Songbird

by Josephine Cox

  “I’m not your woman,” Maddy said hoarsely. Shaken by the brutal way he had gone for her throat, she recalled Alice’s warning that, “One of these days he’ll lose control, and Lord only knows what he might do!”

  Her open defiance stopped him in his tracks. “What – did – you – say?” he whispered.

  Holding her head high, she shakily repeated the words. “I said, I’m not your woman.”

  “Is that so?” Throwing his head back, he startled her by laughing out loud. In an instant, the laughing stopped. “So, if you’re not my woman,” he demanded, “whose woman are you?”

  “I’m my own woman,” she answered. “That’s who I am.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” he sneered. Dropping into the nearest chair, he regarded her with suspicion. “Explain!”

  Sensing the onset of a fierce argument, Madeleine chose not to answer. Instead, she put her hands up to her neck, remembering what he had done; remembering what Alice had warned so many times.

  “I’m talking to you, bitch!” He was out of the chair and standing before her. “Answer me!”

  Ignoring him, she hurried to the door. “I had something important to tell you,” she confided angrily, “but I can see you’re not in the mood for talking. Not to worry. It can wait till tomorrow – if I can still speak, that is, let alone sing.”

  “Where the hell do you think you’re going?” In two strides, he was across the room, where he slammed shut the door and thrust her against the wall. “Don’t fight me, sweetheart,” he murmured. “You know I don’t like you to fight me.” His tongue was rough against her skin as he licked the length of her neck, where the marks of his fingers still showed, and downward, toward the rise of her breast.

  Against all her instincts, Madeleine felt herself succumbing to his touch. “No! Let me go,” she whispered. “I don’t want…” But her words fell on deaf ears.

  Even as she protested, she could not help but love him. Yet it was an uncomfortable love, a love that she knew deep down was not returned in the way she needed it to be, and never could be. Steve Drayton was too damaged a person to know what love meant.

  Yet she would have given anything for him to love her completely, to care for her as a woman. And especially now, when she desperately needed him to see her as a future wife.

  “Don’t ever tell me you’re not my woman.” The tip of his tongue encircled her ear. “You will always be my woman,” he murmured passionately. “And God help anyone who tries to come between us.”

  “Steve?” His nearness was intoxicating.

  He stroked her breast, curving it into the palm of his hand. “Ssh.”

  She stiffened against him, making him draw back slightly. “Do you love me? I mean, really love me?”

  “You know I do, otherwise why would I go crazy when I see other men ogling you?” Cupping her face in his hands, he kissed her full on the mouth. “I’d kill anyone who tried to take you away from me.”

  “But are you in love with me?”

  He laughed. “Haven’t I just said I love you?”

  “Yes, but there is a difference. I mean, you can love a mother or a sister, but being in love is something else.”

  “You’re talking in riddles.”

  When he began peeling off her robe, she held him away. “No, Steve. I really need you to listen to what I have to say.” The time was right and she had to tell him now – while she had the courage.

  “What the hell’s wrong with you?” His need of her was driving him crazy. “I know you want it as much as me, I can feel it.” He slid his open palms over her buttocks. “Come on, stop teasing.”

  Maddy laid her hands over his. “No, Steve! Not until you’ve heard what I’ve got to say.”

  Inching away, he looked at her for a moment, at the tears in her eyes, and the nervous way she was fidgeting with her fingers. It puzzled him; a wave of paranoia swept over him. What was she hiding? Why did she look so guilty? “What’s going on?”

  For weeks, she had dreaded this moment, but it had to be faced – and so had the consequences.

  “I’m pregnant,” she confessed. “That’s why I went away – I needed time to think.” At the look of horror on his face, she began to gabble, “I thought you might be angry. I was planning to get rid of it… I even went to see somebody – an abortion clinic in Harley Street. In the end though, I couldn’t go through with it! I couldn’t kill an innocent baby… our baby.”

  Seeing the look of astonishment on his face, she took hold of him, pleading, “It’ll be all right, Steve. You said you loved me. We can get married and be a family.” She giggled nervously. “It’s what I’ve always wanted.”

