by Fiona Harper
Nick shook his head then indicated at a sign on the grass verge. ‘Service station. I need a break.’
CHAPTER SIX
THERE was a sharpness in the air Adele hadn’t expected when she stepped out of the car. The Lake District wasn’t far away. They were two hundred and fifty miles north of London and it was noticeably colder. Snow dusted the fells to the north. She reached inside her pockets for her gloves.
Nick seemed happy to hurry into the low building of the service station, but she took her time as she walked across the car park.
She loved this kind of landscape. It was proud, ancient and soul-achingly lonely. Rolling green hills covered in scrubby grass dipped down into a valley where a rocky little stream gurgled along. Sheep dotted the banks, meandering in and out of neighbouring fields through the crumbling dry-stone walls.
Clean, cold air filled her lungs as she took one deep breath. Just being here was detoxifying. She turned one full circle before entering the services, just to take it all in.
The building was obviously not owned by one of the large chains—there were no fast-food counters or slot machines and as she entered the restaurant she was relieved to see wooden tables and chairs, real plants and exposed timber beams supporting the roof.
Nick was standing at the counter waiting to order coffee and she stood silently next to him. When his order came he handed her a large latte and the fattest, moistest slice of chocolate cake she’d ever seen. Then he walked off to a table and sat down without saying a word.
She slid into the chair opposite him.
‘Talk to me, Nick.’
He stirred his coffee. She’d never seen him like this before. Where were the smart retorts? The jokes? Suddenly she missed them. Usually he had the irritating ability to just snap out of being angry, as if he’d flicked a switch or something.
‘I’m sorry I let you down, truly I am.’ Nick dropped his spoon in surprise. She knew it wasn’t often that word passed her lips. ‘I was out of my depth and you kind of sprang the visit on me, after all.’
‘I didn’t think visiting friends would be such a big deal. I thought we’d have a nice time.’
‘Your friends, though. I didn’t feel comfortable at all. What on earth had you told them about me? What was all that “famous Adele” business?’
He snorted. ‘Great! Now I’m in trouble for saying nice things about my wife?’
She pressed her lips together and pondered her answer. How could she tell him it was very hard to admit she was going under? All she heard was: You’re so wonderful, Adele, or You can do anything, Adele. He always seemed to expect her to cope with everything he flung at her, and so she did.
‘No, that’s not it at all. I used to love the fact you believed in me so much, but you don’t understand the pressure it puts me under. You’re just like my parents in that respect. I didn’t want to disappoint you.’
He put his coffee-cup down and stared at her. ‘Well, you did.’
‘See? As soon as I admit I’m not the oh-so-perfect picture you paint of me, I’ve let you down. Sometimes I just want to be Adele, without the adjectives. Not “successful” or “famous” or “fabulous”. Just me.’
‘But you are all of those things.’
The look he gave her made tears prickle behind her eyes. She knew he thought that and, while it melted her heart that he held her in such high regard, on the other hand she wanted him to see right through the illusion.
‘I’m not who you think I am.’
He took a sip of his coffee and studied her. She refused to flinch under his gaze.
‘I’m starting to see that.’
Suddenly she wanted to take it all back, to stop him seeing what a fraud she was. It felt too raw to have him peeling away the layers one by one.
They sat in silence while Adele took comfort in her chocolate cake and they finished their coffees. As she started to pile the crockery up on the tray, he spoke.
‘Maybe I’ve been guilty of asking the impossible of you, believing in you too much, if you like, but you do the opposite. You don’t believe in me enough.’
She stopped stacking, opened her mouth to speak then paused as a cup slid off the pile. She carefully replaced it, only letting go when she was sure it was perfectly balanced.
She spoke without taking her eyes off it. ‘Is this about the job? Because you know—’
‘It all comes back to the flipping job in America, doesn’t it? Are you ever going to be able to forgive me for that?’
She didn’t answer.
