“Of course I do, you daft man.” She took another sip of her tea and regarded her fingernails leisurely. “She happens to be staying with me.”
CHAPTER 38
It was exactly two hours later when James entered Catherine Eversly’s town house and made his way down the hall to stand outside the rose salon where Catherine insisted Kate could be found. He’d managed to discern from Catherine, after two cups of tea and a great deal of cajoling, that Lily and Annie had been instrumental in introducing Kate to Catherine. Catherine, never one to shy away from a scandal and insert herself into the latest on dit, had been only too happy to play secret hostess to the most talked-about woman in London. She seemed to relish it, actually. She adored having the biggest story of the winter season living under her roof with no one the wiser.
“I thought you’d be more clever, Medford,” Catherine had drawled, fluttering her long black lashes over the rim of her teacup. “I had no idea it would take you so long to figure it out.”
He regarded her through half-lidded eyes. “I didn’t figure it out.”
“Precisely why I’m here, darling. I wanted to put you out of your misery. And get this little drama under way. It was all taking far too long, to be honest.” She laughed. “Besides, I’ve always had a fondness for you, Medford dear. You know that. I do hate to watch you suffer.”
“Thank you for that,” he said in an unconvinced tone. But he’d insisted that he be allowed to visit Kate as soon as possible. And now here he was.
He took a deep breath, eyeing the door in front of him.
What would he say to her? She’d left him. Why? She’d spent the night with him, they’d discussed marriage, and then she’d vanished, leaving only an insufficient note to explain her actions. He steeled his resolve. He meant to ask her why she’d left, to tell her why she should stay, and then to leave it to her to decide once and for all. Whatever she decided, he would abide by her wishes. But she would bloody well say it to his face. No more notes. James straightened his shoulders and rapped once upon the door. This was the second time she’d left him. There would not be a third.
There was a muffled sound of movement within the room for a moment before the door swung open. Kate stood there in a pretty velvet emerald-green day dress looking radiant as ever. She also looked shocked as hell to see him.
Her hand flew to her throat. “James.”
“May I come in?”
She stood staring at him for a few moments as if in a daze, then she moved aside and opened the door wider, ushering him in.
He brushed past her into the salon.
“How did you find me?” she asked, closing the door behind him.
He turned to face her. “Don’t worry, Lily and Annie kept your secret well. I spent the last several days bribing every employee of every hotel across the city.”
She arched a brow. “Breaking rules? That doesn’t sound like you.”
“I assure you. Nothing I’ve done in the past few days sounds like me.”
She pushed her hands down her skirts. “But how did you find—”
“Catherine paid me a visit.”
She looked down and nodded. “I see.”
“Don’t blame her. She was doing me a favor.”
Kate twisted her fingers. “I’d never blame her. She’s been so kind to take me in.” Her gaze searched his face. “Are you all right, James?”
He smiled a humorless smile. “How can you ask me that?”
She moved over to the window and looked out, wrapping her arms around her middle. “Why did you come?”
His voice was tight. “Funny. I thought I’d asked you to marry me, and you never gave me your answer. Or did you forget?”
She traced her finger along the windowsill. “I thought my answer was clear when I told you I was leaving.”
He narrowed his eyes on her. “You left me a note. A note I ripped into a hundred pieces.”
Her voice cracked. “I’m sorry, James.”
“Tell me to my face that the answer is no,” he demanded. A muscle ticked in his jaw.
She swung around to face him, tears welling in her eyes. “I’m leaving for the Continent in two days, James.”
* * *
Kate eyed James. His hair was disheveled, his cravat askew. He looked completely mussed and endearingly handsome. And she’d done this to him. His house was destroyed, his reputation in danger, and now he was apparently willing to completely obliterate it for her. She couldn’t allow it.
When he’d asked her if the answer to his proposal was no, she couldn’t say it, couldn’t drag that one word past her dry lips. She wanted so badly to say yes, but she couldn’t say that either.
