Agent Provocateur

by Faith Bleasdale

  Betty puts the phone down and tries to give herself a talking to. She is a professional; she’s been doing her job for years, so she must not let Grace unbalance her. She feels like a set of scales that is being messed with, or perhaps broken. She must stop that from happening. Next week she will be spending her working hours with Grace, and the least she can do is to try to get on with her – or at least not let herself, or the magazine, down. She resolves to do that. She can disapprove and her mind will not be changing, but she will hide that disapproval. She does not expect to enjoy the assignment but she does expect to write a brilliant feature.

  Grace tries to work out why she feels so unsettled by Betty. Part of her is genuinely looking forward to doing the feature, she really is, but part of her is still afraid of Betty and her perfect composure. She decides to call Nicole.

  ‘Nicole Harding’s office. I’m not available to take your call. Please leave a message after the tone.’

  Grace sighs. She very much wants to speak to her.

  ‘Hi, it’s Grace. Call me.’ She hates speaking to machines, although she knows that is irrational.

  Disappointed not to be able to share the news with her boss, Grace decides to check her appointments for the week that the feature will begin. Because of the nature of the business, they often book in cases about a week in advance – any longer than that and the woman who is hiring her would probably go mad. She does have some jobs pencilled in, but most will be arranged in the next few days. She makes lists of what she will do when she is at home, to give Betty a good idea of what her job involves. In reality, she doesn’t actually do too much during the day. Grace’s job is a night job. It is more to do with her nature than necessity that she even has an office at home. Most of Nicole’s other women have a laptop. Nicole told her that. However, she does have to do research on some of the cases. She had one case that was complicated. The wife wanted her husband caught but the only place she really knew to track him down was on the golf course. So she paid for Grace to have golf lessons before she started. That would be a good story to share with Betty. But apart from that, research is mainly used so she can talk about the men’s professions and their hobbies, not actually partake in them. She uses the Internet to do her research and she has the files provided by Nicole. But – and this is her fear – she doesn’t have enough work for the day. Her working day is normally a couple of hours, her working night begins by her getting ready at four or five, then leaving the house any time after that. It is usually finished by midnight. Writing up reports after jobs takes about an hour, as does getting any evidence ready for Nicole. So there is a huge part of her day that needs filling and, unbeknown to anyone, the way she fills it is by playing computer games. She sits in her office all day, so she feels like a normal working woman, but she is not working, she is usually blowing things up.

  She knows that Betty wants normal but she can’t have it. Not during the day. She needs to find things to do and makes a list of what she can do that will be interesting and realistic. She perhaps can show her the gadgets she uses and how she uses them. She can show her wigs and disguises, which are normally only used if the woman hiring her gives the agency a specific ‘type’ that the husband will go for. The only other use she has for them is in private, in the bedroom, if one of her lovers deserves a special treat. She quickly pushes that thought away. She can take Betty to the spy shops that she goes to, but she is still worried about filling the days. She wishes Nicole would call her back. She will know what to do. All Grace knows how to do is panic.

  Betty is worrying that she will not be able to hide her true feelings from Grace; she knows that being judgemental is not part of her job description, but she can’t help but feel that with women like Grace in the world, marriage is being trivialised, relationships are trivialised, and that worries her. She knows that she is unable to voice these feelings to anyone in the office, and even Johnny seems to think she is overreacting. Perhaps she is overreacting and perhaps she should worry less. She turns her mind instead to thoughts of holidays and looks up Bora-Bora on the Web. As she is imagining herself and Johnny on the white sands, Hannah shouts over that Fiona wants to see her.

  ‘Hi, boss.’ She launches herself into the chair.

  ‘Betty, how are you?’

  ‘Fine.’

  ‘Good. How are the preparations going for the honey trap story?’

  ‘Well, I emailed you to tell you she agreed.’ Betty is perplexed. Fiona normally lets her get on with things, but on this story she has been almost pressurising her every step of the way.

  ‘Which is great. Now do you think you’re fully prepared?’

