by Fiona Harper
It was OK if she was warned, as she was when she went to Mona’s house, but when little dimpled creatures appeared out of the blue she went into a tail-spin. A crawling feeling in her tummy made her want to push back her chair and run.
She couldn’t look at him. He was too cute. His intoxicating baby scent was drifting towards her and it was killing her. She sipped warm liquid off her spoon and tried to block it all out.
The chatter around the table filtered away, almost as if she were listening to them talking underwater, and she was left alone with the knowledge that, if things had not gone so disastrously wrong, she would have had a crumpled pink newborn to call her own right this very minute.
She sucked in a breath through her nostrils and tried to shake the images away without actually moving her head. Pictures of her and Nick: laughing in a large cream kitchen, eating soup and taking turns to pace the room with a tiny bundle on their shoulder as it hiccuped.
And then the images became even more disturbing. The confusion she’d felt only days after her husband had walked out on her when she’d found the second pink line on the pregnancy test. The horror a couple of weeks after that when the bleeding had started. And finally, the deep blackness that had shrouded her for months afterwards.
She blinked and her lids stayed closed only a fraction of a second longer than was necessary.
I am not going to cry. I will just harden and harden until I can’t feel any more and then I will chat and finish my soup and leave as if nothing was the matter.
It wasn’t Andy and Phoebe’s fault. She shouldn’t punish them by falling to pieces at the lunch table.
It wasn’t even Nick’s fault. The doctor had said it was one of those things—as though she’d left her umbrella on the bus—and that there was no reason why she shouldn’t try again in a couple of months. Only that had been a bit tricky when her husband and his vital ingredients had vanished from her life, never to return.
Adele watched her hosts as, in a strange kind of slow-motion, Andy passed the basket of warm bread to Phoebe and she gave him a little smile.
Such a lot passed between them in that tiny moment and Adele’s heart clenched at the memory of times when Nick had looked at her that way. Now he was just glaring at her over his soup.
She’d been wrong. This wasn’t a horror story; it was a fairy tale.
And, if she’d believed in fairies and magic, she’d have stepped through the looking glass and taken their places. But this was real life, and real life was cold and hard and ultimately lonely.
There was no way she and Nick were headed for a happy ending.
Nick’s eyes never left Adele as he shovelled soup into his mouth. At first everything had seemed fine—the conversation had been flowing, but then he realised it was flowing around her as if she were a rock sat in the middle of a gushing stream. None of it made an impact.
He should have known she’d react like this. It wasn’t part of her neatly manicured plan and Adele did not like veering from the plan. Not one little bit.
But, stupidly, he’d hoped that bringing her here might remove the blinkers she wore so firmly strapped to her head. She wasn’t even trying. Slow-burning anger warmed his belly.
Phoebe had asked her a question and she hadn’t even pretended to be interested. She’d just stared into space and ignored her. He’d seen the hurt look on Phoebe’s face, caught her eye and shrugged an apology.
How dared Adele do this?
Maybe he should have warned her about his little detour. Maybe he should have warned Andy and Phoebe that things were less than cheery in the Hughes household. But that did not give his darling wife the excuse to behave like a spoilt child. He was going to drag her into this conversation even if she came kicking and screaming. A little civility was not too much to ask.
‘What do you think of the soup, Adele?’
She turned to look at him slowly. ‘Hmm?’
‘The soup. What do you think?’
‘Oh.’ She hurriedly took another spoonful. ‘It’s nice.’
Well, monosyllables were better than nothing.
He faced Phoebe and grinned. ‘The closest we ever came to home-made soup was buying the over-priced ones in cartons and emptying them into a pan.’
‘I’ve got some recipes for really tasty but easy ones, if you’re interested,’ Phoebe said, looking hopefully at Adele.
Adele smiled back. Sort of. Progress at last.
‘Thank you, but I really don’t have time.’
She went back to playing with her soup, although hardly any of it made its way into her mouth.