He didn’t love her. Had never said as much. He’d offered for her out of a sense of duty. A misguided sense of duty. Just like he had with Lily. He was trying to fix it all.
There were some things you just couldn’t fix. But that wasn’t the worst part. The hardest part. The fact was, Kate loved him. She’d fallen in love with him, truly, deeply. And she couldn’t allow him to sacrifice himself for her. She was a social outcast, a pariah. She had nothing to offer him but ruin. If he had truly loved her, truly wanted her, she might be tempted to accept his offer. They might be able to make it work. But she couldn’t let him ruin himself over someone he didn’t even love. No, she’d spent years in a loveless marriage before and she refused to repeat that mistake ever again.
“James,” she whispered, turning to him. “I cannot allow you to ruin yourself over me.”
“That is my decision to make.”
She dug her fingernails into her palm. “No it’s not, actually. It’s mine too.”
He cursed under his breath. “I didn’t mean—”
She closed her eyes and put up a hand. “I know. You’re just trying to do the right thing. But I cannot allow you to.”
“Damn it, Kate. You’re not allowing me—”
Her eyes snapped open again. “James, I know you. You’re so noble, so full of honor. You want to do right by everyone.” She couldn’t say Lily’s name. Not now. And what did any of it matter? Even if he’d never offered for Lily, the situation was untenable because of her own blackened reputation.
“Kate, don’t do this.” He moved toward her, reached for her, and she had to close her eyes, hoping he wouldn’t see the unshed tears. He wasn’t making this easy for her. She’d just have to play her very last card. She whirled around, turning her back on him, staring unseeingly out the frozen panes of glass in the window. “Marriage is hardly a panacea, James. The first time I married, everyone acted as if I’d been given a gift from the heavens. I quickly realized that was far from true. You’ll forgive me if I don’t think marrying another nobleman is the answer to my prayers.”
There was a long, painful pause before he answered in a tight, clipped voice. “Is that how you truly feel? You equate me with George?”
Again, she couldn’t drag the word past her lips. Instead, she merely nodded. She shut her eyes. “Good-bye, James,” she whispered.
Seconds later, she heard the door close behind him and the click of his boots on the marble in the hallway. She rested her forehead against the freezing windowpane and let the tears she’d been holding back flow freely down her cheeks. Sobs racked her body. Oh God, she’d just performed the most selfless act of her life, letting the man she loved walk away.
CHAPTER 39
James tossed the small glass of gin into the back of his throat. He gritted his teeth. It tasted like hell. But the Curious Goat Inn was as fine a place as any to drink his troubles away. They’d given him a table in the back, a full bottle of liquor, and a questionably clean glass. Perfect.
He tipped the bottle to the mouth of the glass again, clicking the two together. Damn it all to hell. He’d done the one thing he swore he would never do. He’d actually gone and fallen in love. Of all blasted things. It’s true that he hadn’t completely ruled out marriage. Hell, he’d proposed to Lily a matter of months ago. She
’d turned him down of course, but love had never been a factor. And it wouldn’t be. Or so he’d vowed years ago. Years and years ago. Marriage and children were one thing. Love was another thing altogether.
He’d only ever loved, truly loved, one other woman in the world, and he’d both never met her and been responsible for her death. Love meant a great deal of pain and a great deal of risk, two things he wanted no part of. His tightly controlled life had been a study in perfection, yes. And perfection involved making the right decisions too. Love made nothing but messes. Big, odious messes. Ones that needed to be cleaned up posthaste.
Right. Love had no place in his world. But he’d bloody well gone and fallen in it regardless. Despite his vows and best intentions, he’d fallen in love with Kate. And she’d rejected him. And it hurt, damn it. Her standing there telling him she couldn’t allow him to ruin himself over her. That had been nothing more than an excuse. If she loved him, truly loved him, she wouldn’t let anything stand in the way. Just like he wouldn’t. What did a reputation matter when compared to true love? Bah. He couldn’t even listen to his own thoughts anymore. He was turning into a blasted bad poet. Bloody hell. He’d thought he’d found the one woman he could finally love, and instead, he’d found the second woman who could mortally wound him. And that sort of loss of control he could not allow. He curled his hand around the bottle of gin and squeezed.
