Summer Swing

by Delia Delaney

  I climbed next to him and he gathered me in his arms. It felt so good to be near him again. I really enjoyed kissing him again too, but as our kissing intensified, our hands also got busier. Loving Gage was really easy, but doubt began to creep into my mind when his behavior seemed a little desperate, and I began to really question what his feelings were stemming from. I was torn between giving him the comfort that he needed temporarily, and doing what might be best for our relationship in the long run.

  I wished there were free passes when it came to these kinds of decisions in life because I would much rather leave it up to someone that knew better than I did. “God, give me a pass on this decision,” I would say. “I’m incapable of making it right now, so please tell me what to do.”

  I’d made up my mind by then, and I slowed down the passion between us.

  “Gage?”

  “Mmm?”

  “Can we talk for a minute?”

  He stopped kissing me and took a deep breath. We were silent for quite a while, except for our breathing trying to settle down, and then he replied, “Okay.”

  We separated just slightly and I propped myself up on my elbow, still with my other arm around his waist.

  “What’s the matter?” he asked, turning on the lamp. He smoothed back my hair with his fingers while I studied the stubble that had been roughing up my face just moments ago.

  “I just want to know how you’re doing,” I replied softly. “I haven’t even heard your voice for a few days.”

  He was quiet for a few seconds as he seemed to be staring at the wall. When he looked at me again he said, “I just haven’t felt like talking about it yet.”

  “Yeah, I understand that. And I’m really sorry for what you’re going through, Gage. But I just want you to know that I love you and I want you to be okay. I want to help you get through this.”

  “I’m fine.”

  “Well can you just…tell me how you’re doing? What you’re thinking? What you’re feeling?”

  He stared at the wall again and the look on his face reminded me of myself when I was a teenager. It was an “I’m only tolerating this conversation” kind of look.

  He looked at me again and said, “ ‘Sharing my feelings’ isn’t going to make it any better. I’m not going to all of a sudden feel grateful for this ‘learning opportunity’ in my life. This—whatever it is—trial. I don’t want to think about all of that right now.”

  “Okay, I understand.” I really did, and I felt bad for requesting such a confession from him. “I’m sorry, I just don’t know what I should do or say.”

  “What was happening a few minutes ago was perfect,” he smiled wryly.

  I returned the smile and he slid his hand behind my neck and pulled me closer to him. I had to assume that was the only thing on his mind, and it was really hard to turn him down.

  “What?” he asked when I hesitated.

  I sighed. “I just think the timing isn’t right.”

  “Uh, are you worried about being interrupted? Because my uncle is staying at the hospital until I get there to relieve him, and my sister left for Medford this morning to take care of things for when my mom comes home. Well she’s not going home right away, but she’s being transferred to another hospital down there tomorrow. Anyways… Ellie, I’m so glad you’re here. It’s made me realize how much I’ve missed you and how much I need to be around you. Thank you for coming. Thank you for…knowing how much I needed to see you.”

  I was affected, I’ll admit it, and I let him kiss me some more. Gage and I had a great relationship, and I was trying to justify our actions over and over again, but I just couldn’t shake the feeling that was telling me to stop, and I could even hear the voice that the advice was coming from.

  “Gage, let’s stop, okay?”

  He did stop right away, but I didn’t like the look he gave me. He almost looked pissed, and that took me completely by surprise. Gage was never one to get upset about not getting his way, and especially with me, he had never made me feel insignificant. But at that moment I did, and I wasn’t sure what to do about it. I may have reacted another way had the circumstances been different, but I was trying to take into account all that Gage had been going through. I was trying to be understanding.

  “I take it we’re done here, right?” he asked. He sat up and put his feet on the floor, turning his back to me.

  “Gage,” I sighed. “I just… I think we’re rushing things right now. I don’t want to make a mistake. You mean too much to me.”

