Abandon

by Elana Johnson

  Saffediene wouldn’t be able to see it, so I pulled her closer and said, “Hold on to me, okay?”

  “Are you going to do that freaky wind thing again?”

  “Yes,” I said. “Hold on to me tighter.”

  She complied, facing me and wrapping both arms around my waist, then burying her face in my chest. I lifted her onto the air cushion and whispered, “Up, please.”

  The wind obeyed, taking us straight up until we’d escaped the mayhem below.

  “Wait,” I said, and we paused to watch the scene below. It mirrored the vids I’d seen in the past. People were running here, there, everywhere. Hovercopters crowded the rooflines; officers shouted instructions through the amplifiers. The spark of tasers looked like lightning in the morning sunlight.

  I couldn’t believe it. This was what I’d been in favor of? Citizens killing other Citizens? Violence as a means to achieve a desired outcome?

  No. I did not advocate those things.

  My peripheral vision caught a movement in the sky. Director Benes floated on a hoverboard a hundred feet away, also surveying the chaos below. He met my gaze with raised eyebrows. His message was clear: Tell Jag.

  Half of me wanted to stay and see if or when he might intervene. The other half couldn’t wait to get away from the upheaval. Far away.

  That half won.

  * * *

  Saffediene and I didn’t speak about what we’d witnessed on the way back to the cavern. I expanded the cushion of air once we left Harvest so we could both sit comfortably. She could’ve chosen a spot far from me and passed the ride with only her own thoughts.

  She didn’t.

  She sat right next to me, both her hands holding one of mine, talking about her life before the Insiders, her mom, her two younger brothers, her assigned educational track. She asked me about school, and how I met Vi, and if I had any siblings.

  I told her everything. Everything about my older brother, and meeting Vi, and joining Jag, and when I defected, and how sometimes I ached to see my parents again.

  She felt safe to me. Saffediene had become someone I could tell anything to, and she wouldn’t judge or question me. She accepted who I was at that moment, and empathized with who I’d been in the past.

  I’d never met anyone like her. When the night swallowed the last of the day, I realized why I felt so secure with Saffediene.

  She had no agenda. She simply was.

  I envied her. I lived my entire life according to an agenda, mine or someone else’s. I couldn’t tell them apart anymore.

  And maybe that was my real problem.

  Jag

  15. Vi and I stayed in her room for a few heartbeats, both of us staring at one another.

  Thane, awake.

  The rocks seemed to shout the question running through my head: What will happen now?

  “Only one way to find out,” Vi said. She laced her fingers through mine, pressing our palms together. Every muscle in my body protested as she helped me stand.

  “I need meds,” I complained, limping into the hall. Gunn had gone ahead, too agitated to wait. I should’ve asked him if Raine had woken up yet.

  “She’s with Gunner,” Vi said. “And we can stop by the hospital alcove for meds on the way to Thane’s room.”

  “Perfect,” I said.

  * * *

  “Pace,” Vi said, leaning into the hospital alcove. “Jag needs meds.” She turned away as Pace fed the drugs into my system. Immediately, the ache in my head receded; the throbbing in my leg slowed.

  “Thanks,” I said. “How often can I have that?” The cuts along my back still pulled, radiating pain through my body.

  “Come back before bed,” Pace said, smiling. It was his big-brother smile. The one that told me he was in control, that I could confide in him.

  “Where’s Raine?” I asked, noting two empty beds in the hospital alcove. I’d need to get a report from her too.

  “Everyone is in Thane’s room,” Pace answered. “Same hall as my room. Better hurry, or you won’t get front-row seats.” His words were filled with bitterness. I understood how he felt. All this time, Thane had been working against us.

  For us too, but definitely against us. He’d killed Ty. He’d taken Vi and brainwashed her. Forced her to live in Freedom for eight months without any memory of her real life.

  Who does that to their daughter? To anyone?

  Zenn.

  The thought came unbidden, but it rang with truth. Zenn had done the same thing. Could I trust him?

  I didn’t know.

  Could I trust Thane?

  Maybe, with time.

