Bastard Prince

by Malone, Nana

  I knew this conversation was far from over. But I’d let him hold me, because I needed it too. Part of me was concerned that maybe he was right. I’d had one too many close shaves lately. I didn’t want to give this up, but maybe it was time to sit on the intelligence side of things. The field work was proving to be slightly more dangerous. “Maybe it’s time to talk about me doing intelligence work.”

  Sebastian held me tight. “You better be serious, because I will kill you if you aren’t.”

  “Don’t you think that would be a little counter intuitive?”

  “Shut it. I’m going to hold my wife now, if you don’t mind. Some asshole tried to kill her, and then she terrified me.”

  “Fair enough.” Finally, all the tension eased out of my body, and I let my husband hold me.

  26

  bryna

  “What is it about you and this garden?”

  I whipped around, not expecting anyone in the South Garden as I headed to Penny’s office. “Oh my God, Lucas, you scared me.”

  He smirked. “Well, it is a palace. They are bound to be people walking around.”

  I smiled up at him. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. I was just off to lunch with Penny. I mean, the queen.”

  Lucas shook his head. “No, call her Penny. That’s what she prefers anyway.”

  I shifted uncomfortably on my feet, desperate to run to him. He didn’t look like a new-found Prince. Instead, he was dressed in dark-wash jeans and a white t-shirt that looked like maybe it was a size too small on his shoulders. Whatever it was, he looked delicious. Too delicious.

  Would that feeling ever go away? The urgent need to be with him? “I—” God what was I supposed to say to him? Other than, I miss you, which I couldn’t say. “You look good.” Oh yeah, that was helpful. “I mean, being the Crown Prince certainly agrees with you.”

  Lucas arched a brow. “Same, but then to me you always look this good.”

  I flushed and swallowed thickly. Be strong. Do not cave. “I know I said thank you before, but everything you did for Laila a few weeks ago… The label was thrilled too. I’m sure they’ll want all debut artists to perform here now.”

  “If it’s you I’ll be working with, I’m sure we can make just about anything happen.”

  I swallowed hard and nodded. But when he took a step toward me, I adamantly stepped back, even though all I wanted to do was lean in and inhale the delicious scent of his skin. Something woodsy and musky, all combined into pure pleasure. I could smell the man all day. But that’s not why you’re here. You’re off to see the queen, remember?

  “I – I’m going to go.”

  “Bryna, wait.”

  I paused and then turned. “Yeah?”

  “I just—" He inhaled and then exhaled slowly. I watched him, and for an instant, his shoulders bunched and then relaxed. “Will you hang out for a minute?”

  I knew what the right answer was supposed to be. Honestly, I did. Except, it was Lucas asking. The same Lucas who’d saved me from my evil roommate and her even worse boyfriend. And the guy from hell. This was Lucas who had taken me apartment shopping even though he must not really have had time for that. This was Lucas who painted my toe nails for the Charity Ball. Exactly. This is the Lucas you’re in love with.

  “I just, I don’t know…” He shoved his hands in his pockets. “Did they give you a promotion at work for coming through in a clutch?”

  I laughed, even as I tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. “No. I got a pat on the head. Besides you were the one who made it work. Thank you for that again. I know I already said thank you probably too much, but it deserves saying. You saved my bacon.”

  He nodded slowly and then he reached out for me. “Bryna, I know I agreed to step back, especially when things were extra crazy. It’s just, now everything feels different. I just—I don’t know. If you’d be willing, I’d really like another chance.”

  Me too. Me too.

  But the helpful brain that I had offered up the vision of me waking up without him. Then it offered a stab of that pain, just in case I thought I could get past it. I swallowed. “Lucas, I really want to give you one. It’s just—"” I shook my head. My lady parts screamed, What are you doing?

  “It’s too much. All of it. We’re combustible. And everything was just too hard. I think we’re going to do damage to each other. Every time I see you, we practically jump each other’s bones, and then we don’t know how to do the other part. The part it takes to build a relationship, you know?”