‘We could have worked something out, you know. It would have been difficult for a few months, but it wasn’t the end of the world. You could have come with me, even just for short visits.’
‘But my job, the house—’ Her roots.
‘Are the most important things in your life. I know that now.’
‘I couldn’t just drop everything at a moment’s notice. You didn’t even give me time to work out a plan. It was now or never. And you chose now for the job and never for me. How do you think I felt when I realised you hadn’t just gone down the pub to cool off, when I got your text message saying you’d call me when you landed in LA?’
He shrugged and crossed his arms over his chest, leaning back in his seat. ‘You were the one who told me to get on the plane.’
‘I was angry, Nick! I didn’t think you’d actually do it! Stop being so pigheaded.’
‘Then why, if you wanted to sort it out later, did you not answer any of my calls? It gave a pretty clear message, you know.’
She swallowed. She couldn’t tell him here. Not like this. The backs of her eyes stung. How could she tell him that at first she’d been too thrown by what should have been the happiest news of her life to know what to do? Then, just as she’d been gearing herself up to ring him and say ‘Guess what? You’re going to be a dad!’ it suddenly wasn’t true any more.
She hadn’t been able to tell him. She hadn’t been able to tell anyone. Only Mona. And Mona only knew because she had been there when it had started, had held her hand at the hospital. Then she’d taken her home and hugged her until the tears had run dry.
Those were things he should have done! He should have been there. And she’d been so angry at him for being thousands of miles away she hadn’t been able to talk to him.
Her lip did a micro-quiver, but she bit down on it before it developed into the real thing.
The one time she’d really needed him, he hadn’t been there for her. And it didn’t matter that the sensible side of her brain understood that he hadn’t known, that he’d have been there if he could have been. The messy, illogical side of her couldn’t quite forgive him. Somehow it had summed up all that was wrong with their marriage—Nick happily bounding along, oblivious to her feelings.
Even now the anger was raging inside her.
‘It doesn’t matter now, Nick. It’s water under the bridge. We both know it would have ended sooner or later. We just don’t work as a team.’
His voice was emotionless. ‘So you say.’ He let his gaze wander round the room and she saw him stare as something caught his interest.
She twisted her head to catch a look. Over in the far corner a woman sat with a baby, trying to comfort it as she waited for its milk to warm in a jug of hot water. Adele turned back to look at him. He looked downtrodden.
He shrugged it off. ‘Just as well all that “trying for a baby” stuff was a disaster. What a mess that would have been.’
She nodded. The words were caught up in the back of her throat with her next breath.
She wanted him to make a joke of it as he had done all those months ago. Every time the pregnancy test had been quietly negative he’d given her a hug and said, ‘Never mind, we’re having fun practising.’ She’d loved him for making her smile, even though she’d known he was bitterly disappointed too.
She needed him to do that now, to make the sick feeling go away.
But he looked blank, as if all the cheeky hu
mour had leached out of him. And even worse was the knowledge that she had been the cause. She’d eventually brought him down to earth and it was killing him.
Nick picked up the tray. ‘Are you finished?’
Yes, she was finished. The whole thing was finished.
The sun was low in the sky as they got back on the motorway, giving a warm glow to clouds that otherwise had an ominous hint of steel. Nick stared out of the passenger window. Adele was back in the driving seat—in more ways than one.
‘How are we going to handle the party, Nick?’
What was to handle?
‘How do you mean? We walk in, we smile, we talk, we eat, we leave.’
Adele sighed. ‘As always, you haven’t thought this through, have you?’
He hunched down in his seat a little further. ‘Obviously not.’
‘There’s no need to be sarcastic.’
Maybe there wasn’t, but it made him feel better. Adele had sat as judge and jury on their relationship and she wasn’t about to share the power and let him have a second chance. He understood that now.
‘OK, OK. What have I missed?’
