meet someone else, someone who isn’t ventala or a killer. I’ll feel what I feel for Merrick with someone else. I just haven’t met him yet. Not that she wanted anyone else. She wanted Merrick as much as her next breath sometimes.

  “I have to use the Wreath to help my dad. I won’t give up on him. I’d never be able to live with myself if I didn’t see this through.”

  “That raises another question. I assume you’ll be crowned, but what if you’re not?”

  She shrugged helplessly. “I’ll make an appeal to whoever is the Wreath Muse. Once crowned, use of the Wreath will be at her discretion.” She shook her head. “I wish I had a better relationship with the others, but the competition makes it hard.”

  “Where is the Wreath kept?”

  She looked over her shoulder at him. “Are you suggesting what I think you are?”

  “It would take some of the guesswork out of things. If you get what you deserve, great. If you don’t, that doesn’t have to be the end of it.”

  “They would hunt you to the ends of the earth.”

  “I’m aware.”

  She tilted her head. Was he joking?

  “Of course, in that scenario, they’d be hunting us both,” he continued. “On your own with the Wreath, you’d need a bodyguard.”

  “You think you’re ready to make this job full-time and permanent now? That’s very impulsive.”

  He shrugged with a shake of his head.

  “It is! Of course, it is. You barely know me. You have no idea what I’m actually like. I could be a nightmare.”

  “I’ll risk it.”

  They were silent for a moment.

  “You don’t know that it wouldn’t be a terrible mistake.”

  “Sure, I do. I’ve known for five years. You gave yourself to me in those letters, and it made me want one thing.”

  She widened her eyes in question.

  “More.” There was no pleading or imploring in his tone. He wasn’t trying to manipulate her into anything. It was the truth, delivered raw.

  Emotionally fearless, she thought. What is it like to live that way? And what would I risk to find out?

  There was a part of her—a large part—that desperately wanted more of him, too.

  “Would you like another of my secrets?” she whispered.

  “Always.”

  “Sometimes madness is contagious.” She glanced at the deserted road. “You make me want to risk things, too.” Turning, she rested her hands on his shoulders and slanted her mouth to his, warm lips against cooler ones. His arms closed around her, holding her against him.

  She moved her lips along his jaw until her mouth was very near his ear. “There’s only so much I’ll ever be able to give you.” His grip around her tightened. “We could have a real affair, but it would always be a secret. You’ll never have all of me, no matter what you do. Can you live like that?”

  “I already am,” he said.

  She exhaled, relaxing into his embrace. “All right, then, we’ll have an affair and find out whether we were lucky to have that wall or not.”

  He answered her with a kiss, and she suspected if they hadn’t already left the house for the retreat center, they might never have arrived.

  During the last hour of their drive, Alissa grilled Merrick with questions. His responses were often laconic, but they opened the door on his enigmatic life. She learned about places he’d lived, books he’d enjoyed, and art he’d collected. She smiled at his casual confession that he and the Crimson bartender hosted a monthly dinner for the staff that was followed by games of poker and Halo, and that things sometimes deteriorated into challenges shouted loud enough to rattle the furniture. These arguments then led to rounds of sparring in the boxing ring that was part of the fitness center.

  She shook her head, rolling her eyes. “Does every conflict in the Varden have to be settled with violence?”

  “No,” he said amiably. “Have you got a suggestion? A needlepoint competition, maybe? The club can always use new pillows.”

  She laughed, picturing folksy additions to the Crimson’s edgy décor. “That sounds like a good idea. Some cozy assassin expressions embroidered on them. ‘A bullet in time saves nine.’ Something like that work for you?”

  He smirked.

  She followed the narrowing road to the small gravel-covered parking area. There were several other cars and vans already parked. Her mood sobered.

  “It’s not much farther from here.” She glanced around as she got out, her boots sinking into the powdery snow. The air was piercingly clean, but thin. “How do you feel? With your relative anemia, do you find it hard to breathe at these altitudes?”

  He shook his head. “When I was a lot younger, Lysander had me help him carve a house into the top of a mountain. When you’re ventala, and you work construction at eleven thousand feet for fourteen hours a day, your body either accommodates or collapses. After the first few days when I thought my heart was going to explode and my muscles were going to burst into flames, I got used to it.”

  “How did his house turn out?”

  “Imagine if Michelangelo and the Mad Hatter designed the Bat Cave.”

  She laughed. “Explain that,” she said, giving his arm a squeeze.

  He opened the trunk and pulled out his bags. “The front juts out over a cliff, so in the living room you feel like you’re going to free fall down the side of the mountain. There’s an arched door on the roof, but most of the time he goes in and out through the enormous windows.”