  “Uh, that’s kind of ironic, isn’t it? You come here, don’t mind being all over me, tell me you love me and want to help me, and then you choose not to just let us be together. The choice is yours to make—I get that—but when, Ellie? When is our relationship going to take the next step?”

  “I guess when it’s going to be about you and me, and not you and your anger. Listen to yourself, Gage. This isn’t you. Is it? Because if it is, then I don’t know how I’ve been so blinded the past six weeks.”

  He groaned and rubbed his face with his hands. “Is this you telling me that I’m a jerk? Just because I want to have a stronger relationship with you? Just because I want to be closer to you?”

  “No, this is me telling you that you’re not acting like yourself, and I’m really worried about things changing between us because of it. Can you see that? Can you understand how I feel, how that worries me? I want it to be about us, Gage. Not about you.”

  His shoulders seemed to slump. “I didn’t realize you have different feelings for me than I do for you.”

  “That’s not it at all. I do love you, and I do want what you want. But I’m a little scared that this is happening because of other feelings that you’re experiencing. Gage, your dad just died, your mom is in the hospital…”

  He turned to face me. “So because I lost my father, you can’t believe how much I love you, Ellie? You think that the only reason I started kissing you like that is because I miss my dad?” I didn’t respond and he slightly shook his head. “In case you didn’t know, you are so beautiful, Ambrielle Abbott. Not just on the outside, but I love who you are as a person. You brighten my day no matter what, and whenever I can’t be with you, all I think about is when I’m going to see you again. Yeah, this week has been really tough, but I think—no, I know—it’s been even harder because I shut you out. I realize that now, and I’m sorry for that. And I’m sorry for acting like such an ass, but I was just…kind of confused I guess. I was letting my feelings for you move things faster than you were comfortable with, and I’m really sorry for being so selfish.”

  I was a little speechless. I had assumed his behavior had everything to do with losing his father, and of course he could still feel that way and not realize it, but I had no doubt what his feelings were for me.

  I scooted closer behind him and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. “I’m sorry I didn’t handle this very well. Harlan told me not to expect anything, and for the most part I hadn’t, but here I was, expect—”

  “Harlan?” He moved slightly so he could see me, and my arms went to my sides. “Since when do you confide in Harlan?”

  “He was just at the game on Tuesday, Gage. He was there when—”

  “Yeah, I saw the two of you talking and laughing the whole time,” he said dryly.

  “Gage, I’m not interested in Harlan. He’s just a funny guy that…” Something kind of hit me all of a sudden. “Is that why you’ve avoided me all week? Have you been bugged that I was sitting with Harlan?”

  He didn’t respond with words, but I could tell it might be true.

  “Gage…”

  “No, that’s not it,” he sighed. “Honestly, I wasn’t trying to punish you for talking to him or anything—at least not consciously. It did kind of hurt though, and I guess I just accepted it as another part of my nightmarish week.”

  “Oh, Gage, I’m so sorry. He just likes to talk to me, and I like making fun of his accent.”

  “So
he doesn’t flirt with you or say things that are suggestive? Like taking over if things don’t work out between you and I?” he added with a raise of his brow.

  “Yes, I guess he does,” I replied with a frown. “But he knows how I feel about you, so it doesn’t work. He drove me home that night because I was upset about your dad, and that you left so quickly, and because you didn’t want me to come with you…”

  “Ellie, that had nothing to do with you. I just wasn’t thinking straight—”

  “I know, I realized that, but my little girl heart told me I was to feel wounded. I got over it though, when Harlan told me not to take it personally.”

  He playfully groaned at the mention of Harlan’s name again.

  “Sorry,” I smiled. “But hey, he was on your side,” I added.

  “Mmhmm, so it would work to his advantage next time.”

  “Oh, did you know that Felix Allen is his brother?” I asked, shifting the conversation.

  “You’re kidding me. Felix? I don’t really see the resemblance—Oh, different last names…”

  “Harlan was adopted by his aunt and uncle—Felix’s parents.”

