Seeing Clearly

by Casey McMillin

  "I guess it's safe to assume that's Ian Craig," Gretchen said, looking at me.

  "Yeah, he's a character. You haven't met him?" I asked.

  "No, but Rachel told me he'd be here. She said he was taking photos for free in exchange for the rights to use them as he pleases."

  "That's what I hear," I said, "seems like a win-win."

  Just then, a group of people surprised us by coming from the outside terrace. Gretchen was caught off-guard by their appearance and I assumed it was because she didn't realize they were already here when she arrived.

  "I think that's Collin's family," she said, staring intently at the group of people as if she still couldn't believe they'd been here the whole time. "I guess they were outside."

  "Do you want to go introduce yourself?" I asked.

  She gave it some thought before replying, "I think I'll wait for Rachel. I checked my phone when I pulled out my keys, and I had a text from her saying she was just a few minutes away."

  Just then, the group of people passed us and headed for the entrance. We heard them saying they were going to wait for Collin to arrive.

  Gretchen turned to me. "Yep, that's his family all right. Did you see the brother? Spitting image of Collin."

  I wasn't listening to what she was saying. I was just getting to look at her for the first time and it struck me that her pale green dress was the exact same color of her eyes. Come to think of it, her eyes were almost the same color as mine. I had the oddest sensation for a split second that I was staring into my own eyes. They looked so much better on her, though. The sight of them against her red hair and freckles could take your breath away.

  "Don't you think so?" she asked, snapping me back to reality.

  "Think what?" I asked.

  "Think that must've been Collin's brother."

  "I guess so," I said, even though I hadn't really seen the guy. "Let's go out there." I pointed to the door that led to the terrace. "Who knows? Maybe there's a whole bunch of people out there you don't know about."

  She faked a punch to my shoulder. "Why do you have to be so mean? Do you just like to torture me?" Gretchen looked around to make sure nobody was in earshot of us before continuing, "And why do you have to walk in telling Caleb to keep his pants on? That makes it sound like I'm slut or something. You want my date to think the worst of me?"

  "Of course not," I said… and I meant it. I didn't want anyone to think the worst of Gretchen. I tried to remember what prompted me to be so rude, and I realized it was probably just because I wanted Fabio Junior to get his grubby little hands off of her. But I couldn't really tell her that now could I?

  I put an arm around her shoulder and turned us in the direction of the terrace door. I started walking toward it, pulling her along with me. She followed. Reluctantly at first, but she did come with me.

  "What are you doing with him Gretchen? He's just a boy. What do you want with the boy when you could have a man?" She was silent for a few long seconds after that, and by the time she spoke, we were outside and she had stopped walking to look at me.

  "He's only a year younger than me, Joel. And what does it matter anyway? Where do you get off telling me who I should and shouldn't date?" Her feathers were ruffled. I could tell she was just getting started. "You're here with someone, I'm here with someone. Why can't we just be friends with each other… be nice to each other?"

  I couldn’t take my eyes off her lips, her mad little lips. I found myself wanting to kiss the frown off of them.

  "We… actually, uh, no, I'm not sure about friends." I mumbled.

  "What did you just say?" she asked, dumbfounded. "I didn't understand a word of that."

  "I said I don't know if I want to be your friend."

  "There you are!" It was a female voice and I turned to see the smiling face of Celia Beckett, my date for the evening. She walked toward me with an arm outstretched. I took her hand. What else was I supposed to do?

  "Congratulations on the surgery," Gretchen said as she edged her way past us, "looks like it was a success." She shot a smile my direction, and I thought she was either an excellent actress, or she honestly wasn't upset about Celia's appearance. The fact that she was being so aloof just served to piss me off. I had the urge to follow her just to see if that smile remained in place.

  Celia's voice brought me to the present. "I didn't have to do the procedure. The hospital got in touch with my partner. He was the one on call tonight, anyway. They called me back when he said he was on his way, and I just turned around and came here." She hesitated for a moment and then added, "I hope that's okay." She gave a concerned look in the direction of the door Gretchen had just gone through.

