Love's Secret Torment

by Stacy L. Darnell

  After I loaded up the car with my things, I went to the front desk to check out. Getting in my car, I fought the urge to drive back to the apartment. She was probably in the shower and I’d just make her late for class. I headed to the jeweler instead, to pick up the engagement ring I ordered what felt like a lifetime ago.

  I wasn’t sure when I was going to ask her, but I just wanted it with me, so it was ready when the time was right. I didn’t want that time to come and not be prepared for it.

  I smiled knowing she was going to be my wife. She was going to be my forever.

  Emmett had been home for a couple months. Everything was great and back to normal. We argued, we loved, we both spent time trying to forget the hell fate, and our choices had put us through. One day while he was gone, I actually went to the library and researched fate. It basically came down to whether one believed in it or not. I had a hard time not believing in something that had so cruelly toyed with our lives. I still cursed fate for all it had put us through.

  I’d been feeling sick for a few days and meant to get more rest, but every night we got caught up in a movie or each other. I took vitamins and drank a lot of water, determined to shake whatever it was.

  I locked up the apartment and drove to school. After I parked, I pulled my phone out to call my sister.

  “Hey, Tricia, it’s me. I just wanted to see if you’re coming home next week for Dad’s birthday. I miss you. Call me back. Love you. Bye.”

  My phone chirped a minute later as I was getting my backpack out of the backseat. I leaned against my car and saw it was from Tricia.

  T: Yeah, I’ll be there. I’m heading into class right now, so I can’t talk. Miss you, too.

  Me: OXOX

  Good, I thought. I’d call and let Mom know. So far, it would be Mom and Dad, Tricia, Emmett, and me. I loved family gatherings.

  As I walked toward the buildings, I saw Aiden sitting in his car. I waved, but he just sat there, his hands rubbing the back of his neck. Usually he got out and met me at the walkway. I wondered if something was wrong, so I walked over and tapped on the driver’s window. He looked up, and his mouth, at first in a hard line, turned up into a smile when he saw me. He got out and slung his backpack over his shoulder.

  “Hey, Sam. What’s up?” he asked.

  “Not much. I was wondering the same about you. Everything okay? You looked upset.”

  “Nah, I’m okay. Just tired. I didn’t sleep well last night,” he evaded.

  I knew that wasn’t all of it. There was something he wasn’t telling me. I hoped he would confide in me. I was worried for my usually carefree friend. He’d been there for me, and would have listened had I chosen to tell him what was going on with Emmett. It wasn’t his fault I couldn’t bring myself to talk about it.

  “Let’s go, or we’ll be late,” he urged.

  I looked at my watch and back up at him, nodding as we took off running for class. We reached the door just as our professor was walking over to lock it. He didn’t permit interruptions during instructional time. Giving us a disapproving glance, he stepped back and let us pass. We walked to the back of the classroom and took our seats.

  I caught Aiden staring down at his blank notebook a couple times, so I passed him a note when the professor’s back was turned.

  After our last class, Starbucks, and you’re coming clean about what’s bothering you.

  No, there isn’t a No option.

  He looked over at me and smiled with a nod.

  Our professor droned on about the chapter we were studying. And with as sick as I felt, I was grateful when he said class time was over for the day. As he stood to leave, I reached out and squeezed his hand.

  “I’ll always be here for you.”

  His eyes widened briefly before his cheeks relaxed into a soft smile. “I know Sam. Thanks.”

  The rest of my day seemed to crawl at a snail’s pace, but I somehow made it to the end of my last class. I met Aiden at the walkway, and we strolled back to our cars together before he followed me over to Starbucks. We placed our order, his treat, and sat down with our lattes and scones. I looked up and saw him staring at me.

  “Okay, lay it on me. Whatever is bothering you, don’t think, just spill the beans. You shouldn’t keep it to yourself. You’ll feel better when you get it off your chest,” I told him with a stern voice.