Sloshing the contents of the bottle into his glass, he tossed back a second drink and then a third. It all began to make a bit more sense. Very well. He’d lost his head for a time. But just like anything else, reason and logic could easily overcome it. And that’s exactly what he intended to do. Reason through it. And reason told him that not only was he to stop loving Kate immediately, he would never open himself up to that sort of pain again. His drunken brain finally allowed him to admit the truth. It began and ended with his mother. Deep down, he’d always known that. He’d lived his entire life with the pain of losing the only woman he ever loved. And now he’d lost the second one. It was over. Kate couldn’t hurt him any more than she already had. He’d already lost her.
And now he would steel his heart against the smallest bit of weakness, the tiniest inclination to fall in love again. Done. Over with. Finished.
And he’d ensure all of it. Tomorrow.
Tonight? Tonight, he was going to drink.
The door to the tavern opened. The patrons’ heads swiveled to stare at the two fine gentlemen who’d just entered. The tall men strolled leisurely through the gin-drinking set until they happened upon James at the back of the room.
Ah, right on time. His companions had made it. Who better to drink with?
Jordan Holloway whistled. “Now this I truly had to see to believe. Tying one on, Medford? What has the world come to?”
“Shut up and have a drink,” James replied, scraping the bottle across the wooden table toward his friends.
“And in a seedy tavern of all places.” Colton glanced around the public house. “Why aren’t you at the club drinking properly?” He gestured toward James. “Instead of sitting here, at a dirty table, with your cravat half untied, your hair a complete mess, a smudge of dirt on your shirt, and … is that a blackened eye? What the hell happened to you?”
James growled. “I don’t want the patrons of Brooks’s to see me like this. Bloody snobs, the lot of them. And as for the eye, some bloke said something I didn’t particularly agree with earlier.”
“Fighting in a public tavern, Medford? Really?” Ashbourne shook his head while obviously trying to hold back his laughter.
James narrowed his eyes on the earl. “Don’t give me another reason for a fight.”
Ashbourne held up both hands in a conciliatory manner. “Don’t think I—” He looked twice. “Holy God, man. Are you drinking gin?”
“Yes,” James replied, slurring the word a bit. “And I intend to drink more gin and more after that. Now sit down. I summoned you to drink with me, not to judge me.”
Colton and Ashbourne exchanged knowing looks, pulled out two dirty stools, and took their seats.
Ashbourne’s grin spread across his entire face. “You’ve summoned the right chaps. Far be it from me to argue with you when you’re in one of your moods, Medford. Tell us, did you find the duchess?”
“Don’t call her that,” James snapped, frowning at them.
Ashbourne shook his head. “Oh no, Medford, please don’t tell me you’re an angry drunk. And here all this time I’d pegged you for a jolly one. It’s ever so much more endearing to be jolly … like me.”
James grunted. “Yes, I saw her.”
“And?” Colton arched a brow.
“And she refused me.” James tossed back another shot of gin.
Another whistle from Ashbourne. “Did she now?”
“Do you think I would make that up?” James spat.
“Look on the bright side, man,” Ashbourne replied. “You won’t have to be leg-shackled. Besides, not quite the best form to ask a new widow to marry you. If you two weren’t already courting scandal, God knows you’d be run out of town after a fast marriage. She’s supposed to still be in mourning.”
James lunged out of his seat at Ashbourne. Colton stood up quickly and held him back. “Now, now, now. No need to take a swing at the bloke,” Colton said, ensuring that James grudgingly sat back down.
Ashbourne snorted. “Right. You don’t want your other eye blackened.”
James merely growled at him.