  “Hm. I guess I’ve never even talked to Felix. Maybe the Brit lingo would have put two and two together if I had.”

  “Maybe you can chat him up the next time you play his team.”

  His shoulders dropped again and he sighed. “I don’t think I’ll be going back,” he said.

  “What? What do you mean?”

  “I just don’t think it’s gonna work out. My sister is going back to Berkeley after the funeral—she’s got some student counseling thing she’s doing over the summer—and my mom will need a lot of help for a while. I have no idea what to do about my dad’s business, and there are things that need to be taken care of right away. I just don’t think I can do it all. I’m probably going to be living back at home for now. At least until things get taken care of, or school starts again.”

  “What about Rick?”

  “He’s got his own business to worry about. He’ll help with what he can, but I don’t expect him to. My mom’s family has been in and out for the past few days, but I don’t think any of them have any plans to help out with anything permanently.”

  “Is your mom going to be financially secure?”

  He shrugged. “For now she is. My dad had a life insurance policy, but as for the business… She has no interest in running it.”

  “Well what are your plans for it? Are you still going to work there when you’re done with school? Maybe you can just find someone to take care of it while you’re gone. Does your dad have employees that are capable of doing that?”

  He sighed and rubbed his forehead. “Maybe.”

  I had a feeling that maybe Gage didn’t want to run his father’s company. I knew that he was excited to work for his dad, but now that his dad was no longer around, maybe it wasn’t in the cards anymore.

  “Gage, if running your dad’s business isn’t what you want, then you should probably consider a different option. I don’t mean to impose, but it’s just something you should keep in mind.”

  “I would feel guilty if I didn’t.”

  “I know, but sometimes letting go of things is for the best. If you’re not going to be happy doing it, then I doubt your dad would expect you to. In fact, I know he wouldn’t.”

  “Everyone else expects me to. Even Holly.”

  “Well your sister isn’t the one burdened with the decision. I’m sure everyone understands that you have a say in this, too.”

  He didn’t say anything for a few seconds. Finally he did say, “I’ll be almost five hours away from you, Ellie. I’m not okay with that.”

  “We knew that when you’d be going back to Eastern. That’s also a four-and-a-half hour drive.”

  “Yeah, but at least there was some time before that happened. At least I knew I had another six weeks with you.”

  “I can come down every weekend, Gage. I’ll leave straight from work on Friday afternoons, and I’ll stay until Sunday.”

  “Every weekend? That’s going to be a lot.”

  “Well that’s what we were talking about when we discussed you returning to school.”

  “I know, but we were going to alternate weekends.” He took a deep breath and shook his head. “For now I’ll just see what I can do to get my mom back on track. I’ll just take it a day at a time, I guess. I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t apologize. This will all work out, Gage.”

  “Work out how?”

  “Work out however it’s gonna work out,” I smiled.

  He chuckled. “Sounds a little uncertain.”

  “Okay, we’ll do what we can to make it work out how we want it to work out. I promise.”

  “I like that a lot better. Thanks, Ellie—for being supportive. I love you.” He leaned toward me to give me a kiss, and it was very soft and sweet.

  “I love you, too,” I replied, sliding closer to him.

  Chapter Twelve

  “Oh this can’t be happening,” I growled, trying to turn the engine over one more time. It was almost five-thirty in the morning and I had to be at work by six. Even if I did get my car to start, I’d barely make it there on time.

  I was actually at Wyatt’s house. I’d made a quick stop on my way to work to grab a few of Gage’s things to take down to him that weekend straight from the radio station. I didn’t understand how my car got me from Lake Oswego to Portland, but now it decided to give up on me.

  “Come on!” I told my car, hitting the steering wheel with the heel of my hand. “You’re a good car; you’re supposed to be dependable!”

  It wasn’t going to start, and I knew it, and I knew Dawn was out of town with Wyatt, so my only option would be to call a friend or co-worker. Maybe my dad could bring up the SUV…

  A knock on the window nearly scared me silly, and Tyse was standing at the driver’s door.