He’d have done better if he’d let her stay in a sullen lump at one end of the table. Jumping right in and hoping Adele would follow had been a bad idea. That was what he’d tried to do with this whole trip in the first place, and look how that was turning out.
When was he ever going to learn?
The kitchen seemed darker and more oppressive than it had done when they’d started eating and it took Nick a few moments to realise it had nothing to do with Adele’s mood and everything to do with the fact it was about to rain. Huge grey clouds hung precariously in the air, darkening the sky as if the sun had just set.
Andy stood up. ‘Give us a hand, mate? We left half that motor outside the barn and the bits will rust if they get left out in the rain.’
Nick ran out to join Andy as they scooped various bits of scrap metal off the grass in front of the barn he used as a workshop and dumped them inside. It had always fascinated him how cogs and shafts and odd little shapes fitted together to make something useful. Something that worked—each bit playing its part.
The rain started to splash down in big drops that ran through his hair and down his face as he collected the last pile of stuff.
He’d been so confident when they’d started their journey this morning that he’d be able to win Adele round, but now he wasn’t so sure. Their marriage wasn’t just on hold, it was lying in pieces and he wasn’t sure they could put it all back together and still have something that worked.
Adele swished a damp tea towel round a soup bowl then placed it on the stack with the others. At least she couldn’t mess up helping with the dishes. The added bonus was that it was a chore that involved very little talking. None at all, if she were lucky.
She glanced over her shoulder to see Phoebe wiping her son’s face and unbuckling the harness of his high-chair. He smiled at her as she lifted him up and immediately thrust his chubby little hand into Phoebe’s hair and tugged. She didn’t seem to mind. She just laughed and kissed him on the nose.
The dish Adele was wiping slid through the soggy tea towel and didn’t even attempt to bounce off the tiled floor.
Nothing could go wrong while wiping up, huh? Famous last words.
‘I’m sorry, Phoebe. I should have changed to a fresh towel when this one got damp.’
Phoebe shook her head. ‘Don’t worry. I drop stuff all the time. I now only ever buy cheap white crockery from the market. It’s never hard to find something that matches when the inevitable happens. I’ll go and get the broom. Here—’ she extended her arms and held Max towards her ‘—if you could take him, I’ll be back in just a tick.’
Adele looked at the little legs swinging in mid-air and swallowed. However, before her mind had made a conscious decision, her hands had found their way under Max’s armpits and she drew him to her chest.
Phoebe disappeared out through a little wooden door and Adele was left alone in the kitchen with a warm little body in her arms.
Max had stretched his neck to breaking point almost to follow his mother as she crossed the kitchen and, now that she was gone, he let out a squeal of part-rage, part-despair.
Max didn’t understand his mummy was coming back in just a minute and it would do no good to calmly explain that, just because he couldn’t see her for a bit, it didn’t mean she was gone for ever. Adele stroked his hair and whispered what soothing words she could. The truth that Mummy was c
oming back soon did nothing to negate this little one’s sense of abandonment. She just couldn’t communicate that to him. He stiffened against her, arched his back and screamed.
Know how you feel, she thought. Only she’d learned early on that stamping and screaming never worked when the people you loved disappeared. They left anyway and they didn’t come back, no matter how good you tried to be.
She tried bouncing Max up and down, hoping his life turned out better. But there was no way Phoebe and Andy would leave this little one to wither away at boarding-school, spending some of the school holidays with distant relations that didn’t really have room for him.
Thankfully, Phoebe returned and Max stopped yelling. He seemed quite happy to take hold of her jumper with his fists and babble to himself as long as he could see Phoebe sweeping up the pieces of the broken dish.
He even looked up at her and beamed now he felt safe again. Adele’s heart stuttered. He was so adorable, with his tufty black hair and toothless smile. And he smelled so good—of baby powder and innocence. It was all she could do not to cook up a kidnapping plot.
