All I Ever Wanted

by Francis Ray

  “Of course it does.”

  Naomi whirled, her fists clenched. “He ignored me during the entire dinner last night. If he cared, he wouldn’t have done that.”

  Getting up from her seat, Catherine went to Naomi. “Have you ever tried to love someone and they kept throwing that love back in your face no matter how hard you tried, until finally you gave up?”

  “My parents and Gordon,” she said tightly. “I tried so hard to please them.”

  “And how did that make you feel?” Catherine asked softly.

  “Worthless,” she said slowly, then her eyes widened as realization hit her. “Richard.”

  “Love has to be accepted, nurtured for a relationship to flourish.”

  Naomi folded her arms and looked out the window to the landscaped backyard, the large barbecue grill, the hammock hanging from two stout trees. “I’m not a whole woman. I’m not sure I can function as one. My ex took more than my self-respect. He took my ability to feel comfortable around a man, to trust him.”

  Catherine turned Naomi to her. “Then get it back! Be the woman you were destined to be.”

  Naomi wasn’t aware of the tears sliding down her cheek. “It’s not that easy for some women. You don’t have the physical or emotional scars I do.”

  “Don’t I?” Catherine said softly. A brief flash of pain shot through her eyes, then it was gone. “I tried to run from Luke once, but I thank God daily that he came after me. When he did, I realized my mother was right when she said no one could love him as much as I could. I grabbed for him and I never looked back.”

  Naomi stared at Catherine. Beautiful, successful, and married to a man who worshiped the ground she walked on. She came from a loving, wealthy, and influential family, had achieved more wealth and influence on her own. “You have everything.”

  “So it would seem,” she said, her smile unbearably sad.

  “But—” Naomi began then snapped her mouth shut as things clicked into place. She remembered the comment she’d made at the dinner about Catherine making a wonderful mother. Catherine’s strange reaction. Luke’s anger at Naomi.

  Naomi’s eyes briefly shut as she felt her heart clench. It couldn’t be, but she knew it was. Catherine, who loved children, had devoted her life to seeing them safe, loved, and well cared for, couldn’t have them. Naomi swallowed, fought tears.

  Catherine wouldn’t want tears or pity. She was too strong for both.

  “If you want Richard, you’ll have to reach out to him and show him.”

  “And if he walks away?” Naomi questioned, trying not to think about the devastating revelation she’d just figured out.

  “He won’t.” Catherine smiled, once again her old self. “Invite him over tonight after Kayla has gone to bed so you can talk honestly with each other,” she suggested. “Kayla will feel the tension between you two until things are settled.”

  “All right.” Naomi picked up her purse, her heart going out to Catherine. She was reminded all the time of what she couldn’t have, saw heartless people abuse and abandon what she desperately wanted, and it hadn’t made her bitter. It had made her more determined to help. Her bravery made Naomi ashamed.

  “Catherine.”

  She held up her hand, her smile and her warmth and her love clearly written on her beautiful face. “Love is too precious to waste.”

  “If I’m ever a tenth of the woman you are, I’ll be proud.”

  “I’m proud of you already. You could have stayed a victim; you didn’t. All you have to do now is keep moving forward.”

  Naomi blinked rapidly. “If I hug you, I’ll cry.”

  “Tears are good, but you have to drive.” Catherine smiled and caught Naomi’s hand, squeezed it. “Take control of your life. Don’t let your ex win.”

  Naomi squeezed back. “I won’t.” They wouldn’t talk about it then. “I’ll let you know how it comes out tomorrow. Sierra found a new listing she’s taking me to in the morning.”

  “We’ll be at the cabin, but I’ll have my cell on.”

  Naomi had to hug her, forced herself to not cling. “I’ll call.” Hurrying out of the house, she got in her SUV, but stopped as soon as she was out of sight of Catherine’s house and made a call.

  “Man Hunters.”

  “Luke.” She swallowed. “How did you get so lucky to marry a woman as strong and wonderful and compassionate as Catherine?”

  “I’d walk through hell for her,” he said, the words moving and deep.