  “Like Peter Pan.”

  He nodded. “There’s a lot of wood and glass and exposed stone. He can create just about anything with raw materials. A throwback to his endless life. He’s been a carpenter, a stone mason, a sculptor, and a lot of other things, apparently. The detail work defies description.”

  “It sounds incredible.”

  “He has a lot of time to kill between killing demons.”

  She smil
ed. “I was hoping you’d be impressed by the retreat center, but maybe you won’t be. The Mad Hatter wasn’t available, so we had to use architects and landscapers.”

  “How about ES? Were they consulted?”

  She raised her eyebrows. “Of course. Why?”

  “There’s just the one road providing access up here?”

  “Yes, but if there was a bad snowstorm while muses were in residence, we’d be perfectly fine waiting things out until the road could be cleared. We have our own cell tower and generators. There’s fresh water, as well as a helipad.”

  His gaze swiveled from side to side as they climbed the stone steps.

  “What is it?” she asked.

  He shook his head, but she could tell he had more to say. She didn’t press him with more questions for two reasons. The first was because she wanted to see his reaction to the retreat center. The buildings had lovely sloping curves painted in soft whites so they were in perfect harmony with their environment, and the generous use of windows allowed light to pass through many of the common areas unobstructed, adding to the communal sense of people in sync with each other and nature.

  The other reason Alissa didn’t ask Merrick questions was that as soon as they emerged from the wooded path, she spotted the two men in the Etherlin she could trust the least, Troy Rella and Theo Tobin, sitting together in deep conversation.

  Chapter 26

  He’s going to regret not getting on a plane, Merrick thought when Alissa stiffened at the sight of Tobin sitting at a round stone table with Troy Rella.

  “Don’t forget I’m Mills,” Merrick murmured to Alissa as the other two men watched them approach.

  She didn’t glance at Merrick, but the slight incline of her head acknowledged the warning. He needn’t have worried. As always, in public she was grace under pressure.

  Tobin rose from the bench seat with a word to Rella and hurried to the path. Merrick paused when Alissa did.

  “Hey, Alissa. I need to talk to you. I found out something new since we talked last night,” Tobin said.

  She didn’t answer at first, and when she did, her tone was frosty. “You seem to be really chatty lately, Mr. Tobin.” Her gaze slid to Rella and then back to Tobin.

  “Just a casual conversation about press photos,” Tobin said quickly. “Listen, I’ve seen your itinerary. You’re pretty booked up until dinner, but I’d like to get together after.”

  “It’s a possibility,” she said.

  “Unless your schedule’s too full,” Merrick said. Mills wouldn’t have interfered, and Merrick knew he should stay silent, but he didn’t want her spending time with Tobin or staring at the guy’s bruised face.

  “You know, Mr. Tobin, I’d better see—”

  Tobin stepped forward, and Merrick resisted the urge to shove him back.

  Leave him, he warned himself. Mills wouldn’t overreact; if you do, it’ll look suspicious. Besides, you don’t want her seeing you get violent.

  Not ready to let it go, Tobin pressed on, and despite the fact that he whispered, Merrick heard what Tobin said. “They’re interested in Phaedra’s Legacy. They think it passed to your mother and you.”

  Phaedra again. That needs investigating, Merrick thought, watching Alissa’s eyes widen.

  “That’s not possible,” she said to Tobin, lowering her voice. “We’re not descended from her line. She died childless.”

  Tobin shrugged and stepped back, saying in a normal voice, “There’s definitely more to talk about. We can meet in the glass house, and I’ll get some shots of you among the blooming flowers and plants. There’s a security briefing, so we’ll stay close. Hate to have ES getting twitchy.” Tobin looked at Merrick, and after a moment, his head cocked. “No ES blazer? Easton won’t like you being out of uniform.” Tobin studied Merrick’s eyes, which appraised him coolly. “I thought I knew all the ES guys who rotated on bodyguard detail for Miss North.”

  “Actually, this is Mr. Mills. He’s a consultant.”

  “ES is using security consultants in the Etherlin?” Tobin asked.

  Merrick forced himself to look away. Normally he never lost a stare down, but he recalled Victor’s observation that his killer instinct was apparent in his eyes. Tobin’s curiosity could prove dangerous.

  Glancing at Rella didn’t allow Merrick to relax. Rella’s focus on Alissa was hawklike and hostile. Rage dripped into Merrick’s veins, and he calculated the distance between them. He and Rella locked eyes, and Merrick saw something he recognized, a darkness.

  Bring it, Merrick willed, but Rella kept his seat.