  "Yes. I'm glad you're here. And, no, that was just, she's, uhh, just an assistant, my advertiser's assistant. And, an actress, I guess. Her name's Gretchen." For Christ's sake, I had to recover somehow. I was all-but stuttering. "You look beautiful," I said.

  It worked. She beamed at me. "Aww, thanks. You look good too. If I'd have known you were going to look this hot, I would have shaved my legs," she said.

  "You didn't shave your legs?" I asked, taking a little peek down toward her exposed ankles. She kicked up her foot so I could examine.

  "I did," she said, guiltily, "I just wanted an excuse to say you looked hot. And I wanted you to check out my legs."

  "You think I look hot?" I asked. I was playing along, saying what I knew she wanted me to say. I was so frustrated with myself for not being able to focus on anything but the redhead. I rubbed my eyebrows as if I were trying to physically erase the girl from my brain.

  "You okay?" Celia asked, concerned as every good doctor should be, "headache?" I smiled at her. She really was a sweet girl. She was beautiful, and smart, and had all the other attributes I'd been looking for. Shaking Freckles out of my head should be a piece of cake once I reminded myself about how great Celia was.

  "No, I'm good," I said. "Is this your first time here?" I asked.

  "No… but it never get less beautiful," she said. "Is it your first time?"

  "I've been here once before, but you're exactly right, I'm blown away again." I was looking around at the gorgeous flowers and plants, all formed from glass and mirror. On the terrace, the amazing reflective artwork was incorporated into real landscaping. It was the most colorful, whimsical place I'd ever seen… Too bad I was too distracted and pissed to enjoy it.

  Chapter 3

  Gretchen

  The party was going off without a hitch. The people we hired to cater the event were organized and provided easy finger foods for the guests to munch on while they enjoyed the beautiful venue.

  Everyone enjoyed seeing the photograph of Collin and Rachel from three years ago when they first met and I was thankful that Caleb was willing to go pick it up. Caleb had been a lifesaver in more ways than one tonight. His being there helped with some tension that had been brewing between Rachel and her new mother-in-law. Apparently, Mrs. Blake was a big fan of Paradise Island. She had been wound up tighter than a rattlesnake at first, but was all-smiles once she realized Caleb Scott was here.

  All in all, I was really happy with how the party was going. Everything except for the cruddy mood Joel Perrin was in. He started the evening with a spiteful comment, and every time I saw him after that, he looked at me as if he wanted to see me burn at the stake. I wondered what I'd done to make him so angry with me, but I didn't have time to over analyze it since I had hosting duties. It was no surprise that his date was gorgeous, and I had trouble understanding why he couldn't just focus his attention on her instead of worrying about what Caleb and I were doing.

  Caleb spent a while running interference between Rachel and her mother-in-law. I had seen him from across the room, standing with Collin's family. It looked like he was entertaining them with stories. He let me know he was fine by shooting me a wink when they weren’t paying attention.

  As the evening started to wind down, I was finally feeling like I could take a step back to relax and e
njoy myself. Satisfied with the overall success of the party, I decided to grab myself a drink and go out onto the terrace for a breather. Just in case something went wrong, I wanted to be firing on all cylinders… so the sour apple martini I was holding in my hand was my first drink of the night.

  I breathed in the cool night air and set off on the little footpath that extended below the terrace. I had seen this part of The Mirror Garden during the initial tour, but hadn't had the chance to come out here yet.

  "Running away?" The voice came from behind me, but I could tell from the discontented tone that it belonged to Joel.

  "I'm just enjoying the night air," I said, turning to face him. I could see that he was alone, so I decided to let him have it. "I wish you were enjoying yourself too, Mr. Perrin, but every time I see you, you're scowling. If you're having such a bad time, then why are you still here?" I asked.

  He didn't answer the question. He closed the gap between us, and fell into stride next to me. "Are you having a good time?" he asked.