  He looked at me, the corners of his mouth tipped slightly down, his eyes focused on his coffee cup. His physical reaction alarmed me. I twisted my bracelet in my lap as I waited for him to open up to me. My normally funny, upbeat friend had something eating away at him. If someone had hurt him, I was going to give him or her a piece of my mind, for sure.

  “Okay. You really want to know?”

  “Yes, of course I do. What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t?”

  “I’m in love with a girl,” he murmured.

  I smiled as profound relief swept over me. “That’s fantastic!” I squealed.

  His pained expression remained.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “She’s in love with someone else.” He slumped back in his chair.

  “Oh. Damn, I’m sorry, Aiden,” I said. “Do you know that for sure?”

  He looked down at his scone and latte and nodded. “Yeah. It’s painfully clear.”

  “Oh God, Aiden. I don’t know what to say except how sorry I am. She doesn’t know what she’s missing. You’re a great catch. But, if she’s in love with someone else, then you need to try and move on. You deserve happiness.”

  “Don’t you think I’ve tried?” he hissed.

  “Well, I don’t know, Aiden. Who is she? Do I know her?”

  “Yeah,” he said. “You know her.” He looked up to the sky and sighed before turning his gaze back on me.

  “Well, who then?”

  “You, Sam. I’m in love with you,” he whispered.

  My mouth fell open and my heart sank. I didn’t know what to say. He’d stunned me silent. A part of me feared this would happen, but I’d needed his positive friendship and laughter in my life. He couldn’t be in love with me. I’d told him since day one that we could only be friends. I was in love with Emmett. Looking at him sitting there, his leg bouncing, and his eyes downcast, my stomach knotted up for what this would mean for our friendship. I wasn’t sure we could recover from this revelation.

  “Look, Sam, I tried not to, but I love everything about you. You’re the highlight of my day. I don’t even give a shit about the rest of the week, just the days I get to see you. English Lit and our coffee dates are my favorite parts of the week. I think about you all the time, and even as much as I hate Emmett being back in your life, I’m happy for you, because I can see how happy you are now that he’s returned.”

  “I don’t know what to say,” I whispered.

  “There’s nothing to say. It is what it is, and I’ll have to get over it. But I need some time. I don’t think I can keep spending time with you out of class. It’s gonna suck as it is when I see you there. I know I’ll still crave those times, but knowing I can never have you outweighs that more and more every day.” He stood up and leaned over, giving me a lingering kiss on my forehead. “It’s not your fault, Sam, so don’t beat yourself up over this. You were clear from the beginning that your heart was taken. I guess we just can’t help who we fall in love with.”

  He turned and walked out. My eyes filled with tears. I picked up our plates and cups and threw them in the trash. Walking out to my car, I kept picturing his face and hearing his last words to me.

  Sam had been acting funny for the last few days. I knew she hadn’t been feeling well for a couple weeks. She was usually happy when she came back from her English Lit class, which I suspected had to do with the asshat. I know she liked him only as a friend, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that he was after more than her friendship. I decided to get to the bottom of the change in her mood. She came out of the bedroom dressed in shorts and a tank top, with her hair wrapped up in
a towel. I handed her a cup of hot chai tea.

  “Hey, Peach,” I said. “How’re you feeling this morning?”

  “I’m okay. Just didn’t sleep well last night, I guess. I don’t feel rested enough.”

  “So, did something happen at school to upset you? Usually you come home happy on English Lit days. You’re home earlier than you used to be, too. Did you stop having coffee with Aiden after class?”

  “Umm, yeah. We aren’t really hanging out anymore,” she answered.

  The relieved feeling I should’ve had wasn’t there. Instead, I was sad at her sullen expression. Clearly, his friendship meant more to her than I’d realized.

  “I’m sorry, Peach. I know you really liked him.” I walked over to where she was standing, and pulled her into my arms.

  “It’s okay. He just has a lot going on right now and needs to focus,” she replied.

  “All right,” I said. “Well, how about we eat an early dinner and call your mom in case she needs anything for your dad’s birthday dinner tomorrow?”