  He swallowed and nodded. “No, I know, and I haven’t been great at that. But I remember there were moments. We could work on that. With my whole world about to change, I don’t want to lose the one thing about my former world that was great.”

  My heart squeezed. “Lose me? You’re never going to lose me. I think we actually make great friends and a great team. I just way over complicated everything by trying to make us a couple too. I’m sorry for that.”

  His brows furrowed. “You didn’t do anything,” he sighed. “I know it was a lot. The way I left and everything. You don’t have to say yes to a million things. Just yes to being open to giving us a shot. I’d really like one.”

  “I’d really like one too. I just don’t think I can. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to shake how it felt to wake up without you, you know?”

  He licked his lips and then nodded. “I would never hurt you like that again. I know those are just words, but I just need you to know that.”

  “I wish I knew that deep down. There’s always going to be some lingering doubt. It’s not fair to you if that’s what I’ll always remember because you deserve a fresh start.”

  He cleared his throat and nodded. “Yeah, okay. I get it. But if you need anything, I’m here. Anything at all. It’s yours.”

  I licked my lips nervously. “Thank you. Same goes for you. We’ll be spending a lot of time together, I think. And I just want you to be happy, Lucas.”

  “Okay. I’ll let you go. But the moment you change your mind, the moment you want to let a former-con-man-turned-prince into your life, I’ll be here. What’s between us is too good. It makes sense to me, for the first time ever in my life. From the moment I saw you, you were special to me, and I was a dumbass for letting you go. And even more of a dumbass when I pushed you away. I won’t ever do that again. Now I have something to offer you.”

  It was my turn to frown. “Lucas, you had everything to offer me then, before all of this. It doesn’t make you anymore appealing now that you’re actually a prince.” I reached a hand out. My palm, which was shaking, gently pressed his cheekbone. Lucas’s eyes drifted closed, and then he leaned into it. I could feel more than hear the rumble in his chest. And my traitorous body hummed right along with him. But then I took a deliberate step backward. “I’ll see you around, Lucas.”

  And then I forced myself to walk away. I didn’t give myself a moment to fully sob until I was totally out of the garden. I didn’t want him to know how much it was killing me to walk away from him.

  * * *

  Bryna

  “So, let me get this straight. You turned down a perfectly good guy who said he loves you, made some mistakes, admitted he was wrong, and came back for you?”

  When Ariel said it like that, I couldn’t help but scrunch my nose. “You make me sound irrational.”

  Jinx threw up her arms as she handed Penny the bowl of popcorn. “Well, she’s not entirely wrong, is she?”

  “Et tu, Jinx?”

  Jinx shrugged. “I mean, the woman speaks sense. You know how much I love you. You know how much I believe in you. You know, much like Olivia Pope, I will follow you over a cliff. But there are occasionally times when you’re making the wrong choices.”

  “What, like now?”

  “Yes. Like now.” Jinx said. “I mean, I get it. He hurt you and for that alone, I’m not a fan. But, I mean… the guy is trying. And clearly, he’s in love. Even though you aren’t the sole reason he came back.”<
br />
  “I just—I couldn’t take it if he did it again, you know?”

  Penny nodded. “Okay look, I get it. All of this is a lot. The guards, the restrictions, the people trying to kill you constantly. I get it. That can be more than a girl is looking to deal with. But the reward is also really great because it’s love.”

  I let go of my nose. “But love is fleeting. Shouldn’t it be based on… like people who make really good partners… who understand each other?”

  She rolled her eyes. “Oh my God, how is it I do not have a romantic on my hands?”

  “I’m sorry, but that’s just how I think. I’m sure at some point my parents loved each other, but then they got all twisted, and it became about money and what one can do for the other, and it just twists the whole thing up and gets more and more impractical.”

  Ariel slumped down next to me. “Hey, look, I’m not in disagreement with you there. I believe in the practical. I’m not a romantic either, but you have to admit, you and Lucas, it’s pretty up there.”

  Well, the sex sure was. But I didn’t think anyone else wanted to hear that. “I just think it’s too scary.”