  I stopped walking, and looked over at him. His dark complexion next to his light eyes never failed to make my heart skip a beat. He was wearing a fitted black suit with a pale green shirt and tie. I had already noticed, during the course of the evening, that our outfits matched. But after the way he'd been acting all night, I was in no mood to make small talk about our clothes.

  "Yes Joel, I'm having a good time, despite the fact that I've obviously done something to upset you."

  "I almost kissed you, you know. When we were out here earlier, before Celia walked out here, I almost kissed you."

  "Well it was lucky you didn't, that would have been an awkward start to your date."

  He searched my eyes as if he were hoping to see some of his own angst reflected in me.

  "Celia is everything I'm looking for in a woman, Gretchen."

  I laughed with no humor. "That's great Joel, but why are you telling me this?"

  "Because I can't understand why I can't get you out of my head… even when she's standing right next to me."

  Joel reached out and grabbed me by the wrist. He gave a yank hard enough to make me fall forward, into his arms. My breath hitched at the feeling of being held against his hard body. He smiled down at me, and I realized that was the first time I'd seen one of those all night. Then out of nowhere, a totally different expression flashed across his face. Are we back to angry again? I thought.

  "I can't stand to see you with another guy," he said, "I'm not okay with seeing him put his hands on you." He tightened the grasp he had around my waist just before he put his head down so his face could meet mine. Our cheeks brushed. He was clean-shaven, but since he had dark hair, I could see the hint of some stubble along his jaw. I breathed in the smell of him. It was an irresistibly natural smell, like sandalwood. That wonderfully earthy smell was the perfect contradiction to the suit he was wearing. He was the epitome of a sharp dressed man in his dark suit.

  Caleb was hot all right, but Joel affected me in a different way. I just lost all sensibility around him. Handling me like the putty I was, he took hold of my hair, and tilted my face toward his.

  Before he kissed me, he pulled back just far enough to study my face. He made a facial expression that was the equivalent of to hell with it. I could see in his eyes when he decided to kiss me for real, and just like that, his lips were on mine. I closed my eyes so every part of me could focus on the sensation of his warm mouth. I felt a jolt go through my lower abdomen as a response to the feel of his warm, satiny lips. I wanted him so badly it hurt. I opened my mouth to him, and his tongue thrust into me, making me weak in the knees. I knew he was feeling the same thing because the kiss grew more urgent by the second. His grip on the back of my head tightened as if he would never let me go… then just like that, he did let me go.

  Joel pulled away and wiped his eyebrows with his forearm in a frustrated gesture. "Damn it, Gretchen. I'm going to end up hurting you." He wiped his mouth with his hand like he wished he could erase what he just did. After the way he just kissed me, I hadn't expected him to say something like that. The cold words left me feeling vulnerable.

  "I'm a big girl, Joel," I said defensively. It was a lie. The truth was, I could easily be hurt by Joel. I wanted him for more than a friend. I wanted a lot more.

  He looked at me as if he were in the middle of some internal battle. "Gretchen, we both know that we'll go out there and act like nothing happened. You'll leave with The Actor and I'll leave with Celia."

  "Does it have to be like that?" I asked, half-hoping he'd whistle for his white horse, throw me on to the back of it and ride off with me. He didn't do that. He gave me a look that I struggled to decipher at first, but then I got it. Seriously? Pity?

  Oh, hell no. I knew right where this was headed.

  I took a step back, breaking the hold he had on me, and before he could say a word about how Celia would make a better wife or whatever… I pulled back for momentum, and slapped him across the face like you see in the movies.

  "Don't you ever kiss me again, Joel Perrin," I said as I stalked up the path toward the terrace. Now it was my turn to wipe myself clean of that kiss. I used my forearm and the back of my hand to rid my face and lips of every last ounce of Joel Perrin. Just keep walking. Just keep walking. I kept my head down and went straight inside to the restroom. I didn't want to stop for fear that he was following me.