‘Look at us! We’ve both got faces like a wet weekend. No one’s going to believe we’re love’s young dream. Phoebe sussed us out in an instant.’
His eyebrows inched up. ‘She did?’
‘Women spot these things. Your sisters will be on to us in the blink of an eyelid.’
‘We’ll have to smile an awful lot more and convince them.’
Adele went quiet and they sat with the sound of the engine for company for a while. Big fat splashes started appearing on the windscreen and he realised that it wasn’t rain this time, it was snow—big, fluffy flakes of the Christmas-card variety.
Adele turned the wipers on and the action seemed to kick-start her brain again too.
‘It feels too much like lying to them, Nick. I don’t like it.’
‘All we’ve got to do is be civil to each other, talk, smile a bit. We can still do that, can’t we? We don’t have to be all over each other on the dance floor or anything.’
She didn’t sound convinced. ‘I suppose so.’
‘We can split up and circulate. All my family will be there and they’ll want to hear about my job in LA. Hell, they’ll be wrestling me to the ground and demanding free tickets to the première if I know them!’
Miracle of miracles, Adele cracked a smile.
‘OK. That sounds like a plan. We arrive together and we circulate as much as possible, meeting up every now and then for a progress report. Your sisters will all be keen to fill me in on the latest news about our myriad nephews and nieces—that should take up a fair chunk of time.’ She nodded to herself as she stared at the carriageway. ‘Yes. It might work. But only if we keep our distance from each other.’
It was crazy enough to work: stay apart to convince everyone they were together.
If only Adele didn’t seem so overjoyed at the prospect of avoiding him for the whole of the evening.
As they drove further north, the snow eased off. They’d obviously driven under the snow cloud and out the other side. They reached the fringes of the Lake District and the temperature dropped further. A thin coating of snow carpeted the valleys and clung in drifts to the craggy peaks.
But this wasn’t fresh snow. There must have been a fall last night. He had no idea if more was supposed to be on the way. He did, however, know a woman who would.
‘Adele? What’s the weather forecast for this area today?’
She hesitated—he guessed she was considering feigning ignorance; she hated being thought predictable—but instead she gave in and spoke in a weary voice.
‘Rain with the possibility of icy showers, clearing towards evening. That’s what the man on the radio said, anyway. We should have seen the worst of it by now.’
‘Good. The roads are clear enough at the moment, but I wouldn’t like it to get any worse. That would really slow us down.’ He checked his watch. ‘It’s just before four. We’re a little behind schedule, but we should still be there with an hour or more to spare.’
Adele’s smile was wry. ‘Be careful, Nick. You’re starting to sound organised.’
‘What I really meant to say was: shouldn’t we be going south if we’re heading for Scotland?’
‘That’s more like the Nick Hughes I know.’
She missed out the and love. He smiled anyway. ‘I don’t like to disappoint a lady.’
Nick laid his head back on the headrest and closed his eyes. What he’d said was spot-on. She wasn’t the only one disappointing her spouse. He might have just brushed over the truth of it with a joke, but just once he would like her to look at him the way she had in the early days of their marriage. She’d thought he was wonderful then. He hadn’t changed; he was still the same old Nick, but nowadays everything he said and did seemed to be wrong.
‘Oh, bother!’
He opened his eyes to find out what had caused Adele’s outburst. A string of red brake lights snaked up the hill in front of them. Very soon they joined the back of the queue. The traffic was moving at ten miles an hour at best.
Nick stared angrily at the bumper of the car in front. ‘Well, that’s just great! If we don’t get moving again quickly, we’re going to miss dinner.’
The line of cars was at least a mile long, and possibly longer, as the road curved up and round a hill, blocking his vision.
‘Do you think it’s the snow?’ Adele asked as she spritzed the windscreen with screen wash for the fiftieth time. ‘We all know it only takes three flakes of the stuff to bring the great British transport system to a halt.’
‘Shouldn’t be. The gritters have been out and the carriageway is clear. It’s probably an accident—some fool going too fast in these conditions.’