Baby smiles, she decided, were as effective on her armour plating as hydrochloric acid.
Phoebe had just about finished clearing up the mess Adele had made.
‘Phoebe? I’m really sorry about the plate. And…and about lunch too. I wasn’t a very good guest. I’ve just got a lot on my mind at the moment. It was nothing personal.’
Phoebe put down the dustpan and brush and turned to lean her bottom against the counter. ‘Nick?’
‘How did you know?’
‘After the looks you were giving each other over the soup, it wouldn’t take a genius to work out things aren’t peachy in paradise at the moment.’
‘Is it that obvious?’ Adele’s shoulders sagged. ‘We’re supposed to be fooling the rest of his family we’re still madly in love with each other in less than eight hours. The whole thing is going to be a disaster.’
Phoebe tipped her head to one side and looked at the ceiling. ‘And let me guess…the idea to wow the in-laws with a united front was…’ they both nodded and spoke at the same time ‘…his.’
‘Are you psychic as well as being a fantastic cook?’ Adele asked.
Phoebe laughed. ‘You seem to forget that Nick and Andy were obviously separated at birth. I’ve had to put up with similar daft scenarios over the years.’
‘Then what’s your secret? How have you managed to stay with him without wanting to smother him in his sleep?’
Phoebe gave a rueful smile. ‘I have a few techniques I’ve picked up. Parenting books are a mine of useful information. Turns out that treating him as if he actually was a big kid actually works. I ignore the negative behaviour and praise the good stuff.’
Ignoring the bad stuff? Was that possible? Every time Nick pulled one of his stunts it was like a match to the touch paper. Could she really learn to live with his harem-scarem ways?
‘And I’ve learned to roll with the punches, relax a little. I don’t sweat the small stuff any more; I go with the flow.’ Phoebe shrugged. ‘I’ve run out of clichés now.’
Adele laughed and Max bounced up and down in her arms and gurgled too, even though he had no idea what was funny. Phoebe walked over and took Max out of Adele’s arms.
‘Most of all, you have to remember that what they do for a living is create illusions. I don’t know about Nick, but Andy is certainly guilty of forgetting that sometimes his version of reality isn’t the real deal.’
Adele frowned. She hadn’t thought of that. Was that why Super Adele was a constant shadow? What if Nick could see through the illusion to the real Adele underneath?
Funnily enough, that idea filled her with an even greater sense of dread. He’d never known the gawky child that found it hard to make friends and didn’t get the grades her parents had expected. She’d worked hard to turn that all around and be who she was now. And that was the woman Nick had loved, maybe even might still love a little bit.
‘I’d better go and change this one’s nappy.’ Phoebe hoisted Max onto her hip and headed for the door.
‘Phoebe?’
Phoebe halted, hand on door frame.
Adele smiled. ‘Thanks.’
‘No problem. Us special effects widows have to stick together.’
Adele sat down at the kitchen table and rested her chin in her hands. Phoebe made it all sound so easy, but it felt like giving in to Nick to treat him like a wayward toddler. She didn’t want a big kid to discipline; she wanted a partner. Someone to share the burden, not add to it.
She sighed.
Nick was outside playing with bits of metal, and if she didn’t go and get him they would never get to Scotland today. It seemed as if her choice was already made for her.
Nick clenched the steering wheel and tried not to let the words racing round his head burst out on one long, continuous yell.
So much for his brilliant plan.
He’d visualised the visit as the perfect opportunity to show Adele how happy Andy and Phoebe were, and how they had managed to make their different lifestyles mesh together.
Come on! If their home were any more perfect, little cartoon bluebirds would be coming to rest on Phoebe’s fingers when she hung the washing out!
But Adele couldn’t see any of that. She was stuck in her it-can-never-work rut and would not be pulled out of it. The scary thing was, he suspected he was teetering on the edge and was just about to slide down into the ditch to join her.