  For what seemed an age he stared at her in disbelief then, with one mighty swipe of his fist, he sent her flying across the room.

  “You’re nothing but a slut!” he shouted. Grabbing her arm, he yanked her to her feet, twice slapping her hard across the mouth. “A filthy little slut! What d’you take me for, eh? I’m no fool, I know why you went away. You’ve got yourself a new man, haven’t you, eh? And now he’s got you knocked up and the pair of you think you can offload his bastard onto me?”

  “No!” Taken aback by his violent reaction, Maddy tried to explain. “There is no other man… there’s only ever been you. I swear to God, Steve, it’s your baby. Yours and mine.”

  Picking up her hair dryer, he sent it crashing into the mirror, shattering it into a million airborne fragments. Some of the glass splinters cut her face and arms, sending sprays of blood across the wall.

  Turning to her, Steve spat out, “It sickens me to touch you! You dirty little cow, shaming me in front of everyone. I expect they all knew what was going on – and all the time they were laughing at me behind my back. Bastards, all of you!”

  He was like a madman. “GET OUT OF HERE – OUT OF MY SIGHT, AND OUT OF MY CLUB! GO ON – CLEAR OFF OUT OF IT!” As he slung her out the door, his voice was raised to the rafters. “He can have you. Who’d want to touch you now? And when I find out who he is, that bastard you’re carrying won’t have a father. Make no mistake, I’ll find out who you’ve been with if it’s the last thing I do. D’YOU HEAR WHAT I’M SAYING! Nobody makes a fool out of Steve Drayton and gets away with it!” He stormed off into his office, trampling on the broken glass, and kicking it across the room.

  From the cloakroom, Alice heard the commotion and came running. Horrified at the sight of Madeleine spattered in blood, she took her by the arm, and led her away. “I knew this would happen, I could see it coming,” she muttered to herself. Glancing up, she saw Drayton peering at them through his office window. “Look what you’ve done to her, you lunatic!” she cried. “You should be ashamed! Only a coward would hurt a woman like this!”

  Afraid that Alice might enrage him further, Madeleine stopped her. “Alice, don’t! He’s gone crazy.”

  “He’s always been crazy,” Alice said loudly. “It’s just that you’ve never believed it.” Taking her behind the bar, she ran the cold tap and with a clean bar towel, dabbed at the cuts until they were cleaned, then she went to the first-aid box and smeared them with antiseptic ointment. “Thank goodness they are only superficial,” she consoled her friend. “But they’ll take a while to heal, nevertheless. In a minute or two, we’ll get a taxi and go to University College Hospital, to get them seen to properly.”

  Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Drayton in his office, pacing up and down like a wild animal. “Whatever sent him off on the rampage like that?” she asked worriedly.

  Maddy blamed herself. “I should never have gone away for all those weeks. I thought it might make him value me more; instead, it made him think I had a lover.” She was shivering with shock; she was grateful when Alice took off her coat and wrapped it round her.

  “But that’s ridiculous! You’ve always worshipped the ground he walks on – though why, I’ll never know. Look! I’ll tell him how it was, that after the big row you had, it was me who persuaded you to put some d
istance between you for a time. I’ll tell him there was never any other fella, that there was nothing underhand going on.”

  Jerking away, Madeleine shook her head, and the pain made her cry out. “I don’t want you to go anywhere near him,” she said. “He wouldn’t listen anyway.”

  “Oh, he’ll listen to me. We’ve clashed many times, and he’s threatened to be rid of me – but I’m still here. That’s because I keep this club operating smoothly where previous people have almost run it into the ground, robbing him blind in the process.” She squeezed Maddy’s hand gently. “Unlike you, my girl, I’ve learned to stand up to him.” She dialed the local taxi firm. “A cab will be here in a minute.”

  Madeleine kept a hold on her. “No, Alice. Leave him be for now. It was my fault for telling him tonight, after me just turning up without warning. I should have told him tomorrow morning in the light of day maybe, when he might have been more rational.”