  That was when Jinx sat across from me, shoving a handful of popcorn into her mouth and talking around it. “Yeah, you know what else is scary and stressful? Being alone. And you’ve been shitty at it for months.”

  Ouch. Direct hit. She had a point there because it was terrifying. I liked being alone for the most part. I knew what she hadn’t come right out and said but was hinting at. But being alone didn’t mean I was lonely. Except, I was lonely. I did miss him.

  And you want to be with him.

  Was I being stubborn just for stubbornness’s sake? Was I doing this to myself?

  Ariel shrugged. “Well, the way I look at it you have two choices. You can choose to have him, and you guys figure it out together. He’s already proven that’s what he wants. Or you can choose to be too afraid to do that and eventually have to choose someone else. The real question is will all the bad things that come with Lucas outweigh the good ones?”

  Damn it. That logic was getting to me.

  “It’s not fair. I was counting on you to be rational and tell me love was just a bunch of chemicals in my brain.”

  Ariel grinned. “Yeah. That too. But it feels really awesome when you have it. Not that I would know, but I’ve heard.” She cocked her head at Penny and waggled her brows. “This one hasn’t been the same since she fell in love. Except, she keeps trying to escape the palace, which I don’t understand. But that’s a different problem for another day.”

  I chuckled. Yeah, it was. But I still had to decide if I wanted Lucas or not.

  The only answer here is yes.

  So, all I had to do was go get my man. Why was that more terrifying than anything else?

  27

  bryna

  Just wait for him in quarters they said.

  It’ll be romantic they said.

  He’ll be happy to see you they said.

  Except I’d been waiting, naked, for Lucas to return to his quarters for nearly an hour and a half. This was probably a bad idea. What if he had someone with him? What if he’d already moved on? What if he thought this was stupid?

  What if he doesn’t want me anymore?

  Okay, so none of those were really bad, except the last one. Still, I hoped maybe the other ones weren’t valid. Jinx had helped me fashion this plan, and I was starting to think that Jinx was totally team Lucas. She’d gotten Ariel and Penny in on it too. And they’d come up with this plan. Me, in Lucas’s room, in his bed, naked. I just prayed to God he came home alone.

  Is that really a worry?

  No, not really a worry, but I felt very vulnerable. I wondered why in the world Jinx thought I had to be naked?

  The door handle turned slowly, and I held my breath. There were all sorts of ways that the plan could go wrong. Lucas, like that time in Italy, might actually be packing heat. I loved how I was now in the know of all the terminologies and slang. Also, Lucas might actually have someone with him, and even if it wasn’t a girl, it might be someone important, and they were about to see me naked. Or if my hesitation had scared him off or he’d decided I wasn’t worth it, I was sitting in his bed, naked and vulnerable.

  Jinx’s portion of the plan was the nudity in his bed. It had been the queen herself who’d come up with the other part of the plan, which, I had to say, royally itched. But oh no, I was going through with it, because once you’re tattooed, there’s no going back. You have to follow through.

  With the bedroom door barely ajar, I heard a knock on the main door. Lucas’s footfall was fast. It sounded like he was jogging to open it. When he did, I could hear everything happening out there.

  “Oh, what are you doing here?”

  The voice on the other side of the door was feminine. “Oh, Prince Lucas, I wanted to, um, bring you a file of your options for your personal secretary.”

  Lucas’s voice was low. “Oh, thank you. I guess I didn’t really think about this.”

  The girl spoke again. “Yes, it’s very important. This will need to be a person you trust, like your right hand. She’ll get you everything you need, make all the right scheduling and appointments, coordinate between you, the king, and the queen, and anyone else on staff you might need to liaise with. It’s a very important appointment.”

  I heard him make a noncommittal noise like ‘mm-hmm.’ “Uh, can we possibly speed this up? Can I just pick one? Or maybe you just tell me which one is really great?”

  “Oh, right. Sure. Well, I suppose this is the time to point out that my folder and resume is on the top. As you see, I work weekends, and I’m more than eager for the job.”

