April shook her head. "So how can you tell when she's really upset?"
"For one thing, she doesn't pout when she's really upset. And the tears don't stop and start like a faucet then, either."
"Being a parent is more complicated than I ever imagined. You do an excellent job, Gabe." There was honest admiration in her voice.
"Thank you for saying that, because sometimes I'm not so sure of how I'm doing. Parenting is a learning experience, and I often wish I had a manual. Unfortunately, kids don't come with instructions. Whether you know it or not, you'd make a good parent, too, April. Is that something you ever think about?"
Yes, she'd thought about it, especially since she'd been here with Gabe. She'd thought about parenting Stephie with him and suddenly realized how she longed to have his children.
But she simply said, "Maybe someday. For now I'll practice with Stephie. Do you have time to stay and eat lunch with us?"
He carefully canvassed her face, as if searching for more than what she'd said. But then he checked his watch. "I have a meeting at one, but I have time for a quick lunch."
As they returned to the kitchen, April knew she'd like to steal lunches with Gabe a lot more often.
She'd like to steal more than lunches. She'd like to steal his heart.
****
The next few days seemed to speed by as April took care of Stephie, and Gabe was later than usual one evening. There was a spirit of cooperation between them and no mention of Nicholas. Still, she'd caught Gabe looking at her several times when he thought she wasn't aware of it. She still couldn't be in the same room with him without her pulse racing.
He surprised her Thursday morning when he said, "I'll take Stephie to preschool today. After I drop her off, I think you and I should talk. Will you take a walk around the reservoir with me?"
"Sure," came out of her mouth before she could stop it.
Autumn was in its high glory as they drove to the reservoir. Although many leaves had fallen, many still clung to the trees in golds, russets and reds. With the approach of Halloween the following week, November cold would soon replace the cool, crisp air.
They drove in silence to the outskirts of Cedar Corners and the reservoir with its path surrounding it. Gabe parked and they climbed out of the SUV, still in silence.
She had to break it. "Do you come out here often?"
"Mostly in summer in the evenings, if I have a sitter. Walking out here helps me work off...everything."
By "everything" April guessed he meant the overwhelming grief after Vanessa died. Was that grief still holding him in its grip? Maybe Nicholas was right and all they needed was time. Did Gabe really want to emulate Nicholas' lifestyle? That would be hard with a daughter.
As Gabe walked beside April along the path, the sun was warm on her shoulders. The only sound was the call of birds.
Gabe suddenly said, "You seem to enjoy watching Stephie. Do you?"
"I love taking care of her. I see the world differently when I'm with her."
He glanced at her and then straight ahead. "I think Vanessa went back to work because she couldn't stand being with a child all day. Even on weekends, she coaxed me to go out with her at least one night. But it was sort of a tug-of-war because I just liked being at home with my daughter."
What was Gabe trying to tell her? That Vanessa wasn't always the doting mother? "Tell me something, Gabe. Do you think Vanessa should have stayed home with Stephie instead of returning to work?"
After looking pensive for a moment, he kept walking. "I think that the ideal situation is for a mother to stay home with her child, especially the first few years. But I also understand that some women don't think that's enough. They want the stimulation of the working world. Vanessa was like that."
April decided to tell Gabe what she thought. "I think, if I ever had children, I'd want to stay home with them."
April's words hung in the cool, crisp air, and Gabe focused his attention on her, not averting his gaze for a long time. But finally he did. His gray-and-blue wool shirt jacket emphasized the broadness of his shoulders and the length of his long arms. She remembered being held in those arms, and longed to feel his embrace again.
They stood by the reservoir for a few moments in silence, watching the water bubble quietly by.
"I owe you an apology," Gabe said.
When April looked up at him, her heart beat faster. "For what?"
"For what I said to you Saturday night. For making you feel as if you were an experiment. When I kissed you, April, I wanted to kiss you—both times—just like I want to kiss you now."