‘I hope it isn’t serious,’ she said in a small voice.
‘Me too.’
Five minutes later they were hardly moving at all.
‘My calf muscle is aching from keeping my foot on the clutch,’ Adele moaned. ‘I’d prefer to be at a complete stop than this interminable crawling along. I don’t want to get stuck in this. Do you remember that story on the news a few years ago? It snowed and hundreds of people got stuck on the motorway in East Anglia and had to spend the night in their cars.’
‘That’s not going to happen here.’
‘How do you know? We’re only doing…’ she peered at the speedometer ‘…two miles an hour. Any slower and we’d be going backwards.’
Nick frowned but didn’t say anything. Adele craned her neck to look out of the back window. ‘There’s at least a hundred cars behind us as well. It’s not like we’ve got much choice.’
An idea started to sharpen out of the fog at the back of his brain. ‘Maybe not.’
She shot him a look of desperation. ‘Please, don’t tell me you’ve been taking stunt-driving lessons, as you’ve always threatened you would, and you want to drive over the top of all the other cars until we’re clear.’
‘Tempting—but no.’
Adele punched him on the right arm.
‘I’ve been climbing in this area a few times, remember? I think we’re not far from Kendal. If I’m right, there should be a junction in a mile or so. We can take the road into the town then get on the A6. After about ten miles, it runs almost parallel to the motorway. We could leapfrog over the jam and join the motorway again at the next junction.’
‘That sounds frighteningly like a good plan.’
He did a little bow—well, as much as his seat belt would allow him.
Adele flicked the sat nav with her finger. ‘See? It’s saying nothing. Your little gizmo couldn’t come up with an idea like that.’
‘Nope. She’s a lot like you.’
‘Don’t call it she. And do not start comparing me with that thing. I hate it.’
He laughed. ‘Well, I see a certain similarity. She’s programmed to get to Invergarrig by the quickest route and she’s going to stic
k doggedly to the plan, no matter what. She won’t be of any use to us if we wing it.’
‘Are you saying I’m a machine? That I can’t…’ she paused, as if it was difficult for her to even say the words ‘…wing it?’
‘Calm down. I’m just saying I don’t need two bossy women in my life at the moment.’
As Adele breathed in, the atmosphere in the car thickened.
‘Well, I’ve told you I’m seeing my solicitor as soon as we get back. I can’t clear off any quicker than that! If you didn’t want me around, you shouldn’t have asked me to come with you.’
He leaned forward and pressed a button on the side of the satellite-navigation unit. His voice was gentle when he spoke. ‘No, you daft woman. I didn’t mean you; I meant her. She’s got a fixed idea of where she’s going and how she’s going to get there and she’s just going to make a fuss if we deviate. It’s time to turn it off and follow our instincts.’
‘Oh.’
Nick risked a look at her when she was concentrating on the road ahead. Her shoulders had dropped an inch and the faint remnant of a self-satisfied smirk lingered round her lips.
‘You, I can deal with,’ he said, reaching across and rubbing her forearm as it rested on the gear stick. ‘Her—going bing, bing, bing and please do a U-turn— not so much.’
They smiled at each other and it was as if all the tension had melted away. For once they were united against a common enemy, even if it was an electrical harridan.
Perhaps there was hope. Perhaps it could be him and Adele against the world again, instead of the pair of them clawing away at each other. And, for a moment, Adele seemed to echo his thoughts.
She smiled a sweet smile at him and his stomach did a triple flip. Then she opened her mouth and the flimsy hopes he’d balanced one upon another tumbled.
‘See, Nick? As friends we work. Now we’ve made a decision about our future we don’t have to push and pull any more. If we can keep this up for the rest of the weekend we’ll be home and dry. It’ll be better for your family too. Once they know the truth, they’ll see we can maintain a civil relationship and the news of our separation will be easier for them.’