  I could only wish/hope/pray that Zenn and Thane were on my side. I needed them badly.

  Vi and I moved slowly down the hall. A nervous energy buzzed from Vi, but she stepped patiently with me as I dragged my hurt leg. We passed through the empty war room and continued down another narrow hallway.

  A crowd had gathered at the end of it, and excited voices filtered back to us. My nerves felt spent. The thought of facing Thane exhausted me.

  But I pasted on my leader-of-the-Resistance face and said, “Excuse me.” The people in front of me stepped to the side, leaving me and Vi a path to the room ahead.

  Indy grabbed and held my gaze. I couldn’t feel her message with the whole team gathered around. Whatever it was, her look didn’t broadcast anything good. Maybe she was still angry about the not-kissing we’d done earlier. I had left her without an explanation—again—when I’d hobbled after Vi.

  A pretty girl with long white hair stood next to Gunn. The last time I’d properly seen Raine Hightower, she’d had her hand suctioned to mine. Gunn held her hand and whispered in her ear. Besides sporting skin whiter than the snow I used to shovel, she looked healthy. “Hey,” she said when I stepped next to her. “I’m Arena—I mean, Raine.”

  She shot a fast look at Gunner, and his face said it all. Raine would need rehabilitation to recover the memories she’d lost.

  “Hey,” Vi and I answered at the same time, in the same sad/surprised voice. I wanted to kiss Vi again. I settled for squeezing her hand.

  In the bedroom Thane sat on a cot, staring at me. His bare chest revealed the wounds Gunn had given him in the Centrals. The skin surrounding the mostly healed holes shone new and pink.

  He definitely could’ve looked worse. His eyes flickered with fire, just as they always had.

  “Thane,” I said, trying to school my voice into friendliness. It didn’t quite work.

  “Jag,” he replied in the same almost-neutral manner.

  We were nothing if not committed to maintaining our we-don’t-like-each-other vibe.

  “Well?” he asked.

  Oh, hell no. If he was here to try to make me look like a fool, that so wasn’t going to work.

  “Report. Tell me everything.” And without taking my eyes off Thane, I said, “Gunn, be sure to record this.”

  I sensed his nod of understanding and waved my free hand at Thane to start.

  His gaze lingered on my fingers entwined with Vi’s, and I felt a ping of satisfaction at the anger twitching in his jaw.

  “Report,” I said again, just because I could.

  * * *

  Thane’s report wasn’t anything I didn’t already know—at least the information he was willing to share in front of twenty people. I knew there was more; I could sense it. I briefly wondered if it had anything to do with the cloning experiment Gunn, Pace, and I had witnessed on Starr’s microchip. I’d need to ask him as soon as possible.

  Five minutes into his report, I wanted to sit down with a tall glass of water. I actually did just that, citing my injuries as the reason I couldn’t stand.

  Thane didn’t stand either, and his report was bogus. When he finished, Pace grounded him from all Resistance activity for the next several days and ordered him back to bed.

  “You too,” Pace said as we shuffled down the hall to my room. “No flying, nothing physically stressing for at least
three days, okay?” He stopped outside the infirmary and selected a needle from our very limited supplies.

  “Not okay,” I said. “There’re five million things that need to be done.” We had secured Thane, but he had no new information. We needed to proceed. Get more traveling teams out to the cities, get more Directors on board, plan the attack on Freedom. Maybe there were five million and one things to do. All I knew was I couldn’t take a three-day break.

  Pace administered the meds with a disapproving frown. “Gunn and Indy can take over for a few days. Zenn will be back tonight too.”

  My head felt fuzzy. “Where’d he go? Wasn’t Gunn supposed to go with him?”

  “Harvest. And Gunn asked Saffediene to go in his place so he could stay with Raine.”

  I nodded, and I swear my neck didn’t have bones. What was in that needle?

  “You have to rest,” Pace said.

  “I don’t trust Zenn,” I blurted. “Or Thane.” I leaned in closer, as if we could share secrets in this tiny compound where we all slept on top of each other and every hallway echoed with conversations. “What about the clones?”