It was time to take a risk and reach for what she wanted. "What's stopping you?" April asked softly, holding her breath.
"At this moment, nothing," Gabe replied as he clasped her shoulders and drew her gently toward him.
As he bent his head to her, the cool air seemed to evaporate. All she could feel was the heat of him, the longing to be closer, the need to have his lips on hers. His lips were warm on hers, firm, seductive. Then he slanted his mouth over hers and coaxed her lips apart. She didn't need much coaxing. When he thrust inside, he pressed her to him. Their jackets were impediments, and needing to touch him, she reached up and laced her fingers in his hair. When he groaned, a quiver ran through her, and the deepest center of her yearned for a physical joining. Melting into him, her hips met his, and a primal energy seemed to pull them tighter together. Gabe's hands slid down her back to cup her bottom, and she could feel his arousal, hard and hot, against her softness. The hungry thrusts of his tongue aroused passion that she'd ignored and denied and feared.
She loved Gabe's scent. She loved the calluses on his hands. She loved the way she felt when she was with him—safe and protected, yet excited. She responded to him by stroking over his tongue and pushing into his mouth, taking passion as well as giving it, letting him know this kiss was everything she wanted, too.
But her fervent response apparently didn't show Gabe how much she wanted him because he broke the kiss and stared down at her, his green eyes turbulent. "What are we doing, April?"
She tried to steady her breathing and her pulse. "I think that's obvious."
"Vanessa's only been gone less than a year. You're flying back to Boston in a few weeks. In spite of what I said the other night, I could never emulate Nicholas' lifestyle. I'm not the type of man to have affairs. But maybe you're the type of woman who wants them. Are you?"
The turmoil inside Gabe was obvious from his expression, and she didn't know if he was lashing out because he felt guilty for taking pleasure from a woman other than his wife or because she had hurt him in the past and he didn't want to be hurt again. She couldn't blame him from wanting to stay away from her, for not wanting to feel the attraction between them. If she told him everything she was feeling in her heart, he might not believe her. If she told him about Stephie—
Stephie anchored Gabe's world. That was obvious. April couldn't divulge what she knew in an emotional moment or a passionate one or because she wanted Gabe to think less of Vanessa. Their situation was so tangled, she wasn't sure she could ever unravel it. But she was sure that this wasn't the time or the place, and she should pull her dignity around her however she could in order to keep living in Gabe's house.
"Do you want me to leave, Gabe?"
He raked his hand through his hair, and he seemed to be debating with himself. "Stephie needs you, and you certainly made life easier for me lately. But as I told you before, I don't want to take advantage of you, April, not in any way. So the choice is yours."
"I like taking care of Stephie. I told you that. Do you have any leads for nannies?"
Nodding, he said, "Two. I'm going to call them tomorrow morning."
"All right. After you decide whether they're suitable or not, then we'll go from there."
"April, I didn't plan to bring you here today and—"
"I know you didn't." This attraction between them just seemed to have a life of its own, and it flared
up when they least expected it. She'd just have to be more careful until she was ready to tell Gabe everything—the truth about how she felt about him as well as the truth about Stephie.
****
Chapter Six
On Sunday, Gabe washed and waxed the cars while April sat in the living room by the smoldering fire reading the paper. Stephie was taking a nap, and she'd offered to help him. But he'd shaken his head and told her to take some time for herself for a change. She'd caught him looking at her throughout the day as if he was trying to figure her out.
When the phone rang, she put the paper aside and reached for it.
"April, it's your mother."
"Mother, how are you?"
"I'm just fine. I'm going to come to Cedar Corners for a visit before winter sets in. Clarice Barlow asked me to come stay with her for a while."
Clarice was one of her mother's friends from the garden club. A widow, she spent most of her time traveling or heading up the social events in Cedar Corners. "Why stay with Mrs. Barlow? You could come here."