  “I know,” Naomi said, trying to choose her words carefully. “I just left Catherine’s. Nothing was put into words and nothing ever will be. She loves you an awful lot and might need a hug.”

  “Is she all right?” The words were sharp and insistent.

  Tears flowed down Naomi’s cheek. “She was trying to help me. It’s not fair,” she sniffed. “I’m so sorry I made her remember. I’d give anything—”

  “Then forget the conversation. Don’t treat her differently.”

  “Please. Just go to her.”

  “I’m on my way. And, Naomi?”

  “Yes?” She sniffed, ready for him to blast her.

  “Thanks for caring and being her friend.”

  Naomi dried her tears, then put the car into drive. But the tears kept coming back. She couldn’t imagine the pain Catherine must be going through, yet she never dwelled on it, never let it make her not want to help others. Naomi’s marriage had been hell on earth, but from it she’d had Kayla.

  She’d always been thankful for her daughter, had called her a gift, but until that moment she hadn’t realized what that entailed. Not only had she been able to conceive, Kayla had kept her going through the darkest moments of her life.

  Naomi didn’t realize she was headed to Richard’s clinic until she was a block away. She didn’t think, she just reached for her cell phone and called him on his. He kept it on vibrate when he was at the clinic. He might see her name and—

  “Naomi?”

  “I…” She swallowed. “Can I come in through the back door?” She didn’t want to go through the front office, and he could cut off the alarm for the emergency exit.

  “Are you and Kayla all right?” he asked, worry in his voice.

  “It’s not us.” She pulled into the parking lot, turned off the ignition and placed her forehead on the steering wheel. “Oh, Richard.”

  “Where are you?”

  “Here.”

  “I’m coming for you.”

  Naomi fumbled to open the door, wasn’t sure how far she’d gotten before strong arms pulled her against a hard body. Richard. She clung. “Richard.”

  “I got you.” He picked her up and went back into his office though the back door.

  “Oh, Richard.”

  She was trembling. She wouldn’t cry over her ex. “I got you, honey. It’s all right.”

  “I feel so bad for … it’s my fault.”

  Somehow he managed to open the back door without letting her go. Once inside his office he snagged a tissue, heard the box hit the floor, and continued to the sofa. He sat with her in his lap, tucked her head against his shoulder, and did his best to dry her tears. “Easy, honey.”

  She sniffed, clung to the lapel of his lab coat with one hand “I thought I was so brave. I didn’t know what real bravery was. I don’t want to be afraid any longer. I have to trust and accept…” She paused again. “I shouldn’t be crying all over you. Men don’t like tears.”

  That last statement was the first that he understood and could answer. “Bull. I, for one, like knowing I can offer comfort. Tears don’t bother me.”

  “I don’t want us to be at odds anymore. Kayla needs both of us. I want things to be as they were before.”

  He stiffened. “I don’t.”

  She went still in his arms; her choke hold on his lapel loosened. She didn’t move out of his lap, but that didn’t mean she wouldn’t.

  “I can’t pretend to just be your friend any longer. I care about you too much. Eit
her we move forward or…” He didn’t like ultimatums, but he didn’t see any other way. Remaining silent and being old dependable Richard certainly hadn’t worked.

  She sat up and placed her hands in her lap. “I can’t be the woman you want.”

  He would have cursed if he thought it would do any good. “Let me be the judge of that.”

  She looked up with such misery that he had to kiss her, just a gentle brush of his lips against hers. She trembled like a hummingbird, then went soft in his arms. He thought he heard a sigh, and fought to pull back before he frightened her.

  She blinked as if awakening. And perhaps she was.

  “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

  She shook her head. Wonder in her eyes. “You think we could do it again?” she said softly.

  He laughed, then sobered and hugged her. “Let’s save it for later.” He came to his feet, bringing her with him. “How about I take you and my best girl to dinner tonight?”

  “Oh! I was supposed to bring Mexican food back to Fallon and Kayla. I forgot.”

  He pulled out his wallet. “Then buy enough for me and I’ll see you later.”