  ‘What do you mean?’ She is beginning to feel a little insulted.

  ‘Nothing. I just want to be sure that we are one hundred per cent on top of this.’

  ‘Fiona, I’m always on top of things. Why are you so concerned with this?’

  ‘No reason.’

  ‘I know there is.’ Betty doesn’t often stand up to Fiona, but this time she feels a need to know.

  ‘Not at all. It’s just as I said: I wish I’d known about it so I could have used it with my ex. That’s all there is to it.’ Fiona turns away, indicating she has finished with Betty. Betty leaves, knowing that if there isn’t a specific reason Fiona is so concerned with the article she will eat her hat.

  Grace is watching the phone when Nicole calls her back.

  ‘What’s up?’

  ‘I agreed to the article.’

  ‘Cool. So when does it start?’

  ‘Next week. Nicole, there is just one thing.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Well, this woman is going to be shadowing me day and night, and, well, I don’t do an awful lot during the day.’

  ‘Um, hadn’t thought of that. Why don’t you call her back and just get her to follow you in the evenings?’

  ‘Well, I did think that, but then if she does she is only going to see me in action, and that will be all she’ll write about. I want to give her a fuller picture, make her understand all that is involved. Otherwise I’m not sure she’ll be so favourable towards me, or the job.’

  ‘I know, you can do my job too.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Well, I can set up meetings with’ clients. I could get you to talk to some of them – you know, pad it out a bit.’

  ‘Oh, would you let me do that?’

  ‘Sure. Otherwise you’re right, she’ll only have the trapping part in the article. We need to show how sensitive it all is. Besides, you’ll be brilliant with clients.’

  ‘Thanks, Nicole.’ Grace feels massively relieved.

  ‘Any time, honey.’

  With Fiona’s words ringing in her ears, Betty prepares a list of questions. She is ensuring that every eventuality is covered. She will give her boss the best feature ever, because that is what she wants.

  Grace feels happier as she prepares a list of answers to the questions she believes Betty will ask. She is ensuring that every eventuality is covered. She will give her boss the best publicity ever. It is the only way she can repay her for her support.

  Chapter Nine

  Day One.

  Grace wakes at seven, a ridiculously early hour for her, but then this isn’t a normal day. Betty is due at ten to start the week-long case study and Grace is nervous. She takes a leisurely shower and dresses in jeans and a white jumper. For some reason, she doesn’t want to be wearing her tracksuit when she works. She even wears make-up and puts shoes on, something she never does, but at least she looks better. She knows that this is meant to be an honest representation but she wants to be portrayed in a favourable light. The woman who wears a tatty tracksuit and no make-up during the day, and then transforms herself into a babe for the evening, isn’t the way she wants to be described.

  She tries not to feel nervous, but she does. For a reason she cannot fathom, her emotions are behaving like ‘first’ emotions. First day at school, first exam, first day in a new job, first date. P
ull yourself together, you idiot, she tells herself. If you stop behaving like a moron you might actually enjoy it.

  Day One.

  Betty wakes at seven and while Johnny catches a few minutes of extra sleep, she stares at her wardrobe, wondering what to wear. She isn’t due in the office – all she has to do is go straight to Grace’s flat – but she wants to create the right impression. In the end she opts for some light brown trousers and a tight black jumper. She wears her high-heeled brown boots, and spends an extra ten minutes taming her hair. She doesn’t want Grace to look down her nose at her; and she believes that she will, given the opportunity. Stop being so pessimistic and make a bloody effort, she tells herself. After all, it doesn’t matter what she thinks. Her boss wants this article and therefore she has no choice.

  Betty gets a bus to the address that Grace has given her and is immediately annoyed at the upmarket nature of her neighbourhood. Her mansion block is really quite sophisticated and smart, and when she goes to the intercom, she notices that everyone else in her building has smart names. Double-barrelled names. Poncy names. She buzzes, waits a few moments, then Grace’s voice floods out.

  ‘Hello.’