  I stepped out of the car and slammed the door shut. “My car won’t start.”

  “Yeah, I see that. Pop the hood.”

  “Why are you up so early?”

  “I just got home. Pop the hood.” He motioned to the driver’s seat, so I opened the door and popped the hood. “It was cranking, right?”

  “Huh?”

  “The engine was turning over, but it wouldn’t fully start?”

  “Oh. Yeah, it was ‘cranking.’ ”

  He barely smiled at my stupidity, and then stuck his head under the hood. I saw his hands checking a couple of things, and after a few seconds he hollered, “Turn it.”

  I turned the key and there was still nothing. I groaned, and I knew I had to at least call into work to let them know I would be late. There was no way I was going to make it now—

  “Turn it again,” Tyse said.

  I did it one more time, and when it didn’t magically fix itself that time, I pulled my phone out to make the call.

  “Your fuel pump is out,” Tyse told me, coming around the car. He stood at my open door with one hand leaning on the top of my car.

  “My fuel pump? Oh man, that doesn’t sound good—”

  “Nah, no worries. It’s easy enough.”

  “Easy for you to say. But I can’t, like, fix it right now, right? It’s something I need to have done? I need to get to work.”

  He handed me a set of keys and said, “Here, you can take my truck. I know it’s not as nice as your car, but it’ll get you there.”

  “Wait, what about—”

  “Just get to work and I’ll take care of your car, okay? Hurry up, grab what you need for right now and I’ll trade you vehicles again before your work day is over.”

  “But—”

  “Ellie, gimme your damn keys,” he chuckled.

  “Well, what about- what about money…” I grabbed my purse and only found about sixty bucks. I knew that wasn’t even close to what I’d have to pay the repair shop.

  “You can pay me later,” Tyse said. “You have a reception desk at
work or something?”

  “Uh, yeah.”

  “Just leave my keys there and I’ll leave yours when I bring your car. Give me the address, and maybe a number, just in case.”

  I was feeling pretty grateful for his help, so I grabbed a business card out of my purse and handed it to him. “Oh, on second thought…” I wrote my cell phone number on it. “You can just call my phone if you want. Or I have a lunch break if I can come pay for it or—”

  “Okay, get to work,” he told me firmly, barely cracking a smile.

  I grabbed a few of my things from the car, including a couple of folders and my laptop. I decided to grab my CD case as well, and a few miscellaneous ATM receipts that were in my center console. I didn’t like the idea of people working on my car, especially if I wasn’t there. I was glad all of Gage’s things were already in the trunk.

  I watched Tyse walk into the house and the front door closed behind him. For whatever reason he’d been out all night, I was glad he came home when he did. His truck was already unlocked, so I got behind the wheel to start the engine. First I had to move the seat up, and then I noticed the smell. For an old pickup, lavender was the last thing I expected to get a whiff of. I sniffed again, and I was pretty sure it was lavender. I thought maybe he had some sort of air freshener hanging somewhere, but I didn’t see one.

  I set my things on the passenger’s seat, careful not to bother what was already there. Besides a Bears sweatshirt, there was also a schedule and a few other papers.

  Work was screaming my name, so as I drove down the street, I listened to Billy Joel coming from the tape player. It made me smile at first, just because it seemed so odd for Tyse, but I found myself thoroughly enjoying it. I almost wanted to stay sitting in the truck when I arrived at work, just to listen to more Billy Joel. But I kept the feeling with me as I entered the building thirty minutes late.

  Despite my morning inconvenience, my day went pretty well. I went on air to deliver some pretty fun ideas about restaurants for first dates, and it turned out to flow so well, I ended up sticking around longer than my usual time frame. It kind of evolved into Ken asking me about some of my first date experiences, and they particularly got a kick out of my first date with Gage in the emergency room.