“You can hardly be angry, Medford,” Colton continued. “It’s not even as if she’s the first lady you asked to marry you.”
James propped his elbow on the table, letting his fingers weave through his hair. “This is completely different.”
Ashbourne and Colton exchanged glances again.
“Hand me the bottle.” James reached across the table for the gin.
“Hold on,” Ashbourne said. James watched while he and Colton both received their own dirty glasses from one of the barmaids and tipped the bottle into their own cups.
Ashbourne raised his glass. “If you’re going to do this, you might as well do it properly,” he said, tipping back his drink. “Let’s go.”
* * *
Hours later, with James passed out on the table, Colton and Ashbourne stood up, tossed an indecent number of coins on the table, and each took one of Medford’s arms. They pulled their friend’s limp body and hefted him up to rest on their shoulders.
Ashbourne shook his head. “And to think of all the years we’ve tried to get the good viscount to relax and have a good time.”
Colton nodded over Medford’s head. “Seems he learned a bit too well.”
Ashbourne flashed a grin. “He always was a perfect student.”
“Too good,” Colton agreed, also grinning. “But of course, tonight he learned from the very best tutors.” He hefted Medford up again. “Let’s get him home.”
Sticking his hat on his head and wrapping his cloak loosely around his shoulders, they pulled him out into the street where they maneuvered him into Colton’s waiting coach. “I’ll take him to my house. Keep an eye on him. God knows the man’s probably never suffered the aftereffects of a night of drinking. Things may not be good in the morning.”
“You know what we must do, don’t you?” Ashbourne said, climbing into the coach with his friend.
“What’s that?” Colton replied.
They propped Medford in the corner where his chin rested on his chest. Ashbourne leaned against the opposite seat. “This bloke here has done us both a good turn when we were in similar pitiful circumstances.”
Colton arched a brow. “You mean being in love?”
“Quite right,” Ashbourne replied, leaning back against the seat, stretching out his legs and crossing them at the ankles.
Colton shrugged. “So?”
“So, it’s our turn, Colton. We owe him one. It’s our duty to assist the poor sop.”
CHAPTER 40
When James aw
oke the next morning, the bed was turning in sickening circles. He cracked open one eye and surveyed his surroundings. His stomach lurched. He swallowed. Correction. It wasn’t the bed. The room was turning in sickening circles. He glanced around. A room he didn’t recognize. He struggled to sit up and groaned, pushing a hand to his pounding forehead. He pulled himself upright against the pillows and grasped his pulsing head in his hands.
Where the hell was he? What had he done last night? His mind traced back. Bloody hell. That’s right. Blue ruin. The tavern. Colton and Ashbourne. He must have passed out. He couldn’t remember anything after perhaps the fifth—the sixth, was it?—glass of the stuff. He groaned. Colton or Ashbourne must have taken him home and tossed him into a spare room. Wonderful.
A knock sounded at the door and James winced. “Come in,” he croaked.
The door cracked open and Lily stepped into the room, a bright smile on her face.
Hmm. Apparently, he was at Colton’s house. James glanced down to ensure he was decent. Oh bloody hell. He was still wearing his clothing from last night. Even better.
“Good morning, Medford,” Lily said. “I’ve been waiting to hear you stir.” She held a glass in her hand filled with a yellowish-green substance.
James leaned back against the pillows and pushed a palm to his forehead. “Please lower your voice. What are you doing here?”
Lily laughed and then stopped short to whisper. “What are you doing here is the better question. You’re in our house. Devon tells me he and Jordan had to carry you up here last night.” She clucked her tongue and shook her head at James. “What happened to your eye?”
“Long story.”
Lily shook her head again. “I must say I’m a bit shocked actually, Medford. I’ve never seen you so…” She eyed him up and down and gestured to him with her free hand. “Disheveled.”
Without opening his eyes, he groaned. “I’ve never felt like this.”
Secrets of a Scandalous Marriage Page 22