  “If you don’t put that away, I’m not inviting you to dinner tonight or to go look at the house with me in the morning.”

  Richard quickly stuffed the billfold back into his pocket. “Done.”

  “We’ll see you when you can get there. Kayla has something to show you.”

  “I guess you know I’m pretty crazy about your daughter,” he said. At least he could get that out front.

  “She likes you better than puppies.”

  He grinned, delighted to the tips of his boots. “Yeah.”

  She kissed him on the cheek. “We’ll see you when you can.” She went out the back door again, leaving Richard with a big grin on his face.

  * * *

  Naomi couldn’t tell who was more excited, Kayla or Fallon, when she told them Richard was coming over later. Kayla could hardly eat. Fallon had given Naomi a thumbs-up and tried to leave. Naomi had to threaten not to invite Fallon over again if she left. Naomi was nervous, but it was a good nervous.

  Every once in a while, she just had to touch her lips. From the grin on Fallon’s face, she knew why. Naomi hadn’t expected the gentleness, the softness of Richard’s lips against hers. His hands were the same way. There’s been no grabbing and bruising, hard hands to make her open her mouth or submit. She wanted to explore being held with tenderness. She wasn’t sure about the intimacy. She’d just have to trust Richard and herself most of all.

  This was a new beginning for her. If she didn’t take it with a man she cared about and respected, a man who had shown her in every way that he cared for her and Kayla, there wouldn’t be a next time.

  She’d live her life. Each time she got scared, she’d think of Catherine’s bravery.

  The knock on the door startled her although she’d been waiting for it. Kayla was up like a shot from lying on the floor in the living room watching the Disney Channel. She’d wanted to save the movie until Richard arrived.

  “I bet it’s Dr. Richard.” Kayla rushed toward the window.

  Naomi stood and felt her knees tremble. Her stomach wasn’t much steadier.

  “I’ll get the door,” Fallon whispered. “Excitement looks good on you.”

  Naomi was excited and more. She was also extremely happy. As Kayla dropped the curtain and rushed to open the door herself, Naomi wished she’d had the forethought to have combed her hair, freshened her makeup, and changed clothes. Then the door was opening and Richard was walking in, and all she could do was smile.

  “Dr. Richard,” Kayla greeted, reaching up for him to pick her up.

  “Hey, pumpkin.” He scooped her up with one arm. “Hi, Fallon,” Richard said, but he was looking at Naomi. The look so warm that she felt her cheeks heat.

  “Richard,” Fallon greeted with a grin and closed the door.

  Richard crossed to Naomi and held out a small bouquet of yellow roses. “These are for you.”

  Her hands shook at they closed around the plastic wrapping of the roses, the scent wafting up to her. “Thank you.” Her voice quivered. She wanted to hug the flowers to her, bury her nose in them. She’d commented months ago that she liked yellow roses. He’d remembered.

  Her first flowers, and she had almost missed them. She’d almost missed the man watching her so tenderly by being afraid. “They’re beautiful.”

  “Just like you,” Richard said.

  Naomi knew her blush deepened.

  His attention shifted to Kayla. “Save me any food?”

  “Uh-huh. I wanted to wait and eat with you, but Mama said we could eat dessert together.”

  “Sounds like a plan.”

  “I’ll go put these in water and fix you a plate.” Naomi hurried to the kitchen.

  “Good to see persistence pays off.” Fallon grinned at him.

  He smiled. “Should I tell Lance what you said?”

  Her smile cooled. “I’d tell you what I thought if we were alone.”

  Richard sat Kayla down. “You mother said you had something for me.”

  “I’ll get it.” She took off running.

  Richard knew he didn’t have much time. Lance deserved a break. “He’s the best there is. Life hasn’t always been kind to him.”

  Fallon folded her arms. “So now he takes pleasure in shafting others?”

  A shadow cross Richard’s face. “He’s as honest as they come. He used to be trusting as well. I bet so were you. He’s had to learn to move past his anger. I don’t think you have.”

  “You don’t know me,” she said tightly.

  “You’re honest, intelligent, hardworking, loyal,” he said. “So is Lance. You two might have more in common than you think. My guess is there is another reason that you’re so hard on him.”