  I knew exactly what Joel was thinking back there. I'd spent enough time with him to have a good grasp on what he wanted in a relationship. He was an OCD control freak when it came to choosing a mate, as if he could create the perfect life by starting with the perfect girl. I simply wasn't that girl. A romance actress would definitely be listed in the unacceptable column.

  But you know what? Joel Perrin and his pretty little plans could just go suck it. It took me all of three minutes to psyche myself up and get my face and hair back in order in front of the mirror. As I looked at the girl staring back at me, I felt a sense of pride at being able to maintain my self-worth after Joel had basically told me I'm not good enough for him.

  Joel Perrin and his doctor could go on and have their two point three children with a Labradoodle and a picket fence. That didn't mean I didn't deserve my own fairy tale. I certainly wasn't going to stay celibate just because Mr. Perrin didn't want to see me with another man. And why would he even tell me something like that? Did he think I would be his mistress or something?

  I could feel the heat rushing to my face as that thought hit me. I was so angry at him for thinking he could be with someone else but I couldn't. I had to make myself settle down again. I took a deep breath and tried to remember all of the reasons I deserved more than being Joel's mistress.

  Fifteen minutes later, I was standing in front of the entire room, giving a speech and making a toast. Collin had already made a speech a little earlier in the evening, but I knew I wanted to say something to cap off the evening and tell everyone thank you for coming out.

  There was definitely some acting involved, since I was extremely distracted by Joel's unrelenting stare, but I pulled off the excited, sincere party host to perfection. I had given some thought to my speech earlier in the week, even practicing a few of the lines out loud to work on delivery. I told the story of how Rachel met Collin three years earlier and then reunited two months ago in Vegas. I told everything from my perspective and managed to get lots of laughs during the five-minute monologue.

  Joel Perrin was not happy with the fact that I seemed unaffected by what had just happened between us. At least, I figured that's what was wrong with him. He stood near the back of the crowd with Celia, looking like he wanted to be anywhere but where he was.

  Just before I got everyone's attention, I convinced myself that I was the one who was too good for Joel, and the rush of girl power I felt from the little pep talk translated into a rocking speech. I freaking killed it with the audience, which simultaneously tortured Joel and delighted Caleb.

  I probably should h
ave been ashamed of how much joy I took at glancing at Joel and seeing him more and more distressed as my speech continued. Truth was, seeing Joel's tense expression was the only teeny bit of satisfaction I got out of that speech. It was all a big act. I smiled, and I know it came across as genuine, but I was just as tortured as Joel looked to be.

  On the inside, I wanted that kiss we shared to have been real. I wished it had meant something… or at least something more than friends with benefits.

  Chapter 4

  Joel

  It had been a month since I'd seen Gretchen McKay. I still stopped by Triton Advertising once a week or so to meet with Rachel, but Gretchen was no longer there to greet me when I arrived. As far as I knew, she was enjoying her new job at Paradise Island, but I never asked about her. I only got the information Rachel volunteered.

  Rachel's new assistant, Bailey, was eerily similar to Gretchen. She was a fellow theater major and friend of Gretchen's. Rachel had offered Bailey the job when she was at Triton picking Gretchen up for lunch one day. Rachel basically did her hiring based on gut instinct, but so far, it was working out for her. From what I could tell, Bailey had been a good choice. In fact, on the phone, she was a dead ringer for Gretchen.

  They sort of even looked alike in the face, which would have made things really weird if they hadn't had a few distinct differences. Bailey's eyes weren't the same as Gretchen's, and she had jet-black hair and visible tattoos. She looked a bit like a vintage pinup model. Most guys would consider Bailey gorgeous I guess, but I never really paid attention given the mess I got myself into with the last girl who worked here.

  "Hello, Mr. Perrin," Bailey said as I walked into Rachel's reception area, "Rachel called. She's stuck in traffic from an accident. She'll be fifteen minutes or so. You can wait in her office if you like."

  I debated the possibility of grabbing a cup of coffee, but ultimately decided to hang around and wait for her. I could use the time to clear my head.