Where was the funny, sexy woman he’d married? Sure, she’d always been a little high-maintenance, but that was half the fun. When they’d first got together, he could have honestly put his hand on his heart and sworn she was the perfect woman. And even after their big fight, he had still believed it. It was only when she’d shut him out of her life completely that he’d started to suspect she might be slightly tarnished.
And part of him was angry with her for that—for not living up to the promise on the outside of the box.
The swirling words got too much for him and he realised he had to let some of them out before he imploded.
‘What the heck was wrong with you back there, Adele?’
See? She’d always said she wanted the direct approach and now he was giving it to her. She ought to be proud of him.
Adele didn’t move her forehead off the passenger window, but answered in a weary voice. ‘I’m not talking to you when you’re being like this.’
‘Like what? Rude? Like you were at Andy and Phoebe’s?’
She closed her eyes. ‘I didn’t mean to be rude. Just drop it, Nick.’
‘No, I won’t drop it. You embarrassed me in front of my friends. If you ever do something like that again, so help me I’ll—’
‘What? Divorce me? It’s too late for that threat, remember?’
He pressed his teeth together until the muscles at the sides of his jaw started to twitch. He turned the windscreen wipers up a notch to deal with the rain pounding on the car.
The metallic voice of the satellite-navigation system pierced the atmosphere.
‘In thirteen hundred feet, continue right.’
Adele snorted. ‘Continue right? What does that mean?’
He tried to keep his voice even. ‘It means the left-hand lane is about to feed into the slip-road and we need to keep right if we want to stay on the motorway.’
‘Can’t we turn the stupid thing off?’
Nick took his eyes off the road momentarily and looked across at Adele in the passenger seat.
‘What is it about the satellite-navigation system that really bothers you?’
She stiffened. ‘It doesn’t bother me. It’s just unnecessary. We’re on a motorway going north for the next hundred miles at least. All it does is tell us the obvious.’
‘You hate it.’
She fidgeted in her seat.
‘I…Oh…’
‘And shall I tell you why you hate it?’
Adele turned to l
ook at him. He was about to turn psychologist on her? This she had got to hear!
‘Fire away, professor.’
‘You don’t like handing the control over to somebody else, even if it’s just a bit of machinery that could make your life easier.’
‘That is so not true. I use machines at work all the time.’
‘Not the point. You’re so flipping independent, Adele. I’m surprised you actually let your computer crunch numbers for you instead of getting your abacus out and doing it yourself.’
‘Well, that was a very grown-up response. I’m glad you took the time to share that.’
‘Don’t do that.’
‘I’m not doing anything other than trying to be the adult in this scenario.’
‘Well, it’s a pity you didn’t think of that back at Andy and Phoebe’s house, isn’t it? You acted like a spoiled brat, so don’t come all high and mighty and I’m being the grown-up on me!’
Adele folded her arms and glared at what she could see of the carriageway through the driving rain.
She didn’t have an answer to that.
And the reason she didn’t have an answer was that Nick was spot-on.
Her voice was soft when she answered a minute later. ‘I apologised to Phoebe while you were out in the shed.’
He shot her an incredulous look, but didn’t accuse her further.
‘Well, I’m glad you came to your senses. They’re a great couple.’
‘I know.’
He flicked the indicator and overtook a caravan.
‘Why do you insist on cutting yourself off from people, Adele?’
‘I…’
She frowned. Did she?
‘Do I?’ she asked.
Nick shook his head. ‘You certainly shut me out.’
‘Don’t be silly.’
‘You talk to Mona, but you won’t talk to me. Why am I always kept at arm’s length?’
She didn’t know. It was just easier to be herself with Mona. She was a good friend, but her world wouldn’t crumble if they fell out. So much more was at stake with Nick. She didn’t want to let him down.
She looked at him. She’d already disappointed him today. There wasn’t much point in digging herself in deeper by making more excuses.