  “Here it is.” Kayla handed him her art book.

  Richard hunkered down and stared at the pencil drawing of the man and the little girl. “You did a good job.”

  “That’s you and me.” She placed her arm around his neck. “I bet if I got lost and the guardian wasn’t around, you and Mama would find me.”

  Richard felt his throat tighten. He hugged Kayla to him. Her trust and love were priceless. “We certainly would.”

  Kayla leaned her head against his. “You can have it if you want. Mr. Rodgers already gave me a grade. I asked if you could take it out and he said it would be all right.”

  “Tomorrow, we’ll take it to a shop to have it framed, and then I can put it up in my office,” he told her.

  “For real?” The little girl’s eyes rounded.

  “For real,” he said. “I’ll always tell you the truth. Remember that.”

  “I do. It’s just sometimes…” Her voice trailed off.

  He hugged her. Adults didn’t always keep promises. She’d learned that lesson much too soon. “I know, pumpkin. I know.”

  Naomi heard her daughter, and some of her happiness faded. Kayla didn’t trust because, in her life, people didn’t always keep their word. Her mother was at the top of that list.

  Naomi’s old habit would have been to drop her head, berate herself. This time she accepted that life hadn’t always given her a choice. Correction, she hadn’t always made the right choice. Her gaze went to Richard, saw his unshakable faith in her that had never wavered. There was nothing she could do about the past. She just had to make the best of the future.

  Her head up, she walked farther into the living room. “Your food is ready.”

  Richard came to his feet. “I’m starved.”

  Kayla grabbed his hand. “I’ll show you. I helped Mama put a place mat and everything on the table for you.”

  “I’ll let you eat and get out of here.” Fallon headed for the door. “Thanks for the meal. Good night, everyone.”

  “Kayla, please show Richard where to sit.” Naomi hurried after Fallon to remind her about staying or no more meals; then she saw her friend’s unha
ppy expression. “What’s the matter?”

  Fallon shook her dark head of hair, then looked at Richard and Kayla heading for the kitchen. “Richard doesn’t pull his punches.”

  “I think I wore out his quota of patience for the next ten years,” Naomi said with feeling. “But he likes you.”

  Fallon wrinkled her nose. “He thinks I’m too hard on his cousin.”

  “Are you?” Naomi asked, then shook her head. “You don’t have to answer that. I’m the last person to try to analyze another person’s feelings when I’m having trouble with my own. I just know that I want to … live, for want of a better word.”

  Fallon finally smiled. “You certainly picked the right man.”

  Naomi grinned back. “I think so, too.”

  Fallon hugged her. “Then get back to him. Good night.”

  “Good night.” Naomi closed and locked the door, then started for the kitchen. She’d been looking inward so much that she never realized that women like Catherine or Fallon, who appeared to have it all together, might have problems of their own. But they never let this deter them from what they wanted.

  Entering the kitchen, she saw Richard eating and Kayla talking nonstop about her day at school. Naomi smiled. She was taking this chance.

  * * *

  They cleaned up the kitchen together. Richard insisted on helping, and because Kayla, who didn’t like washing dishes, wanted to be with him, she’d helped. Both of them stared at Richard as he swept the floor.

  He smiled at them. “After cleaning kennels, this is a walk in the park.”

  Naomi’s lips twitched. “I bet.”

  Chuckling, he put the broom and dustpan away, then went to the sink to wash his hands. “Ladies, you want to go for a drive?”

  “Mama got us a movie to watch.” Kayla took his hand again. “It’s about secret-agent dogs saving the world against some bad cats. Crystal, in my class, said it was funny. She likes dogs, too.”

  “How can it miss?” Richard held out his hand for Naomi. “Coming?”

  She reached out her hand to his, then clenched it.

  He frowned, disappointment clear in his eyes.

  “I forgot to lotion them,” she explained, then quickly went to the bottle by the sink, a gift from Fallon, another person who disliked washing dishes. After rubbing the lavender scent into her skin, she reached for his hand.