"Oh, I don't want to crowd you and Gabe. Besides, I think Clarice is lonely. That's why she travels as much as she does. And I've missed her since I moved to Cocoa Beach. She and I will have a good time visiting. But I want to spend time with you and Stephie, too."
"When are you arriving?"
"Tomorrow afternoon."
"I'll pick you up at the airport."
"You don't have to do that. I'm going to rent a car. I'll get settled in with Clarice, then maybe I can come over in the evening."
"Come for supper."
"You're sure that won't be too much bother?"
"Mother, it's no bother cooking for one more person."
"So Gabe hasn't found anyone to keep house and take care of Stephie?"
"Not yet. But I'm enjoying it."
"I imagined you would," Winnifred said, surprising April.
"What do you mean, Mother?"
"Oh, nothing. Vanessa was more like me. She preferred having a cook and a maid, but you—you like doing for others." Before April could question her mother further, Winnifred said, "So I'll give you a call after I get in tomorrow."
When April hung up the phone, she thought about what her mother had said. She didn't know if she enjoyed doing for others, but she certainly enjoyed taking care of Gabe and Stephie. But that was because she loved them.
Would her mother understand April's feelings towards Gabe? Could she confide Vanessa's secret in Winnifred? No. She couldn't confide what she knew to anyone.
April had to tell Gabe. But the time had to be right, and it wasn't yet. She would tell him soon.
****
April handed her mom an apron with a high bib top. "You'd better put this on."
April and her mother had never been what some people would term close, and there were many reasons for that. But since her sister had died, they seemed to understand each other a little better, could talk a little more, saw each day as a gift that had to be taken advantage of. Yet her mother was still her mother, always dressed beautifully and perfectly, as if she were stepping out to a very important occasion, even if she was just making supper with April, and Stephie, and Gabe. Well, Gabe wouldn't be making supper, but hopefully he would be enjoying it with them. Right now her mother's sunny yellow blouse and slacks could easily be marred by a splash of chicken broth, a swipe of flour, or Stephie's sticky hand as she helped make dumplings.
"You worry too much," Winnifred said. "I can always send it to the dry cleaners." But she swept the apron over her head and then tied the skirt at the waist.
"There's Daddy," Stephie said, pointing out the window as she saw her father carrying bush trimmings to the side of the garage. "I want to go with him."
"Instead of cooking with us?" Winnifred asked with a smile.
Stephie eagerly bobbed her head up and down.
"You can go out with your dad," Winnifred said, "but you have to wash your hands first. Come here, I'll help." Winnifred bent to Stephie and lifted her up, sitting her on the counter. Then she turned on the spigot, grabbed a few paper towels, and helped her granddaughter wash her hands under the spigot, afterward drying them for her.
After she set Stephie on the floor, she took the little girl's jacket from the peg on the wall, and helped her into it. Then she went to the door and called to Gabe. "Stephie wants to come out with you. Is that okay?"
He looked at the pile of trimmings, then back at the other bushes that he hadn't done yet. "Sure, send her out. We'll play hide and seek and have a game of tag."
As soon as Winnifred opened the door, Stephie ran outside and over to her dad's arms.
Winnifred stood at the storm door. "She adores him."
April studied her mother carefully. Did she have any inkling of what Vanessa had done? Or what she'd confided?
"And Gabe loves her."
Should she tell her mother about Vanessa? Ask her opinion on what to do?
No, April had already made up her mind what she had to do. She just didn't know when she was going to do it. Telling Gabe the truth was probably the hardest conversation they'd ever have.
"Can I ask you a question without you getting all upset?" April wanted to know.
"I suppose that depends on the question. I'll tell you up front if you think it's going to upset me, it probably will."
Her mother was right about that. "Why did you ignore Dad's affairs?"
As a teenager when her parents split, April had heard and seen things that made her understand what kind of marriage her parents had. The same had been true for Vanessa. They'd both known their dad had come home too late to be out at a business meeting. They both had smelled perfume other than what their mother wore when they hugged him. They'd both been aware that although their mom had a closet full of the prettiest clothes, the latest trends in shoes, the snazziest car, underneath it all, she hadn't been happy.