  “Good idea,” She’d just walked over to the sink to rinse her cup out when she yelped and grabbed her belly. I ran over and pulled her to me. Looking her over quickly and not seeing any blood, I breathed a sigh of relief.

  “Are you okay?”

  “No, I’m having really bad cramps. It hurts.”

  I picked her up in my arms and carried her over to the couch. Setting her down, I touched her forehead, but she didn’t feel hot. She continued to moan and hold her midsection. I didn’t know what to do.

  “What do you need? Is there anything I can get you?”

  “I have to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back,” she said as she got up, still holding her stomach and disappeared behind the bathroom door.

  I pulled my iPhone out and Googled urgent care clinics to see where the closest one was. I found one off of Opelika Rd.

  When I went in the bathroom to check on her, she was rinsing her shorts out in the bathtub, and the water was running red. I figured it was her period and she would be all right.

  “I’m fine, Emmett. My period finally started. I’ve been pretty stressed lately and sometimes that makes it late. But it came on so suddenly.” She shook her head.

  “Okay. Well, let me know if you need anything,” I told her.

  Walking out, I went into the kitchen and grabbed the heating pad and a couple ibuprofen. I filled a cup with ice water and walked over just as she sat down on the couch again.

  I handed her the ibuprofen and water and set the heating pad on the couch beside her then plugged it in. I sat down and pulled her feet into my lap. Rubbing them, I looked over at her as she gingerly placed the heating pad on her abdomen.

  “So since we’re staying in, is there anything you want to get caught up on TV or a movie you want to watch?” I asked.

  “Yeah, I’m a few episodes behind on The Vampire Diaries if you don’t mind watching it,” she answered.

  “It’s okay. I’ll admit, I’m kinda wondering what’s gonna happen with Damon and Elena,” I said with a smirk. I knew she liked Damon’s bad-boy character.

  She smiled as I turned the TV on and selected the DVR. I chose the first of three recordings and settled in for the show. We were watching a scene where the witch, Bonnie, was trying to cast a spell, when Sam shrieked, dropped her water, and doubled over in pain.

  “Cramps getting worse?” I asked her.

  “Yeah, it was a bad one,” she clenched her fists. “I need to go to the bathroom again.”

  I helped her up and to the bathroom. While she was in there, I waited by the door in case she needed anything. I heard the toilet flush and the water in the sink run. She opened the door looking really pale.

  “I think I need to see a doctor, Emmett,” she said. “There was a lot of blood that time, even more than the first. That’s not normal for me. I think something’s wrong.”

  “Okay, there’s an urgent care clinic over off Opelika Rd. We can go there or to the ER if you think that would be better. Are you ready now or do you need a few minutes?”

  “Let’s just go to the ER. The clinic would probably send me there anyway. I’m gonna wash off and change my clothes. I need to throw these into the washing machine before we leave or they’ll be ruined.” She winced in pain.

  “You take your shower and I’ll get the wash going. Don’t worry about it.”

  She went into the bedroom, and I grabbed her clothes and headed for the laundry closet. As I started the washing machine, I worried about her. I’d never really paid much attention to a girl’s cramps before Sam, so I didn’t know what was normal and what wasn’t.

  I took Gage outside for a quick walk then hurried back inside. As I was undoing his harness, Sam came out of the bedroom with her wet hair swept up in a ponytail and wearing a pair of Falcons pajama pants and a black sweatshirt.

  “Ok, let’s go,” she said.

  I drove her to the emergency room, and when we arrived, she looked relieved. Hopefully, they’d be able to give her something for the pain. I’d never had to worry about her medically. She was very healthy. Her only real vice was having a drink socially. I parked the car and helped her inside. I signed her in at the front desk and took the clipboard over and handed it to Sam.

  “Here ya go, Peach. We need to fill this form out and give her your driver’s license and health insurance card. Do you want me to fill it out for you?”

  “No, I can do it,” she said as she dug out her wallet.

  I startled when she screamed with pain. The nurse at the desk ran over behind me to check on her.

  “Hey, hey, easy. Come here, Peach. Lean onto me.”

