The Deadening

by Yvonne Heidt

  She settled back in her chair and sipped the sludge masquerading as coffee.

  Outside, it began to rain, and lightning split the black night sky. She counted one-Mississippi and made it to five-Mississippi before thunder rumbled in the sky.

  Raven had always loved storms; she enjoyed the rush of raw power and the way it felt against her skin.

  But then a different energy altogether smoked under the door and into the room. Raven silently recited a protection spell and then opened her senses to identify it.

  Shade mumbled in her sleep, and her body twitched several times.

  Raven couldn’t see it yet, but felt the presence move from left to right, closer to the bed. She rose and stood protectively over Shade. “Get out,” she hissed; the command was quiet, yet still forceful. “Leave her.”

  Raven rubbed her hands together and gathered energy from the storm to throw as a weapon. When her palms felt as if they were on fire from the friction, she raised her arms to encompass the entire room and let it fly from her hands. After the burst, the entity slipped back into the hallway. She said a silent prayer of thanks to her brother who had taught her that move.

  Shade stopped moving, and her breath evened out.

  Bring it on, Raven thought defiantly. She felt bigger, stronger, and completely confident she could protect Shade while she slept. But she couldn’t figure out what was waiting in the hallway. Had Shade brought the demon goddess back with her? Or was it something else? Regardless, it was after Shade, and she’d be damned if she would let it get anywhere near her, especially after all they’d done to bring her back.

  Raven charmed herself with a keep-awake spell. She’d gotten so good at it the last several weeks, she didn’t even need the words anymore. She just brought up the emotion she’d felt when reciting it, and it kicked in automatically.

  She really needed to have a discussion with her mother about that. Raven was getting magically stronger each day, in little ways, and in big ones. It was nearly too easy.

  It was almost scary.

  Her heart rate slowed to where it had been before the intrusion, and she officially began her vigil for the night.

  “Sweet dreams, Shade,” she whispered. “I’m here.”

  *

  Shade sat on the creek bank. Between the hypnotizing sound of the flowing water, the sun peeking through the trees and warming her, and the silence, she felt calm. She turned her face toward the sun and felt a moment of completeness. The heat made her sleepy, and she lay down in the grass, watching the clouds pass overhead.

  She wasn’t aware of time; she only knew she was content and relaxed. It was a foreign feeling, but she didn’t question it. For a few seconds, she felt pure grace and gratitude that she was alive, and the beauty of the earth filled her soul. Shade smiled at the wonder of it.

  The birds sang, and the water burbled in her perfect, idyllic dreamscape.

  A dark cloud covered the sun, and lightning struck a tree next to her, causing it to fall to its side mere inches from her head. She tried to roll away from it but found she couldn’t move. Thunder crashed overhead, and she felt the force of it shake the ground beneath her.

  She had a moment of panic before a solar flash from the sun forced the dark cloud to move on, returning her to peace.

  She smiled and settled back into the grassy bank and watched a raven soar in the sky above her.

  *

  Shade heard someone crying softly and felt Tiffany’s energy surrounding her with a healing energy, but one laced with deep sorrow. She was lying partially on the bed, on her side with her forehead close to Shade’s. At some point during the night, the nurses had shifted Shade onto her side, probably to alleviate the bedsores.

  Shade felt a cold breeze on her backside. She made a clumsy attempt to pat Tiffany, but her limbs weren’t obeying her just yet. The drugs made her sluggish, and there appeared to be a delay between thinking about moving, and actually being able to.

  Her throat was parched, but she managed a sound she hoped was soothing because it was the only thing she was capable of at the moment.

  Tiffany startled. “Oh, you’re awake.”

  “S’okay. Thirsty. My ass is in the wind, Tiff.”

  Tiffany giggled and carefully lifted herself off the bed before covering Shade’s backside. “Sorry.”

  Tiffany fed her some ice chips from the Styrofoam cup on her stand, and Shade noticed she wouldn’t quite look her in the eye.

  “Whaswrong?”