  “I asked Mr. Mills to come,” Alissa told Tobin. “He’s been a valuable consultant on the West Coast, and I’m hoping to have a lot of travel in my future,” she said. “I’ll need a security officer with experience scouting and securing locations, and it will be convenient, once he knows my routine, for Mr. Mills to continue with me in the Etherlin as well. That’s why he’s here, to get some exposure to ES procedures in the Etherlin.”

  Merrick forced himself to look at Alissa. Serenely beautiful, she radiated control. He swallowed the urge to fight with Rella, a little surprised at the depth of that hunger. He was no stranger to violent impulses, but concern for a woman never provoked them. Until her. Everything had changed. He would have to deal with that.

  “And will he be working for you or for the EC?” Tobin asked.

  “Well, both of us. My interests always run parallel to those of the EC, Mr. Tobin. You know that,” she said with a smile.

  Smooth as satin.

  “Sure, of course. I guess he’s ex-military? Special Ops?”

  “How did you know?”

  “He’s got that look to him.”

  It’s in your interest and Alissa’s for you to put Tobin at ease. But the easy charm Merrick often relied on would not come. Tobin had been party to Alissa’s abuse, and now had the fucking gall to worm his way back into her life. Destroy him, the vampire instinct said, but the strategist in him quickly countered. No. Would you risk being separated from her over Theo Tobin?

  “You can take the man out of training, but getting the training out of the man isn’t as easy. Fortunately my skills have served me well in the private sector, too,” Merrick said, forcing a friendly tone into his voice. “And speaking of a flexible skill set, you’re obviously known for your candid shots of the muses, but I bet you’re a good choice for shooting the retreat center. You’ve got a good eye for architectural aesthetics. I remember seeing some excellent pictures that you took of the Etherlin.”

  You didn’t even choke on the words. Good job, he thought. It’s just like you were a famous enforcer once, instead of a guy too mesmerized by a girl to think straight. Plus, you’ve made an opening you can use. Now go get the name of the asshole who exploited her when she was a kid.

  Tobin nodded and smiled, acknowledging Merrick’s compliment. “Thanks. Yes. Unfortunately, ES thought that was a security risk, so I don’t shoot the muses’ homes anymore.”

  Don’t let the opening close. Get in there.

  “I liked the way you composed your street shots,” Merrick said. “There seemed an obvious hierarchy to the grandeur of the houses. The homes of the Etherlin Council members dwarf their neighbors’ places. That council member you were talking to, Rella, his place was what, four stories?”

  “Yeah, good memory, but he’s actually one of the few. Most of the council members have large houses and estates, but not four stories. Rella inherited his grandmother’s place and moved into it when he made the council.”

  “He looks young. How long ago did he join the council?”

  “He was only twenty-three when he took the Rella seat about twelve years ago—”

  Which would’ve made him twenty-four when she was fifteen. That fits. Now, who else is in the running with a four-story place?

  “I’m so sorry to interrupt,” Alissa said.

  She sees where you’re headed with this, Merrick thought, sorry his questions were abou
t to be shut down, but not surprised she’d caught on quickly. He knew she was smart; it was one of the things about her that he liked most.

  “We really should get settled in, Mr. Mills, so I can check my schedule,” Alissa said.

  “Of course,” Merrick said with a quick glance back at the stone table. Rella was gone, but Merrick would catch up to him soon enough.

  When they were out of Tobin’s earshot, Alissa said, “You did a good job with the friendly bodyguard routine just now. Flattering the work of anyone who’s creative goes a long way.”

  Merrick nodded.

  “I had no idea you knew so much about Etherlin architecture. I thought I was the only thing in the Etherlin that interested you.”

  You are. He didn’t answer. She was starting her own fishing expedition, and he was trying to decide whether he would let her have the truth about the fact that he was still after the name of the guy who’d exploited her.

  “I’m surprised you remembered seeing pictures of everyone else’s houses and decided to talk to Theo Tobin about them. What made you ask about Troy Rella’s place?” she asked.

  So she’s coming after it, then. Despite Tobin, she’s not afraid to challenge you. Good.

  “Ileana Rella and her forebears are the muses of architecture. It wasn’t a stretch to guess that Troy Rella would live in one of the biggest houses in the Etherlin,” he said.

  “Why did you ask when he got on the council?”

  Merrick’s gaze slid to Alissa’s face, and he raised his brows slowly.

  She stopped walking and glanced around before continuing in a low voice. “I asked you not to pursue that.”

  “You did, but threat assessment is part of being a good bodyguard.”

  “Right, so you’re not going to act on the information? You’re telling me that you’re just gathering data?”

  “You know,” Merrick said, the corner of his mouth curving up. “If you want something tame, don’t keep a lion for a pet.”