"You want a simple explanation when there isn't one. I divorced your father because of his affair."
"But that wasn't the first one. Vanessa and I both knew that. Did you really think we didn't notice what went on between the two of you?"
Winnifred still stared out the door without turning to look at April. "How many affairs do you think he had?"
"Oh, Mom, I didn't count. But I knew when he bought a new suit and changed his cologne, and had a certain look in his eye, that something was different. But if I had to guess, I'd say a half dozen."
Now Winnifred did turn to look at her. "So you and Vanessa were really that aware."
"We were. Why did you just ignore it?"
"There's something you have to understand about marriage, April. It changes constantly. One day, you can believe you have a perfect marriage. The next day, your husband looks at another woman as if he wants to be sleeping with her. I do believe men think it's all about the excitement in bed, not about living with someone day to day."
"You don't think they cross over?" April thought about Vanessa and why she might have cheated on Gabe. Just why would a woman do that? She suddenly had another thought. "Did you cheat on Dad?"
Winnifred instantly shook her head. "No, I don't have it in me. Unfortunately, I'm a one-man woman. Your father always came back to me, and sometimes it was better than before he had the latest affair."
"Mother."
"What, April? I'm just being realistic. We had a good life. I had every material possession I could want. More importantly, you and Vanessa did, too. A mother has to think about those things. A mother has to think about what's best for her children."
"Financial security is one thing. Emotional security is another. Do you think Vanessa and I couldn't see that you were unhappy?"
"I thought I put up a very good front."
"Because you had lunch with friends at the country club? Because you played golf and sat around the pool sipping drinks and went to lots of parties? That's not the same as being happy, and Vanessa and I knew that."
"Well, I wasn't going to si
t around and mope. I wasn't going to try to change something I couldn't. I wasn't going to date a hundred more men looking for the right one, knowing there never was going to be one."
"Mother," April said again.
"Reality, April. Do you think there's a Mr. Right for you?"
Gabe instantly came to mind. "I hope so."
"He'll only be Mr. Right if you can be Miss Right, and then Mrs. Right. Obviously your father and I had different values. Did I know that when I married him? No, I was stupidly naïve. But then I made the best of a bad situation. Isn't that what life's all about?"
April suddenly felt weary. She shook her head. "Sometimes I don't know what life's all about."
If her sister had remained faithful, would she have been in that accident? If her sister had been Miss Right, and then Mrs. Right for Gabe, would they have been happy? Did Gabe still long for Vanessa, or had he realized something had been wrong with their marriage? Something had to be wrong with the marriage for Vanessa to stray. Didn't it?
In that pause, when so many thoughts and questions were clicking through her head, one question stood out to ask her mother. "So why did you finally divorce Dad?"
"I divorced him because he got involved with someone, and I knew the relationship was more than a fling." Her father had married a year after the divorce, but that had only lasted about three years.
"You thought he'd met Miss Right?"
Her mother shrugged. "With the others, he hadn't been emotionally absent with me. With the others, I knew the affairs would end. When he got involved with Lana, he acted different. When I talked to him, he wasn't there. He was thinking about her. When we went to a cocktail party, I knew he was wishing she was by his side, not me. It was different, and it was the kind of different I could no longer handle. He'd already put aside money for your college fund and Vanessa's. Vanessa was ready to graduate from high school, and you'd be graduating the following year. The house was paid for. I knew he'd settle enough money on me so I'd be comfortable the rest of my life if I invested it wisely, and I knew how because I'd handled a good part of our finances. The truth was, I had dirt on him. He confided in me about work. I knew secrets he wouldn't want let out about the inner workings of his law practice. So I asked him for the divorce and a settlement and told him what I'd do if he wouldn't give it to me."
April's Promise (Forever Love Series) Page 7