  Tiffany’s voice hitched. “I’m so sorry.”

  “Forwha? Wait. Christ, gimme a minute here.”

  Tiffany laid her head on Shade’s shoulder and cried harder, making it impossible for Shade to understand her, but Tiffany’s words were clear in Shade’s mind. It’s all my fault.

  “Stop, please,” Shade said and stroked Tiffany’s hair clumsily. “I can’t stand to see you hurting, and I’m fine.”

  Tiffany lifted her head and looked at her with swollen eyes and a red nose. Her hair was a mess, and she looked as if she’d been at it for hours. Tiffany would never be a pretty crier, Shade thought, but it was still endearing.

  “I thought I killed you,” Tiffany said.

  “Not you.” Shade cleared her throat. “Not your fault. And if I know you, Sunny, Aura, and you did far more to heal me than the doctors ever could.”

  “True,” Tiffany said. “But when you were stuck in the coma, I was so scared for you. We couldn’t reach you, and it nearly destroyed me. We came every day to see you.”

  Shade smiled. “I know that, Tiff. It’s what you do.”

  “Raven took the night shift, and Sunny and I took shifts during the day.”

  Shade wanted to see how the events unfolded from outside her perspective, so she held Tiffany’s hand and slipped around her mental blocks to watch.

  “No! Shade, stop it!” Tiffany snatched her hand back.

  But Shade had her memory now. She saw herself waving good-bye and remembered how she’d made a bargain with the devil, Mark, to save her family.

  After a blinding light, Shade heard Tiffany’s front window shatter, then several car alarms went off. Tiffany screamed and ran outside, and Shade felt the horror she’d experienced. There had been black smoke, thick and nearly impossible to see through, but Tiffany unerringly made her way to where Shade lay across the street, broken and twisted.

  When she heard Tiffany continue to scream, she felt her heart break, then break again while she waited for the ambulance and gave Shade all of her energy until they got to the scene.

  Shade had no doubt Tiffany saved her life. If it weren’t for her extraordinary gift of healing, Shade would have died on that lawn.

  “Where did his evil spirit go then? Did you see him on the other side?”

  “No. That’s a prize worth having,” Shade said. “His lives were over, we broke the chain of curses, I made the sacrifice, and he’s probably sitting at Satan’s right side or whatever. Not your fault, baby.”

  “Is,” Tiffany said and lifted her chin higher.

  “Not.” Shade knew her well enough to know that was Tiffany’s stubborn, I’m not going to consider what you’re saying look, but tried anyway. “It was that fucking lunatic Mark’s, fault.”

  “He was my problem, my nightmare—not yours.”

  “He threatened to take Angel, or you.”

  Tiffany’s eyes widened at the implication. “He was dead, Shade. Very powerful, yes—but enough to plant a bomb?”

  Shade shook her head. “No, and I hadn’t counted on that. I knew I was the best choice to fight him on the astral, but not only was he not there, he must have still had an accomplice on this side. Someone he could control.”

  “Beenie-bitch.” Tiffany gestured angrily. “She came here, and we caught her, but she got away, and…” Tiffany’s face turned red, and she sputtered. “And…”

  “It’s okay. Calm down, sweetie. Let’s not talk about this right now.”

  “Excuse me, th
at just reminded me, I have to call Jordan and ask if she learned anything new about the case.”

  “She’s not a cop anymore, Tiff.”

  “I know, but that’s hard to remember because she still has good contacts.” Tiffany’s phone rang in her pocket, and she checked the caller ID. “It’s Kat. I have to take this. Stay here. I’ll be right back.”

  Shade smiled. “Not going anywhere,” she said then chuckled.

  Her heart swelled with love and affection. She’d do it all over again for Tiffany, and Angel, if it came right down to it.

  No, she hadn’t seen her assailant coming, and she never realized she had a savior until Raven flew, literally, into her personal nightmare.

  Shade heard a snap of a clipboard in the nurse’s station across from her door, and she went straight into the memory.