  I couldn’t see her, but I pictured her batting her eyelashes up at my man. She was lucky I was naked on the bed, or I would have been going out there to tear her eyes out. It wasn’t rational, but at that point, I couldn’t actually help myself. I could just walk out naked again. I’d done it before.

  I was contemplating doing just that when Lucas said, “Oh, well in that case, I think you’ve already shown evidence of being really good at your job. Let me take another look at these, and I’ll get back to you.”

  The girl cleared her throat. And then there was a click-clack on the wood floor, as if she’d taken her shoes off or walked toward him. I couldn’t decipher the sound. “Your Highness, there are other ways I can audition for the role.”

  There was a bit of silence. And then Lucas said, “Oh, no. Uh, Rose, was it?”

  “Yes, Your Highness. Rose.”

  “Right. Rose. Sorry, but it’s not going to happen. First, I don’t shit where I eat. It’s sets a bad precedent. Second, I’m completely in love with someone else, and I’m not really looking for a substitute.”

  “Your Highness, I didn’t know. I apologize. But then again, this doesn’t exactly have to be about love.”

  Oh, I was going to kill her. I shifted my legs to swing them down and jump off the bed, just when Lucas said, “Oh, so this isn’t really about me, anyway. You can go now Rose, and rest assured, you won’t be the one getting this job.” I heard the shuffle of feet, the opening of the door, and then lighter footsteps receding down the hallway.

  Oh, he turned her down. Well then.

  I heard the rustle of papers, and then Lucas’s footsteps came closer to the bedroom until finally, he paused in front of the door and pushed it open.

  He stopped short when he saw me there. “Bryna? What the fuck?”

  I winced. “I’m sorry. This suddenly seems like a terrible idea.”

  He crossed his arms and lifted a brow. “What the fuck is going on? Are you okay? You’re not hurt, are you?”

  A deep flush crawled up my face. “No, not if you don’t count my embarrassment. I didn’t mean to overhear that conversation, I swear. It’s just that Jinx said I needed to go big to show you that I fucked up and I actually wanted to be with you. But then that girl was throwing herself at you, and now I
don’t know what to do.”

  “How did you get in here?”

  “Ariel let me in and—”

  Lucas put up a hand. “Say no more. That explains it. But why are you naked, Bryna?” His gaze raked over me, and I could feel every trace as if he lingered with his hands.

  “I came for you. I was so stupid in the garden. I just panicked. I didn’t know what to say or what to do. I couldn’t tell you that I can’t sleep from thinking about you. And all I want to do is have you hold me. It’s not even about needing an orgasm from you so bad. But my body itches. I just want to hold your hand, feel you wrapped around me. And I want to hold you back. And I want to ask you all these questions about who you were as a kid, and picture young Lucas, causing havoc. I want to know every part of you. I know I was stupid because I was scared. I couldn’t seem to get past what happened in New York. And I’m not going to lie and promise that I won’t ever revert to that version of me, but it’s so much more about who we are or could be and—"

  He interrupted me with another hand up. “You still haven’t explained why you’re naked.”

  Oh, right. I was supposed to stand, drop the sheet, and turn around so he’d see the tattoo. But that all suddenly seemed ridiculous. “Um, I had this all planned, but now it just seems stupid.”

  “Why does it seem stupid?”

  “I’m pretty sure you’re going to laugh.”

  “There’s a naked girl in my bed. I’m not going to laugh. Explain, please.”

  Oh man! Come on, do or die time. Don’t lose out. Okay, I wasn’t losing out. I could do this. If he didn’t want me, that was fine. There were plenty of men who would. Except, none of them is Lucas.

  Yeah, but I wasn’t going to think about that. I shifted my feet again, tugged the sheet away, and planted my feet in the plush rug under the bed. Then I stood, stalking toward him. “I’m here because I want you Lucas, however I can have you. I want to know everything about you. I want to have a life with you. I want to laugh when you laugh, cry when you cry. I want everything with you. I’m sorry I was so scared. If you still want me, I’m yours.”