  I rubbed my hand up and down her back as she shivered in my arms.

  “We’ll call her back soon. There’s only one other patient ahead of you,” the nurse said.

  “Okay, thanks, ma’am,” I replied.

  “I’m sure you’ll be fine, don’t worry. It’s good we’re here though; you’re looking really pale. How are you feeling now?”

  “The pain comes and goes.” She let out a deep breath. “But it’s not really any worse than it was when we were at home.”

  They called the family with the sick little boy back, and we continued to wait our turn to be seen.

  “When they call you back, do you want me to come with you or wait for you here? Whichever you want is okay with me.”

  “I’d like you to come back with me if you don’t mind.”

  She leaned her head on my shoulder, still holding her stomach. I ran my hand up and down her back, trying to comfort her as best I could. I hated the feeling of not being able to make her better.

  A nurse opened the door and looked around the room until her gaze settled on us.

  “Samone Lang, you can come back now.”

  I helped her stand, and we slowly walked over to the nurse and followed her to a room.

  “Come on in. I’m just going to take your vitals and ask you a few questions,” she said, to which Sam nodded. “What brings you in today?”

  “I’ve been having really bad cramps and bleeding, but it’s a lot more blood than normal,” Sam replied.

  “Do you have any other symptoms?” the nurse asked.

  “Well, I haven’t been feeling well for a few weeks now, and I’ve been tired a lot lately,” she replied.

  “Are you on any medications?” the nurse asked as she took Sam’s blood pressure.

  “No, just vitamins. I did take some ibuprofen for the cramps about two hours ago,” Sam answered.

  “I’ll let the doctor know you’re ready. He’ll be in as soon as he can.”

  Sam lay back on the hospital bed and closed her eyes. I stood by the head of the bed and ran my fingers through her hair. When the doctor finally came in, Sam had fallen asleep.

  “The doctor is here, Peach,” I whispered, gently waking her up.

  “Hello, I’m Dr. Roberts. How are you feeling, Ms. Lang?” he asked.

  “Not very
good,” she replied.

  “I see that your blood pressure is a little high, which could just be the pain. I’d like to run a few tests, draw some blood,” he said then turned and walked out the door.

  A phlebotomist came in and took a few vials of blood from her arm. She sat there like a champ through the whole thing. I could tell she was still in pain by the grimaces on her face.

  We’d been waiting for a while before I excused myself to use the restroom. When I returned, Sam was asleep, still moaning in pain. I was just about to lose my patience when the doctor finally came back in, his face serious, a sign that didn’t bode well for Sam and shot my nerves to new heights. I tapped her shoulder and gently woke her up.

  “Ms. Lang, we’ve got your blood tests back. Maybe you’d like your friend to wait outside while we discuss your results?” he suggested.

  Sam’s eyes shot to mine. “No. I want Emmett to stay,” she replied, her voice shaky.

  The doctor looked pointedly at me then and said, “Let me get the nurse back in here.”

  I looked at Sam as he called for the nurse. She returned and closed the door as Dr. Roberts rolled his stool over and looked at Sam. We peered back at him expectantly.

  “You have elevated levels of HCG in your blood. It’s the hormone produced during pregnancy. The cramping and heavy bleeding mean that you’ve likely had an early miscarriage. I’ll order an ultrasound to confirm it. Then we’ll need to do a D&C to remove the tissue,” he explained. “I’m so very sorry, Ms. Lang,”

  I felt flushed. Shocked. Numb. I looked at Sam as she murmured her thanks to the doctor. She turned and looked up at me, her eyes flooded with tears. I slipped her hand in mine, and rubbed my thumb over her fingers. Neither of us knew what to say, so we just sat there and stared at each other.

  Sure, we were young and still had college ahead of us, and the timing was awful considering we weren’t married, or hell, even engaged, but we’d created a life, and it had been snuffed out before it ever had a chance in the world. My throat felt tight as tears welled from the corners of my eyes, but they were nothing compared to the ones that streaked down Sam’s splotchy red cheeks.