  Alice’s curiosity was growing. “Told him what? It must have touched a nerve, whatever it was, for him to blow up like that.”

  Madeleine was still dwelling on Steve Drayton’s reaction. “I hoped he might be pleased,” she said, and began to sob.

  Exasperated, Alice tried again. “So, what was it you told him?” Then the truth hit her like a ton of bricks. “My God! You’re pregnant!” She understood it all now. “I should have known, what with you refusing food and cutting out the alcohol. Yes, and the other week, Jack told me you’d been sick all morning.” She recalled the moment. “You’d been looking peaky of late, so I did wonder.”

  Sobbing, Maddy admitted that yes, she was pregnant, but, “Steve refuses to accept that he’s the father. He’s convinced I’ve been with somebody else… called me a dirty little slut.”

  “You’re well shot of him,” Alice said gently. “And don’t you worry, everything’s going to be all right.” Her face was wreathed in the widest smile. “Oh Madeleine, you’re going to have a baby – isn’t that wonderful?”

  At the Emergency department of the local hospital, a nurse cleaned the cuts again and removed a tiny sliver of glass from the biggest one. She warned Maddy to only wear her stage makeup for the shortest time – to take it off as soon as possible, to allow the skin to breathe and to heal.

  After a cup of tea and some biscuits, Maddy was feeling a lot better. Alice’s excitement was infectious, and by the time they’d taken another taxi to Whitechapel, where Alice lived, Maddy had promised herself that everything was going to be all right.

  Alice herself was not so sure. In spite of promising Maddy that things would sort themselves out, she had a murmuring dread that more trouble was bound to come out of all this.

  Yet, even now, after witnessing the violence he was capable of, neither Alice nor Madeleine fully realized the true evil that was Steve Drayton.

  Four

  Alice had always been a light sleeper. She couldn’t tell whether it was the sound of Maddy crying that had woken her, or whether she had just woken like she normally did, after a few short hours of sleep. Either way, she was now wide awake and concerned about the younger woman. “Poor little devil,” she yawned. “What’s to become of her?”

  Taking her robe from the bedside chair, she slung it on and crept into the kitchen of her two-bedroomed flat to make a cup of tea. It was a bright summer morning, and even in this busy area of London, near the big roundabout at Aldgate East, she could hear the blackbirds calling to each other.

  Coming into the kitchen, she found Maddy hunched across the table. Red-eyed and sorry-looking, the girl immediately apologized. “I didn’t wake you, did I?”

  Alice laughed and filled the kettle. “Away with you! Sure, the walls are so thin, I can hear the man next door pulling on his trousers,” she joked. Looking to see if there was an empty cup on the table, she gently chided her young friend, “I see you’ve not yet made yerself a cup o’ tea then?”

  Maddy shook her head.

  “Hmh! Well, let’s have one together now – you’re bound to be thirsty, all the tears you’ve cried. Then I’ll make us a good breakfast. Remember that you’re eating for two now.” She bent to look at Maddy’s face. “Ye look awful, so ye do. There’s not a man this side of the Irish Sea who would want to kiss that sorry little face, and who could blame them, eh?”

  Her cheeky words had the intended effect, for they made Maddy laugh out loud, even though it hurt to do so. “Well, that’s not very nice, is it?” she chuckled.

  Alice gave her a hug. “Tea then, is it… with a dash of milk and one sugar?”

  “Thank you – yes, I’d like that.” Heartened by this darling woman who always seemed to say the right thing, Maddy drew the dressing gown Alice had lent her tighter about her. “I really am sorry if I woke you,” she murmured.

  Alice prepared two cups and opened the biscuit tin. “The thing is,” she answered cheerfully, “I’d have woken up sooner or later, and if I didn’t wake up it wouldn’t matter, would it, because I’d be dead and gone, so I would.”

  “Don’t say that!” Maddy didn’t believe in joshing about such things.

  It was like tempting Fate.

  Having made the tea, Alice brought the tray to the table. “And I’ll thank ye kindly not to eat all them custard creams,” she warned dryly. “There’s two for you, an’ two for me. And I won’t be pleased if there’s crumbs all over the table neither.”