  She sounds self-assured, Betty thinks. ‘It’s Betty.’

  Why does she have to be so confident? Grace thinks.

  As Betty enters the building her resentment increases. So many buildings where there is more than one flat have shabby communal areas, but not Grace’s. The floor is parquet and polished to within an inch of its life; there are plants; the post cubbyholes are shiny silver; and the doors to the other flats are smart. The stair banisters are again polished, and the carpet that covers the stairs is sumptuous and expensive. What annoys Betty most of all is that Grace got this apartment by wrecking marriages, and Betty knows that the fact that this profession seems to have made Grace rich, or at least affluent, makes it even worse.

  Grace’s smile is fixed to her face with glue as she stands at the door waiting for Betty’s appearance. She hopes that she looks OK, but has no time now to check, although the amount of time she has spent in front of the mirror is ridiculous. She tries once again to tell herself to be calm. She tries to believe that her nerves are really excitement, and she is happy to be welcoming Betty into her life.

  Betty sees Grace at the door, standing with one arm holding it open and the other on her hip. It is a typical stance of someone with too much confidence, she thinks, and she plasters her smile on her face, when her heart is telling her to turn round and run away. She wonders how Grace manages to look so gorgeous in just jeans and a plain top. She notices how expertly her make-up has been applied and immediately feels dowdy in comparison. Her clothes are smarter, but Grace looks better. Mind you, Grace looks better than most people.

  As Grace steps aside to let Betty in, she wishes she had dressed differently. Her jeans look so scruffy (even though they are new, designer jeans) in comparison to Betty’s smart trousers and jacket. She wishes she knew as effortlessly as she assumes Betty does, what to wear during the day. Evening attire is easy, but daytime, that is another matter altogether.

  ‘Hi. Come in.’ She sounds breezy.

  ‘Thanks.’ Betty shakes her hand.

  ‘I’m not sure where you want to start, but I made coffee.’

  ‘Lovely. That would be great.’ Betty wonders why she sounds so false around Grace. She is behaving like a bad soap opera actress with even worse lines. ‘Could I look round? I’m sorry but I’m so nosy.’ She smiles and feels better. She can be friendly; Grace is working with her and she has to remember that.

  ‘Sure, help yourself. I’m the same. I’m always really curious about people’s living environments.’

  ‘I always think it tells you so much about a person.’

  ‘Me too, although maybe I shouldn’t let you look round. God knows what you might think.’ They both laugh, surprising themselves with their genuineness. They both relax a bit.

  Grace pours coffee, while Betty looks around her flat. Grace knows it won’t take her long. The flat is laid out on one floor - a living room, a bedroom, the office (which was really another bedroom), a bathroom and a kitchen. But Grace loves her flat, and she hopes that the verdict is good.

  Betty starts with the bedroom, surprised by how tidy it is. A large wooden bed dominates the room, with built-in wardrobes along one wall. She feels she might be crossing the line, but she opens one to see rail upon rail of suits and dresses. Grace’s working outfits. There is something quite characterless about her bedroom. It is neat, but it says very little about her. The large mirror and dressing table maybe reveal a little, but nothing more than vanity. Betty chastises herself for that thought: her own make-up takes over most of the bathroom.

  She moves next to the bathroom, which is modern, with blue mosaic tiles covering the walls of the bath and the shower. She notes the expensive products and, again, thinks of affluence.

  Next she moves to the living room. The floors throughout the flat are wooden, with the exception of cream carpet in the bedroom. The living-room floor is oak. The cream couch, which is a kind of mock-suede effect, is only big enough for two people and there are no other armchairs. She sees the fish immediately but deliberately looks away, determined to check out the rest of the room before being distracted. She notes the small television tucked into a corner, where you would hardly notice its presence. A small glass coffee table, which has a copy of Tatler sitting on it, is directly in front of the sofa. Behind it is a round glass dining table and four chairs. In the middle of the table is an orchid. Betty presumes that Grace isn’t huge on entertaining, although she is unsure why she has come to this conclusion. She thinks of how the flat screams ‘single woman’, and how her house, all cosy, screams ‘marriage’. For the first time she feels slightly sorry for Grace. She wonders if she feels her life is as empty as her flat.