  Pace slid my arm over his shoulders. “Come on, bro, time for bed.”

  I was beyond tired. I thought I might actually be able to sleep tonight too, because I’d told Vi all about the capsule and I didn’t have to live with that alone and Thane wasn’t going anywhere and—

  My knees hit stone as my legs buckled. I heard Pace’s voice, but it ricocheted from far away. I felt Vi’s lips against mine, but that might’ve been my imagination.

  I moved like I was in water up to my chest. Someone held on to me. Someone who smelled like meds and flowers. I heard a girl say, “Clones? What’s he talking about, Pace?”

  I tried to hold on to consciousness, but it slipped through my fingers like smoke.

  Images drifted through my mind. Neat rows of flowers and white picket fences. Green lawns and laughing children. Families playing in the park and friends ordering coffee on Saturday mornings.

  Freedom: what life would be like without Thinkers.

  I finally submitted to sleep with a smile on my face.

  Zenn

  16. Jag lay in his bedroom, his mouth hanging half open, snoring. I knew the guy wasn’t perfect, and now I had proof.

  I stood watching him longer than necessary, imagining his mouth against Vi’s. Gunner drew me out of that crazy-bad place.

  “Zenn, Raine wants to see you. Oh, and we’re leaving in the morning for Lakehead.”

  “Already? I just got back.” I’d signed up for the traveling team, but I still wanted more than eight hours on the ground. A large part of me wanted to fly with Saffediene again. I wondered how obvious it would be if I asked to go with her instead of Gunn.

  He clapped his hand on my shoulder. “Well, welcome back. Come on.” He left me standing there, still staring at Jag.

  * * *

  I found Gunn in Raine’s room. They sat in comfortable silence, clearly caching it up. I almost felt like I was intruding, until Raine’s face lit up. She jumped up and hugged me.

  Zenn, she chatted. You look awful.

  Thanks a lot. Using my cache felt strange, yet perfectly familiar, especially with Raine. I still had a blip of fear about who would be listening before I remembered that I wasn’t linked in to Freedom’s network anymore.

  No one was listening.

  No one cared.

  She grinned. You know I mean that in a good way.

  Sure, sure, I cached, but I was smiling too.

  Tell us about Harvest, Gunn’s voice joined the convo, and my smile faltered at his choice of topics.

  I didn’t know what info to give about what had gone down in Harvest. Saffediene and I hadn’t talked about the riot or if we were going to tell anyone. Our mission with Director Benes had gone off without a hitch.

  Did the Resistance need to know about everything that happened there? I didn’t know anything about transportation disputes, and surely our people would be ready to fight the Thinkers when we needed them.

  Everything went as planned, I chatted. Technically it wasn’t a lie, so I didn’t feel guilty, which is usually how people get caught lying. Director Benes is solid.

  Raine looked more alive today. She at least knew my name. “How are you doing?” I asked her.

  “Good,” she said, reaching for Gunn’s hand with her gloved one. “I can remember my name now. And Gunn’s, and yours, and Jag’s. Gunner’s been quizzing me for hours.” She smiled at him, but the edges quivered, like she might be embarrassed she couldn’t recall the details of her life.

  “That’s great,” I said. I wouldn’t want to be shown pictures and be able to recognize the faces but unable to recall names. I wouldn’t want my memory erased, no matter how painful some of it was. “What happened after you helped us escape?”

  “Is this my official report?” she asked.

  “Sure,” I said. “I’m second-in-command. I can take your report.”

  She smirked. “Second-in-command. Zenn, please. You’re not second.”

  “Third?” I joked.

  “First,” she said.

  “Oh, no,” I said, my voice full of mock seriousness. “Jag is forever first.” The exchange almost called for laughter. Both Raine and Gunn knew how much I’d lost when we’d busted Jag out of prison. And neither of them pretend very well.

  “I’m sorry,” Raine said.

  Somehow her apology boosted my mood. I wouldn’t say losing Vi to Jag was okay, because it wasn’t. Technically it sucked big-time. I shrugged. “Voices are never nobody, right?”