  Her banter had done the trick, and soon Maddy was brighter. “You’re such a good friend to me,” she told the older woman, “letting me stay with you like this.”

  Alice brushed away her comments, saying, “What are we going to do with you, that’s what I’m wondering. You can’t possibly go back to him – not after what he did. Like as not, if he takes another bad mood, he could finish you off. Think of the baby, my love.”

  Maddy took a sip of her tea and sighed. “I’m sure he’ll be in a better frame of mind today,” she said hopefully. “When he’s had time to think, he might realize what he’s done.”

  “Don’t you believe it, me darling! That’ll be the day, when Steve Drayton admits to being in the wrong. No.” Alice was emphatic. “I can’t let you go back to him, at least not until we’re certain he really wants to take care of you and the child.”

  “Oh, if only he would…” Maddy said wistfully. “Tell me the truth, Alice. Do you think there’s a real chance he might come to terms with the idea of a baby?”

  Alice was silent for a moment, chewing on her biscuit and washing it down with another swig of her tea. “D’ye want the truth?”

  Maddy nodded. “Please.”

  Leaning forward, the older woman secured the girl’s full attention before saying bluntly, “I don’t think there’s a cat in hell’s chance of him accepting the baby.”

  “But he is the father!”

  “Oh yes, he may be the father, but he will never admit that the child is his. And I can’t see a child playing any part in his life. You know as well as I do, he’s a bad lot – along with the other villains he keeps company with. And not a single one of them has any scruples or conscience whatsoever.”

  She paused, all manner of images going through her mind; of late-night visitors to the club, shady deals and vicious arguments, often ending in violence. Steve Drayton lived in a dark world, one in which she feared Maddy might get swallowed up.

  “We both know the rumors that circulate about him and his cronies, and you know what they say – there’s no smoke without fire. That’s no environment in which to bring up a child.”

  “I know all that,” Maddy admitted soberly. “And I still can’t help but love him.” She was well aware of all the warnings that Alice was sending out. “I wish I didn’t love him, but I do. I want to live with him and for us to bring our child up together.”

  Dear God in heaven! What would it take for the girl to see the truth about Drayton? Alice insisted, “You must stay here with me for a while, until we know for sure he wants the two of you. Will you do that for me, if only
for my peace of mind?”

  For what seemed an age, the air was thick with silence.

  Maddy had never seen Alice so agitated and, to tell the truth, she was beginning to wonder if her friend could see more badness in Steve than she could see herself. Oh, she knew he had a shady reputation, and she had witnessed at first hand how cruel he could be. But how could he not love her, when she loved him so much? She wanted to understand him, to heal his unhappy past, to restore his faith in womankind.

  Her first impulse was to tell Alice that she was going back that very day. She had to reason with Steve, and the sooner the better. But something in Alice’s warning made her cautious. “Very well, I’ll promise not to come back with you today.”

  “And what about tonight? You’ve got to teach him a lesson! Don’t turn up. Hit him in his pocket – where it hurts most.”

  “I don’t know if I can let him down again.” Maddy was in turmoil. “I’ve only just got back onstage. Me being away has already cost him money. Besides, it’s Saturday – his best night. The place will be full to bursting. I need to think on it.”

  “Well, while you’re thinking on it,” Alice said, “think about the way he attacked you. Think how he beat you up, even after you told him you were carrying his child. And even though you might by some miracle talk him into family life, just think what the future would be like – never knowing when he might turn on you or the child. God knows, he’s capable of it.”

  “I know he’ll probably turn his back on me,” Maddy answered quietly, “but I still have to try and win him round, for the baby’s sake, if not for mine.”

  “Then I’m not going to work.”

  “Why not?”

  “Sure, if I can’t make you see sense, and you insist on going in tonight, so soon after he’s done this to you, then you give me no choice. I’ll write my letter of notice and send it in. I can’t stand back and see him play you for a fool any longer.”

  Maddy was horrified. “You can’t send in your notice! You love your work. Besides, it’s not so easy to find a job in the clubs. You know how they are a closed shop.”