  Finally she allows her attention to turn to the fish. At once she is mesmerised. As they seem to dance around the tank, with wonderful different colours, she can’t help but watch. This is something that she was not expecting: Grace Regan has pets.

  ‘They’re amazing, aren’t they?’ Betty turns and sees Grace carrying a tray, which she places on the table.

  ‘Yes, are they tropical?’

  ‘Yeah. I don’t know why I got them really. I just think they’re relaxing.’ She doesn’t offer further explanation.

  ‘They’re beautiful.’ Betty surprises herself. She looks at Grace, who seems equally surprised, and she remembers what she is here to do. ‘Right, shall we get started?’ She ignores the look that passes over Grace’s face, but she recognises it as hurt or at least disappointment.

  ‘Of course.’ Grace decides that Betty is too bossy and she doesn’t like it. Just as she thinks she might be human after all, Betty takes that feeling away.

  Betty takes the lead and sits down on the sofa. She balances her coffee on her knee and reties her hair. She looks at Grace as she, too, sits, her hair flowing, her long legs crossed, and Betty wishes that she were equally as composed. She can tell Grace’s type a mile off. Or she believes she can. Making quick judgements about people is a part of her Betty isn’t proud of, but she does it none the less. Grace, she believes, had a privileged upbringing, probably spoilt rotten by her parents and told how beautiful she was by everyone else. She never felt insecure about anything. She knew she looked good all the time; she probably never had a spot, or if she did, she would know what to do about it. What Betty can’t bear, apart from the fact she is a honey trapper, is that Grace had the sort of upbringing that Betty wishes she had. She is so sure about this that she doesn’t need to ask. Grace screams effortless life. Unlike Betty. Instead, she was riddled with insecurities, always trying so hard to be liked, and although she had loving parents, she still always felt awkward. She was definitely a misfit. Betty has worked hard over the years to stop feeling this way; Grace reminds her of it all over again. She sees Grace as the popular girl at school and herself as the one Grace bul
lied. She knows that to make such assumptions is dangerous, but she needs to do so; she just doesn’t know why.

  Grace feels her eyes contract as she studies Betty. Betty, who can balance a cup of coffee on her knee while sitting on a cream sofa. Betty, who can retie her hair effortlessly, when it really doesn’t need doing. Betty, who was probably always the most popular wherever she went. Betty, who reminds Grace of everything she’s not.

  Grace believes she knows Betty. Grace made certain decisions about her when she first met her. She knows she probably shouldn’t be so quick to judge, but she cannot help it – not when she believes Betty to be so transparent. Married, happily, with a gorgeous husband no doubt. Brought up in a rich, or at least affluent, house. Probably went to private school, where she was always the ringleader. Always managed to be noticed. The opposite of Grace. Grace with her five siblings, crowded together in a four-bedroom council house. Grace with a father who lost the will to work before she came along, and had taken root in front of the television. (Grace rarely saw him anywhere other than in front of the television so that is where she believes she was conceived.) Her mother was distant, obviously driven mad by having six children and a husband who never moved, so she lived in her own little world of multi-coloured rabbit jellies, and not much else.

  Grace was not the oldest, nor the youngest. She fitted somewhere in the middle, which was the best place to be ignored. She wasn’t close to her sisters and brothers, but they were generally civil to each other. There was enough bullying at the rough school they attended – no one wanted to do it while at home. Grace imagines that Betty had the happiest of childhoods whereas she herself did not. And although she is thankful that she was never beaten, that she did get fed, and that despite their shortcomings her parents probably loved her, she wishes that she had been brought up in a way that gave her Betty’s inherent confidence rather than an innate feeling of inadequacy that she battled for years to get rid of. Betty brought it all back to her and she instantly disliked Betty for that reason, although she knows she was being irrational.