  “Right,” Gunner said.

  “So, let’s hear what you can remember,” I said to Raine. “Gunn, you want to record it?”

  “Sure,” he said, and blinked to turn on his cache.

  Raine suddenly looked like a shell of herself. “I remember the blood the most.”

  From there, she detailed how she’d held on to her father’s face for as long as she could. How the sirens sounded like screams, how the rain came and erased so much more than the filth from her hands.

  “The next thing I knew, I was attending class on the Fourth Level, and everyone was calling me Arena. The name never quite fit, but I couldn’t remember anything else.”

  “What about Cannon?” Gunn asked. Cannon had been Raine’s match and best friend in Freedom.

  “Who’s Cannon?” she asked. Gunn and I exchanged a glance.

  “I can tell you later,” Gunn said. “Let’s continue with the report for now.”

  “I went to genetics and biology in the morning. In the afternoons I worked in the Evolutionary Rise in an analysis lab, or in Rise One with my guardian—” She cleared her throat. “I mean, my father—Van Hightower.”

  “What did you do in the Evolutionary Rise, specifically?” I asked. Gunner shifted nervously, a signal I’d grown to recognize when he was being secretive. He knew something about the Evolutionary Rise. I knew what the scientists were trying to do there: produce clones.

  “The analysis lab where I worked was testing blood for abnormalities. Diseases I could barely remember the name of at the time. I didn’t do very well there. And I was failing biology. I couldn’t remember taking any bio courses before.” She hung her head as if she should be ashamed. In her semi-Modified state, she probably was.

  “You’d never taken bio,” Gunn said. “You told me you were taking it next term.” He squeezed her hand, and when she looked at him, hope shone in her eyes.

  “I remember now. You showed me the stars.” A smile played at her lips.

  “Yes,” Gunn said. “You asked me to—”

  “Name an animal, and I’d tell you which kingdom it belonged in,” Raine said. “I remember.” The grin bloomed across her face, making her appear healthier. More alive.

  “That’s great,” I said. “What did you do in Rise One?”

  “Drains,” she said, her joy over her recovered memories fading into seriousness. Gunner sh
ot me a look filled with caution.

  “How many?”

  “I don’t know. Sometimes every day.”

  “One or two or three a day?”

  “I couldn’t handle more than one. If I had to drain someone, I got the rest of the day off. I almost—” She swallowed hard. “I almost liked doing them.” Her voice ghosted into silence.

  “It’s okay, Raine,” Gunn murmured.

  “I wasn’t tied down,” she said. Suddenly her eyes grew wide. She moaned like a frightened animal. “I used to be strapped down during the drains.” Her eyes rapidly shifted between me and Gunner. “Didn’t I?”

  “Yes,” I said. Gunn nodded, and a single tear trickled down Raine’s cheek. She swiped at it and took a deep breath.

  “I wasn’t tethered during the drains as Arena. They didn’t hurt as much. I—I liked doing them because then I could go home, get away from everyone watching me.” Raine shivered. “Their eyes felt like razors.”

  “I love you,” Gunner said, and he pressed his lips to her temple.

  She leaned into him, gratitude in her eyes.

  “Anything else you might want on the report?” I asked, a surge of loneliness and jealousy roaring through me. Gunner watched me with sympathetic eyes, but that only made me feel irritated on top of isolated.

  She shook her head. “Gunner is going to tell me about the flight trials,” she said. “He says I’m a good flier.”

  “You are,” I assured her. Gunn’s fingers moved up her arm, and I took that as my cue to leave. I’d have to corner Gunn later for what he knew about the Evolutionary Rise.

  I’d never ventured into Saffediene’s room before, but my feet took me there now. She had a curtain hanging on the wall. I stared at it, marveling at its normalcy, wondering if a window really lurked behind it.

  “It’s just for decoration,” she said through the darkness. She pressed a button and a dim lamp flared to life. Shadows chased each other across her bed and concealed half her face.

  “Hey,” I said. “Can I talk to you for a sec?”