  That damn click in her head, followed by the flash of fire, and then nothing.

  A hollow, constrictive tightening in her chest closed her lungs as her heart rate picked up. She was hyperventilating, and she thought she might be having a heart attack. The clip of memory played in a loop, over and over again, and she felt the cold of the cave as if she were still there.

  The button, where was the button? Her right hand found and pushed it several times in succession. She knew it wouldn’t give her more, but she wanted to end this right now. C’mon, dammit.

  The relief was instant and the band around her chest dissipated. One thought persisted, making her ache inside. She’d wanted to die. She’d even taken her dead father’s hand and stepped into the light with him. She’d been ready.

  But even the afterlife hadn’t wanted her.

  Thank God for the red button. At least Shade had that.

  Chapter Ten

  “Well,” the doctor said. “I can’t believe we’re not keeping you here any longer.” He looked at the chart. It clearly didn’t explain why Shade had healed so fast from such a devastating injury. “You’re a very lucky woman.”

  Was she? Lucky? Shade wasn’t sure. She just might not have been worthy of the light.

  She wanted to kick herself for the thought. She’d been shown nothing but love this past week. The flowers she’d received were enough to start her own florist shop, if she were so inclined. The thought amused her. The nurses had been awesome, and she’d grown attached to Mary, who had the night shift.

  She continued to stare at the perplexed doctor and smiled absently. She was still pondering the bizarre fact she hadn’t seen one dead person since she woke.

  Not one.

  In a place where people passed away daily, none had come to bother her.

  It wasn’t just unusual. It was weird, alien. Unsettling.

  She could still hear stray thoughts, define different energies, and raw, random emotions flew around all over the place, including the relief and gratitude from families who received good news about their loved ones, and the ones that didn’t. Hope, dread, grief, and relief were evident all around her. The boredom of the nurses tending patients that didn’t interact, although she was able to sense there were a few nurses who preferred not to deal with attitudes, and chose to work in this quiet ward.

  The emotions she felt varied from light, almost white gray, to the dark charcoal shades of the more devastating ones.

  It was driving her crazy. She hadn’t felt one iota of black energy.

  Zip, zilch, nada.

  Instead of being relieved, it made Shade anxious, and she felt as if she were waiting for the other shoe to drop. A piece of her she’d long ago accepted, and even embraced, was missing.

  Had she lost her ability? Or conquered a curse? Realistically, she knew she’d never be consumed by the Dark completely because she had Sunny and Tiffany to keep her balanced, when she couldn’t do it herself.

  Then she could share the joy they felt when they helped a lost soul pass into the light. Shade’s job was to help when a spirit was trapped by something against their will.

  What was she going to do for a living if she lost her clients? Sisters of Spirits would lose the balance they’d carefully cultivated through the years. An all-inclusive paranormal group needed someone to fight the dark, someone who could take it and not be consumed by it. That had always been her. So what would she be now?

  “That’s it then.” The doctor snapped the file shut and shrugged, still looking mystified. “Take care.” He left quickly.

  Shade hadn’t heard half of what he said. Not that it mattered. She had Aura and Tiffany to help her. For some reason, being out of the coma jump-started some amazing results. Their healing session worked miracles, and it was the sole reason she was walking out of here, instead of facing the possibility of life in a wheelchair. Well, with a little help, she thought, as she looked at the walker. Whether she’d be able to walk without it in the future remained to be seen.

  Raven was due to pick her up in an hour. Shade had little recollection of what they’d talked about when she’d been between morphine doses, but she knew she’d felt comforted when Raven was beside her.

  Shade didn’t have the guts to process anything right now, especially how she felt about Raven. Now that she thought about it, she couldn’t remember if she asked Raven about the attack on her by Phaedra. She hadn’t even checked to make sure Raven was okay.

  “You’re such a bitch,” she said to the room. She stood carefully at the side of the bed and dropped her sweatpants on the floor. Damn it.

  Shade tried to turn and nearly lost her balance, but managed to grip the sheets so she didn’t fall. “Hey. You’re not supposed to be here for another hour.”

  Raven crouched gracefully next to her. “Here, let me help you. Lift your foot.”

  Shade let her put the legs of her pants around her ankles and stood still while she lifted them. When they were eye to eye, her stomach flipped. God, she’s gorgeous. “It’s all good,” Raven whispered. “I’ve got you.”

  She helped Shade sit back on the edge of the bed, and then she was faced with Raven’s breasts. She wanted to lay her head and rest on them so badly, but didn’t.

  Now, more than ever, she had to let her go. She was lost, and she wouldn’t take Raven into Limbo with her.

  *

  Raven pulled into Shade’s driveway, parked, and then looked at her. Shade’s stubborn expression hadn’t changed since she’d gotten in the car. “You realize you’ve disappointed your friends and family, right?”

  “What? It’s wrong for me to want space? I’m tired.”

  “But they wanted to see you. Tiffany and Angel planned on decorating your house.”

  “Aw, I miss Angel,” Shade said. “But still.”

  Raven wanted to shake her. Shade was the only person she knew who could be more stubborn than she was. And that was saying something. She sensed Shade’s agitation. She wanted to get to her prescriptions, because the nurses had taken her morphine drip away hours ago. “These people died a little each day you were in a coma. To shut them out is unfair and inconsiderate.”

  “But I don’t feel good,” Shade said. “Living through an explosion will do that to a person.”

  “Are you whining, Shade?” She noticed a tiny pout on her face. “Oh, my God, you are! I never thought I’d see the day.”

  “You don’t see anything.” Shade turned away.

  “Now you’re just snapping at me to be mean,” Raven said. She got out of the car, took the walker out of the trunk, and went around to Shade’s door to help her out.

  Shade waved her off. “I got it. Back up.”

  “Mean and stubborn.” Raven sidestepped, out of Shade’s way, but near enough to catch her if she slipped. It hurt to watch her suffer while she struggled up the walkway, but Shade managed it, slowly and carefully, while Raven followed close behind.

  “Shit!” Shade yelled.

  “What—what’s wrong?” Raven hurried to the door.

  “My keys were in the goddamn van.”

  Raven put a hand on her shoulder. She couldn’t imagine how
Shade felt, being constantly reminded of the attack both physically and now, by something as simple as a house key. “It’s okay,” she said. “Sunny told me where to find one.” Raven ducked behind the bushes alongside the house and picked up the rock under the hose with the key hidden inside.

  “Clever, but predictable,” Shade said.

  Great, Raven thought, she was going to keep her cranky attitude. Well, she would just have to keep meeting her snotty behavior with cheer.

  Until she wouldn’t anymore.

  Raven wasn’t always sure when she would lose her temper. And by then it was usually too late. Shade opened the door, and Raven followed her in to make sure she reached the big recliner. She was in obvious discomfort, but never made a sound while she settled in.

  “I’ll be right back. I have stuff to get out of the car.”

  “Not going anywhere,” Shade said.

  Raven hated the way her words dripped with sarcasm.

  Fine, thought Raven, be that way. She felt her own temper rising, but she refused to give in to her smartass comments. She was here to show Shade that she needed Raven. But if Shade didn’t admit to needing anyone, even for a moment, Raven didn’t know what else to do. Shade just might find herself alone. Which meant Raven would be alone too, a thought she couldn’t stand.

  Raven realized she’d had on rose-colored glasses when she thought of how it would be when she brought Shade home. In her head, she’d pictured it differently, and now she felt stupid. What had she been thinking? She was going to move in and play Suzy Homemaker? That Shade would be grateful and confess her never ending love?

  No. She was Raven Morales, a kickass witch, and an independent woman. As much as she thought she loved Shade, she would never be a doormat.

  It was time to set boundaries, ones that Raven would have to back up. Which meant if Shade crossed them, there would have to be consequences, and she’d have to walk out. Raven respected herself, and Shade would have to as well.